Farkin' Links Vol. 19 1/19
Well, no flat tires today...so far so good. This may be my last post...because something terrible is supposed to happen at the office today. Melanie had a premonition that some people with guns are going to come in here and turn it into a charnel house...of course, she's been convinced she's going to win the lottery for the past 6 years, so her track record ain't so hot. Then again, a stopped clock is right twice a day, she's gotta be due. Anyways, here's da links.
Wow...I found one of my all time favorite clips today! Meet Pinky, the most loving cat in the world!
You wonder why those talking head anchors get paid the big bucks? I don't either, but they have an incredible amount of concentration...completely unflappable.
I always knew my mom was full of crap. I'm much healthier for NOT having made my bed!
Here's an interesting collection of strange newspaper personal ads. None of them have anything on the Fire Prince's poetry, though.
This site sells movie wardrobe and props...my favorite? Tattoo's shirt! De plane! De plane!
This is the perfect game to take out your frustrations on. Just change Chuck's name to someone more annoying...like Ashlee Simpson.
Ahhh...an even better game. Play the slapper game without the all the pain.
Hehe...this guy is looking better than the real Britney now...which is not a good thing.
How are you with trick questions? Make sure you read each one carefully before coming up with an answer.
Well, this guy learned the hard way never to piss off a man using heavy machinery.
You know, making obnoxious comments for articles and pictures isn't all that easy. Do you think you can do better? Give it a try.
Poor Sylvester Stallone...he's reduced to reprising his only other hit movie, Rambo even while he's eligible for social security. Well, at least he's not making another Rocky.
Hmmm...some people think Shakespeare was the Earl of Oxford, some say John Donne, some even say Bacon,(Sir Francis, not Kevin) but now the truth is out...he was a Catholic!
Hehe...Harvard president backs up Talking Barbie and says that women just aren't good at math and science.
In case you thought Canadians were all bright, friendly and fun to be around, eh, it turns out they too can get violent...but only when hockey is involved.
Wow...Fark calls this one spot on...Fast-food employees shocked when man with samurai sword crawls through drive-through window to rob them. There can be only one!
Cool, this sounds like Newjen's next fireworks show this 4th of July!
Muslims are upset over a a Polish magazine with a topless woman wearing a burka as it's insulting to Islam...still no word on what they think about people blowing up women and children.
Hmmm...it seems that Harvard is so full of dorks that they actually had to hire a fun czar to get them to, have fun, I guess. Hopefully he can get them to stop holding up signs that say WE SUCK.
I remember when Kramer said he "faked it" on Seinfeld it was a punchline...but apparently guys in England really ARE repressed.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Monday, January 17, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 18 1/18
What do you think the odds are of getting a flat tire two weeks in a row are? I should probably go play the lottery except that it seems due to some karma fluke I'm stuck on bad right now. It's probably due to that homeless drifter I killed to sell his organs. Oh well...anyways, here are the links.
Wow...that Japanese Tsunami hot dog eatin' dude needs to look out for this chick. He's got competition. Most impressive.
Motivational speaker might not be allowed back to speak at Jr. High School after telling girls that they could make up to 250,000 dollars as strippers. Hey...it beats living in a van, down by the river.
I've had a really big bug go splat on my windshield before...but this, this is a little worse.
Looks like Scooby Doo and the gang solved the case of the haunted Austrian Castle. I would have guessed it was old man Withers.
This man has been married more times than Jennifer Lopez! Or Tony Nguyen's dad!
I've seen Ben do this before...but when a woman does it, it's much more...impressive...among other things.
I guess crime really doesn't pay...plus you need to brush your teeth a whole lot afterwards.
Even though it's in another language, it's still kind of fun to test your geography skills. But seriously...who the hell knows where Kiew is? That must be Kiev...stupid Europeans.
What's my age again? Huh...I guess I'm 26.
This guy has some advice on how to pick up women...not that any of them are useful...but they are funny.
For the Star Wars geeks out there...yes, I know who you are; this is a pretty funny comic about what would happen if Han Solo went on trial for shooting Greedo.
The top german fashion designer was murdered, which is quite sad but...hehe...hehehe...look at this guy's picture. How could anybody shoot this guy? I wouldn't be able to hold the gun straight from the laughing convultions.
I must have missed this booth at CES...I'm pretty sure I would have remembered it.
Not quite as funny as asian people rapping...but hey, karaoke is karaoke. These chicks are FAR too into it.
Hmmm...I guess this is a good reason to get a GPS system in my car.
Ouch.
Have you ever wanted to know what exactly happens in an autopsy but didn't want to sit through Faces of Death? You're in luck.
Rule number 52 in commiting a robbery...don't show your I.D. to the victim. They have a habit of remembering your name when the authorities come around.
For our "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day...well, I guess they're on the right track on this one, but their subway system is gonna smell funny after an earthquake.
...and I thought our Diamond Bar league basketball team was low scoring...we usually crack double digits, though.
What do you think the odds are of getting a flat tire two weeks in a row are? I should probably go play the lottery except that it seems due to some karma fluke I'm stuck on bad right now. It's probably due to that homeless drifter I killed to sell his organs. Oh well...anyways, here are the links.
Wow...that Japanese Tsunami hot dog eatin' dude needs to look out for this chick. He's got competition. Most impressive.
Motivational speaker might not be allowed back to speak at Jr. High School after telling girls that they could make up to 250,000 dollars as strippers. Hey...it beats living in a van, down by the river.
I've had a really big bug go splat on my windshield before...but this, this is a little worse.
Looks like Scooby Doo and the gang solved the case of the haunted Austrian Castle. I would have guessed it was old man Withers.
This man has been married more times than Jennifer Lopez! Or Tony Nguyen's dad!
I've seen Ben do this before...but when a woman does it, it's much more...impressive...among other things.
I guess crime really doesn't pay...plus you need to brush your teeth a whole lot afterwards.
Even though it's in another language, it's still kind of fun to test your geography skills. But seriously...who the hell knows where Kiew is? That must be Kiev...stupid Europeans.
What's my age again? Huh...I guess I'm 26.
This guy has some advice on how to pick up women...not that any of them are useful...but they are funny.
For the Star Wars geeks out there...yes, I know who you are; this is a pretty funny comic about what would happen if Han Solo went on trial for shooting Greedo.
The top german fashion designer was murdered, which is quite sad but...hehe...hehehe...look at this guy's picture. How could anybody shoot this guy? I wouldn't be able to hold the gun straight from the laughing convultions.
I must have missed this booth at CES...I'm pretty sure I would have remembered it.
Not quite as funny as asian people rapping...but hey, karaoke is karaoke. These chicks are FAR too into it.
Hmmm...I guess this is a good reason to get a GPS system in my car.
Ouch.
Have you ever wanted to know what exactly happens in an autopsy but didn't want to sit through Faces of Death? You're in luck.
Rule number 52 in commiting a robbery...don't show your I.D. to the victim. They have a habit of remembering your name when the authorities come around.
For our "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day...well, I guess they're on the right track on this one, but their subway system is gonna smell funny after an earthquake.
...and I thought our Diamond Bar league basketball team was low scoring...we usually crack double digits, though.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 17 1/14
It's Friday...whoopee. Meh...here are the links.
Yeah, I'd be embarassed if my parents were Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman too...but only because I'd be a good foot taller than my dad and people would talk.
I think this would be a good way to liven up the airport once in a while...especially after having to sit around for 4 hours this past week. What are they gonna play instead? Bollywood movies?
Not actually safe for work...but I love foreign commercials. Only they could do a hair style commercial and include pubic hair.
Are you bored with your average, white teeth? Would like to instantly gain more street cred? Would like to be able to cut through glass with your mouth? Look no further!
Beauty AND kung fu. Now wonder Jeff Garcia dumped this other broad. He's probably hoping she goes to jail, because as George Costanza found, conjugal visit sex is much better.
Haha...that loveable little scamp! Wearing a Nazi armband...who would be offended by that?
Damn that Patriot Act!!! Can we not even tell lawyer jokes anymore?
Yikes...if you didn't totally hate where Star Wars has gone so far...maybe you should watch this Christmas Special. I'd heard legends about it, but...in the immortal words of Keanu Reeves...Whoa!
Hehe...here's a good link for Marlon to practice his kareoke skillz with the perfect music.
This looks like one of my brother's essays...that's probably why he's joining the airforce. Still, it's funny as hell.
In the usual "Japanese people are crazy" link, we find that Japanese woman are bored of the less than chivalrous attitude of their men and are going off to Austria to act like a princess. What they need is a vacation for anime fanboys to travel to Japan and hang out with Japanese schoolgirls...now THAT would make some money.
Oh great...as if the day wasn't short enough, now we're losing time due to these damn earthquakes.
This is really sad...but still, this is why we do the women and children first rule.
On the lighter side of news...an Amish boy was electrocuted by a fallen powerline that tangled into his buggy...hehe, shocking, isn't it? You can run from civilization, but you can't hide!
Help these monkeys dive into the wave...or not. I like aiming for the rocks, myself. They're not as cool as the diving penguin.
...and the death of personal responsibility continues at the rapid pace it's been traveling. 23 years old hardly qualifies as a child...unless it's Jack. Jack will have a childlike quality forever.
In case you don't have enough things to worry about...let's start worrying about cell phones! I'm sure they'll kill me...very, very slowly...kind of like smoking. If only people would stick to healthy activities, like base jumping.
Truly a noble effort by this teacher, but seriously, what kid nowadays CAN'T find porn on the internet? It's like not finding water in the ocean.
I dunno...Tristan doesn't look any thinner to me. I doubt this extra sleeping will really lead to weight loss.
I guess the Klan is trying to make up for all the lynchings and wasted bed sheets by adopting a highway. Why wouldn't you want a stretch of road named after the Ku Klux Klan? Oh...right...
...and for the LINK OF THE WEEK!!! Does anybody remember the Sushi Pants Story about the guy with the breathalyzer? Well, it turns out this guy has his own website...I'm really ashamed I never found this site until recently, but let's start with his story about his appearance on MTV.
It's Friday...whoopee. Meh...here are the links.
Yeah, I'd be embarassed if my parents were Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman too...but only because I'd be a good foot taller than my dad and people would talk.
I think this would be a good way to liven up the airport once in a while...especially after having to sit around for 4 hours this past week. What are they gonna play instead? Bollywood movies?
Not actually safe for work...but I love foreign commercials. Only they could do a hair style commercial and include pubic hair.
Are you bored with your average, white teeth? Would like to instantly gain more street cred? Would like to be able to cut through glass with your mouth? Look no further!
Beauty AND kung fu. Now wonder Jeff Garcia dumped this other broad. He's probably hoping she goes to jail, because as George Costanza found, conjugal visit sex is much better.
Haha...that loveable little scamp! Wearing a Nazi armband...who would be offended by that?
Damn that Patriot Act!!! Can we not even tell lawyer jokes anymore?
Yikes...if you didn't totally hate where Star Wars has gone so far...maybe you should watch this Christmas Special. I'd heard legends about it, but...in the immortal words of Keanu Reeves...Whoa!
Hehe...here's a good link for Marlon to practice his kareoke skillz with the perfect music.
This looks like one of my brother's essays...that's probably why he's joining the airforce. Still, it's funny as hell.
In the usual "Japanese people are crazy" link, we find that Japanese woman are bored of the less than chivalrous attitude of their men and are going off to Austria to act like a princess. What they need is a vacation for anime fanboys to travel to Japan and hang out with Japanese schoolgirls...now THAT would make some money.
Oh great...as if the day wasn't short enough, now we're losing time due to these damn earthquakes.
This is really sad...but still, this is why we do the women and children first rule.
On the lighter side of news...an Amish boy was electrocuted by a fallen powerline that tangled into his buggy...hehe, shocking, isn't it? You can run from civilization, but you can't hide!
Help these monkeys dive into the wave...or not. I like aiming for the rocks, myself. They're not as cool as the diving penguin.
...and the death of personal responsibility continues at the rapid pace it's been traveling. 23 years old hardly qualifies as a child...unless it's Jack. Jack will have a childlike quality forever.
In case you don't have enough things to worry about...let's start worrying about cell phones! I'm sure they'll kill me...very, very slowly...kind of like smoking. If only people would stick to healthy activities, like base jumping.
Truly a noble effort by this teacher, but seriously, what kid nowadays CAN'T find porn on the internet? It's like not finding water in the ocean.
I dunno...Tristan doesn't look any thinner to me. I doubt this extra sleeping will really lead to weight loss.
I guess the Klan is trying to make up for all the lynchings and wasted bed sheets by adopting a highway. Why wouldn't you want a stretch of road named after the Ku Klux Klan? Oh...right...
...and for the LINK OF THE WEEK!!! Does anybody remember the Sushi Pants Story about the guy with the breathalyzer? Well, it turns out this guy has his own website...I'm really ashamed I never found this site until recently, but let's start with his story about his appearance on MTV.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 16 1/13
I was standing in line today and this girl was talking to her boyfriend about getting custody of her child from her baby's daddy's momma...when I turned around I was shocked to find out she was a white chick. She wasn't aping a black inner city dialogue, she was living it. Funny how people's voices vary rarely match what they look like. Ummm...I guess that's my thought for the day...or something. On with the links.
Just in case you were feeling adequate in intelligence...look at this 13 year old little shit getting a 1600 on his SAT's.
Wow...I'm not sure how this ad will encourage people to learn english...still, now that song is going to be stuck in my head all day.
Whoops...I guess this is like getting caught telling your parents you'll be at your friend's house but got caught at a party with alcohol...only much, much worse.
Oh my god! If ever I heard a reason to not get a woman drunk, this is it! Poor guy isn't half the man he used to be.
Hmmm...I thought I was having a bad day until I read about this guy. Now I feel much better...thank god for schadenfreude.
Hehe...this story killed me. German sanitary workers accidentally incinerated a public sculpture because they thought it was garbarge...well, one man's trash is another man's treasure.
I guess I can take Florida off my vacation list. They not only have a 36 inch rule about strippers coming near you, but they have faces that absolutely require that rule. Yikes...I wouldn't even want to be in the same room with these walking veneral diseases.
This is a pretty funny video of what happens when airlifts go wrong. Expect to see this on Fox any day now, sometime after Who's your Daddy.
Did you ever wonder what happened to all that luggage that goes uncollected? Well, apparently they sell it to the highest bidder.
If you were looking for a way to eliminate those thong straps to disappear while you're wearing low cut jeans,(Yes, I'm talking to you, Alex) but don't want to go commando...go antipanti!
This is an interesting article about what happens to your emails when you die. I hope they don't go to my parents...along with my porno collection. I better donate it in my will to needy teenagers.
I'm not exactly sure this is safe for work...because this guy takes some weird ass pictures. Worth checking out, though.
Here's a collection of embarassing sexual moments in story form...hehe...there are some funny ass stories here.
They're installing gunshot-detection devices in various places in Chicago...which would very much encourage me to get the hell out of Chicago. Hey Carol...maybe if you'd stop getting drunk and shooting off your guns on the roof of your place, they wouldn't have to resort to this.
Why, oh why would you steal a girl's prosethic arm? I doubt she killed your wife.
Hehe...I guess if you have an infinite amount of monkeys with an infinite amount of typewriters...one of them will accidentally type fuckme.
This game of throwing a ball of paper into a wastebasket is almost as fun as a real ball of paper being thrown into a wastebasket.
Hehe...oh, those wacky Romanians. They'll arrest anyone, even babies.
See...European women are worldly. They understand the value of their sexuality...it apparently starts at about 320 dollars.
...and for the last link, it might as well be a "Japanese people are crazy" one. Japanese scientists are building soccer playing robots and expect to be able to beat humans by 2050. I guess the Japanese team is so shitty they need a leg up on the competition.
I was standing in line today and this girl was talking to her boyfriend about getting custody of her child from her baby's daddy's momma...when I turned around I was shocked to find out she was a white chick. She wasn't aping a black inner city dialogue, she was living it. Funny how people's voices vary rarely match what they look like. Ummm...I guess that's my thought for the day...or something. On with the links.
Just in case you were feeling adequate in intelligence...look at this 13 year old little shit getting a 1600 on his SAT's.
Wow...I'm not sure how this ad will encourage people to learn english...still, now that song is going to be stuck in my head all day.
Whoops...I guess this is like getting caught telling your parents you'll be at your friend's house but got caught at a party with alcohol...only much, much worse.
Oh my god! If ever I heard a reason to not get a woman drunk, this is it! Poor guy isn't half the man he used to be.
Hmmm...I thought I was having a bad day until I read about this guy. Now I feel much better...thank god for schadenfreude.
Hehe...this story killed me. German sanitary workers accidentally incinerated a public sculpture because they thought it was garbarge...well, one man's trash is another man's treasure.
I guess I can take Florida off my vacation list. They not only have a 36 inch rule about strippers coming near you, but they have faces that absolutely require that rule. Yikes...I wouldn't even want to be in the same room with these walking veneral diseases.
This is a pretty funny video of what happens when airlifts go wrong. Expect to see this on Fox any day now, sometime after Who's your Daddy.
Did you ever wonder what happened to all that luggage that goes uncollected? Well, apparently they sell it to the highest bidder.
If you were looking for a way to eliminate those thong straps to disappear while you're wearing low cut jeans,(Yes, I'm talking to you, Alex) but don't want to go commando...go antipanti!
This is an interesting article about what happens to your emails when you die. I hope they don't go to my parents...along with my porno collection. I better donate it in my will to needy teenagers.
I'm not exactly sure this is safe for work...because this guy takes some weird ass pictures. Worth checking out, though.
Here's a collection of embarassing sexual moments in story form...hehe...there are some funny ass stories here.
They're installing gunshot-detection devices in various places in Chicago...which would very much encourage me to get the hell out of Chicago. Hey Carol...maybe if you'd stop getting drunk and shooting off your guns on the roof of your place, they wouldn't have to resort to this.
Why, oh why would you steal a girl's prosethic arm? I doubt she killed your wife.
Hehe...I guess if you have an infinite amount of monkeys with an infinite amount of typewriters...one of them will accidentally type fuckme.
This game of throwing a ball of paper into a wastebasket is almost as fun as a real ball of paper being thrown into a wastebasket.
Hehe...oh, those wacky Romanians. They'll arrest anyone, even babies.
See...European women are worldly. They understand the value of their sexuality...it apparently starts at about 320 dollars.
...and for the last link, it might as well be a "Japanese people are crazy" one. Japanese scientists are building soccer playing robots and expect to be able to beat humans by 2050. I guess the Japanese team is so shitty they need a leg up on the competition.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 15 1/12
Whew...I've really been working hard for the m...hey, wait a minute, I don't make enough money to work hard here! Oh well, at least I got to see the oddest sight out front of the Compton courthouse today; no, it wasn't a shoot out. That would be normal. It was a chihuahua wearing a fur lined coat sitting in a car waiting for her? owner. I realize they made sweaters for dogs...but coats? It's got fur! How freakin' cold is it going to get! Ahem...on with the links...
Awww...what a cute doggie. This is one of the reasons I don't have pets. Well, that and they'd most likely die of neglect.
I saw this feel better about failing...all these things were magnificent failures. Without it, we wouldn't have had silly putty!
In the "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day, I wouldn't exactly say they're crazy, just perverted and weird with their use of cameras. O.K., fine, they're crazy.
Hmmm...I guess it's not only the Japanese that lost their marbles. India Daily reports that China and India have discovered an alien UFO base...
A balding girl got ripped off on ebay while trying to buy a wig. She's really distraught about her hair loss...enough so that she had them take pictures of her and put them in the article.
Yikes...this Ramones roadie has been carrying around used dental floss from the band? Those guys weren't known for their clean living ways...but hey, there's always ebay.
According to a British survey, unmarried men love their cats...really LOVE their cats. I'm really not surprised. It's obviously the only pussy they're going home to.
Hehe...now HERE'S a Columbia House club I can get on board with. I wonder what the paperwork questionaire on your preferences for selection of the month is on this one?
It seems we're all becoming "life incompetents" by neglecting our home ec training in school. Luckily for Paul, he was a leading proponent of FHA(Future Home Makers of America), so he'll be fine. Me? I'll just get the mashed potatoes from KFC, thank you very much.
Ooohhhh...the horror! If you want to see horrific car accidents, look no further.
Funny...I've used at least half of these 40 things you'd like to say at work...although it's usually,"Do I look like a fucking people person?" There's just not enough profanity laced into these comments.
Awwww...these two kids met over a message in a bottle across the English Channel and now they've been married for 27 years. That's a freakin' Hallmark story if I've ever heard one.
Hehe...A 10 year old girl gets denied by the government the right to set up a lemonade shop to raise money for the Tsunami victims. I guess she didn't bribe the right politicians.
Hey Abe...did you get yourself a McShuarma when you were in Israel?
Remember that dork who's waiting out front of a theater for the next Star Wars movie? Surprise, surprise, he has a blog. Why don't you drop him a line of encouragement...or mocking insults, whatever floats your boat.
Ummm...definitely not safe for work, but it's an interesting concentration test for men.
Asian people rapping...does it get much funnier than that? Of course, asian cross dressing is a bit more scary...
Soccer is still dorky, but this guy puts on a show! It's a hell of a lot better than that Tiger Woods bouncing ball commercial.
Wow...Gallagher isn't very funny in this interview. Of course, if I was Gallagher, I'd be pretty pissed off too.
...and last, but certainly not least, a woman mistakes super glue for her eye drops. Ummm...whoops.
Whew...I've really been working hard for the m...hey, wait a minute, I don't make enough money to work hard here! Oh well, at least I got to see the oddest sight out front of the Compton courthouse today; no, it wasn't a shoot out. That would be normal. It was a chihuahua wearing a fur lined coat sitting in a car waiting for her? owner. I realize they made sweaters for dogs...but coats? It's got fur! How freakin' cold is it going to get! Ahem...on with the links...
Awww...what a cute doggie. This is one of the reasons I don't have pets. Well, that and they'd most likely die of neglect.
I saw this feel better about failing...all these things were magnificent failures. Without it, we wouldn't have had silly putty!
In the "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day, I wouldn't exactly say they're crazy, just perverted and weird with their use of cameras. O.K., fine, they're crazy.
Hmmm...I guess it's not only the Japanese that lost their marbles. India Daily reports that China and India have discovered an alien UFO base...
A balding girl got ripped off on ebay while trying to buy a wig. She's really distraught about her hair loss...enough so that she had them take pictures of her and put them in the article.
Yikes...this Ramones roadie has been carrying around used dental floss from the band? Those guys weren't known for their clean living ways...but hey, there's always ebay.
According to a British survey, unmarried men love their cats...really LOVE their cats. I'm really not surprised. It's obviously the only pussy they're going home to.
Hehe...now HERE'S a Columbia House club I can get on board with. I wonder what the paperwork questionaire on your preferences for selection of the month is on this one?
It seems we're all becoming "life incompetents" by neglecting our home ec training in school. Luckily for Paul, he was a leading proponent of FHA(Future Home Makers of America), so he'll be fine. Me? I'll just get the mashed potatoes from KFC, thank you very much.
Ooohhhh...the horror! If you want to see horrific car accidents, look no further.
Funny...I've used at least half of these 40 things you'd like to say at work...although it's usually,"Do I look like a fucking people person?" There's just not enough profanity laced into these comments.
Awwww...these two kids met over a message in a bottle across the English Channel and now they've been married for 27 years. That's a freakin' Hallmark story if I've ever heard one.
Hehe...A 10 year old girl gets denied by the government the right to set up a lemonade shop to raise money for the Tsunami victims. I guess she didn't bribe the right politicians.
Hey Abe...did you get yourself a McShuarma when you were in Israel?
Remember that dork who's waiting out front of a theater for the next Star Wars movie? Surprise, surprise, he has a blog. Why don't you drop him a line of encouragement...or mocking insults, whatever floats your boat.
Ummm...definitely not safe for work, but it's an interesting concentration test for men.
Asian people rapping...does it get much funnier than that? Of course, asian cross dressing is a bit more scary...
Soccer is still dorky, but this guy puts on a show! It's a hell of a lot better than that Tiger Woods bouncing ball commercial.
Wow...Gallagher isn't very funny in this interview. Of course, if I was Gallagher, I'd be pretty pissed off too.
...and last, but certainly not least, a woman mistakes super glue for her eye drops. Ummm...whoops.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
--Groucho Marx
I guess I'm just in a silly mood today.
Actually, I've had a pretty busy day and haven't really had time for frivolity. Well, as much as I'm used to, anyways. I got a little upset in my car while listening to Medved while he was discussing an interesting subject about religious groups giving aid to tsunami victims. It seems that they're handing out religious messages in the form of gospels and copies of the bible and CAIR as well as other groups are upset about it. This is just yet another episode of people being overly sensitive about everything; this Jewis woman calls up and complains about how she hates when people come up to her to try and talk about Jesus and how it offends her. How fucking sensitive do you have to be to get offended by Jesus? That guy didn't do anything to you; where does the animosity towards Christianity come from? I'm not a practicing Christian, a practicing anything except perhaps drunkard, yet I don't get upset when people talk to me about things they're passionate about...well, unless it's something like child porn or something. These overly sensitive people are always talking about the first amendment and free speech, yet they hate that the religious seem to keep talking about all that "Jesus stuff." Things seem to be changing, finally, but this is just another example of something we all need to be aware of. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean you have to take it personally; the world doesn't actually revolve around you. Just chill, please.
--Groucho Marx
I guess I'm just in a silly mood today.
Actually, I've had a pretty busy day and haven't really had time for frivolity. Well, as much as I'm used to, anyways. I got a little upset in my car while listening to Medved while he was discussing an interesting subject about religious groups giving aid to tsunami victims. It seems that they're handing out religious messages in the form of gospels and copies of the bible and CAIR as well as other groups are upset about it. This is just yet another episode of people being overly sensitive about everything; this Jewis woman calls up and complains about how she hates when people come up to her to try and talk about Jesus and how it offends her. How fucking sensitive do you have to be to get offended by Jesus? That guy didn't do anything to you; where does the animosity towards Christianity come from? I'm not a practicing Christian, a practicing anything except perhaps drunkard, yet I don't get upset when people talk to me about things they're passionate about...well, unless it's something like child porn or something. These overly sensitive people are always talking about the first amendment and free speech, yet they hate that the religious seem to keep talking about all that "Jesus stuff." Things seem to be changing, finally, but this is just another example of something we all need to be aware of. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean you have to take it personally; the world doesn't actually revolve around you. Just chill, please.
Farkin' Links Vol. 14 1/11
Damn...they expected me to actually do some work today, therefore the links are late. I'd apologize about it, but since it's free, you get what you pay for. If you haven't donated to the Red Cross or WorldVision yet for Tsunami relief, you should really consider it. For anyone who played Oregon Trail back in elementary school, Cholera can kill...Speaking of which, I was listening to a radio show today and it seems that people are complaining about religious groups who are on the ground and giving Tsunami aid are giving out religious gospels and bibles. What do you think? I can't see anyone getting that upset...even if you don't read it, at least you can use it for firewood. Oh yeah, the links. Check out the one at the bottom...priceless.
Wow...these are some exotic urinals. I just wouldn't like to pee like that right in front of a window...even if it's 30 stories high.
Have you ever wondered what a DeLorean would like like with monster truck wheels? Yeah, neither did I, but some Yahoo went and did it anyways.
This is why I love the Weekly World News...when they're not telling an engrossing story about a Bat-boy or an Alien campaigning for Ross Perot, they have informative articles like this...1 in 10 drivers you pass on the road is naked from the waist down.
A woman is suing Gene Simmons from KISS because a rockumentary made her look like a slut. She might not be a slut, but she must be a total retard as she says in court papers, they were in what she believed was "an exclusive, monogamous, romantic relationship." Riiiiiight...because Rock and Roll stars never sleep around.
...and in another shocking turn of events, a former child star pleads guilty to driving under the influence. She should look up her tv brother Kirk Cameron and find Jesus.
This article has the shock all wrong...there's nothing shocking about a no name British actor getting the lead male role in a sequel to Basic Instinct...it's the fact that they would make a sequel and keep Sharon Stone. She's what, 50 now? I think her instincts lean more towards getting that early bird special at Denny's and playing bridge.
Staying with the movie motif, it's good to know that Paris Hilton decided to make a sequel to her break out...or should I say smash hit. Yet another sex tape...hopefully with better special effects and dialogue.
I just had to add this great pic of Paris...it's quite bold and risque. She's playing with...well, just check it.
On the usual "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have wacky Japanese people starting an underground farm system using hydroponics. Hopefully, it's just for medicinal use.
This link is for Moody...and no, there are no drugs involved...for once. If you really want to drive in Germany, I guess you better study up on the Autobahn.
This is definitely not safe for work...but this V-flex exercise unit...well, I'll just let you check it. The V stands for something, and it ain't virginity.
This should really help out stalkers. Hey, I really CAN see my house from here!
If you ever want to live in the mountains like a paranoid crazyman like the unibomber but do it in style, check this house out. It's for sale.
Something tells me a racing outhouse has as much chance catching on in the mainstream as that goofy segway. Still, anything that shoots flames is cool in my book.
I could have used this Luck School before I went to Vegas...but then, after paying for the school, I probably would have been broke. Actually, I had plenty of luck in Vegas...it was just all bad luck.
I also could have used one of these wheel/tire combos that require no air pressure when I had a flat last week. Of course, they might want to change the name...Tweel? That's just tewwible.
In case you thought the Amish were just harmless badly dressed folks who speak funny and churn butter...well, that's almost true.
Gee...I wonder why Alan Keyes can't win an election. Especially with quality speeches like this.
Holy Crap! This is the best reason to never go kayaking I can think of. Well, other than looking like a complete tool when you're in one.
Wow...this has to be the link of the day. Must see animation! Even better than Afghanistanimation.
Damn...they expected me to actually do some work today, therefore the links are late. I'd apologize about it, but since it's free, you get what you pay for. If you haven't donated to the Red Cross or WorldVision yet for Tsunami relief, you should really consider it. For anyone who played Oregon Trail back in elementary school, Cholera can kill...Speaking of which, I was listening to a radio show today and it seems that people are complaining about religious groups who are on the ground and giving Tsunami aid are giving out religious gospels and bibles. What do you think? I can't see anyone getting that upset...even if you don't read it, at least you can use it for firewood. Oh yeah, the links. Check out the one at the bottom...priceless.
Wow...these are some exotic urinals. I just wouldn't like to pee like that right in front of a window...even if it's 30 stories high.
Have you ever wondered what a DeLorean would like like with monster truck wheels? Yeah, neither did I, but some Yahoo went and did it anyways.
This is why I love the Weekly World News...when they're not telling an engrossing story about a Bat-boy or an Alien campaigning for Ross Perot, they have informative articles like this...1 in 10 drivers you pass on the road is naked from the waist down.
A woman is suing Gene Simmons from KISS because a rockumentary made her look like a slut. She might not be a slut, but she must be a total retard as she says in court papers, they were in what she believed was "an exclusive, monogamous, romantic relationship." Riiiiiight...because Rock and Roll stars never sleep around.
...and in another shocking turn of events, a former child star pleads guilty to driving under the influence. She should look up her tv brother Kirk Cameron and find Jesus.
This article has the shock all wrong...there's nothing shocking about a no name British actor getting the lead male role in a sequel to Basic Instinct...it's the fact that they would make a sequel and keep Sharon Stone. She's what, 50 now? I think her instincts lean more towards getting that early bird special at Denny's and playing bridge.
Staying with the movie motif, it's good to know that Paris Hilton decided to make a sequel to her break out...or should I say smash hit. Yet another sex tape...hopefully with better special effects and dialogue.
I just had to add this great pic of Paris...it's quite bold and risque. She's playing with...well, just check it.
On the usual "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have wacky Japanese people starting an underground farm system using hydroponics. Hopefully, it's just for medicinal use.
This link is for Moody...and no, there are no drugs involved...for once. If you really want to drive in Germany, I guess you better study up on the Autobahn.
This is definitely not safe for work...but this V-flex exercise unit...well, I'll just let you check it. The V stands for something, and it ain't virginity.
This should really help out stalkers. Hey, I really CAN see my house from here!
If you ever want to live in the mountains like a paranoid crazyman like the unibomber but do it in style, check this house out. It's for sale.
Something tells me a racing outhouse has as much chance catching on in the mainstream as that goofy segway. Still, anything that shoots flames is cool in my book.
I could have used this Luck School before I went to Vegas...but then, after paying for the school, I probably would have been broke. Actually, I had plenty of luck in Vegas...it was just all bad luck.
I also could have used one of these wheel/tire combos that require no air pressure when I had a flat last week. Of course, they might want to change the name...Tweel? That's just tewwible.
In case you thought the Amish were just harmless badly dressed folks who speak funny and churn butter...well, that's almost true.
Gee...I wonder why Alan Keyes can't win an election. Especially with quality speeches like this.
Holy Crap! This is the best reason to never go kayaking I can think of. Well, other than looking like a complete tool when you're in one.
Wow...this has to be the link of the day. Must see animation! Even better than Afghanistanimation.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 13 1/10
Vegas would be much more fun if it didn't involve losing lots of money. Maybe I should stick to the Circus-Circus carnival games. I hope the rest of you had a good weekend...and can someone tell me how the hell the Jets beat the Chargers! Ahem...on with the links.
Britney wants to turn her husband into a rapper? How is she going to find time to manage another career and be a crime investigator? How has she not gotten a reality show yet?
Rule number #271 in commiting a robbery, DO NOT return to the scene of the crime and ask for directions. They're generally not in a helpful mood.
Just in case you haven't learned like this guy...fire is hot.
In case you thought that link I sent out to create a tin foil hat to avoid alien mind control devices was too difficult to make...try this aluminum foil deflector beanie. It's much more stylish.
These guys need a new project...why would you spend your time making logos float?
Hehe...I don't know how many times I've had to do something like this. Personally, I think you should have to pass a test in order to use a computer. It should be like driving, a priviledge, not a right.
Here's a jackass that was arrested crashing his car moments after a judge ordered him not to drive...not exactly a great story, but you just gotta see the man's picture. Gold teeth are fly!
I dunno...if the Empire State building's antenna was broken, I'd just let it go. Maybe get a directv dish or something.
I'm gonna have to try this with Chih Hao one of these days when he's in a crazy drunken stupor. Let's go shoppin'!
Wow...this guy apparently lives beyond Thunderdome somewhere. I'm really going to have to look into these flamethrower attachments to the car...beats the hell out of new rims.
Alright...who thinks that taking an old, smelly shirt and turning it into a pair of underwear is a good idea? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Yikes...this site exposes federal agents and informants to everyone on the web. Luckily, they don't condone violence against them, so obviously that'll keep the criminals from doing anything.
Here's an artist who makes portraits with used chewing gum. He states he has a team of gum chewers so he doesn't have to do it himself...so basically he plays with other people's used gum. Talk about sacrificing for you art.
Holy Cow! This is the greatest idea for a cafe I've ever seen! Cereality just serves all types of cereal with unique toppings. That beats the hell out of boba shops.
In this game you need to keep a little bird from being crushed by an elephant...or not, it's much funnier when you fail.
Damn...that's the worst car accident I've ever seen. Usually, cars don't burst into flames when they crash.
Here's a fairly helpful list of rules to follow when you go to the gym...and I think I've only broken about 8 of them. Of course, the first 3 rules are a little unfair, really.
Here's a helpful list on how to argue with a woman. Of course, it doesn't have any advice on how to pay for your hospital bills once you use these tactics.
Well, it's not exactly Beauty and the Beast, but it is 5000 year old animation from Iran. Don't say I never said anything nice about Iran, although I prefer Afghanistanimation.
Aaron Carter was almost killed by a burning mattress under his SUV...well, I guess my flat tire the other day could have been much worse.
Vegas would be much more fun if it didn't involve losing lots of money. Maybe I should stick to the Circus-Circus carnival games. I hope the rest of you had a good weekend...and can someone tell me how the hell the Jets beat the Chargers! Ahem...on with the links.
Britney wants to turn her husband into a rapper? How is she going to find time to manage another career and be a crime investigator? How has she not gotten a reality show yet?
Rule number #271 in commiting a robbery, DO NOT return to the scene of the crime and ask for directions. They're generally not in a helpful mood.
Just in case you haven't learned like this guy...fire is hot.
In case you thought that link I sent out to create a tin foil hat to avoid alien mind control devices was too difficult to make...try this aluminum foil deflector beanie. It's much more stylish.
These guys need a new project...why would you spend your time making logos float?
Hehe...I don't know how many times I've had to do something like this. Personally, I think you should have to pass a test in order to use a computer. It should be like driving, a priviledge, not a right.
Here's a jackass that was arrested crashing his car moments after a judge ordered him not to drive...not exactly a great story, but you just gotta see the man's picture. Gold teeth are fly!
I dunno...if the Empire State building's antenna was broken, I'd just let it go. Maybe get a directv dish or something.
I'm gonna have to try this with Chih Hao one of these days when he's in a crazy drunken stupor. Let's go shoppin'!
Wow...this guy apparently lives beyond Thunderdome somewhere. I'm really going to have to look into these flamethrower attachments to the car...beats the hell out of new rims.
Alright...who thinks that taking an old, smelly shirt and turning it into a pair of underwear is a good idea? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Yikes...this site exposes federal agents and informants to everyone on the web. Luckily, they don't condone violence against them, so obviously that'll keep the criminals from doing anything.
Here's an artist who makes portraits with used chewing gum. He states he has a team of gum chewers so he doesn't have to do it himself...so basically he plays with other people's used gum. Talk about sacrificing for you art.
Holy Cow! This is the greatest idea for a cafe I've ever seen! Cereality just serves all types of cereal with unique toppings. That beats the hell out of boba shops.
In this game you need to keep a little bird from being crushed by an elephant...or not, it's much funnier when you fail.
Damn...that's the worst car accident I've ever seen. Usually, cars don't burst into flames when they crash.
Here's a fairly helpful list of rules to follow when you go to the gym...and I think I've only broken about 8 of them. Of course, the first 3 rules are a little unfair, really.
Here's a helpful list on how to argue with a woman. Of course, it doesn't have any advice on how to pay for your hospital bills once you use these tactics.
Well, it's not exactly Beauty and the Beast, but it is 5000 year old animation from Iran. Don't say I never said anything nice about Iran, although I prefer Afghanistanimation.
Aaron Carter was almost killed by a burning mattress under his SUV...well, I guess my flat tire the other day could have been much worse.
Friday, January 07, 2005
What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.
--Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
Well...I guess that sums up this blogging effort pretty well, wouldn't ya say?
Viva, Las Vegas! Yes, I said, Viva, Las Vegas! In fact, Viva...VIVA...LAS VEGAS!!! As soon as I'm out of this office I'm on my way to losing my ass in Sin City... We have playoff games to bet on, a CES show to see and even a porn convention that a certain friend of mine is very familiar with. That, combined with the fact that I just booked my trip for Vietnam today and the fact that it's Friday has me in such high spirits, even the rainy weather can't bring me down! There's also a Monet exhibit from the Boston museum at Bellagio I want to see as I've been attempting to expand my artistic horizons lately. I did even manage to drag Newjen along to LACMA to see an impressionist exhibit where the main piece was "Luncheon at the Boating Party" by Renoir. It was quite lovely and much larger than I ever expected. Usually those impressionists were pussies compared to the manly, wall smothering art of the Flemish painters...then again, the impressionists actually did all their own painting. Anyways, I figure I'll leave this post with a joke that Glenn S. sent to me...It actually made me laugh out loud.
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite
sex positions.
One of them said, "I reckon I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount
her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each breast in
your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your
sister's.' Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."
--Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
Well...I guess that sums up this blogging effort pretty well, wouldn't ya say?
Viva, Las Vegas! Yes, I said, Viva, Las Vegas! In fact, Viva...VIVA...LAS VEGAS!!! As soon as I'm out of this office I'm on my way to losing my ass in Sin City... We have playoff games to bet on, a CES show to see and even a porn convention that a certain friend of mine is very familiar with. That, combined with the fact that I just booked my trip for Vietnam today and the fact that it's Friday has me in such high spirits, even the rainy weather can't bring me down! There's also a Monet exhibit from the Boston museum at Bellagio I want to see as I've been attempting to expand my artistic horizons lately. I did even manage to drag Newjen along to LACMA to see an impressionist exhibit where the main piece was "Luncheon at the Boating Party" by Renoir. It was quite lovely and much larger than I ever expected. Usually those impressionists were pussies compared to the manly, wall smothering art of the Flemish painters...then again, the impressionists actually did all their own painting. Anyways, I figure I'll leave this post with a joke that Glenn S. sent to me...It actually made me laugh out loud.
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite
sex positions.
One of them said, "I reckon I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount
her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each breast in
your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your
sister's.' Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."
Farkin' Links Vol. 12 1/7
Hello folks...Friday is here again! Although, truthfully, it means it's only 3 more days until Monday. I hate Mondays. At least I'll be able to console my aching soul with a weekend in Vegas! So long suckers! I mean, I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
I know they say everything is big in Texas...but who knew about the giant statue motif going on in Australia?
Here's a man who is suing Fear Factor for grossing him out with a rat eating episode. Does this mean I can sue Method and Redman for the pain and suffering they inflicted on me with their terrible show?
Speaking of horrible t.v. that I'm considering suing for...Here's the Jan Brady to Jessica Simpson's Marsha, Marsha Marsha!
While we're on the subject of stupid lawsuits...here's a woman suing Este Lauder for selling fradulent anti-aging cream. Because, you know, they don't actually turn your birth back 2 years...or something. Remember when there used to be personal responsibility?
There's wow...then there's wowzers...then there is this site about freaks. I'm gonna have to come up with a better adjective.
Hmmm...I wonder if Betty knows about this. I didn't know Andy was already married to a cartoon character.
Here's an interesting article about shopping...yeah, it must have been a slow newsday, but I'm gonna have to practice some triangular balance of my own.
A satanic rocker could get up to 9 years in jail for drinking some other guy's blood. What's real interesting about this story is the rocker's name is <>. I didn't know you could add stuff like that to your name. I wonder...{Adam}. Naw...forget it.
Whoa...here's a joke list of the 10 worst album covers of all time. I got to say...Let Me Touch Him is one of the most disturbing covers I've ever seen. It's like NAMBLA got together to make a musical group. Unfortunately for my buddy David...he's now officially Devastatin' Dave, the Turntable Slave.
I'm not sure if this is Pimp my Hummer or White Trash-up my Hummer.
Hmmm...car vs. skateboard...not quite fair. The skateboard got a head start.
Scientists: Volcano Could Swamp U.S. with Mega-Tsunami...right after we get hit by a giant asteroid and conquered by Aliens.
Holy crap...William Hung refuses to go away...well, maybe he could be the next Jackie Chan.
Whoops...whenever you decide impersonate a police officer...try not to pull over a real police officer; they won't think it's very funny.
Well, at least we know that Bill Gates isn't keeping quality operating systems hidden from us. It appears his version of Windows sucks just as much as ours.
Kate Beckinsale has given away her pet rabbit to the cleaning lady because he couldn't stop humping the food bowl. I love this justification,"Also, he was boring and, other than masturbate, he didn't do anything." Hehe...that sounds like Jack.
Great...the Star Wars nuts are already going into overdrive 22 weeks before the sure to be sucky Episode 3 comes out. At least they'll all be in one place...easier to round up and destroy.
Wow! This is the best "Japanese people are crazy" link of ALL TIME! Hiroshi Yamauchi still hasn't accepted that they lost WWII. The best quote of the article,"Hey Ballmer, why don't you suck my tiny, yellow balls?" There's no way this article can be real...
Damn coppers! Why do they have to pull a power trip when a man is just trying to get to the hospital? He did have a nail in his thigh...I'd cut him some slack.
Hey, age is just a number. How can you charge someone with sexual assault when the "kid" involved is 16? Just terrible. On a similar subject, maybe I should take up volleyball.
Hello folks...Friday is here again! Although, truthfully, it means it's only 3 more days until Monday. I hate Mondays. At least I'll be able to console my aching soul with a weekend in Vegas! So long suckers! I mean, I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
I know they say everything is big in Texas...but who knew about the giant statue motif going on in Australia?
Here's a man who is suing Fear Factor for grossing him out with a rat eating episode. Does this mean I can sue Method and Redman for the pain and suffering they inflicted on me with their terrible show?
Speaking of horrible t.v. that I'm considering suing for...Here's the Jan Brady to Jessica Simpson's Marsha, Marsha Marsha!
While we're on the subject of stupid lawsuits...here's a woman suing Este Lauder for selling fradulent anti-aging cream. Because, you know, they don't actually turn your birth back 2 years...or something. Remember when there used to be personal responsibility?
There's wow...then there's wowzers...then there is this site about freaks. I'm gonna have to come up with a better adjective.
Hmmm...I wonder if Betty knows about this. I didn't know Andy was already married to a cartoon character.
Here's an interesting article about shopping...yeah, it must have been a slow newsday, but I'm gonna have to practice some triangular balance of my own.
A satanic rocker could get up to 9 years in jail for drinking some other guy's blood. What's real interesting about this story is the rocker's name is <
Whoa...here's a joke list of the 10 worst album covers of all time. I got to say...Let Me Touch Him is one of the most disturbing covers I've ever seen. It's like NAMBLA got together to make a musical group. Unfortunately for my buddy David...he's now officially Devastatin' Dave, the Turntable Slave.
I'm not sure if this is Pimp my Hummer or White Trash-up my Hummer.
Hmmm...car vs. skateboard...not quite fair. The skateboard got a head start.
Scientists: Volcano Could Swamp U.S. with Mega-Tsunami...right after we get hit by a giant asteroid and conquered by Aliens.
Holy crap...William Hung refuses to go away...well, maybe he could be the next Jackie Chan.
Whoops...whenever you decide impersonate a police officer...try not to pull over a real police officer; they won't think it's very funny.
Well, at least we know that Bill Gates isn't keeping quality operating systems hidden from us. It appears his version of Windows sucks just as much as ours.
Kate Beckinsale has given away her pet rabbit to the cleaning lady because he couldn't stop humping the food bowl. I love this justification,"Also, he was boring and, other than masturbate, he didn't do anything." Hehe...that sounds like Jack.
Great...the Star Wars nuts are already going into overdrive 22 weeks before the sure to be sucky Episode 3 comes out. At least they'll all be in one place...easier to round up and destroy.
Wow! This is the best "Japanese people are crazy" link of ALL TIME! Hiroshi Yamauchi still hasn't accepted that they lost WWII. The best quote of the article,"Hey Ballmer, why don't you suck my tiny, yellow balls?" There's no way this article can be real...
Damn coppers! Why do they have to pull a power trip when a man is just trying to get to the hospital? He did have a nail in his thigh...I'd cut him some slack.
Hey, age is just a number. How can you charge someone with sexual assault when the "kid" involved is 16? Just terrible. On a similar subject, maybe I should take up volleyball.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker.
--Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000)
Hear that, people with your idiotic "Give Peace a Chance" bumper stickers? Snoopy don't lie.
The Daily News has on it's secondary headline, "Arnold: Join me or Fight!" The Governator Schwarzenegger(Wow...I nailed that spelling on the first try!) is battling the California legislature over the budget right now. Personally, I think it would have been much cooler if it was "Join me or DIIIIIE!!!" Then he could have busted out a rail gun and just annihilated the entire governing body, just like that Simpsons' episode with Mel Gibson's remake of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. I wouldn't be too broken up about it, I can tell you that.
Why the hell are Chinese restaurants so against giving people any actual service? I went to lunch today with Newjen and his girl Kimpossible because they were downtown today and we went to this place the Mayflower that she recommended. Actually, she wanted to go to some Dim Sum place, but was sure it was ABC when in fact it turned out to be CBS...or NBC or Fox...whatever the hell the real place was wasn't important because we didn't end up there. But I digress. We sit down in this Mayflower place and wait...and wait some more...I talk to one of the ladies cleaning up asking for a server, she nods and wanders off. Then we wait some more. I wave down a different lady to order, she pretends I'm not there and keeps moving...I missed tripping her by only a couple of inches. They're pretty fast, those chinese servers. Finally, a lady comes out taking orders and what does she do? She starts helping everybody BUT us. Two other groups that came in way after us get helped first, I'm trying to get her attention...finally, the lady in the group that she skipped over us for tells the server that we were there first. She finally looks at us. She has 2 options now, she can come over, apologize and take our order, or ignore us and move on to another party that just walked in. Guess which one she did? That was the last straw for me, I grabbed my jacket, stood up and said,"Fuck this terrible service!" and basically stormed out.
We ended up settling on a different Chinese restaurant that had much better service even though it consisted of one dude running around. For a while, we were wondering if he was cooking back there too. Either way, it was cheap, good food with 10x better service. The only drawback was this terrible Chinese song they kept playing over and over...for a while I thought it was just one really long song until Newjen pointed out it was on repeat on their kareoke machine. I would have jumped up and sang along as I'm pretty sure I had the lyrics down by then, but I figure I better stick to rappin'...yo.
--Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000)
Hear that, people with your idiotic "Give Peace a Chance" bumper stickers? Snoopy don't lie.
The Daily News has on it's secondary headline, "Arnold: Join me or Fight!" The Governator Schwarzenegger(Wow...I nailed that spelling on the first try!) is battling the California legislature over the budget right now. Personally, I think it would have been much cooler if it was "Join me or DIIIIIE!!!" Then he could have busted out a rail gun and just annihilated the entire governing body, just like that Simpsons' episode with Mel Gibson's remake of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. I wouldn't be too broken up about it, I can tell you that.
Why the hell are Chinese restaurants so against giving people any actual service? I went to lunch today with Newjen and his girl Kimpossible because they were downtown today and we went to this place the Mayflower that she recommended. Actually, she wanted to go to some Dim Sum place, but was sure it was ABC when in fact it turned out to be CBS...or NBC or Fox...whatever the hell the real place was wasn't important because we didn't end up there. But I digress. We sit down in this Mayflower place and wait...and wait some more...I talk to one of the ladies cleaning up asking for a server, she nods and wanders off. Then we wait some more. I wave down a different lady to order, she pretends I'm not there and keeps moving...I missed tripping her by only a couple of inches. They're pretty fast, those chinese servers. Finally, a lady comes out taking orders and what does she do? She starts helping everybody BUT us. Two other groups that came in way after us get helped first, I'm trying to get her attention...finally, the lady in the group that she skipped over us for tells the server that we were there first. She finally looks at us. She has 2 options now, she can come over, apologize and take our order, or ignore us and move on to another party that just walked in. Guess which one she did? That was the last straw for me, I grabbed my jacket, stood up and said,"Fuck this terrible service!" and basically stormed out.
We ended up settling on a different Chinese restaurant that had much better service even though it consisted of one dude running around. For a while, we were wondering if he was cooking back there too. Either way, it was cheap, good food with 10x better service. The only drawback was this terrible Chinese song they kept playing over and over...for a while I thought it was just one really long song until Newjen pointed out it was on repeat on their kareoke machine. I would have jumped up and sang along as I'm pretty sure I had the lyrics down by then, but I figure I better stick to rappin'...yo.
Farkin' links Vol. 11 1/6
Thursday is here! You know what Thursday is, right? It's the day before Friday! Yeah! Well, back to work. You might want to check out Marlon's favorite clip today...but make sure you have sound. Enjoy.
Yeah...down with the man! There's a new sheriff in town...Shaft!
Would like to just rule at that game 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon? Now there's a website set up to do just that.
Gotta love this headline, "Girlfriends hired to stop nagging." Isn't that what girlfriends are for? Well, this is China, so maybe things are different. I bet they do windows there...among other things.
Hehe...this woman married a dead guy. I guess it saves time nagging him to his death...maybe she's just lazy.
Hey ladies...do puppets get you horny? This may be some of the strangest advice I've ever seen.
This is a fun little game knocking down a bad singer...although I still say she's a way better performer than Ashlee Simpson.
I am so glad I don't live in a place where it snows...of course, if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't leave my car window open.
Jeez...maybe I need a Chinese people are crazy link. Maybe I should just limit it to superstitious; I remember the chinese family that bought our old house actually got the address changed because it was unlucky.
Hey...this kid's a pretty good painter for being under 10. I'd like to get her to paint me a nice velvet shot of dogs playing poker. The poetry...well, let's just say she should stick to painting.
Britney Spears wants to become a forensic scientist from watching CSI. This doesn't even require a joke.
...and in the wonderfully progressive land of Iran, a soap opera storyline takes a serial killer turn.
Physicist invents new calendar. Oh, if you were born on January 31, you're screwed. But think of it this way, you'll never get any older.
I've been pretty drunk before, but I've never approached this guy...that I know of, anyways.
This mini game reminds me of a joke. Three mice were sitting at a bar talking about how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot. The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot. The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?" The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."
Here's reason number 1,642 why I don't want to ride a motorcycle.
Hehe...and here's Marlon's favorite video clip if you haven't seen it yet. I never knew crushing grapes could be this dangerous.
Here's an interesting collection of short comics...that are somewhat disturbing.
So, is it just everyone in Florida politics is insane, or what?
Hmmm...I guess it turns out Disney really didn't put a bunch of offensive crap in their game afterall. I guess they decided to keep it for their newer cartoon movies.
This excuse sure blows that dog ate my homework one out of the water. Somebody get this guy some nail clippers.
Thursday is here! You know what Thursday is, right? It's the day before Friday! Yeah! Well, back to work. You might want to check out Marlon's favorite clip today...but make sure you have sound. Enjoy.
Yeah...down with the man! There's a new sheriff in town...Shaft!
Would like to just rule at that game 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon? Now there's a website set up to do just that.
Gotta love this headline, "Girlfriends hired to stop nagging." Isn't that what girlfriends are for? Well, this is China, so maybe things are different. I bet they do windows there...among other things.
Hehe...this woman married a dead guy. I guess it saves time nagging him to his death...maybe she's just lazy.
Hey ladies...do puppets get you horny? This may be some of the strangest advice I've ever seen.
This is a fun little game knocking down a bad singer...although I still say she's a way better performer than Ashlee Simpson.
I am so glad I don't live in a place where it snows...of course, if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't leave my car window open.
Jeez...maybe I need a Chinese people are crazy link. Maybe I should just limit it to superstitious; I remember the chinese family that bought our old house actually got the address changed because it was unlucky.
Hey...this kid's a pretty good painter for being under 10. I'd like to get her to paint me a nice velvet shot of dogs playing poker. The poetry...well, let's just say she should stick to painting.
Britney Spears wants to become a forensic scientist from watching CSI. This doesn't even require a joke.
...and in the wonderfully progressive land of Iran, a soap opera storyline takes a serial killer turn.
Physicist invents new calendar. Oh, if you were born on January 31, you're screwed. But think of it this way, you'll never get any older.
I've been pretty drunk before, but I've never approached this guy...that I know of, anyways.
This mini game reminds me of a joke. Three mice were sitting at a bar talking about how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot. The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot. The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?" The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."
Here's reason number 1,642 why I don't want to ride a motorcycle.
Hehe...and here's Marlon's favorite video clip if you haven't seen it yet. I never knew crushing grapes could be this dangerous.
Here's an interesting collection of short comics...that are somewhat disturbing.
So, is it just everyone in Florida politics is insane, or what?
Hmmm...I guess it turns out Disney really didn't put a bunch of offensive crap in their game afterall. I guess they decided to keep it for their newer cartoon movies.
This excuse sure blows that dog ate my homework one out of the water. Somebody get this guy some nail clippers.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
--Oscar Levant
It really is hard to be humble when you're as cool as I am.
So, yesterday I get a flat tire. It's a damn good thing I forgot to renew my AAA card or I wouldn't have had the pleasure of changing a tire on the wet ground in nice clothes. I really need to get a full sized spare, but at the same time, that would be a disaster as I wouldn't get around to actually replacing it until I got another flat...which would leave me with 2 useless tires. Maybe I should just invent some tires that can't go flat...it would save some time and money...and probably ruin my gas milage. Eh, screw it. I am as likely to invent a new tire as I am to invent a cold fusion powerplant.
First, the Patriots win a championship and become basically the newest dynasty in football, then USC creates it's own little mini dynasty after kicking the shit out of Oklahoma, even worse, the god damned Red Sox end up winning a championship. If the Celtics suddenly become the hot team of basketball, every single team my dad cheers for will be king. It's sickening really...I think he either sold his soul to the devil or the devil is taking an early retirement and promoted him to his spot. It would explain so many things, really. Well, I can't complain for at least another 3 years or so, my Angels won their championship back in '02. There's a 5 year limit to bitching about sports when that happens...so says the Sports Guy. You notice I didn't say Anaheim Angels...that would be because the new owner, who I was just starting to like, decided to rename them the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. He should have gone all the way and had them sponsored by Enron...what a lame ass name. Besides the fact that Los Angeles means Angel which makes that name totally redundant, Anaheim is not in Los Angeles! I say, leave L.A. to that crappy Dodger team that's already there. Moreno, the owner, seems to think he can increase the marketeablility of the team with the inclusion of Los Angeles...sure, that worked for the Green Bay Packers. Oh wait, actually, Green Bay is a tiny city in the middle of the Wisconsin wasteland...deep breaths...anyways, the city of Anaheim is fighting this and hopefully they win. Not just because it's right, but because I really don't want to see my team with such a stupid name...I already have to root for the Mighty Ducks for christ sakes...speaking of which...where the hell is my hockey?
--Oscar Levant
It really is hard to be humble when you're as cool as I am.
So, yesterday I get a flat tire. It's a damn good thing I forgot to renew my AAA card or I wouldn't have had the pleasure of changing a tire on the wet ground in nice clothes. I really need to get a full sized spare, but at the same time, that would be a disaster as I wouldn't get around to actually replacing it until I got another flat...which would leave me with 2 useless tires. Maybe I should just invent some tires that can't go flat...it would save some time and money...and probably ruin my gas milage. Eh, screw it. I am as likely to invent a new tire as I am to invent a cold fusion powerplant.
First, the Patriots win a championship and become basically the newest dynasty in football, then USC creates it's own little mini dynasty after kicking the shit out of Oklahoma, even worse, the god damned Red Sox end up winning a championship. If the Celtics suddenly become the hot team of basketball, every single team my dad cheers for will be king. It's sickening really...I think he either sold his soul to the devil or the devil is taking an early retirement and promoted him to his spot. It would explain so many things, really. Well, I can't complain for at least another 3 years or so, my Angels won their championship back in '02. There's a 5 year limit to bitching about sports when that happens...so says the Sports Guy. You notice I didn't say Anaheim Angels...that would be because the new owner, who I was just starting to like, decided to rename them the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. He should have gone all the way and had them sponsored by Enron...what a lame ass name. Besides the fact that Los Angeles means Angel which makes that name totally redundant, Anaheim is not in Los Angeles! I say, leave L.A. to that crappy Dodger team that's already there. Moreno, the owner, seems to think he can increase the marketeablility of the team with the inclusion of Los Angeles...sure, that worked for the Green Bay Packers. Oh wait, actually, Green Bay is a tiny city in the middle of the Wisconsin wasteland...deep breaths...anyways, the city of Anaheim is fighting this and hopefully they win. Not just because it's right, but because I really don't want to see my team with such a stupid name...I already have to root for the Mighty Ducks for christ sakes...speaking of which...where the hell is my hockey?
Farkin' Links Vol. 10 1/5
Did anybody watch that USC/Oklahoma championship game last night? Wow, that was like watching the Varsity team play some elementary school kids...or the San Francisco 49ers play a real NFL team. I thought I felt foolish when I had to change my tire yesterday wearing nice clothes on the wet ground...but if I was on Oklahoma I would have slipped out of my uniform and tried to blend into the crowd. Oh, right, here are the links.
This is interesting...sometimes I wish I had a remote control for my brain...so I could fast forward all the crappy parts and just relive all the good stuff...over and over...
Get your tin-foil hat ready for a tale of Nazis, UFO's and Pinochet! 12 to 7 they make either a video game or a movie about this. Actually, if that Resident Evil guy gets involved, make it both.
Just in case you ever get blown out of a plane at 15,000 feet, you might want to keep this wise advice in mind. Of course, you'll be too busy crapping your pants and screaming for mommy, but it's worth a shot.
I could play Mary Had A Little Lamb on the piano when I was 4 years old...so this little kid basically blows me out of the water.
Anti-Bullying wristbands have turned the wearers into big fat targets for bullies. Ooooh...the irony. Actually, the stupidity of the idea is far more amazing.
If you thought tests were tough back in school...thank the lord you didn't go to King William's College.
So a child's game had a little cursing...I don't see what the big fucking deal is.
Here's a very interesting fortune telling link. I gotta say, it told my fortune to a tee.
I know I take cheap shots at soccer players about being a bunch of cry baby pussies and actors...well, this is why.
Wow...this white boy can DUNK!
This game controlling a fireball is far harder than it needs to be. I'm just frustrated...and if I had any work to do, I'd so stop playing it.
...and one more silly game. At least you get to be Daffy Duck in this one. No doubt they'll be sued for this.
Holy Crap! That's just...sick and wrong! Although, I would like to breathe easier...I wonder if it works...
There are tons of good shirts on this site...I think my favorite is South Korea's got Seoul.
Have you ever fought anybody for a parking space? I'm not judging you or anything...freak. I mean, just walk the extra 20 feet.
What's wrong with the "Breast Christmas Ever?" I think those lesbians in NOW are just jealous.
This isn't how I remember it when I shot that homeless man for kicks...er...I mean, so I've heard from other people.
I know you're not supposed to beat up Burger King employees...as it's "against the law" and everything...but who the hell ever heard of a fast food joint running out of fries? I'd probably riot too.
Hehe...that's pretty funny. A woman was fired for not wearing enough makeup...she must have really needed it if it went to that extreme.
...and just so you don't think only Japanese people are crazy, this guy just sold a cup of water for 455 dollars on ebay.
Did anybody watch that USC/Oklahoma championship game last night? Wow, that was like watching the Varsity team play some elementary school kids...or the San Francisco 49ers play a real NFL team. I thought I felt foolish when I had to change my tire yesterday wearing nice clothes on the wet ground...but if I was on Oklahoma I would have slipped out of my uniform and tried to blend into the crowd. Oh, right, here are the links.
This is interesting...sometimes I wish I had a remote control for my brain...so I could fast forward all the crappy parts and just relive all the good stuff...over and over...
Get your tin-foil hat ready for a tale of Nazis, UFO's and Pinochet! 12 to 7 they make either a video game or a movie about this. Actually, if that Resident Evil guy gets involved, make it both.
Just in case you ever get blown out of a plane at 15,000 feet, you might want to keep this wise advice in mind. Of course, you'll be too busy crapping your pants and screaming for mommy, but it's worth a shot.
I could play Mary Had A Little Lamb on the piano when I was 4 years old...so this little kid basically blows me out of the water.
Anti-Bullying wristbands have turned the wearers into big fat targets for bullies. Ooooh...the irony. Actually, the stupidity of the idea is far more amazing.
If you thought tests were tough back in school...thank the lord you didn't go to King William's College.
So a child's game had a little cursing...I don't see what the big fucking deal is.
Here's a very interesting fortune telling link. I gotta say, it told my fortune to a tee.
I know I take cheap shots at soccer players about being a bunch of cry baby pussies and actors...well, this is why.
Wow...this white boy can DUNK!
This game controlling a fireball is far harder than it needs to be. I'm just frustrated...and if I had any work to do, I'd so stop playing it.
...and one more silly game. At least you get to be Daffy Duck in this one. No doubt they'll be sued for this.
Holy Crap! That's just...sick and wrong! Although, I would like to breathe easier...I wonder if it works...
There are tons of good shirts on this site...I think my favorite is South Korea's got Seoul.
Have you ever fought anybody for a parking space? I'm not judging you or anything...freak. I mean, just walk the extra 20 feet.
What's wrong with the "Breast Christmas Ever?" I think those lesbians in NOW are just jealous.
This isn't how I remember it when I shot that homeless man for kicks...er...I mean, so I've heard from other people.
I know you're not supposed to beat up Burger King employees...as it's "against the law" and everything...but who the hell ever heard of a fast food joint running out of fries? I'd probably riot too.
Hehe...that's pretty funny. A woman was fired for not wearing enough makeup...she must have really needed it if it went to that extreme.
...and just so you don't think only Japanese people are crazy, this guy just sold a cup of water for 455 dollars on ebay.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
"Aside from his scintilla of candor, Mr. Bush is still not leveling with us. As he said at his press conference on Monday, 'the enemies of freedom' know that 'a democratic Iraq will be a decisive blow to their ambitions because free people will never choose to live in tyranny.' They may choose to live in a theocracy, though. Americans did."
-- Maureen Dowd
Lovely...I can't for the life of me think why she's still single.
Like I entered before, I'm going to try and post more often so this is as good a time as any. I had a signing today with this asian guy who's married to this white woman. He was funny because he had one of those well rehearsed voices with no visible accent that almost sounds like a stage voice...kind of like Captain Sulu on Star Trek. She was some bitter old bitch that I couldn't imagine being married to...I guess he just has a lot of patience. Marriage surely is a dangerous pastime.
I'm currently watching USC whoop the crap out of Oklahoma for the NCAA football championship right now and it's pretty damn entertaining. There's something fun about a serious ass whippin' where the other team doesn't even have a chance and looks totally outmatched. You can see the shell shocked looks in their expressions, the quarterback always looks like a spooked foal ready to run for his life...good stuff. I don't have a dog in this fight, but my dad's a big USC fan due to him attending USC for...oh, maybe a year. This is why I usually root against them, but only when he's in the same room. Ooooooklahoma, is the team that's getting it's butt kicked...
-- Maureen Dowd
Lovely...I can't for the life of me think why she's still single.
Like I entered before, I'm going to try and post more often so this is as good a time as any. I had a signing today with this asian guy who's married to this white woman. He was funny because he had one of those well rehearsed voices with no visible accent that almost sounds like a stage voice...kind of like Captain Sulu on Star Trek. She was some bitter old bitch that I couldn't imagine being married to...I guess he just has a lot of patience. Marriage surely is a dangerous pastime.
I'm currently watching USC whoop the crap out of Oklahoma for the NCAA football championship right now and it's pretty damn entertaining. There's something fun about a serious ass whippin' where the other team doesn't even have a chance and looks totally outmatched. You can see the shell shocked looks in their expressions, the quarterback always looks like a spooked foal ready to run for his life...good stuff. I don't have a dog in this fight, but my dad's a big USC fan due to him attending USC for...oh, maybe a year. This is why I usually root against them, but only when he's in the same room. Ooooooklahoma, is the team that's getting it's butt kicked...
Farkin' Links Vol. 9 1/4
I usually expect fools from the U.N. like Jan Egelend to criticize the U.S., but the nonsense is now coming out of our own papers. Howard Kurtz writes today in the Washington Post, "Like it or not, Bush fostered the impression that he was painfully slow to react to the post-Christmas disaster while at the ranch. Three full days with no appearance before the cameras? What else did he have to do that was more important?" Hey Howie...how about a nice big cup of shut the fuck up. The election is over, we'll probably raise far more money privately than through the incompetent government of ours and we have all the transports at our disposal over there helping. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Mr. Kurtz, stop being part of the fucking problem. Sorry about that, I needed to rant today. Here's the happy-go-lucky links of the day.
I think South Africa is a little ahead of these car anti-theft systems with their flame throwers, but I'd use them.
Just in case you ever end up in a Russian prison and want to understand the tattoo culture...hey, you never know.
Did you ever wonder where the the phrase "fuckin' A" came from? Yeah, me neither. But hey, somebody wrote a piece on it anyways.
I guess the defnition of finger foods is different in Africa. I'll have to keep that in mind when I got to Zimbabwe. Well, keep that and a gun.
I guess these pillows beat the fake women's lap, but not by much. Why would you want to sleep on a piece of sushi?
This is a fun page full of all the nitpicking you can think of for movies. I certainly didn't notice Spiderman's mask changing.
Here's 100 things you didn't know last year...or weren't likely to care. I mean, is the fact that Brazilians are the nationality most likely to read spam really that necessary to know?
This is a pretty helpful eye chart for guys. Just keep in mind how true the beer section is.
Alright...one of the classic Fox Sports commercials! I'd give this dive an 8...damn Russians.
Wow...never bring a crybaby to a pillowfight. This is just...sad.
Here is a list of the wackiest police calls of last year. My personal favorite,"Oct. 15, 9:08 p.m.: A man violated a restraining order, entered a house in the 1000 block of Laurel Avenue, took a parrot and threatened to kill it." That parrot must have been laughing at him.
This story is just disturbing. Who wouldn't be mentally unstable after spending several weeks with decomposing bodies.
Yet another retrospective on weird stories in 2004. My personal favorite is the one about T I Double GG Er. I'm sure it was all a big misunderstanding...Tigger wouldn't do something like that.
Girls sure dress differently from when I was in High school. I blame Britney Spears. Thank you, Britney!
Well, it looks like they went ahead and did it, despite all logic and sense telling them no. Meet the new Los Angeles Angels! Who play in Orange County. Yeah, that's just great.
Gee...maybe Jack should have gone to college in the Ukraine. He definitely would have graduated in 10 years.
Hehe...if you're tired of Monopoly (and let's face it, who isn't? Even if you slap Star Wars or Star Whores onto it) check out these board games.
Here's a page where a man eats some almost food and gives you a review on it. It still has nothing on some of the crap I've seen eaten at Chinese restaurants, but it's still pretty entertaining.
This is very involved for a flash game...plus you get to shoot things. I'm sold.
...and to round out 2004, here's just one more weird stories of last year link. Makes you wonder about what happened to the chickens you eat, huh?
I usually expect fools from the U.N. like Jan Egelend to criticize the U.S., but the nonsense is now coming out of our own papers. Howard Kurtz writes today in the Washington Post, "Like it or not, Bush fostered the impression that he was painfully slow to react to the post-Christmas disaster while at the ranch. Three full days with no appearance before the cameras? What else did he have to do that was more important?" Hey Howie...how about a nice big cup of shut the fuck up. The election is over, we'll probably raise far more money privately than through the incompetent government of ours and we have all the transports at our disposal over there helping. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Mr. Kurtz, stop being part of the fucking problem. Sorry about that, I needed to rant today. Here's the happy-go-lucky links of the day.
I think South Africa is a little ahead of these car anti-theft systems with their flame throwers, but I'd use them.
Just in case you ever end up in a Russian prison and want to understand the tattoo culture...hey, you never know.
Did you ever wonder where the the phrase "fuckin' A" came from? Yeah, me neither. But hey, somebody wrote a piece on it anyways.
I guess the defnition of finger foods is different in Africa. I'll have to keep that in mind when I got to Zimbabwe. Well, keep that and a gun.
I guess these pillows beat the fake women's lap, but not by much. Why would you want to sleep on a piece of sushi?
This is a fun page full of all the nitpicking you can think of for movies. I certainly didn't notice Spiderman's mask changing.
Here's 100 things you didn't know last year...or weren't likely to care. I mean, is the fact that Brazilians are the nationality most likely to read spam really that necessary to know?
This is a pretty helpful eye chart for guys. Just keep in mind how true the beer section is.
Alright...one of the classic Fox Sports commercials! I'd give this dive an 8...damn Russians.
Wow...never bring a crybaby to a pillowfight. This is just...sad.
Here is a list of the wackiest police calls of last year. My personal favorite,"Oct. 15, 9:08 p.m.: A man violated a restraining order, entered a house in the 1000 block of Laurel Avenue, took a parrot and threatened to kill it." That parrot must have been laughing at him.
This story is just disturbing. Who wouldn't be mentally unstable after spending several weeks with decomposing bodies.
Yet another retrospective on weird stories in 2004. My personal favorite is the one about T I Double GG Er. I'm sure it was all a big misunderstanding...Tigger wouldn't do something like that.
Girls sure dress differently from when I was in High school. I blame Britney Spears. Thank you, Britney!
Well, it looks like they went ahead and did it, despite all logic and sense telling them no. Meet the new Los Angeles Angels! Who play in Orange County. Yeah, that's just great.
Gee...maybe Jack should have gone to college in the Ukraine. He definitely would have graduated in 10 years.
Hehe...if you're tired of Monopoly (and let's face it, who isn't? Even if you slap Star Wars or Star Whores onto it) check out these board games.
Here's a page where a man eats some almost food and gives you a review on it. It still has nothing on some of the crap I've seen eaten at Chinese restaurants, but it's still pretty entertaining.
This is very involved for a flash game...plus you get to shoot things. I'm sold.
...and to round out 2004, here's just one more weird stories of last year link. Makes you wonder about what happened to the chickens you eat, huh?
Monday, January 03, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 8 1/3
It's a new year, people. I hope you all had a fun New Years and managed to stay out of jail. Every year I decide to make some ridiculous resolutions that I have no intention of keeping, so this year I decided I'd go with something I could. I'm kicking my heroin and cigarette habits; this might hurt my burgeoning modeling career, but it's been 3 days and I'm still clean. Wish me good luck. Anyways, here's the first links of the year. Enjoy.
Robot jockeys and children racing camels? Who said the Middle East was stagnant and backwards.
O.K...this online gaming thing has gone too far. This guy actually paid more than the down payment for my real life condo for a fictional island in a video game. I bet he owns a segway, too.
He tossed a coin he flipped it up...I guess this beats cutting the child in half like King Solomon did.
If you're feeling in the mood to be in bad taste...might as well set this tsunami slide up next to a model of the Twin Towers.
Finally...someone doing the lord's work and fighting against that succubus, Oprah!
Whoever buys this calendar has some serious issues...I mean really, scantily clad women? That's just sexist!
Certainly not safe for work...but not due to pictures. College Sex advice is as bold as it gets.
Gee...the number one hit song on the day I was born was ABBA's "Dancing Queen." You can all just shut the hell up.
I found half a tree under my bumper once when I fell asleep driving to Vegas...it could have been worse...I could have found a severed foot.
Hmmm...Germany is charging Rumsfeld with war crimes due to Abu Ghraib. At least we can count on Germany to uphold the dignity and humanity of terrorists. Maybe they can volunteer their expertise on forgoing torture and going straight into the ovens.
This may be the coolest thing I have ever heard of...straight out of Lucifer's Hammer! Silver Surfer, eat your heart out!
What's in your wallet? I hope not Capital One, those thieving bastards.
Man...compared to this guy, I've wasted my life. Look at all the research he must have put in to review every food item ever put out by Taco Bell.
They say sex sells...apparently even for hot dog vendors.
Would you say it was bigger than a pepsi bottle? Well, that's what she said about Jay-Z's member. That's...wow.
Can you identify these celebrities by a pic of their butts? I'm not quite sure so far...I'm going to need some research time.
Great...so now the Mexican government is making comic books on how to illegally get into the U.S. I wonder if they'll make it into a movie? It's worked for X-men, Daredevil, Batman...
You think I have a lot of time to waste at work? Well, I do, but this is ridiculous.
Vikings didn't wear horns on their helmets? Say it ain't so! Next they're gonna tell us pirates didn't make people walk the plank. What? They didn't?
Australia doesn't fuck around where their warning signs are concerned.
It's a new year, people. I hope you all had a fun New Years and managed to stay out of jail. Every year I decide to make some ridiculous resolutions that I have no intention of keeping, so this year I decided I'd go with something I could. I'm kicking my heroin and cigarette habits; this might hurt my burgeoning modeling career, but it's been 3 days and I'm still clean. Wish me good luck. Anyways, here's the first links of the year. Enjoy.
Robot jockeys and children racing camels? Who said the Middle East was stagnant and backwards.
O.K...this online gaming thing has gone too far. This guy actually paid more than the down payment for my real life condo for a fictional island in a video game. I bet he owns a segway, too.
He tossed a coin he flipped it up...I guess this beats cutting the child in half like King Solomon did.
If you're feeling in the mood to be in bad taste...might as well set this tsunami slide up next to a model of the Twin Towers.
Finally...someone doing the lord's work and fighting against that succubus, Oprah!
Whoever buys this calendar has some serious issues...I mean really, scantily clad women? That's just sexist!
Certainly not safe for work...but not due to pictures. College Sex advice is as bold as it gets.
Gee...the number one hit song on the day I was born was ABBA's "Dancing Queen." You can all just shut the hell up.
I found half a tree under my bumper once when I fell asleep driving to Vegas...it could have been worse...I could have found a severed foot.
Hmmm...Germany is charging Rumsfeld with war crimes due to Abu Ghraib. At least we can count on Germany to uphold the dignity and humanity of terrorists. Maybe they can volunteer their expertise on forgoing torture and going straight into the ovens.
This may be the coolest thing I have ever heard of...straight out of Lucifer's Hammer! Silver Surfer, eat your heart out!
What's in your wallet? I hope not Capital One, those thieving bastards.
Man...compared to this guy, I've wasted my life. Look at all the research he must have put in to review every food item ever put out by Taco Bell.
They say sex sells...apparently even for hot dog vendors.
Would you say it was bigger than a pepsi bottle? Well, that's what she said about Jay-Z's member. That's...wow.
Can you identify these celebrities by a pic of their butts? I'm not quite sure so far...I'm going to need some research time.
Great...so now the Mexican government is making comic books on how to illegally get into the U.S. I wonder if they'll make it into a movie? It's worked for X-men, Daredevil, Batman...
You think I have a lot of time to waste at work? Well, I do, but this is ridiculous.
Vikings didn't wear horns on their helmets? Say it ain't so! Next they're gonna tell us pirates didn't make people walk the plank. What? They didn't?
Australia doesn't fuck around where their warning signs are concerned.
I should actually post something on my blog other than silly links I send to me friend once and a while. This is basically my main New Year's resolution...I'm going to try and post smaller little thoughts and such to stay in practice. Practice for what, you ask? I'm glad you did...I also made another resolution on vacations this year and I plan on going on at least 3 major vacations this year. My first trip should be to Cambodia, Thailand and Vietnam in March, which will once again require me to write a travel journal. I have been keeping a journal for the past three vacations I have been on and it's a fun exercise that is a good reference tool for where I've been and what I was thinking at the time. I'll be traveling with my buddy Newjen, which should be VERY interesting. I'll probably force him to keep some sort of a journal as well and put them both together as a sort of dueling banjos account of our trip. He still has the legendary "Jansporting with Newjen" story in which he invented the term "white boy heaven" to refer to ethnic girls getting obessed by white guys not to mention his Tone's Take in our fantasy sports leagues. You could do worse...you could read all of mine. My journals end up being little novellas and generally outstrip the length of reading Animal Farm.
I'll be traveling to Vegas this next weekend so there should be some interesting things afoot when I get there. I'll be meeting up with Abe and Changomo; Abe and Vegas always combine for some funny stories...like the time he had to wait outside of a strip joint to sober up because he couldn't stand up on his own. When he finally got in, he spent the entire time sleeping on a stripper's minidress. Hehe...hopefully good times ahead.
I'll be traveling to Vegas this next weekend so there should be some interesting things afoot when I get there. I'll be meeting up with Abe and Changomo; Abe and Vegas always combine for some funny stories...like the time he had to wait outside of a strip joint to sober up because he couldn't stand up on his own. When he finally got in, he spent the entire time sleeping on a stripper's minidress. Hehe...hopefully good times ahead.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Farkin' Links Vol. 7 12/30
I hope you all have a fun New Year's Eve tomorrow. Here's the last links of the year. Enjoy...
This is an interesting link; a collection of the various inventions by prisoners...they wisely left out the shanks and other lethal weapons.
Hmmm...well, I can see why this guy got nuttin' for Christmas...
This is just bizarre...it's Pulp Fiction in legos...and in Japanese, apparently.
80,000 dollars plus benefits a year to do nothing? Who would be crazy enough to accept that job! I'd sue as well.
Wow...that's a lot of fags in one airport. Hey, I'm talking about cigarettes! What, do you think I'm some sort of intolerant bigot?
Speaking of fags however, or maybe it should be gafs. What a jackass.
Here's a man with far too much time on his hands...so, basically, a man after my own heart. Still, those are some cool card buildings.
Chocolate or beer? How about chocolate AND beer! Sam Adams, you mad genius, you!
Just like the British...even when they're intent on crime and beatings, they're still polite about it.
Cool. They have a t-shirt with Lynn's new man. It puts the lotion in the basket!
This dog could give Toonces the Driving Cat a run for his money.
People ask me why I watch Spanish tv when I don't speak spanish. No, it's not because of all the beautiful scantily clad women...well, not entirely, anyways. They have quality entertainment, like this guy.
Wait a minute...are they saying that before this law it was illegal to fish with your bare hands?
Looks like the law of gravity is in trouble. I always knew that was a bad law...very discriminatory against stupid people and cartoon characters.
Wow...that was by far the best video I've seen today. Ummm...not exactly safe for work...even if it does involve Lindsey Lohan.
This is kind of an old story, but what the hell, it involves exploding donkeys. (Hat tip to Jon the Oracle)
I like the original song...so I'll just include this as well.
Yeah, right. It was the nightwatch man's porn collection on my computer...sure...and please don't tell my wife.
...and speaking of porn, it's a true Christmas miracle!
I hope you all have a fun New Year's Eve tomorrow. Here's the last links of the year. Enjoy...
This is an interesting link; a collection of the various inventions by prisoners...they wisely left out the shanks and other lethal weapons.
Hmmm...well, I can see why this guy got nuttin' for Christmas...
This is just bizarre...it's Pulp Fiction in legos...and in Japanese, apparently.
80,000 dollars plus benefits a year to do nothing? Who would be crazy enough to accept that job! I'd sue as well.
Wow...that's a lot of fags in one airport. Hey, I'm talking about cigarettes! What, do you think I'm some sort of intolerant bigot?
Speaking of fags however, or maybe it should be gafs. What a jackass.
Here's a man with far too much time on his hands...so, basically, a man after my own heart. Still, those are some cool card buildings.
Chocolate or beer? How about chocolate AND beer! Sam Adams, you mad genius, you!
Just like the British...even when they're intent on crime and beatings, they're still polite about it.
Cool. They have a t-shirt with Lynn's new man. It puts the lotion in the basket!
This dog could give Toonces the Driving Cat a run for his money.
People ask me why I watch Spanish tv when I don't speak spanish. No, it's not because of all the beautiful scantily clad women...well, not entirely, anyways. They have quality entertainment, like this guy.
Wait a minute...are they saying that before this law it was illegal to fish with your bare hands?
Looks like the law of gravity is in trouble. I always knew that was a bad law...very discriminatory against stupid people and cartoon characters.
Wow...that was by far the best video I've seen today. Ummm...not exactly safe for work...even if it does involve Lindsey Lohan.
This is kind of an old story, but what the hell, it involves exploding donkeys. (Hat tip to Jon the Oracle)
I like the original song...so I'll just include this as well.
Yeah, right. It was the nightwatch man's porn collection on my computer...sure...and please don't tell my wife.
...and speaking of porn, it's a true Christmas miracle!
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Farkin' Links 6 12/29
The deathtoll by the tragedy in Southeast Asia seems to be growing by the minute. I hope all of you find it in your power to donate something to help ease the next disaster that they're about to suffer; disease. Amazon has a direct link to the red cross which seems to be growing every minute. Sorry for the downer this morning...anyways, let's look at the lighter side of life.
Hmmm...drunk people mixed with a fragile, easily destroyed building...what could go wrong?
Ex-Boss wakes up man in coma by telling him to "get his ass back to work." I wonder if he gave him his job back? That would be kind of cruel if he did that to tease the man.
Who are these researchers that study how much skin celebrities are showing in public? And how the hell do I get on this team?
Couple pays entire town's electricity bill for Christmas...top that one, jolly fat man!
Rain in the desert city of Dubai causes 500 accidents in a day...I'd still take that over driving on the freeways here in LA.
Hmmm...the BBC certainly sponsors some weird ass shit for their teenagers. Not exactly safe for work...unless your work allows cartoon nudity.
Yet another file for "Japanese people are crazy!"...I really don't want to ride the subway there anymore.
Hehe...this is for those poor suckers that live back east and suffer in the snow. Sorry Allan and Brett. Sorry you're foolish enough to live in that weather.
This movie is for Moody. What? I just know he happens to be a big fan of Sesame Street, that's all...
This sounds like something Jack would do...except for the Radio Shack part. I mean, nobody really shops at Radio Shack, right?
Something tells me this is a regular occurance on Greyhound buses...
Alright, this is a pretty good story. Nobody really does check the signature, do they?
Wow...that's an idea, forget renting the midgets, just rent children! You can pay them in candy!
Ecstasy 'May Ease Fears of Dying Cancer Patients'...hell, why stop there? Let's just get them some crack so they can go out with a bang!
A list of interesting urinals...what a wonderful lunch topic!
Gee...talk about a slow newsday...this actually makes a story? The writer pretty much went out to the parking lot and interviewed people. Eh...it's MSNBC, nobody reads or watches it anyways.
It's not quite a penguin getting wacked with a bat, but I like flying midgets. My best score was 50.14
Speaking of penguins...I really suck at diving. I can't get over 26. No wait....30!!! Yes!!! I win the gold! Sadly, that's the biggest accomplishment I've made today.
Did you ever wonder why everything tastes like chicken? No, it's not because we're in the Matrix...the Matrix 2 and 3 sort of killed that desire; check this article out.
One last link regarding Christmas...while I had no lights on my place(hell, I wasn't even home)these people seem to spend a whole lot of time and effort on their places.
The deathtoll by the tragedy in Southeast Asia seems to be growing by the minute. I hope all of you find it in your power to donate something to help ease the next disaster that they're about to suffer; disease. Amazon has a direct link to the red cross which seems to be growing every minute. Sorry for the downer this morning...anyways, let's look at the lighter side of life.
Hmmm...drunk people mixed with a fragile, easily destroyed building...what could go wrong?
Ex-Boss wakes up man in coma by telling him to "get his ass back to work." I wonder if he gave him his job back? That would be kind of cruel if he did that to tease the man.
Who are these researchers that study how much skin celebrities are showing in public? And how the hell do I get on this team?
Couple pays entire town's electricity bill for Christmas...top that one, jolly fat man!
Rain in the desert city of Dubai causes 500 accidents in a day...I'd still take that over driving on the freeways here in LA.
Hmmm...the BBC certainly sponsors some weird ass shit for their teenagers. Not exactly safe for work...unless your work allows cartoon nudity.
Yet another file for "Japanese people are crazy!"...I really don't want to ride the subway there anymore.
Hehe...this is for those poor suckers that live back east and suffer in the snow. Sorry Allan and Brett. Sorry you're foolish enough to live in that weather.
This movie is for Moody. What? I just know he happens to be a big fan of Sesame Street, that's all...
This sounds like something Jack would do...except for the Radio Shack part. I mean, nobody really shops at Radio Shack, right?
Something tells me this is a regular occurance on Greyhound buses...
Alright, this is a pretty good story. Nobody really does check the signature, do they?
Wow...that's an idea, forget renting the midgets, just rent children! You can pay them in candy!
Ecstasy 'May Ease Fears of Dying Cancer Patients'...hell, why stop there? Let's just get them some crack so they can go out with a bang!
A list of interesting urinals...what a wonderful lunch topic!
Gee...talk about a slow newsday...this actually makes a story? The writer pretty much went out to the parking lot and interviewed people. Eh...it's MSNBC, nobody reads or watches it anyways.
It's not quite a penguin getting wacked with a bat, but I like flying midgets. My best score was 50.14
Speaking of penguins...I really suck at diving. I can't get over 26. No wait....30!!! Yes!!! I win the gold! Sadly, that's the biggest accomplishment I've made today.
Did you ever wonder why everything tastes like chicken? No, it's not because we're in the Matrix...the Matrix 2 and 3 sort of killed that desire; check this article out.
One last link regarding Christmas...while I had no lights on my place(hell, I wasn't even home)these people seem to spend a whole lot of time and effort on their places.
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