Farkin' Links Vol. 42 2/23

I seem to have come down with something today; must be the rain and the fact that my heater decided to stop working last night...you know, the one time I needed it in Los Angeles. But that's o.k., because I had a doctor's appointment today. Nothing makes you feel better than giving up blood and getting a tetnis shot in the same arm. Either way, I'm in a lovely mood today. But hey, enjoy the links.


Sock it to me!

Hehe...I can't imagine that pirates do much internet surfing, but if they did, this is the perfect keyboard for them.

It seems that a majority of female high school students in Japan regret having sex for the first time. Maybe it's because they were hoping for those demon tentacles that they grew up watching in cartoons.

There seems to be a huge demand for toilet paper in China now...which makes me wonder what the hell they were using before. Then again, maybe it's better that I don't.

This is a disappointing page dispelling all those cool rumors about rock stars...although seriously...who the hell is Robert Johnson?

Damn...King Tut is still striking out from the grave. I think it's just tomb envy, really. He did get stuck in a back closet after he died.

Have you ever wanted a gas mask, but thought it was just too expensive? Yeah, well, me neither. But these guys have built their own out of computer parts...somewhere, MacGyver is smiling down on them.

Hmmm...I guess the Black Mask bought himself a new license plate.

So sad...to peak when you're 5 years old.

Because the British have already researched everything of interest in the world, they decided to have a go at deciphering smiles. Look out Nobel committee!

The movie industry discovers that PG and PG-13 movies generally gross more than R movies because it's a bigger base audience. I guess we can file that into the "No shit, Sherlock" category.

Hehe...strip joint was pressured into putting some extra clothes on their naked model billboard ad...tastefully naked, I might add. Less genitalia than Lil' Kim shows, anyways. Guess what happened next?

Here's another list, this one regarding things lawyers won't tell you...funny, the truth isn't on here...

This dutch site helps you break up with people or cheat on them. Nice business ethics, guys. No, really.

Ouch! That one is definitely gonna leave a mark!

What do you get when you cross a couple of black lesbians and that show Cheaters? Good t.v., that's what.

Here's a fun shooting game based on the Resident Evil sequel...it manages to be far more entertaining than the movie...which isn't very hard.

This is pretty cool. This site translates your name into Japanese kanji...well, at least it says it does. It probably gives you a derogatory name and insults your heritage, but it's still pretty cool.

This may be the crappiest crime of all time...how the hell are you gonna explain to the inmates that you went to jail for conterfeiting Subway sandwich cards? Actually, I think she just needs a better lawyer.

This isn't good...I knew these cell phones would lead to the destruction of all mankind. Hopefully I'll be gone before that happens.

Meet the new feminist hero of the year...I don't understand why women always think it's amusing when a guy gets his pecker cut off.

Farkin' Links Vol. 41 2/21

I hope you all had a nice weekend and enjoyed your President's day if you had it off. If you didn't...well, HAHAHA....SUCKERS! I don't like the idea of President's day because it cheapens the honor we used to bestow on the father of our country, George Washington. I certainly am not going to celebrate a total failure like Grant or Carter. We should just change it back to Washington's birthday.


This is the first I've ever heard of a tattoo getting copyrighted. I guess it was bound to happen with people selling ad space on their foreheads and stomachs...Oh well, I hope Rasheed Wallace hasn't spent all his money on pot and has enough to pay this guy to go away.

Hmmm...so iPods can get you laid now, too? What can't it do?

So...is this what women do in their rooms?

Jeez...talk about still stuck in 1985. Debbie Gibson says her nude pictures in Playboy are better than Tiffany's from several years ago. I really might have cared, had this happened while I was still in elementary school when either one of these artists actually mattered. Still, I wouldn't kick her out of bed...not safe for work, but you can check it out and draw your own conclusions.

Man...if men applied half the ingenuity they use to get around anti nudity laws for strip joints to technology, we'd be living on Mars by now.

O.K. this is pretty cool. It's a little flash program that let's you make your own music with percussion instruments.

As much as I like penguins, this is disturbing. Linux Sex Positions is the title, so beware.

It looks like you won't be able to drink as much at basketball games anymore thanks to Ron Artest and his wrestling buddies. Oh well, I couldn't really afford more than one beer at the Staples Center without getting a second on my condo, anyways. Somewhere, Marlon is sobbing at the news.

Hehe...rednecks are cool. The Dukes of Hazard are even cooler, but we'll see after the major motion pictures comes out staring the guy from Jackass. I may change my opinion after that.

Here's a public service message; if a train is coming, don't park on the rails. At least the only real casualities were a bunch of strawberries, unlike the jackass from a couple of weeks ago.

This has to be the worst defense for murder I've ever heard. I acted in a robotic state by thumbcuffing my husband and then suffocating him with a plastic bag? Yeah, my guess is some planning went into that. I guess he shouldn't have asked her to pick up the penis enlarging cream.

Oh great...the newly imagined Looney Tunes characters are now crime fighters in the future being trained by an aging Bruce Wayne, oh wait, that's Batman Beyond.

Did you ever wonder how those moons in the solar system got their names? Well, I'm going to show you anyways, you barbarians.

This is extremely disturbing. People actually get pieces of metal installed into their bodies for...well, I'm not sure, exactly. I guess for giving metal detector operators a hard time?

Well, I guess if you really want to get the law breathing down your neck, start robbing donut shops.

Wow...breast implants that continually repair themselves? This really is the 21st century!

DON'T BE THIS GUY!

Those crazy Ruskies...from the man who brought you the pill that keeps you from getting drunk, here's the pill that makes you STAY drunk! I already have a solution for staying drunk; drink more alcohol.

Bill Mauer thinks Christians have a neurological disorder that stops them from thinking. I think Bill Mauer is an asshat...but hey, that's what's great about this country. I'm free not to watch his crappy show.

Here's a lesson to you smokers; make sure your rear window is closed when you litter into the street with your done cigarette.

Farkin' Links Vol. 40 2/18

So last night my buddy Dave rented an interesting game for the ps2 called "The Guy Game." It attempted to combine a quiz show and breasts...which was pretty successful on the latter. As for the quiz? Well, we got tired of actually trying to guess the answers and cheated. I wouldn't buy the game as you can get this sort of cheesecake online for free, but I wonder how this idea hasn't been used more. I'm sure there are lots of 14 year olds who would love to get their hands on more games like this.


Alright...this is really stupid, but I love DOOM and this dog kind of looks monstrous...

Ouch...a d.j. in Italy has been caught using thousands of illegally downloaded music files and been fined 1.4 million pounds...which is a lot more in real money. Vicky, you better warn your d.j. friends before they come gunning for them.

I'm going to have to remember not to need an organ transplant in Germany next year...what kind of hospital gives you organs infected with rabies? How do you even find people with rabies?

That's sad...a man raped an 89 year old woman during a blackout. I mean, I know everyone looks the same in the dark, but still, that's cold...

Trekkies fight the ending of the last Star Trek show on t.v. now. I guess they don't want to be forced to get a real life.

Hehe...the genius of the day here stole a GPS tracking device used to track criminals and was "shocked, shocked" to discover that they easily traced him back to his home.

Politicans in Amsterdam are still hiding and being guarded from muslim extremists who want to cut their heads off for being an enemy of Islam. But really, who would have thought bringing in a bunch of unemployed african muslims without forcing them to assimilate could go wrong?

You know...Donkey Kong is a lot harder than I remember...I think I've lost my video game skills. I'm gonna have to get the video game master Jack to train me again.

There...now this game is more my style. It's a giant flower eating fruit. What's not to like?

This is strange. The man on trial for kidnapping Elizabeth Smart decided to just start singing in court...kind of like Cop Rock, I guess. You know where this tactic might work? The Michael Jackson trial...I know I'd enjoy it.

This jerk put a cut out of a cop car in his neighborhood to scare drivers into slowing down. Not surprisingly, somebody stole it.

Damn...talk about the guest that wouldn't leave. This woman has been in the hospital for over a year and refuses to leave even though there's nothing wrong with her. It's pretty hopeless, really. I mean, if the silly gowns and the food didn't drive her out, what can?

Ouch. If you think you've had a bad day, at least you didn't end up in a noodle mixer.

Because I haven't had enough silly celebrity news, this one is about Jessica Simpson and John Mayer showing some sparks. An "eyewitness" said,"John was staring at Jessica's breasts most of the night." Hehe...who wouldn't?

Hey Chih Hao, here's a new blog for ya! Maybe the life of an Iranian cleric doesn't sound interesting, but you'd be surprised.

Hehe...see Vicky, even Madonna agrees with me. A "real band" has instruments in it. Not illegally downloaded songs played in a row.

And in the obvious department, a hard hitting news report found that a large amount of money can buy you alcohol without an ID. I think they're hard at work on their next expose called, "Fire, hot or not?"

Everything is cooler on foreign stations...even newscasting. I dunno about you, but I would have loved to see Dan Rather duke it out with George Bush, Sr.

I didn't know Bugs Bunny was racist.

Hehe...Junior High School students were suspended for forming a Fight Club. Aren't the first two rules of Fight Club, "Do NOT tell anyone about Fight Club?" They're gonna have to castrate someone for that betrayal.

Farkin' Links Vol. 39 2/17

I've suffered a terrible loss this week...I'm almost inconsolable. My...my tivo died on my last night. It was so sudden; I never got a chance to say goodbye. Oh well...I guess I'll just have to buy another one. It just won't be the same. So, anyways, here's the links...


Ewwww....Liza Minelli walking around naked...there's an image I could have lived without. Still, it's better than imagining her estranged husband David Guest naked; he looks like a wax dummy.

Hmmm...this guy is allergic to his girlfriend and breaks out in a rash when in contact, but only during that time of the month. It's all for the best really; he should just avoid her during that time anyways.

I'm amused by this short little "Japanese people are crazy" link today...some people just don't like being stopped on the street, I suppose. This little kid learned a valuable lesson.

I remember doing this on my bike when I was learning how to ride...it only cost me 4 stitches in the lip. The upper link isn't safe for work, though.

Here are some very unflattering pictures of that sex pot Britney Spears...let's just say she needs to get back on the smack or try that Anna Nicole Smith diet...which is probably smack.

I don't know about you, but I'm a little tired of the grandma picking up the sex toy by accident joke. I'd say it basically jumped the shark at this point.

My favorite story of the day; who knew dogs playing poker would ever sell for 600k? Well, if a hunk of metal can be bought by the government for 2 million, the poker playing doggies are a steal.

O.K...a scientist has invented a condom that plays music and gets louder as sex gets more vigorous. The only question I have is, what songs does it play? Because if it's Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits, you can count me out.

Here's a fun page of useless facts...my favorite from yesterday,"• The primary cause of death for male Swedes between the ages of 20 and 23 is venereal disease." Those Swedes must live some crazy lives.

Some Mexicans are mad at doll makers for implying that a sentence in the story of "Marisol, the Hispanic doll" was racially insenstives. Wait, am I allowed to use Mexican now, or is there a new politically correct way to say it?

Those uptight British are at it again...they take offense to basically the best thing that the show the O.C. has to offer, bitch! Well, besides that lesbian kiss scene, that is.

This is a couple days late, but hey, accept it as my Valentine's Day gift; courtesy of Happy Tree Friends.

I guess Seinfeld was accurate...I still have to see a cock fight, especially considering this is, indeed, the year of the cock. Of course, I just like typing the word cock.

Well, that's justice served. This wife installed spyware to keep track of her husband's chat records with another woman which was found to be violating the wire tap law in Florida. Well, at least she isn't being prosecuted for it.

I guess O.J. Simpson can now say he's not the only one in the family who killed someone. Oh wait, that's right, he didn't. He's still looking for his wife's killer on every golf course in the country.

Great...first they want us to buy a shitty little economy car, now they realize they're losing money on gas tax and want to tax our miles by tracking our every movement? To hell with that, Big Brother!

A 12 year old girl strangles her 9 year old sister over a hamburger...that must have been one hell of a tasty hamburger.

I'm not really sure what the point of this game is, but skateboards are prominently involved.

Hmmm...I didn't know the unibomber was teaching chemistry now. Ironically, this man was arrested for teaching something readily known at Freedom High School.

...and lastly, a German couple broke the record for longest marathon kissing with theirs lasting for 31 hours. Well, with unemployement at 20 percent over there, there ain't much to do.

Farkin' Links Vol. 38 2/16

Damn...I'm over using hotmail. If I inflicted a bunch of papercuts on my hands then dipped them in lemon juice, I still wouldn't be in as much frustrated pain as trying to get that crap to work. I guess anything free really is worth what you pay for.


Imagine my surprise when I tried to look up French military victories and got this...the French suck.

Here's a fun, uplifting site called despair.com. I think I need this poster on my wall...it might motive me.

Not only are the British really uptight, they are even more sensitive than CAIR. Still, I think they could have put a shirt on this kid.

Today's teacher caught half naked in a car with a student brought to us by the wonderful educators of Chicago.

Hmmm...maybe I should register a domain in the Cook Islands...after all, it is the year of the cock.

Here's an interesting class...but I'm sure it's more informative than underwater basket weaving.

What's with this rash of idiot school administrators suspending people? Since when is the word "booty" an offensive word? It's one of the only words NOT censored in a Snoop Dogg song.

Cases like these make me glad I wasn't involved in organized sports in high school; those people have too many weird traditions...still, how the hell do you get suspended for urine?

This guy is trying to teach an important lesson by using his personal experiences...although the lesson of not cutting yourself with a circular saw seems pretty self-evident.

iToilet? Somebody doesn't like Apple...but they have a point. I used to own an apple until I realized they were completely sucky and slow compared to pcs.

England may have jeopardized it's chances to stage the 2012 Olympics by making a joke about France...and the problem is what? Didn't Greece just lose their "booty" when nobody decided to watch the last one? In other news, France still sucks.

So it's official...according to the chief driving examiner at the Driving Standard Agency, women can't drive.

In case the Hummer was just to small and girlie man style for you, here comes a new Bad Boy truck that can also protect you from radiation, chemical and biological weapons, and as a bonus, like that proverbial 500 pound gorilla, you can park anywhere you want.

Since I haven't put a single Lindsey Lohan story in here yet, it looks like she's getting her own doll. You can insert your own plastic breast joke here.

Well, there you go. Next time your date tells you she doesn't drink, just give her the facts from this Swedish study. Drinking is GOOD for you.

For our "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day, here's a high class homeless man. Usually they just want alcohol, but only the best sushi for him!

Interesting...match making is joining the Comcast cable lineup. I guess you can create your own episode of Blind Date now.

Something tells me this story about a woman arrested for parking tickets wouldn't have made it without the "strip search" reference. I know it got my attention.

Hehe...it was bound to happen eventually. Man suing penis enlargement companies for failing to...uh, live up to potential. If it stops them from sending me spam, I'm all for it.

Farkin' Links Vol. 37 2/15


So...do you think Kurt Cobain was murdered? Me...I really don't care. I was never a big fan of Nivana.

Man...I need to listen to Moody more and watch the O.C., Bitch! I didn't realize it had fine storylines like this one.

Hehe...not really safe for work, but this would have made playing Super Mario Brothers much more memorable. You need to listen to the sound...

Here's another weird drawing in action of a woman...from the inside out. Weird, but rather cool.

Awwww...I guess Virginia got too embarrassed to continue with their droopy pants laws; maybe it turned out they still had real crime going on. I love Sen. Norment's quote about being preoccupied with pants,""I find that an indignation, which dampens my humor." Something tells me this guy is a regular barrel of monkeys.

Looks like Australia is trying to increase their population with this new spray that enhances women's sexual enjoyment and satisfaction. Once again, how do I get a job on these studies?

Man dies testing out a bullet proof vest. Some would blame the show "Jackass;" I call it evolution in action.

Hehe...I can't argue with the punchline of this ad,"Fat people are hard to kidnap." And they say Asians don't get enough work in movies and t.v.

Here's a website strictly devoted to angry pictures of our Sec. of State, Condi Rice. Whatever floats your boat, I suppose. I mean, I hear some people dress up as stuffed animals to have sex...

This is what you get when you combine a couple of computer programmers, musical instruments, legos and reggae. Do with it what you will.

Wow...uberslut Christina Aguilera gets engaged...while the world attempts to actually care.

Blame Canada for being lousy lovers, and for low self esteem. You'd think they'd be good at it without anything else to do 6 months out of the year, eh.

Hmmm...Britney Spears' commercial for her perfume has gotten restricted to only being showed after 7:30 for suggestive sexuality...and the British are still really uptight. Jeez...a Britney and a Christina Aguilera link in one day...I've got to employ more quality control.

Did you ever want to practice that street corner shell game without losing 20 dollars a pop? Now we have a flash game!

Yikes! This baby was aborted 3 times, and like Rasputin, refused to die. I guess that guy in Jurassic Park was right, life finds a way. I'd seriously consider getting a new doctor, though. Who is this guy, Dr. Nick?

According to this British study, women are visually more attracted to girlie men...which once again proves women have no idea what the hell they want. You should also check out the test.

Man...we need to bring back hockey in order to save these hockey players from themselves...and to keep them from raping people in Europe as well.

...or maybe we can send these hockey players to Italy where they're paying people to have children. Whoever thought that the destruction of marriage and a nanny state that keeps people from personal responsibility would result in low population rates? At least they're bringing in the African muslims. Nothing bad could possibly happen from that.

I bet this shmuck feels just as bad as the Hornets on their loss on the night. I guess the lesson is, if you're going to ask a woman to marry you, make sure she's going to say yes.

Brad Pitt has thrown a big birthday party for his estranged wife Jennifer Aniston because, as the rumor mill goes, he really wants her back. I really hope so, they look so good together. You know, sarcasm just doesn't quite work as well when you read it back.

Farkin' Links Vol. 36 2/14

I hope you all had a good weekend; I'm pretty sure I had a good weekend, but I'm a little hazy on some of it. What I do remember is the fact that our basketball team whooped that ass this Sunday; we won by 22 points. It was such a butt thumping the opponent's team leader got so pissed he pulled a Danny Fortson and threw a chair. Good times...anyways, on with da links...



Help save Toby, the cute bunny rabbit. It'll only cost you $50,000...me, I'm more interested in the recipes he's considering.

Hmmm...I guess this is targeting that large ghetto consumer community, although I'm not sure they buy too many stuffed animals.

Wow...Juwana Mann is for real! I still say that's Ron Artest's best shot at playing basketball right now; it beats working at Circuit City.

For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have dancing robots. Not quite as funny as dancing monkeys or midgets, but it's still pretty cool.

This Asian bartender is quite cool...her kung fu is most powerful.

Here's a neat site with pictures of jet planes doing all types of things...even suffering landings worse than Southwest usually gives us. It's not exactly making me feel better about my vacation.

Hehe...if you thought karaoke was embarrassing enough...what about naked karaoke?

Because tax time is here, you get silly articles about strange deductions...like this one. Still, the joke about cow breeding was almost funny.

Oh boy...Jack Osborne wants to be a fireman, now? Why stop there? Why not be an astronaut too?

Wow...I guess the postal service is far more efficient in Germany, too.

Yikes...here is the best video to convince you to use a condom. I dare you to finish this video.

...and now you now, the rest of the story. I'm gonna be a lot more careful in funhouses from now on.

Not safe for work...but DAMN! This would actually work in making me want to watch soccer.

I bet this guy's house is fresh and never suffers freezer burn.

Not only is it a slow newsday, but this town must be the most boring place on earth.

I don't remember this in the Black Dahlia story...maybe Brian De Palma is just trying to emulate Roman Polanski?

Didn't this scene happen in the Starsky and Hutch movie? I like the excuse for selling drugs; she needed food and diapers. Maybe if she'd cut out some of the food, she wouldn't need so many diapers.

This is a neat little game about building a really jacked up house...I wouldn't live there, but it's a fun puzzle.

I knew Hillary Duff was responsible. Not like that Britney chick.

Remember that funky commercial during the Superbowl with all the dancing people? You can make your own, now.

Farkin' Links Vol. 35 2/10

So I learned several important lessons last night. First, I learned my garbage disposal cannot handle potato skins. I also learned how to take my sink piping apart in order to fix the damage of that earlier lesson. The other lesson I learned? Don't cook. That's what fast food is for.


Hmmm...so monkeys like porn as well. Maybe we really are related. I mean in general...not that I have an orangutan as an uncle or anything.

Wow...I mean, they do prance around in tights, but who knew that Robin gets the Michael Jackson treatment from Batman!

Speaking of superheroes...Superman does have a point here. Plus...he is sort of a dick.

Damn...I hate paraplegics...who file frivilous lawsuits. I doubt they'd discrminate against him for a disability; they'd discriminate if he was ugly. Or Asian.

I'm not sure why I finished this game...it could be because it was short, or it could be because it has Indiana Jones AND stormtroopers.

Here's a group of pictures that have no sympathy for animals...although I do like the armadillo basketball.

Blame Canada for bringing down drug prices. Especially heroin...I don't think the drug dealers are gonna like that.

Well...it's one thing for a teacher to be looking at porn on a school computer, but for him to be discriminating against Asian students? Fire his ass. I mean, seriously, how would you NOT trust an Asian on a computer? They're natural at it...you know, like math.

Because cops in Virginia apparently have nothing better to do than look at people's underwear, a legislator introduces a bill to fine people for wearing low cut jeans too low. I think there should be fine, but only if you're overweight and wearing those things...it's visual pollution.

I'm gonna guess this isn't the best way to get Anna Kournikova's attention...although the tattoo is nice, I suppose, in a weird crazy stalker sort of way.

Wow...that's all I can really say about this. This chick did...wow...

Well, this is a fun link for the "Japanese people are crazy" file. Apparently, they've been watching too much anime porn and try acting that out on the subway.

Uh oh...they've found a terrorist mastermind in the NBA! Olajuwon, say it ain't so!

You ever wonder what's inside one of those ipod shuffles? Well, now's your chance to see.

This little dodging game is pretty fun...just don't put on all the options. It gets crrrraaaazzzy!

Here's the silly ebay item of the day...a robot arm that looks suspiciously like a lamp. Hey...waitaminute...

This is an interesting site full of strange mailboxes...I'm not sure how you get email in there, so basically, they're just for show.

Alright! It's Terry Tate, office linebacker! He's back and he's pissed off...Whooo!

I better send this to Moody...just so he doesn't try and break any boards for a while.

...and in order to save money, American Airlines has taken pillows out of the planes. Eh...with a seat the size of a child's carseat, I've never understood how the hell I was supposed to use them.

Farkin' Links Vol. 34 2/9

So Donovan McNabb's excuse for being a jackass in the final minutes of the Superbowl is that he was sick. So sick, that another player had to call at least one play...SO sick that the player calling the play was the useless lump of crap Freddie Mitchell. That's touching, really...of course, I remember when Michael Jordan was sick in a finals game...and he score 40 points. I guess it takes all kinds.


Has anybody else seen this jewish guy sing his reggae? I know I'm impressed. (Hat tip: Tristan)

Why is it when the topic is women cheating on their spouses, they still manage to make it sound like it's the guy's fault? Heads you win, tails I lose.

The moral police of the U.S. got nuttin' on Malaysia!

Now that's one hell of a big painting!

This site has all types of fun reading. Basically, wild college stories of all types and sizes...

Damn! This four year old is bold! I can't imagine even trying to drive a car when I couldn't see out the window.

I didn't realize you could weigh a thousand pounds and still be alive...well, you learn something new everyday...

I'm not even sure what to say about this clip...what's worse, the fact that there is actually an air guitar contest or that this guy with a Hello Kitty on his chest won it?

Beware the Zogg! They shall conquer the world with their cuteness!

Try playing tiny Pac-man...but only if you're eyes aren't bad.

Here's a site for those who want their money working for them.

I'm not quite sure what the point of this game is...but it's kind of fun.

O.K., well this racing game actually has a point.

Why the heck do you need a license to run a day care center? I'm guessing it's so the government can make money off of it...those bastards.

O.K., now THAT'S a cool camera. The whole 100 pound weight is a little much, but 4 gigapixels? Whoo wee...

I guess in Britian it's o.k. to harrass and mock burglars. I can only imagine what kind of lawsuits that would generate here.

So it's official...Boston fans are just a bunch of apes.

Speaking of apes...here's a 23 year old virgin ape. I'm guessing his name O.J. didn't help him out with the ladies.

Well, any test that includes videos of women sunbathing topless can't be all bad. The gay marriage images aren't really necessary...unless both the women are hot, of course.

Wow...who knew the Megan's Law web site would give Date.com a run for it's money?

Farkin' Links Vol. 33 2/8


Well, I hope these girls learned their lesson...which is never, NEVER do anything nice for anyone ever again. Well, that and go drink at parties whenever possible.

Sci-fi writers punk a publishing company by taking turns writing a crappy book about Atlanta and actually getting it accepted after said company mocked Science Fiction. It should turn up on Oprah's book of the month club any day now.

Damn women drivers...I blame all that suffrage talk.

But on a lighter note, if this is what it means for women to serve their country, I'm all for it.

The French are protesting a longer work week...it must be cutting into their bath time. France sucks.

Damn! This guy can spin a rifle...and that's a fact, JACK!

Whoa...fly, retard, fly! He's gonna feel that one in the mornin'.

See, this is one of the reasons I never wanted to stay at a hostel. Well, that and the whole sleeping next to weird Europeans.

See, this is the definition of a third world country. How the hell do 13 people die during a kite flying event?

Wow...it's just like You've Got Mail...with burkas. I love virgin Pina Coladas, praying to Allah and walks in the rain too!

I just love this clip. Bruce Leroy he is not!

This is actually a fun skating game...if you can get past all the Disney crap. It's exactly like Tony Hawk...only different.

Speaking of skating, check out Rodney Mullen...he's like the Rainman of boarding."I'm a very good skateboarder, I'm a very good skateboarder..."

I love these extreme sports parachuters...you're always expecting them to go splat at some point. Still, this guy's got some skills; he kind of reminds me of Willie E. Coyote.

O.K. This is just plain creepy. I guess if you don't have many friends, go ahead and talk to an intellibuddy...and if they want to know where Sarah Conner lives, run!

I'm not sure who the hell the Faint are...but drop kicking them sure is fun! Oi!

Here's a game that pits you against men armed with guns with...a sword. Yeah, I didn't do so well either.

Looks like they found some more erotic frescoes in Pompeii...I have to say, that was one of the more memorable things I saw in Italy that first trip. When they showed us that fertility god who had three legs...except that the leg in the middle wasn't a leg...well, Wow. I mean, how does he put on pants? I guess that's why they wore togas.

Man...times sure have changed. We have prom dresses apparently designed by Lil' Kim and now we have elementary school girls falling out of their shirts? I blame those Bratz dolls.

...and here's yet another air hockey game...I never get tired of this...

Farkin' Links Vol. 32 2/7

So, who didn't watch the Superbowl? Judging by the ratings, everybody in America. Too bad it was a pretty dull game...but then, we got lucky with an exciting game last year so we can't complain.


This wasn't the most tasteful, tactful thing to say, but, when have the Marines ever been tactful? To be honest, I'm glad he's on our side.

Must have been a REEEEEAAAAALLLL slow newsday for this to make the paper. Personally, I love the expression on this girl's father's face; he looks like he's considering killing everybody in the room.

Asian scientist is trying to give robots artifical feelings so they will reproduce...and kill Sarah Conner, I suppose.

Wow...I can understand the need to get drunk, but as Eddie Murphy said,"my ass is an exit, not an entrance."

The goofy ebay item of the day...is a hard drive...I think.

I blame Canada for encouraging not bathing by living in these...I don't even know what they are, but I certainly don't want to be living in one.

Hehe...here's a story on all the useless items sent to the tsunami victims, such as ski parkas, moisturizing gel and Viagra. With how big the population is over there, I definitely think Viagra is overkill.

This bird is pretty damn good at making sound effects; kind of like Michael Winslow from Police Academy. What ever happened to that guy?

Damn...I didn't know the English partied like that! It looks like they're trying to limit all the cokeheads though, with a much more polite version of Nancy Reagan's anti drug message,"Just say no thanks."

I'd love to see Germany try and arrest Rumsfield...we'd just have to sic that Marine General one them. I mean, we haven't whooped their ass this century, yet. It's only a matter of time.

Yet another reason why I don't eat sushi. I don't eat magazines, either.

Man...how come my babysitters were never this cool? Or naked?

Ummm...I'm not sure what to make of this film about Gunther. Zee Germans are a strange bunch, really.

This is a higher production than I'm used to in crappy shockware games, but any one where you get to play a giant rat killing smaller rats is worth checking out.

Man...Britian is not only coked up, but it's also boring. These were the best secrets they could find?

This doesn't do much to dispel the stereotype that everyone in China is an acrobat and knows kung fu.

Nice...old people are getting abandoned by their busy children in Saudi Arabia. Well, at least they're not strapping tnt to them before driving off.

Man, I think we've hired this guy's entire family. It would certainly explain a whole lot.

This game reminds me of Marble Madness...except that Marble Madness didn't make me want to put my fist through the monitor.

...and a fun quasi role playing game for the heck of it. It reminds me of gaming of old. Back when every games wasn't a simulation or a 1st person shooter.

Farkin' Links Vol. 31 2/4

Friday is finally here...and more importantly, it's Superbowl Weekend! Historically speaking, this should be a pretty crappy Superbowl as the last one was very exciting. It seems to alternate each year; exciting game, blow out piece of crap. At least we have all those Levitra and Cialis commercials full of old people getting it on to look forward to. The FCC really needs to do something about that; it's far more offensive than Janet Jackson's plastic Barbie-like boob.


Talk about the worst idea EVER of delaying a flight...they should know there is no sense of humor at the airlines. The ironic part is that dangerous criminals convicted of worse crimes will get out in less than a year.

For the silly ebay item for sale of the day...an interesting use of paperclips. Usually I just craft those poppers out of them.

Hehe...I think this song has already been created. Still, if it hasn't, we'll be sure to hear it at Century Club in a week.

Wow...this is the Star Wars page that keeps on giving...it saves you the effort of making fun of these poorly dressed clowns at a convention and does it for you. "Worst.Boba.Fett.Ever."

Alright! "Japanese people are NOT crazy" link today...they've proven what I've always known; Beer Rules!

Well, this is an interesting teacher. I guess all the drugs were o.k., but the second she pulled a Randy Moss, they were ready to terminate.

Looks like this drop in crime is playing havok with superheroes...

France sucks. I could leave it at that, but it appears it's illegal to take pictures of the Eiffel Tower at night now that they've copyrighted it. I guess I'll just have to settle for the one in Vegas.

Uh huh...I see. He's suing Disney for stealing his idea of a Pirates of the Caribbean movie, which he in turn stole from a Disney ride. This won't end well for him.

That's just gross. Turf burns apparently infected football players with herpes....it's almost as dangerous as their groupies now.

Blame Canada...for being gullible fools, eh. What a bunch of hosers.

This is a pretty addicting game much like puzzle fighter...except that it's giant bear in a submarine...of course it's Japanese.

Whoa...the little mermaid is alive in Peru! Who'd a thunk it?

The lesson for the day? Don't loot.

The second lesson for the day? Fire and alcohol don't mix well.

Damn...that Culpepper is an indian giver. He does something really nice, then changes is mind a moment later...now this guy knows how Vikings fans feel.

Hehe...rule number # 1 in robbing a store. Do NOT...I repeat, DO NOT put your gun down where one of the victims can calmly pick it up!

Well...you know the drill...Old people will fuck you up. Look out for the "old sword hidden in the cane trick." It's get's them every time.

I would be SOOOO pissed at my parents if they forgot to tell me I was an illegal alien after I'd gone down to Mexico for vacation.

...and to inspire you to greater heights this weekend...watch the most amazing basketball shot ever to win a game.

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool.
--Richard Feynman

Nonsense...I'm far to cool and intelligent to fool myself.

I had quite a signing today; it was on Micheltorena Street in one of those old mansions from the 20's with this beautiful view of all of Los Angeles on a 4 acre lot. From what I could make out, it was an historical house which was in serious danger of being torn down to build new houses. The lady who had managed to buy it had secured a loan on it so she could fix it up. What she had done with it already was quite spectacular; beautiful wooden floors, tapestries, chinese vases and antique furniture as far as the eye could see. They were actually getting ready for some party in the ballroom(yes, this place actually had a ballroom) and had a band in there rehearsing. She showed me the set up after the paperwork and I have to say that I was seriously impressed. The ballroom had a 30 foot high ceiling that consisted of beautiful wooden inlays, an option not usually included in modern houses. The olympic size pool led to the spot with the amazing view of downtown and she had a deck area with nice chairs set up to take advantage of it. Damn...I can't imagine actually living there, but it sure was fun to visit.

I caught a bit of the President's State of the Union speech last night; he seemed very confident and relaxed. I suppose the election in Iraq has done that for him. He's starting to look like he's on the right side of history and seems to be intent on mainting the course. I, for one, am supportive of that. If we were going to go into Iraq to crush Saddam, we better stick around and make sure it doesn't completely crash down into disaster. I'm not all that caught up on what the rest of the world thinks of us, but I have a conscience and a moral compass. To waltz into someone else's country and completely annihilate their governmental structure and say, "Well, have fun." We didn't do that after we crushed Japan and we didn't do it after we brought Germany to it's knees. It's not fair play; it's our duty to get them back on their feet because we're the only ones in the world that will do it. Of course, the other reason is completely pragmatic; in this world with digital money and super quick travel, we don't live in fortress America anymore. It's not very hard for pricks angry at the Great Satan to show up here and cause havok; we have to make sure that we put an end to that mindset. I mean, let's face it, France and Germany basically hate us, but you don't see them trying to blow up our Pentagon. I wouldn't mind all of Arabia being turned into another France, if that's the best we can get.

Farkin' Links Vol. 30 2/3

Ahhhh...Thursday. The day before Friday. I hate this day almost as much as Monday. So close, yet so far.


Man...these foreign beer commercials are much better than ours. If our country wasn't 10 times better than every other one on the planet, I'd consider moving.

Jengaaaaa!!!

I've never been to Hong Kong, so these pictures are quite fascinating. Their buildings look like giant hives.

I always knew Billy Zane was a jerk...especially after he inflicted The Phantom on us.

Looks like Moody might want to take a stop in Spain pretty soon. Well, there and the Netherlands, anyways.

Great...so now we're supposed to take eating lessons from rats. Aren't these the same filthy animals that eat garbage?

Hehe...France sucks...no, really.

If you thought Europeans were frivolous, amoral retards, well, you'd be right. This college degree is almost as stupid as Shaq's degree in General Ed.

Damn...I'd send this link to Jack, but then he'd never leave his house. He did major in Street Fighter with a minor in Samurai Showdown at UCLA...which would still be more useful than Shaq's degree in General Ed.

This is a much more simple game...but I like any game where the goal is to collect beer.

Well, I guess it's nice to know perversion is still alive and well at the Sundance Film Festival. Now that it's illegal to force kids to work in factories, I guess the only ones exploiting children are filmmakers.

This game is pretty fun, but only because I always hated Gonzo and wanted to repeatedly crush him into a wall.

Yikes...these crazy foreign commercials rock! Can't we hire some of these people to make commercials here?

Hehe...don't be this guy. If you can't drive a motorcycle in a straight line, you should probably give it up.

In case you really needed it...here's yet more proof that white guys can't dance.

They should bring back corporal punishment...it keeps teachers from going crazy and doing things like this.

Hey Abe...are Jewish people this far behind the times? This might have been funny 3 years...no, actually, it probably wouldn't have been. Shalom!

Speaking of jewish tradition...ewwww. This mohel really needs to keep his mouth shut.

For the "Japanese people are crazy" link...well, you just need to see it. It involves a chick swimming in a van. Yeah, exactly.

...and just to show that myself and my father are a complete jinx when traveling, I was thinking of taking a tour of India and Nepal this year. I guess THAT ain't happening now.

Farkin' Links Vol. 29 2/2



Poor Rodney, no respect, no respect at all...I'm sure as hell going to miss him more than a guy who hasn't been on t.v. for 15 years and never really made me laugh in the first place.

Hehe, not safe for work...but it's pretty damn funny. The 100 worst porn movie titles...Crack Whores of America...wow. Are you turned on by that title?

Stupid Germans...this might have actually got me interested in soccer.

So that's why Jude Law got a divorce. I'd wonder what was wrong with her too...didja look at the guy she wanted to swap with? Does he have an extra chromosome, or is it just me?

O.K., China, now you've gone too far. I've tolerated the communism and all the murdering and oppression, but now you're trying to ruin wine? Bastards...

The penis on a statue was stolen by vandals in a Canadian town...the question I'm sure everyone has is, what exactly did these thieves do with it?

Wow...only in Scotland...or Ireland. Still, I live by these remarks, every weekend.

Fast food restaurants must be the biggest hazard to being a cop. I bet he'll stick to Burger King from now on.

Hmmm...that's fishy...

The weird ebay item for sale for today is...get this...a drive thru strip joint. I wonder if you still have to buy an 8 dollar drink?

Whoo hoo! It's Tron! Sort of...

Yikes! Who the hell was driving that car? Usually I try to stop before I crash into the car in front of me.

Gee...I always thought Yogi Berra had a sense of humor.

Here's a new infuriating game of flying a kite. I dunno about you, but I fly a kite about as well as Charlie Brown.

Alright, this one is more my style...Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can...

This is why I stopped playing Dungeons and Dragons...o.k., no it's not. If this actually convinces you, you need to lighten up, martyr.

Wow...this is by far the best link I've seen today! It's cats doing...well, stupid things. Paul the Cat Slayer will enjoy this very much.

I love foreign commercials...they're just so...foreign. (Hooah: Uriel)

ALRIGHT! I've found yet another old clip that I loved so much! Have you ever wanted to see one of those annoying MTV VJ's get set on fire? Well, this is pretty close.

Since I'll be going to Cambodia in a while, I figured I'd add this story. The man in this story LOVES his dog a lot more than his wife. I'm guessing the dog is less of a bitch.

Getting caught is the mother of invention.
--Robert Byrne

...and how!


Yesterday after work I headed on over to the gym yet again...wow, this is becoming a habit again; a habit which I find hard to break. Hehe...Agent Pendergast is cool. Either way, I managed to lift too damn much while I was benching and I sort of got stuck. Basically, I couldn't get the weight off my chest with my own power so I had two choices; turn the bar and shake off one of the sides or be a pussy and ask for help. I went the pussy route; who knows what I would have hit had a tossed the weight off? I could be involved in some huge lawsuit now. The workout went just fine without any injuries, but I'm also not jogging at this moment so it took an extra 20 minutes on the bike. In that time, I started listening to one of my old favorite books on tape, Golden Rendezvous by Alistair MacLean. Fun book, really. It's about a cruise ship that's taken over by terrorists who are intent on...well, that would really ruin the plot, so I'll just stop there. The characters are really fun and the protagonist is such a smart ass, I'm jealous.

I went home afterwards and started cleaning up the house. My father is coming down this week and since he's never here, I usually like to straighten up the joint so he's under the impression I'm a cleaner person than I really am. Cleaning is a lot of damn work, really. In fact, I felt like I had a better work out dragging that damn vaccuum over the floor than using weights. Actually, that's not even close to being true, but I'm throwing a bone to people who clean. I

Farkin' Links Vol. 28 2/1

Question of the day is this; why do people going to the gym drive around in circles and basically waste all this time waiting for a parking space that's closer? Isn't the whole point of going to the gym to, oh, I don't know, exercise!?! Walking 50 extra feet hurts you how? Oh, right, the links...

Huh...well, this is rather odd. Then again, maybe Lara Flynn Boyle just slipped out of clothes by accident...doesn't she only weigh 50 pounds?

Blame Canada for shorting the tsunami victims. Who knew they were Indian givers...I mean, Indigenous peoples of North America...ah screw those stinkin' redskins.

Speaking of the great white hinterland, their legal system continues to destroy any concept of personal responsibility by awarding a stripper damages after she rolled down her window and let a tiger attack her in a wild animal park. Her version of the story? The tiger tricked her by waving a dollar bill.

Here's an interesting collection of stupid tattoos people have gotten. Mr. "No Regrets" is probably regretting a whole lot with that pictures floating around.

I remember back in high school that Jack really liked this girl, so he used to steal her pencil and then return it to her later as though he just found it so he could talk to her. Does anybody know if he has a thing for Tera Patrick?

The most amazing thing about this video is not the double guitar that he's playing...it's that hair! Wow...I mean, wow.

You really can find just about anything on the internet...how about shovel throwing championships?

A man trapped under the snow in an avalanche urinates to melt the snow. Well, at least I know I'll be fine if I get trapped...I'll definitely piss my pants if I'm anywhere near an avalanche.

So, if something offends me on caffe press, I can just complain and they'll take it off? Something tells me that only works if you have a history of blowing people up.

I knew coke was a problem in Columbia...but I always thought of the Tony Montana mountain of white powder. So, I guess we need to switch over to Pepsi then?

You know the line...Old people will fuck you up. Especially if they're armed. They've had a lot more time to do target practice than you have.

Hell hath no fury like a...well, lesbian scorned, I suppose. I guess she called their bluff, though.

This is what happens when you're in a hurry, and you wear a long skirt. This is why I'm in favor of both.

I can only hope out of jealousy that this kid gets beat up a lot at school.

Rule number 2,375 of robbing a store; don't leave identifiying fingerprints...OR fingers.

For the "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day...well, maybe they're not that crazy after all. I'm suddenly desiring some ice cream.

No, wait, I take that back. Japanese people are just plain crazy.

An egyptian cabbie runs a dating service out of his cab in New York. Doesn't this sound like the plot to a bad sitcom pilot? Eh...they'd probably stick us with Alicia Silverstone in some way, though.

This game is pretty fun...Hellfire! The guy needs a haircut, though.

...and thanks to Uriel, we know have proof that soccer is such an easy and mindless game, even elephants can play it. (Hooah: Uriel)

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
--Robert Frost

If that's not the perfect Monday quote, I don't know what is. I mean, I'm at work, obviously my brain isn't working.


It was quite an interesting weekend in that I actually got out and about for the first time in a while. On Friday, Chow and Andy really wanted to do something, anything really, so we went and got dinner at Red Lobster first and then went looking for a bar to hang out at. Chow really wants to hang out at Camacho's off the 60, so off we go. It's primarily a Mexican hangout, so he thought we could broaden our horizons and hope to God we didn't get knifed. When we got there, the guys at the front did give us funny looks, but went ahead and let us in. We thought, well, obviously, we're not the usual clientele, so I'm sure that's why they did that. Boy, were we way the hell off base. As we're at the window, Chow glances into the club and sees this black dude on a stage wearing chaps...and not much else. It turns out it was a male stripper night...which is nice that there are a lot of women there, but it wasn't something we really wanted to pay for. I mean, how am I going to explain to anyone that I just paid to go watch some male strippers without it throwing my entire sexual orientation into question? I'm not that confident; neither were Chow and Andy.

From that point, we decided to play it safe and drive on over to Diamonds down in Brea, which is a pool hall. No near naked men down there. The place ended up being packed and there wasn't a chance of us getting a table for another hour and a half, so we just grabbed a spot and had a beer. Unfortunately, Andy decided to be the party pooper and fall asleep as we were talking...it's like he's a 7 year old, or something. Chow wanted to leave early because he was supposed to head on out to the mountains and snowboard with that bastard Marlon the next morning, so we woke up the sleeping not so beauty and got back to our cars before midnight. Chow didn't even end up going snowboarding, so I guess we called it early for no particular reason...not that Andy would have noticed. I'm going to have to start bringing a marker so I can write crap on him while he sleeps.

Saturday I woke up nice and late, then headed off for the gym. I had a nice workout until I managed to hurt my knee...I hope this doesn't last too long. My family has a history of bad knees so I hope this isn't the first of many future problems. Once I finished up and got back home to shower, it was already 5:30 in the evening. Yikes...I'm going to have to start waking up at a reasonable hour on the weekends! Either way, the plan for Saturday was to meet up with Chow, Andy, Mr. T and the Fire Prince to head on over to Century Club for their last Proofpositive promotion. Fire Prince ended up backing out because he had stay and work at the family restaurant, mostly because he's scared of his parents or something. We actually got a really early jump on the evening and ended up at the club way too early; we thought they still had the open bar for the first hour and were disappointed in our Bacchanalian pursuits. Oooh...I'm getting pretentious all of a sudden...so sorry. We actually, just hung out for an hour until people started showing up with included a bunch of other friends. When all was said and done, there were a good 12 of us there.

I'd say more about the club experience, but Chow insists that what happens at Century, stays at Century, so I'll leave it be at this point. I did end up getting drafted to drive home as Chow was destroyed and I'm the only other guy in the car that can drive a stick shift. Actually, that was pretty cool; I haven't driven a stick in a while and he has one of those new Subaru Imprezas which has some nice pick up. Not that I need it; I wasn't trying to get pulled over or anything. We ended up getting some food at yet another Chinese place as they are the only ones that are open at 4 in the morning. I don't think Chinese people actually go to sleep...or take vacations. We went over the events of the night and basically attempted to sober up. I have to say we all had a pretty damn good time.

Sunday morning, or shall I say, Sunday afternoon when I finally rolled out of bed, was not good times. Very, very bad times. I think I was still a little drunk. I spent the day drinking water and researching the web for the type of new camera I want to buy. Speaking of which, I've decided I'll be getting an S70 Canon; it's not much bigger than the one I have and it's about 10 times more powerful not to mention much cooler looking. On a note not related to my life in any way, the Iraqi elections occurred yesterday and it seems to have gone pretty well. 44 people were murdered by the pricks trying to bring back the Baathist government, but other than that, people in Iraq went out and made their voices heard. Hopefully this takes root enough that the media will forget about it like they did in Afghanistan and they can actually get something done. If the media would go back to telling us how incompetent the Chimp Bushitler is, maybe the Iraqi people can change the face of the Middle East. I wish them luck.

Farkin' Links Vol. 27 1/31

It's a new week, folks, and it looks like a new government for those people in Iraq. I'd like to wish them luck in having as inefficient a government as ours. So useless, in fact, that they leave the people alone to live their lives. Hope you had a nice weekend, but one of the signs of another work day is, of course, da links...


It was only a matter of time before they made a keyboard for those who can't type...I just want to know why it looks like a Fisher Price toy. I wonder if the box features Elmo?

This is just...sick and wrong...which is why I included it, of course. If you have a strong sensitivity towards cats, unlike my friend Paul the Cat-Slayer, be sure to avoid this link.

I know those Australians like to dress up in leather and spikes to take on Thunderdome and everything, but this is just unnecessary.

Alright! Juvenile is free from that frivilous lawsuit...free to back that azz up!

This commercial by Ikea is bold...it involves a toddler and a...well, just watch it.

Now THAT'S a landing! Watch this crazy bastard parachute under an overpass!

I'll let Uriel handle this intro,"If there was ever a time where you could shit your pants and people would understand..." If you're shooting a lion, you better kill it. (Hooah: Uriel)

Word of advice...keep your arms and especially head inside a moving car. (Hat tip: Tristan)

Here's another fun game. You can pretend you're a heroic fire fighter without any of the actual danger. Then again, you don't have to sit around a firehouse playing cards for 20 hours at a time, either. (Hooah: Uriel)

For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, I don't know how to read Japanese, so you tell me what the hell this thing is. It's either a head massager or it gives you a lobotomy and leaves a stupid smile on your face.

Here's yet another novelty t-shirt site with some funny shirts. I think my favorite is "My other ride is your Mom!" I'm gonna have to get that for Newjen.

I like this straightforward request from our friends down under. Maybe if we give them beer money, they'll stop dressing up like Wonder Woman...of course, then again, that might actually encourage that activity.

Well, I dunno about you, but these guys seem to make some sense. I mean, have you ever really SEEN the world? It's not round!

This is why the don't ask don't tell policy is in effect in the states.

Hmmm...well, I guess I'll decline any road trips Uriel will want to take when he comes back from the Army.

I can undestand this guy's rage...have you ever been behind someone in a fast food drive thru that seemed to read the entire menu backwards before even getting around to fumbling through their ever changing order? Those people need to die.

Wow...a judge with actual sense! News flash to immigrants...if you want to live here, it usually helps to learn English...you know, unless you live in downtown L.A.

Here's an article about how Robert DeNiro is undermining his brilliance as an actor in subpar work. I dunno what they're talking about; I thought he was great in Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Hehe...I want my labia pierced too. This is the result of making assumptions...

I feel bad for the tazmanian devils... I mean, who didn't like him in Looney Tunes, but this is far too much information.

Life is too short for traffic.
--Dan Bellack

Amen, brother. Amen. Shout it from the rooftops!

Work is back to normal; me pretending to work and them pretending to pay me. Seriously, though, now that billing and payroll is taken care of for the month, things have slowed down and we can kind of relax. I have another signing scheduled for today which puts my total up from the past couple of months...it's a sign the home market is improving and a certainty my wallet is improving with it.

After work, I headed back to the gym. My goal had been to get back into the shape I was in November when I was at my peak and I think I'm almost already there in only two weeks. All that crap about muscle memory is apparently true, thankfully. I want to get my body in peak condition, partly for basketball, but mostly because my big trip is coming up in under 2 months already. Yeah, yeah, tough life I live when I get to go on huge vacations twice a year. Still, I'm going into the actual third world and I do NOT want to end up dying over there due to some obscure disease that only affects red heads or something. The best way I can fight that is be in good physical condition so my body is ready to fight off all the weird new bacteria I'll be encountering in their food. Of course, Pepto is gonna come in handy, too. I ran into a couple of people at the gym, which was rather strange. I'm not very social when it comes to working out; I don't wanna know about your kids or how work was, I'm just here to exercise. Still, these were people I know outside of the gym so it was kind of strange that they would all be there at the same time. I thought people didn't start working out until March for the summer?

On my way back home, Chow left me a message to let me know that Fire Prince's family restaurant Red Tomato was officially open and to go try it out. He ended up heading over there with his family, so I met up with Jimmy and Andy instead. I have to admit, the food was actually really good. It's the home made specials of Fire Prince's mom, so I'm quite impressed. I wish my mom's food was half as good growing up. Instead, I get to have nightmares about being fed meatloaf that the dog wouldn't touch. I was really impressed with the sausage that was their specialty; I suppose it should be good since FP was stuck making it for the past 3 weekends. Poor guy; he had to take work off to help out his family in a business he wants no part of, yet, for some reason, he's the only one who could operate their cash register. That can't be good. Hopefully, they'll get it sorted out eventually. I wouldn't mind going back there.

To be honest, Jimmy and I finished eating before Andy even showed up, which is usual. That guy is going to be late to his own funeral, not that I wouldn't mind doing that as well. Still, he has to commute all the way to and from Westlake Village everyday, so I can't blame him for being late. He just broke up with his girl, so he's been basically up to do anything. It's rather funny; every email suggesting an activity is jumped upon by him now. "I'm in!" "Yeah, sounds good!" I don't blame him; you need to get back out on the market. Still, I can blame him for his poor taste in movies. If I have to hear about how good Underworld was again I'm gonna sock him in the face.

Afterwards, Jimmy didn't really want to go home, as usual, so he came over and we checked out one of my new anime shows called Samurai 7. It's on t.v. right now in Japan, so it's literally fresh off the oven, so to speak. They spent an enormous amount of money on the animation itself and it looks incredible, but they still managed to cut corners by having a recap every episode that seems to be as long as the new episode itself. It's utterly ridiculous, with samurais cutting giant space ships in half and shit like that, so it's quite a spectacle. The character designs were done by most likely the cracked out fiend that did the Fifth Element, so just watching what the characters are wearing is entertaining all on it's own. It's actually supposed to be a reimagining of Akira Kurosawa's The Seven Samurai, which I can vaguely see so far, but I don't think it's going to try and follow it too much. I mean, there weren't too many flying robots in Kurosawa's version. It's no Samurai Champloo, but it's pretty damn cool so far. I'll be sure to check out the rest.

Farkin' Links Vol. 26 1/28

Rain, rain, go away...oh, if you're in the Rowland Heights area, there is a new restaurant open there...Red Tomato? They make good sausage. Fire Prince can back me up on that.

Ah hah! Zee Germans have been caught in yet another conspiracy! Then again, it's just soccer, so who really cares?

Why can't our weatherman be this cool? I mean, drugs can't be that hard to get as a member of the media.

Oooohh...that's keen! It's only useful if you actually fold your clothes, though. I usually just toss them in the corner.

This isn't safe for work...but damn is it funny! Star Wars only wished it had cool scenes like this.

You know...asians do the strangest things in front of video cameras...

Wow...an m&m sorter that separates them by color. Why the hell would you build that? They all taste the same? O.K., fine, I guess if you want to hit a home run, you need all the green ones.

This is what the man who parked his Jeep on the tracks here in LA should have done...although, he shouldn't have jumped away.

I'm not sure how this game is supposed to relieve stress...it seemed to have the opposite effect on me.

You wanna see what Too Fast Too Furious really means? It involves a car and a light post...and an ambulance.

Stupid No Fun League...they won't even allow funny commercials about last year's wardrobe malfunction.

Wow...the Jewish religion really is strict. They don't even let you sing in the shower. I wonder how they feel about other things in the shower?

This is surprising. An Australian judge wants everything that could influence a juror on the internet deleted. The surprising part isn't that his idea is utterly foolish and backward, it's the fact that they actually have trials down there. Aren't they bunch of criminals? I thought it was like the Road Warrior down there.

Hehe...Singapore airlines decided to advertise their Tsunami low fare plane flights with a picture of people running from giant waves. Well, if you can't laugh about it, the ocean has already won.

Devout Baptist couple buy a movie that was mistakenly replaced with a porno. They're worried that children might make the same mistake...but I think they'll be safe. Nobody under the age of 50 is gonna buy a Doris Day movie.

Gee...so a culture that destroys marriage and discourages the responsibility of raising children combined with the lack of any moral instruction of religion leads to extinction? Who'd a thunk it?

Hmmm...maybe if Mike the hack rat had seen this advertisement, he wouldn't have had to suffer through the legal system. Then again, he wouldn't have gotten to do any public service announcements either, so who knows?

This was certainly a hate crime...I mean, they used Bud Light! The only beer worse than Budweiser...that's cruel. Look at the guy on the left, though...he looks pretty happy for being involved in a hate crime.

In the immortal words of Keanu Reeves...WHOA! This guy has more shoes than Jon Chua! I think...I mean, I haven't been over to his place in a while...

This is a pretty good prank...but I don't know that I'd like to prank my garbage man. It's like messing with your waiter, you never know what that'll lead to.

Looks like I just found Moody's new favorite magazine.

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
--Mark Twain

...you can't argue with that logic.

Yesterday I completed payroll at my company and I must say it's in better shape than billing. Of course, considering billing is a clusterfuck of breathtaking proportions, it's sort of a back handed compliment. Like saying someone sings better than singing star William Hung. Anyways, it seems that my new project is to reorganize this whole system with almost no experience in doing anything of this sort. Sounds great. What could possibly go wrong? Well, considering Glenn threw this stuff together on his own, I'm sure that I can do just as poorly a job on my own.

After work, I had two signings which couldn't have been more opposite extremes. The first was with this Mexican fellow who had me meet him at the clothing factory he works at downtown. This place was one of those sweat shops in the factory district; dirty rat hole looking place, the unending droning of sewing machines in the background. I'd probably go insane working there. He spoke limited English, but enough to question every single document I brought with me. Smart guy, really. The fact he didn't do any of this before I showed up is what pissed me off; I'm not even supposed to give the guy any advice, but I had to sit there and hold his hand all the way through.

The second signing was in Altadena and involved a nice older lady who lived in a really clean, compact one story home with her big, fluffy dog that really likes to jump on guests. She just chatted about life, such as how she used to live in Hawaii and moved here for a better job, while we listened to classical music pumped through her Bose wave radio as the dog curled up under my feet and took a nap. I got back home just before the time I was ready to go to sleep, so I didn't even have time to do anything wasteful. All in all, a nice day.