Farkin' Links Vol. 51 3/10

Well, here's my last email before my vacation, so enjoy it, dammit! If I make it back alive from Cambodia and Vietnam, I most likely resume this time wasting pasttime. Either way, you'll have to find stupid stories and links on your own until after Easter. So long, suckers!

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so.
--Bertrand Russell


These are not the stories I need to read before I go on a long plane ride...

For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have robot mannequins who strike a pose when you stand next to them. Let's just keep Sarah Connor away...they might get ideas...

Here's some good tips to get rid of those pesky people that bother you at work...like your co-workers, your boss...

Hehe...and you thought the DMV was slow; imagine the DMV in Italy...

I feel the Earth, move, under my feet, I feel the sky tumblin' down, tumblin' down...

Hmmm...my friends Chris and Mark tried this one night at my place with an economy sized bottle of tequila...I found Chris asleep with his head in my toilet.

Nick Carter seems to have the embarrassing hasbeen who appears in the Enquirer every week sort of career now.

Killer croc captured in Uganda...and for some reason, they're not turning him into a pair of boots and a belt. Well, maybe since he has a history for having eaten around 83 people they'll elect him president.

This would be Moody's Teacher of the Year winner, I'm sure.

Because all crime has been solved in New York and Sipowicz has retired, the police pass the time by giving out tickets to people selling Girl Scout Cookies.

Here's an interesting game; it's a race through a maze...

This guy took that movie the Omen way too seriously. Besides, his kid couldn't have been the anti-christ; my brother Grant is the anti-christ. There can be only one.

I'd say this guy should plead insanity, but really, he sounds completely sane. I'd probably have shot them too.

If you thought that the music people put on their cell phone rings was far too personal, wait until you get a load of what they want to use next.

The Malaysian government now encourages kids to watch t.v., so they can improve their english skills. Let's just hope it's not MTV they're watching.

Doh!

Suddenly, I'm not too sorry I missed out on organized sports in High School.

I bet this guy's a method actor...still, he still alive so that makes him a failure.

Well, there you go. Even in poor countries lacking in food, chicks still manage to get fat.

Farkin' Links Vol. 50 3/9

Damn...I can't believe I'm already up to 50 on the links already...even worse is the fact that I did about 20 before I even started numbering them. Oh well, I'll be taking a break from this after this week anyways; vacation comes first.

In great affairs men show themselves as they wish to be seen; in small things they show themselves as they are.
--Nicholas Chamfort


Next time your girl tries to use the "Not tonight, I have a headache," just pull this article out.

Hehe...I always wanted to do that to a motorcycle...I hate those things when they're on the road.

Hmmm...she fought the curb and curb won. I guess those H2's aren't as "extreme" as they're portrayed to be.

In this case, she fought the law and the stun gun won. I guess women really are trying to be equal with men, even in crime.

This is a cool site; it gives you the history of all types of famous songs...you know, just in case you were curious about such classics as Oops...I did it again...

As Bill O'Reilly would say, "Now for the most ridiculous item of the day," they have Bono on the short list for World Bank Chief, despite having absolutely no banking skills whatsoever. Well, he did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night...

Well, it's nice to know a country I'm about to visit has cops this incompetent. Hopefully, they're open to bribes as well.

These guys have an interesting hobby...I'd rather build funny snowmen like Calvin and Hobbes, but I guess this is pretty cool too.

Here's a classy lady you'd like to take home to mom...if your mom is into trashy sluts, that is.

Sure, "Japanese people are crazy" for wanting nipple enhancers, but blame Canada for encouraging them.

Wow...you really can buy anything on the internet...even part time prostitutes now.

Speaking of those wacky Japanese, they've banned blood donations from anyone who was in Britian or France from '80-96 because they're paranoid of mad cow disease...not that you need an excuse to ban the French from anything.

According to this study, Spanish speaking youth have sex less than those who have learned English. That's funny, they certainly have more kids...what's the Spanish word for condom?

That'll teach that copper to respect the no parking signs...

Britney is not looking so good lately...I guess that's what marriage does to you. Especially when you marry some white trash dude...

Awwww...how cute...they found a baby star...

Hehe...ALRIGHT! It's And1:Team Asia! In fact, I think we played these guys on Saturday...

Hmmm...Al-Qaeda tried to kidnap Russell Crowe to destabilize our culture or something...how about we just give them Jude Law and call it even?

Oooohhhh...the irony. Actually, the headline says it all,"Man taking avalanche awareness class caught in deadly slide." I guess he wasn't aware enough just yet.

Yikes...that's just weird. World's smallest man has a baby son who's bigger than he is. Wait, I'm confused again...does size matter or doesn't it?

Farkin' Links Vol. 49 3/8

Getting an ATM card to work at Costco is a lot harder than I ever would have thought...if you have an account with Washington Mutual, that is. They have some gigantic magnetized strip far larger than a normal card; I guess size really does matter.

Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.
--Bertolt Brecht

Uhhh...word. And on with the links...


I wonder if they teach this course at the University of Colorado? It certainly would be a better choice than their Ethnic studies program.

Ouch.

Now this is MY kind of origami...the origami boulder! Only 10 dollar!

Damn...rubberbands are dangerous.

I guess this means we won't be able to ship Ashlee Simpson off to China...well, there's always the Sudan.

Cool...new snow sculptures of 2005.

Oooohhh...I think I have a new favorite blog.

Here's a fun tennis game...it reminds me of the old Nintendo version.

...and here's an even more fun game to take out your frustrations after totally failing on the tennis game.

Awwww...I guess Jack won't be able to hang out at the library after his workout anymore.

The Israeli Defense Force automatically gives low clearance to people who role play due to the fact that “They're detached from reality and suscepitble to influence." Yet they're dealing with a former terrorist Abbas for "peace." The guys playfighting with swords somehow seem more grounded.

California university researchers are going to create a mouse with human brain tissue, then run him for governor, presumably.

Yet another teacher taking sex ed a little too far with a student...although the twist on this story is that she apparently demonstrated on his father as well. What is it with teachers nowadays, and why weren't they like this when I was in school?

Hmmm...the Koreans are taking disposable cameras to a whole new level...I wonder if I can get it cherry flavored.

Those Thais certainly know how to create opportunity out of disaster. Who wouldn't want to experience Tsunami: the Ride?

What if the Sudanese government freed the slaves and nobody showed up? Oh, that's right, there is no slavery in Sudan. Riiiiiiight.

Here's good news for smokers...you can quite smoking by taking drugs. Isn't that sort of like cutting off your hand to fix a hangnail?

It's good to see the government is going after those hardened criminals, like this mother who owed 96 cents in income tax.

I remember a story like this a while ago, but hey, it's back in the news. Here's the "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day...why is it when women cheat on their husbands they're still made out to be the victims?

What a dumbass...this is why drinking and sharks don't mix.

Farkin' Links Vol. 48 3/7

Go Lebanon! Well, you win some and you lose some. Specifically, on Saturday, our basketball team lost, but on Sunday we won. The victory would have been much sweeter had my teammate not elbowed me in the throat. Thank goodness I still have a terrible cough, so the pain from the bruise just sort of blends with the existing pain from coughing, so nothing much has changed. I hope you all had a good weekend, next weekend proves to be much more exciting for me. I leave you with the links, and a quote.

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
--Arthur C. Clarke


See...this would actually convince me to watch Tennis. That's why they should form a Russ Meyer Tennis Association; it would destroy the current set. Uhhh...probably not safe for work.

Awww....everyone's favorite fat lip syncher is now depressed that he's the laughing stock of the internet. He should embrace his inner William Hung and make more videos...and start charging.

Well, now we know what the Canadians do with all that time covered in snow...they conduct stupid research on people's fingers.

Have you ever wanted to fake your death...maybe because you were embarrassed as badly as a Southwest commercial? Well, here's a plan.

This game is extremely difficult...but highly addicting.

Robert Blake coulda saved himself some trouble if he'd used this website instead of asking his stuntmen friends to kill his wife.

Cool...there's a new opening in the G-Unit posse! I wonder where I can send my resume of slappin' bitches and fighting the man.

This is just because your day won't be full without a Lindsey Lohan reference.

Hmmm...well, this isn't technically porn as there isn't any nudity, but simulated blowjobs with bananas might be considered not safe for work.

Wow...some people love there pets, but some people LOVE their pets. That's sort of like getting the Mexico donkey show in your yard.

This looks like a job for Batman...or possibly Ghost Rider...no, maybe the Shadow...

Jeez...poor Canadians...they so miss the NHL that they're going all the way to Mt. Everest to play hockey.

This is a fun game with a bump copter. What's a bump copter? You'll have to play it to find out.

Hehe, whoops. Don't reposess my car! I forgot the bodies...I mean, my stuff is still in there!

Holy crap, Batjew! I didn't realize rabbis did THAT when they performed a circumcision!

That's an interesting commercial; it reminds me of the Phantom as it involves a man standing right in front of a cannon instead of getting out of the way. Slam evil!

I know the Austrians have a reputation for being stodgy, boring and rude. That's basically all true, but they do have a cool city with THIS name.

No way! They think the 3rd worst job in sports is Rodeo Clown...that's my dream job, man!

This is a pretty detailed pool game from Oreo...still, it costs less than going to a pool hall. Unfortunately, you have to provide your own beer.

Wait a minute...you could actually have a TIGER for a PET in this country and nobody told me?!? Well, I know what I want for my next birthday now.

Farkin' Links Vol. 47 3/4

That was one hell of a fire last night! A group of us were out eating some weird ass pork at a Korean BBQ when the house across the street decided to have a BBQ of it's own. I'm not sure what set it ablaze, although Marlon did get up and disappear for a while, presumably to "go to the bathroom," but that house turned into a flame out straight out of Backdraft. I don't think anybody was hurt, so it was one hell of a floor show for the dinner finale. Hmmm...I should give you guys another quote anyways even though I actually wrote something today.

A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
--Granville Hicks


In case you were unsure of whether Anna Nicole Smith was completely insane...this ought to set you straight. Might not be safe for work.

Speaking of crazy people, looks like Mike Tyson has decided to start singing. Well, it couldn't be worse than William Hung's album, could it? I'm hoping for another Wesley Willis, myself. "Rock over London, rock on Chicago! Folgers, it's good to the last drop!"

I was pretty bothered by the rains that just flooded Southern California, but at least it wasn't like this. I keep telling you people, France sucks.

That's almost cheating! Damn, I miss hockey.

Well, I have to say, that marriage lasted longer than I thought it would.

I'm not sure I can improve on the title of this piece,"Get this off my penis!" Let's just say that the metal nut wasn't the right size.

Wow...Uncle Jesse is a dick, just like Superman! Still, what a friend, eh? I wouldn't do that for my friends.

Yikes...my worst nightmare brought to life! A man actually died by getting caught in an escalator!

Do you know the Flags of the World? I apparently do...11 out of 11, baby! Oh, and that trick question? It's not a trick.

Hmmm...the crazy ebay link of the day happens to be a woman's breast. Look out, it's dangerous!

I guess some women aren't as oppressed in Iran. I wonder if her husband collects comic books, because that would explain a lot.

Hehe...Japan, eat your heart out. the Dutch now sell emergency vibrators from vending machines.

Cool...here's the complete collection of the Calvin and Hobbes comic strips. Spaceman Spiff lives on!

Ya man...don't mess wit da kung fu kid! Look out, ShoNuff, Shogun of Harlem!

These are pretty funny...mostly because Romance novel covers are on a comedy level all on their own.

In today's "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have what appears to be one of their crazy gameshows which has a creative use of a construction site.

Zee Germans are killing themselves with this bureaucracy...but hey, at least it's kept them from invading France lately. Not that I care what happens to France, it's just we get called in to separate them everytime.

Heh...Al-Qaeda has launched an online magazine to rally Muslims. Of course, since only rich people over there have computers, I'm not sure who they're going to reach.

Well, I guess some women actually liked showing their breasts to Koko the gorilla. I'm not sure there's much else to say.

Cool...South Korean programmers are doing the Lord's work. Well, they're certainly making it a lot harder to to actual work, so that's still pretty good.

...and one more clip from Cheaters...because that show is the bestest. You never know what's going to happen...

Farkin' Links Vol. 46 3/3

I like giving a quote of the day instead since I've been particularly lazy as of late. Let me find a good one...

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
--Herbert Spencer


Looks like teens are doing "garage jumping" in Florida now. This involves jumping from a multi-level parking garage to another over 80-100 foot gaps. This is what is referred to as evolution in action.

This woman claims that a neighbor came into the house and tricked her into having sex with him by pretending to be her husband...Riiiiiiight. If she's selling bridges, I'm not buying.

Well now...I guess you can now tell her it's "God's Will." That might work.

You'd think the game show people would make sure the mixed up word wouldn't spell something like this. Then again...it's probably good for ratings.

Now THAT'S a prank! Very cruel...I hope it's just a photo shop job.

Hehe...crazy Germans. Maybe this is why Ron Artest wanted to work at Circuit City, though.

Just in case you were thinking of destroying the world, well you need a plan. Know your enemy!

Awww....look! It's a baby Hunter S. Thompson!

I can't see this book on unisex haircuts doing very well...except in the comedy section.

Speaking of zee Germans, this one managed to install Linux onto his iPod. What a great idea...I always thought the iPod was far too easy to use.

Damn...the future is now. You too can drill holes in your head to put in electrodes to combat depression, just like in that book "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" It's a really stupid name, I know. That's why when they made it into a movie they changed it to "Blade Runner."

Cool...pirates AND ninjas! Where do I sign up to get my booty?

It's REALLY not this guy's day. I mean, if you can't go to Chuck E. Cheese and have a good time without getting tasered, where can you go? Still, I'm sure the kids enjoyed this show better than the animatronic band.

Ever want to see a cement truck blown to smithereens? Of course you have!

Hehe...I wonder who pays the 200 dollar fine after you touch the wires of death?

O.K. That was a fun quiz...Boobs, butt or shoulder? It's not as easy as it sounds.

Here's an interesting game...you're a pelican...your goal? Crap on cars.

Here's an interesting story about a man trying to escape over the boarder...into Canada.

Praise Allah, Batman! There's a new superhero in town!

Here's how Polish guys fight over the honor of their women. Normally, I wouldn't encourage these kind of prejudices, but Polish jokes are funny.