Farkin' Links Vol. 51 3/10

Well, here's my last email before my vacation, so enjoy it, dammit! If I make it back alive from Cambodia and Vietnam, I most likely resume this time wasting pasttime. Either way, you'll have to find stupid stories and links on your own until after Easter. So long, suckers!

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so.
--Bertrand Russell


These are not the stories I need to read before I go on a long plane ride...

For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have robot mannequins who strike a pose when you stand next to them. Let's just keep Sarah Connor away...they might get ideas...

Here's some good tips to get rid of those pesky people that bother you at work...like your co-workers, your boss...

Hehe...and you thought the DMV was slow; imagine the DMV in Italy...

I feel the Earth, move, under my feet, I feel the sky tumblin' down, tumblin' down...

Hmmm...my friends Chris and Mark tried this one night at my place with an economy sized bottle of tequila...I found Chris asleep with his head in my toilet.

Nick Carter seems to have the embarrassing hasbeen who appears in the Enquirer every week sort of career now.

Killer croc captured in Uganda...and for some reason, they're not turning him into a pair of boots and a belt. Well, maybe since he has a history for having eaten around 83 people they'll elect him president.

This would be Moody's Teacher of the Year winner, I'm sure.

Because all crime has been solved in New York and Sipowicz has retired, the police pass the time by giving out tickets to people selling Girl Scout Cookies.

Here's an interesting game; it's a race through a maze...

This guy took that movie the Omen way too seriously. Besides, his kid couldn't have been the anti-christ; my brother Grant is the anti-christ. There can be only one.

I'd say this guy should plead insanity, but really, he sounds completely sane. I'd probably have shot them too.

If you thought that the music people put on their cell phone rings was far too personal, wait until you get a load of what they want to use next.

The Malaysian government now encourages kids to watch t.v., so they can improve their english skills. Let's just hope it's not MTV they're watching.

Doh!

Suddenly, I'm not too sorry I missed out on organized sports in High School.

I bet this guy's a method actor...still, he still alive so that makes him a failure.

Well, there you go. Even in poor countries lacking in food, chicks still manage to get fat.

Farkin' Links Vol. 50 3/9

Damn...I can't believe I'm already up to 50 on the links already...even worse is the fact that I did about 20 before I even started numbering them. Oh well, I'll be taking a break from this after this week anyways; vacation comes first.

In great affairs men show themselves as they wish to be seen; in small things they show themselves as they are.
--Nicholas Chamfort


Next time your girl tries to use the "Not tonight, I have a headache," just pull this article out.

Hehe...I always wanted to do that to a motorcycle...I hate those things when they're on the road.

Hmmm...she fought the curb and curb won. I guess those H2's aren't as "extreme" as they're portrayed to be.

In this case, she fought the law and the stun gun won. I guess women really are trying to be equal with men, even in crime.

This is a cool site; it gives you the history of all types of famous songs...you know, just in case you were curious about such classics as Oops...I did it again...

As Bill O'Reilly would say, "Now for the most ridiculous item of the day," they have Bono on the short list for World Bank Chief, despite having absolutely no banking skills whatsoever. Well, he did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night...

Well, it's nice to know a country I'm about to visit has cops this incompetent. Hopefully, they're open to bribes as well.

These guys have an interesting hobby...I'd rather build funny snowmen like Calvin and Hobbes, but I guess this is pretty cool too.

Here's a classy lady you'd like to take home to mom...if your mom is into trashy sluts, that is.

Sure, "Japanese people are crazy" for wanting nipple enhancers, but blame Canada for encouraging them.

Wow...you really can buy anything on the internet...even part time prostitutes now.

Speaking of those wacky Japanese, they've banned blood donations from anyone who was in Britian or France from '80-96 because they're paranoid of mad cow disease...not that you need an excuse to ban the French from anything.

According to this study, Spanish speaking youth have sex less than those who have learned English. That's funny, they certainly have more kids...what's the Spanish word for condom?

That'll teach that copper to respect the no parking signs...

Britney is not looking so good lately...I guess that's what marriage does to you. Especially when you marry some white trash dude...

Awwww...how cute...they found a baby star...

Hehe...ALRIGHT! It's And1:Team Asia! In fact, I think we played these guys on Saturday...

Hmmm...Al-Qaeda tried to kidnap Russell Crowe to destabilize our culture or something...how about we just give them Jude Law and call it even?

Oooohhhh...the irony. Actually, the headline says it all,"Man taking avalanche awareness class caught in deadly slide." I guess he wasn't aware enough just yet.

Yikes...that's just weird. World's smallest man has a baby son who's bigger than he is. Wait, I'm confused again...does size matter or doesn't it?

Farkin' Links Vol. 49 3/8

Getting an ATM card to work at Costco is a lot harder than I ever would have thought...if you have an account with Washington Mutual, that is. They have some gigantic magnetized strip far larger than a normal card; I guess size really does matter.

Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.
--Bertolt Brecht

Uhhh...word. And on with the links...


I wonder if they teach this course at the University of Colorado? It certainly would be a better choice than their Ethnic studies program.

Ouch.

Now this is MY kind of origami...the origami boulder! Only 10 dollar!

Damn...rubberbands are dangerous.

I guess this means we won't be able to ship Ashlee Simpson off to China...well, there's always the Sudan.

Cool...new snow sculptures of 2005.

Oooohhh...I think I have a new favorite blog.

Here's a fun tennis game...it reminds me of the old Nintendo version.

...and here's an even more fun game to take out your frustrations after totally failing on the tennis game.

Awwww...I guess Jack won't be able to hang out at the library after his workout anymore.

The Israeli Defense Force automatically gives low clearance to people who role play due to the fact that “They're detached from reality and suscepitble to influence." Yet they're dealing with a former terrorist Abbas for "peace." The guys playfighting with swords somehow seem more grounded.

California university researchers are going to create a mouse with human brain tissue, then run him for governor, presumably.

Yet another teacher taking sex ed a little too far with a student...although the twist on this story is that she apparently demonstrated on his father as well. What is it with teachers nowadays, and why weren't they like this when I was in school?

Hmmm...the Koreans are taking disposable cameras to a whole new level...I wonder if I can get it cherry flavored.

Those Thais certainly know how to create opportunity out of disaster. Who wouldn't want to experience Tsunami: the Ride?

What if the Sudanese government freed the slaves and nobody showed up? Oh, that's right, there is no slavery in Sudan. Riiiiiiight.

Here's good news for smokers...you can quite smoking by taking drugs. Isn't that sort of like cutting off your hand to fix a hangnail?

It's good to see the government is going after those hardened criminals, like this mother who owed 96 cents in income tax.

I remember a story like this a while ago, but hey, it's back in the news. Here's the "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day...why is it when women cheat on their husbands they're still made out to be the victims?

What a dumbass...this is why drinking and sharks don't mix.

Farkin' Links Vol. 48 3/7

Go Lebanon! Well, you win some and you lose some. Specifically, on Saturday, our basketball team lost, but on Sunday we won. The victory would have been much sweeter had my teammate not elbowed me in the throat. Thank goodness I still have a terrible cough, so the pain from the bruise just sort of blends with the existing pain from coughing, so nothing much has changed. I hope you all had a good weekend, next weekend proves to be much more exciting for me. I leave you with the links, and a quote.

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
--Arthur C. Clarke


See...this would actually convince me to watch Tennis. That's why they should form a Russ Meyer Tennis Association; it would destroy the current set. Uhhh...probably not safe for work.

Awww....everyone's favorite fat lip syncher is now depressed that he's the laughing stock of the internet. He should embrace his inner William Hung and make more videos...and start charging.

Well, now we know what the Canadians do with all that time covered in snow...they conduct stupid research on people's fingers.

Have you ever wanted to fake your death...maybe because you were embarrassed as badly as a Southwest commercial? Well, here's a plan.

This game is extremely difficult...but highly addicting.

Robert Blake coulda saved himself some trouble if he'd used this website instead of asking his stuntmen friends to kill his wife.

Cool...there's a new opening in the G-Unit posse! I wonder where I can send my resume of slappin' bitches and fighting the man.

This is just because your day won't be full without a Lindsey Lohan reference.

Hmmm...well, this isn't technically porn as there isn't any nudity, but simulated blowjobs with bananas might be considered not safe for work.

Wow...some people love there pets, but some people LOVE their pets. That's sort of like getting the Mexico donkey show in your yard.

This looks like a job for Batman...or possibly Ghost Rider...no, maybe the Shadow...

Jeez...poor Canadians...they so miss the NHL that they're going all the way to Mt. Everest to play hockey.

This is a fun game with a bump copter. What's a bump copter? You'll have to play it to find out.

Hehe, whoops. Don't reposess my car! I forgot the bodies...I mean, my stuff is still in there!

Holy crap, Batjew! I didn't realize rabbis did THAT when they performed a circumcision!

That's an interesting commercial; it reminds me of the Phantom as it involves a man standing right in front of a cannon instead of getting out of the way. Slam evil!

I know the Austrians have a reputation for being stodgy, boring and rude. That's basically all true, but they do have a cool city with THIS name.

No way! They think the 3rd worst job in sports is Rodeo Clown...that's my dream job, man!

This is a pretty detailed pool game from Oreo...still, it costs less than going to a pool hall. Unfortunately, you have to provide your own beer.

Wait a minute...you could actually have a TIGER for a PET in this country and nobody told me?!? Well, I know what I want for my next birthday now.

Farkin' Links Vol. 47 3/4

That was one hell of a fire last night! A group of us were out eating some weird ass pork at a Korean BBQ when the house across the street decided to have a BBQ of it's own. I'm not sure what set it ablaze, although Marlon did get up and disappear for a while, presumably to "go to the bathroom," but that house turned into a flame out straight out of Backdraft. I don't think anybody was hurt, so it was one hell of a floor show for the dinner finale. Hmmm...I should give you guys another quote anyways even though I actually wrote something today.

A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
--Granville Hicks


In case you were unsure of whether Anna Nicole Smith was completely insane...this ought to set you straight. Might not be safe for work.

Speaking of crazy people, looks like Mike Tyson has decided to start singing. Well, it couldn't be worse than William Hung's album, could it? I'm hoping for another Wesley Willis, myself. "Rock over London, rock on Chicago! Folgers, it's good to the last drop!"

I was pretty bothered by the rains that just flooded Southern California, but at least it wasn't like this. I keep telling you people, France sucks.

That's almost cheating! Damn, I miss hockey.

Well, I have to say, that marriage lasted longer than I thought it would.

I'm not sure I can improve on the title of this piece,"Get this off my penis!" Let's just say that the metal nut wasn't the right size.

Wow...Uncle Jesse is a dick, just like Superman! Still, what a friend, eh? I wouldn't do that for my friends.

Yikes...my worst nightmare brought to life! A man actually died by getting caught in an escalator!

Do you know the Flags of the World? I apparently do...11 out of 11, baby! Oh, and that trick question? It's not a trick.

Hmmm...the crazy ebay link of the day happens to be a woman's breast. Look out, it's dangerous!

I guess some women aren't as oppressed in Iran. I wonder if her husband collects comic books, because that would explain a lot.

Hehe...Japan, eat your heart out. the Dutch now sell emergency vibrators from vending machines.

Cool...here's the complete collection of the Calvin and Hobbes comic strips. Spaceman Spiff lives on!

Ya man...don't mess wit da kung fu kid! Look out, ShoNuff, Shogun of Harlem!

These are pretty funny...mostly because Romance novel covers are on a comedy level all on their own.

In today's "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have what appears to be one of their crazy gameshows which has a creative use of a construction site.

Zee Germans are killing themselves with this bureaucracy...but hey, at least it's kept them from invading France lately. Not that I care what happens to France, it's just we get called in to separate them everytime.

Heh...Al-Qaeda has launched an online magazine to rally Muslims. Of course, since only rich people over there have computers, I'm not sure who they're going to reach.

Well, I guess some women actually liked showing their breasts to Koko the gorilla. I'm not sure there's much else to say.

Cool...South Korean programmers are doing the Lord's work. Well, they're certainly making it a lot harder to to actual work, so that's still pretty good.

...and one more clip from Cheaters...because that show is the bestest. You never know what's going to happen...

Farkin' Links Vol. 46 3/3

I like giving a quote of the day instead since I've been particularly lazy as of late. Let me find a good one...

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
--Herbert Spencer


Looks like teens are doing "garage jumping" in Florida now. This involves jumping from a multi-level parking garage to another over 80-100 foot gaps. This is what is referred to as evolution in action.

This woman claims that a neighbor came into the house and tricked her into having sex with him by pretending to be her husband...Riiiiiiight. If she's selling bridges, I'm not buying.

Well now...I guess you can now tell her it's "God's Will." That might work.

You'd think the game show people would make sure the mixed up word wouldn't spell something like this. Then again...it's probably good for ratings.

Now THAT'S a prank! Very cruel...I hope it's just a photo shop job.

Hehe...crazy Germans. Maybe this is why Ron Artest wanted to work at Circuit City, though.

Just in case you were thinking of destroying the world, well you need a plan. Know your enemy!

Awww....look! It's a baby Hunter S. Thompson!

I can't see this book on unisex haircuts doing very well...except in the comedy section.

Speaking of zee Germans, this one managed to install Linux onto his iPod. What a great idea...I always thought the iPod was far too easy to use.

Damn...the future is now. You too can drill holes in your head to put in electrodes to combat depression, just like in that book "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" It's a really stupid name, I know. That's why when they made it into a movie they changed it to "Blade Runner."

Cool...pirates AND ninjas! Where do I sign up to get my booty?

It's REALLY not this guy's day. I mean, if you can't go to Chuck E. Cheese and have a good time without getting tasered, where can you go? Still, I'm sure the kids enjoyed this show better than the animatronic band.

Ever want to see a cement truck blown to smithereens? Of course you have!

Hehe...I wonder who pays the 200 dollar fine after you touch the wires of death?

O.K. That was a fun quiz...Boobs, butt or shoulder? It's not as easy as it sounds.

Here's an interesting game...you're a pelican...your goal? Crap on cars.

Here's an interesting story about a man trying to escape over the boarder...into Canada.

Praise Allah, Batman! There's a new superhero in town!

Here's how Polish guys fight over the honor of their women. Normally, I wouldn't encourage these kind of prejudices, but Polish jokes are funny.

Farkin' Links Vol. 45 3/2

Man...I'm still trippin' the light fantastic with the anti cough medication right now. In that case, I'll give you a quote of the day instead.

The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous.
--Shana Alexander


This is funny; there's a co-worker up in San Francisco who actually takes these classes. Why? I have no idea.

Looks like Oakland is going to use shame to discourage prostitution by posting pictures of "johns" on billboards and at bus stops. If they really want to shame them, they should put a picture of the crack whore they were propositioning next to them.

Well, this is far too much interpretation of a Bon Jovi song...although, maybe he can do "Every Rose Has it's Thorns" next. That song...that song is deep.

This is an interesting site...they keep a collection of people's favorite words and the reason behind it. You should send an entry. I don't think they'd be allowed to put my favorite word in there, though.

So even for the Vikings, size matters. Maybe that's why they were always overcompensating by pillaging.

Now this site is cool! Did you ever want to know all about WWII weapons? Apparently people did during the war, so the war department made some detailed posters with just da facts.

This is truly taking advantage of the power of the internet and doing a public good. This site provides the way to curse in every language you've ever heard of. So, kis em ik.

What, exactly, is a dork? Well, the BBC certainly has an opinion on the matter. (Hat tip:Tristan)

That is the ugliest animal I have ever seen...his nose is weirder than Michael Jackson's.

Here's yet another reason why I will never live in a place where it snows.

The weird ebay listing of the day; just goes to show you really can buy ANYTHING on ebay. Even supercomputers.

O.K., I have to say I've never heard of AWOL before...but I really would like to try it. Alcohol without liquid? It's the way of the future!

This site has hundreds of Sega commercials...even one with Michael Jackson! Moonwalker rules!

Whoa...I guess male teachers are getting back into the mix of giving hands on experience in sex education. This story reads like a Penthouse letter...

Wow...that's some expensive whiskey! I'll just stick to Boones...

Extreme poledancing? I'll allow it.

Just to show you how useless this obsession with safety is, they've just found that breast milk contains dangerous toxic chemicals that can harm you. Of course, babies NOT drinking breast milk is probably a little more dangerous to their health.

This story is just plain weird. This man kept his wife locked in the bedroom for 6 years...and nobody noticed.

Even weirder...well, 30 percent of couples in the Phillipines didn't know that having sex creates babies.

...and for the lesson of the day, if you're ever in a high speed chase with the cops, make sure to wear your seatbelt.

Farkin' Links Vol. 44 3/1

I have nothing to add today...except that being sick sucks.


A lesbian's high school yearbook photo was pulled because she was wearing a tuxedo. See, I have no problem with that; she was wearing far more clothing than that prom dress designed by Lil' Kim.

Hmmm...I always figured a hole in the cell of a Turkish prison was more gay oriented...but hey, life finds a way.

Here's an interesting list of quotes people said about their car accidents. Here's my favorite,"The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."

Oh boy...and I thought smoking out of there only happened in sleazy strip joints...uh, not that I would have seen it or anything.

These women sure can drink...but from the looks of them, I figure they'd be trying to get their guy to drink more.

Ouch. this guy got three lines branded around his leg...for what reason? I have no idea. It seems he has no idea, either.

Wow! This sounds like the greatest job ever! They actually pay you to watch the Dukes of Hazard!

Hehe...this reminds me of Vicky on any given Saturday night.

Talk about a "Japanese people are crazy" link; this guy has spent 30 years at his company pulling weeds and stuck at an empty desk for blowing the whistle on illegal activities. Still, sounds like almost as cool a job as the Dukes of Hazard one.

Interesting movie review of I, Robot. I'm guessing he didn't like it.

Hey Moody...Amsterdam is calling you.

This guy's pretty lucky... he managed to make it in the newspaper twice, even though he did his best to stop it.

Well, I guess this is a better alternative than keying someone's car, but it's more expensive.

You can lose your teaching job for doing Jackass stunts? Who woulda thunk it?

You won't see these cars at a car show...which is probably a good thing. Still, wow.

A man in Hong Kong discovered 525 beetles in his jar of cereal. Way to go, Sherlock; how do you miss 525 beetles? Was there room for cereal around the damn beetles?

Damn...people really will buy anything, won't they?

Pakistan has some weird rules regarding arranged marriages...

China is about to ban determining which sex a fetus is going to be because, not surprisingly, the female babies are snuffed out in favor of a boy. I wonder what Gloria Steinem thinks of these women's right to choose?

This almost makes me sad my office doesn't have cubicles...almost.

Farkin' Links Vol. 43 2/28

I know you all thought I'd finally quit and stopped wasting my time by sending out these links, but you'd be wrong! I was just suffering through feverish dreams with the flu, so I had other things on my mind...like pink, puffy clouds and hephalumps...anyways, I'm back until my vacation. Here dey are;


If all prosecutors in Florida are this stupid, I know where to commit crime...if I was inclined, that is.

Hehe...alright, this is a pretty funny commercial. I, too, feel lucky.

A postman not delivering his mail...that's sort of a dog bites man story, isn't it?

This one is for Moody...I know how much he loves Spongebob Squarepants already, so Spongebong will just be that much cooler.

This italian rocker is going to jail for a loooong time. Not only did he murder a bunch of people in Satanic rituals, but he's also still doing heavy metal. The guy's obviously a menace.

Well...this is just wishful thinking.

Have you ever done anything stupid with your computer? You know, like deleting autoexec.bat or anything? Welcome to this guy's world.

Wow...this skiing game is a little aggressive...

Someone was a little too obsessed with Rocky and Bullwinkle. I guess it's one way to make a squirrel fly.

Hehe...rabies are fun. At least he bought this raccoon dinner before he made a move.

That's probably the problem with this story. They did NOT buy this poor panda dinner first. He probably had performance anxiety what with all the cameras.

Hmmm...no sex toys in Alabama allowed. It's the law. I guess people will just have to stick with their cousins.

Oooohhh...Sirius radio lured away NASCAR from XM. Let me get this straight...people actually listen to NASCAR on the radio? What do the announcers talk about? "Well, that was a nice left turn there...oh, and there's another..."

A hockey coach was suspended for putting a bounty on an opposing player...you see, that's why I miss hockey.

Hawaii is trying to ban the killing and eating of cats and dogs with new legislation touching off complaints from every chinese restaurant on the island.

This is kind of a hard game...it's like rubbing your stomach and patting your head...

Cool...this has to be the world's oldest stoner.

This is so not cool. I would probably have to go on a killing spree after this.

Farkin' Links Vol. 42 2/23

I seem to have come down with something today; must be the rain and the fact that my heater decided to stop working last night...you know, the one time I needed it in Los Angeles. But that's o.k., because I had a doctor's appointment today. Nothing makes you feel better than giving up blood and getting a tetnis shot in the same arm. Either way, I'm in a lovely mood today. But hey, enjoy the links.


Sock it to me!

Hehe...I can't imagine that pirates do much internet surfing, but if they did, this is the perfect keyboard for them.

It seems that a majority of female high school students in Japan regret having sex for the first time. Maybe it's because they were hoping for those demon tentacles that they grew up watching in cartoons.

There seems to be a huge demand for toilet paper in China now...which makes me wonder what the hell they were using before. Then again, maybe it's better that I don't.

This is a disappointing page dispelling all those cool rumors about rock stars...although seriously...who the hell is Robert Johnson?

Damn...King Tut is still striking out from the grave. I think it's just tomb envy, really. He did get stuck in a back closet after he died.

Have you ever wanted a gas mask, but thought it was just too expensive? Yeah, well, me neither. But these guys have built their own out of computer parts...somewhere, MacGyver is smiling down on them.

Hmmm...I guess the Black Mask bought himself a new license plate.

So sad...to peak when you're 5 years old.

Because the British have already researched everything of interest in the world, they decided to have a go at deciphering smiles. Look out Nobel committee!

The movie industry discovers that PG and PG-13 movies generally gross more than R movies because it's a bigger base audience. I guess we can file that into the "No shit, Sherlock" category.

Hehe...strip joint was pressured into putting some extra clothes on their naked model billboard ad...tastefully naked, I might add. Less genitalia than Lil' Kim shows, anyways. Guess what happened next?

Here's another list, this one regarding things lawyers won't tell you...funny, the truth isn't on here...

This dutch site helps you break up with people or cheat on them. Nice business ethics, guys. No, really.

Ouch! That one is definitely gonna leave a mark!

What do you get when you cross a couple of black lesbians and that show Cheaters? Good t.v., that's what.

Here's a fun shooting game based on the Resident Evil sequel...it manages to be far more entertaining than the movie...which isn't very hard.

This is pretty cool. This site translates your name into Japanese kanji...well, at least it says it does. It probably gives you a derogatory name and insults your heritage, but it's still pretty cool.

This may be the crappiest crime of all time...how the hell are you gonna explain to the inmates that you went to jail for conterfeiting Subway sandwich cards? Actually, I think she just needs a better lawyer.

This isn't good...I knew these cell phones would lead to the destruction of all mankind. Hopefully I'll be gone before that happens.

Meet the new feminist hero of the year...I don't understand why women always think it's amusing when a guy gets his pecker cut off.

Farkin' Links Vol. 41 2/21

I hope you all had a nice weekend and enjoyed your President's day if you had it off. If you didn't...well, HAHAHA....SUCKERS! I don't like the idea of President's day because it cheapens the honor we used to bestow on the father of our country, George Washington. I certainly am not going to celebrate a total failure like Grant or Carter. We should just change it back to Washington's birthday.


This is the first I've ever heard of a tattoo getting copyrighted. I guess it was bound to happen with people selling ad space on their foreheads and stomachs...Oh well, I hope Rasheed Wallace hasn't spent all his money on pot and has enough to pay this guy to go away.

Hmmm...so iPods can get you laid now, too? What can't it do?

So...is this what women do in their rooms?

Jeez...talk about still stuck in 1985. Debbie Gibson says her nude pictures in Playboy are better than Tiffany's from several years ago. I really might have cared, had this happened while I was still in elementary school when either one of these artists actually mattered. Still, I wouldn't kick her out of bed...not safe for work, but you can check it out and draw your own conclusions.

Man...if men applied half the ingenuity they use to get around anti nudity laws for strip joints to technology, we'd be living on Mars by now.

O.K. this is pretty cool. It's a little flash program that let's you make your own music with percussion instruments.

As much as I like penguins, this is disturbing. Linux Sex Positions is the title, so beware.

It looks like you won't be able to drink as much at basketball games anymore thanks to Ron Artest and his wrestling buddies. Oh well, I couldn't really afford more than one beer at the Staples Center without getting a second on my condo, anyways. Somewhere, Marlon is sobbing at the news.

Hehe...rednecks are cool. The Dukes of Hazard are even cooler, but we'll see after the major motion pictures comes out staring the guy from Jackass. I may change my opinion after that.

Here's a public service message; if a train is coming, don't park on the rails. At least the only real casualities were a bunch of strawberries, unlike the jackass from a couple of weeks ago.

This has to be the worst defense for murder I've ever heard. I acted in a robotic state by thumbcuffing my husband and then suffocating him with a plastic bag? Yeah, my guess is some planning went into that. I guess he shouldn't have asked her to pick up the penis enlarging cream.

Oh great...the newly imagined Looney Tunes characters are now crime fighters in the future being trained by an aging Bruce Wayne, oh wait, that's Batman Beyond.

Did you ever wonder how those moons in the solar system got their names? Well, I'm going to show you anyways, you barbarians.

This is extremely disturbing. People actually get pieces of metal installed into their bodies for...well, I'm not sure, exactly. I guess for giving metal detector operators a hard time?

Well, I guess if you really want to get the law breathing down your neck, start robbing donut shops.

Wow...breast implants that continually repair themselves? This really is the 21st century!

DON'T BE THIS GUY!

Those crazy Ruskies...from the man who brought you the pill that keeps you from getting drunk, here's the pill that makes you STAY drunk! I already have a solution for staying drunk; drink more alcohol.

Bill Mauer thinks Christians have a neurological disorder that stops them from thinking. I think Bill Mauer is an asshat...but hey, that's what's great about this country. I'm free not to watch his crappy show.

Here's a lesson to you smokers; make sure your rear window is closed when you litter into the street with your done cigarette.

Farkin' Links Vol. 40 2/18

So last night my buddy Dave rented an interesting game for the ps2 called "The Guy Game." It attempted to combine a quiz show and breasts...which was pretty successful on the latter. As for the quiz? Well, we got tired of actually trying to guess the answers and cheated. I wouldn't buy the game as you can get this sort of cheesecake online for free, but I wonder how this idea hasn't been used more. I'm sure there are lots of 14 year olds who would love to get their hands on more games like this.


Alright...this is really stupid, but I love DOOM and this dog kind of looks monstrous...

Ouch...a d.j. in Italy has been caught using thousands of illegally downloaded music files and been fined 1.4 million pounds...which is a lot more in real money. Vicky, you better warn your d.j. friends before they come gunning for them.

I'm going to have to remember not to need an organ transplant in Germany next year...what kind of hospital gives you organs infected with rabies? How do you even find people with rabies?

That's sad...a man raped an 89 year old woman during a blackout. I mean, I know everyone looks the same in the dark, but still, that's cold...

Trekkies fight the ending of the last Star Trek show on t.v. now. I guess they don't want to be forced to get a real life.

Hehe...the genius of the day here stole a GPS tracking device used to track criminals and was "shocked, shocked" to discover that they easily traced him back to his home.

Politicans in Amsterdam are still hiding and being guarded from muslim extremists who want to cut their heads off for being an enemy of Islam. But really, who would have thought bringing in a bunch of unemployed african muslims without forcing them to assimilate could go wrong?

You know...Donkey Kong is a lot harder than I remember...I think I've lost my video game skills. I'm gonna have to get the video game master Jack to train me again.

There...now this game is more my style. It's a giant flower eating fruit. What's not to like?

This is strange. The man on trial for kidnapping Elizabeth Smart decided to just start singing in court...kind of like Cop Rock, I guess. You know where this tactic might work? The Michael Jackson trial...I know I'd enjoy it.

This jerk put a cut out of a cop car in his neighborhood to scare drivers into slowing down. Not surprisingly, somebody stole it.

Damn...talk about the guest that wouldn't leave. This woman has been in the hospital for over a year and refuses to leave even though there's nothing wrong with her. It's pretty hopeless, really. I mean, if the silly gowns and the food didn't drive her out, what can?

Ouch. If you think you've had a bad day, at least you didn't end up in a noodle mixer.

Because I haven't had enough silly celebrity news, this one is about Jessica Simpson and John Mayer showing some sparks. An "eyewitness" said,"John was staring at Jessica's breasts most of the night." Hehe...who wouldn't?

Hey Chih Hao, here's a new blog for ya! Maybe the life of an Iranian cleric doesn't sound interesting, but you'd be surprised.

Hehe...see Vicky, even Madonna agrees with me. A "real band" has instruments in it. Not illegally downloaded songs played in a row.

And in the obvious department, a hard hitting news report found that a large amount of money can buy you alcohol without an ID. I think they're hard at work on their next expose called, "Fire, hot or not?"

Everything is cooler on foreign stations...even newscasting. I dunno about you, but I would have loved to see Dan Rather duke it out with George Bush, Sr.

I didn't know Bugs Bunny was racist.

Hehe...Junior High School students were suspended for forming a Fight Club. Aren't the first two rules of Fight Club, "Do NOT tell anyone about Fight Club?" They're gonna have to castrate someone for that betrayal.

Farkin' Links Vol. 39 2/17

I've suffered a terrible loss this week...I'm almost inconsolable. My...my tivo died on my last night. It was so sudden; I never got a chance to say goodbye. Oh well...I guess I'll just have to buy another one. It just won't be the same. So, anyways, here's the links...


Ewwww....Liza Minelli walking around naked...there's an image I could have lived without. Still, it's better than imagining her estranged husband David Guest naked; he looks like a wax dummy.

Hmmm...this guy is allergic to his girlfriend and breaks out in a rash when in contact, but only during that time of the month. It's all for the best really; he should just avoid her during that time anyways.

I'm amused by this short little "Japanese people are crazy" link today...some people just don't like being stopped on the street, I suppose. This little kid learned a valuable lesson.

I remember doing this on my bike when I was learning how to ride...it only cost me 4 stitches in the lip. The upper link isn't safe for work, though.

Here are some very unflattering pictures of that sex pot Britney Spears...let's just say she needs to get back on the smack or try that Anna Nicole Smith diet...which is probably smack.

I don't know about you, but I'm a little tired of the grandma picking up the sex toy by accident joke. I'd say it basically jumped the shark at this point.

My favorite story of the day; who knew dogs playing poker would ever sell for 600k? Well, if a hunk of metal can be bought by the government for 2 million, the poker playing doggies are a steal.

O.K...a scientist has invented a condom that plays music and gets louder as sex gets more vigorous. The only question I have is, what songs does it play? Because if it's Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits, you can count me out.

Here's a fun page of useless facts...my favorite from yesterday,"• The primary cause of death for male Swedes between the ages of 20 and 23 is venereal disease." Those Swedes must live some crazy lives.

Some Mexicans are mad at doll makers for implying that a sentence in the story of "Marisol, the Hispanic doll" was racially insenstives. Wait, am I allowed to use Mexican now, or is there a new politically correct way to say it?

Those uptight British are at it again...they take offense to basically the best thing that the show the O.C. has to offer, bitch! Well, besides that lesbian kiss scene, that is.

This is a couple days late, but hey, accept it as my Valentine's Day gift; courtesy of Happy Tree Friends.

I guess Seinfeld was accurate...I still have to see a cock fight, especially considering this is, indeed, the year of the cock. Of course, I just like typing the word cock.

Well, that's justice served. This wife installed spyware to keep track of her husband's chat records with another woman which was found to be violating the wire tap law in Florida. Well, at least she isn't being prosecuted for it.

I guess O.J. Simpson can now say he's not the only one in the family who killed someone. Oh wait, that's right, he didn't. He's still looking for his wife's killer on every golf course in the country.

Great...first they want us to buy a shitty little economy car, now they realize they're losing money on gas tax and want to tax our miles by tracking our every movement? To hell with that, Big Brother!

A 12 year old girl strangles her 9 year old sister over a hamburger...that must have been one hell of a tasty hamburger.

I'm not really sure what the point of this game is, but skateboards are prominently involved.

Hmmm...I didn't know the unibomber was teaching chemistry now. Ironically, this man was arrested for teaching something readily known at Freedom High School.

...and lastly, a German couple broke the record for longest marathon kissing with theirs lasting for 31 hours. Well, with unemployement at 20 percent over there, there ain't much to do.

Farkin' Links Vol. 38 2/16

Damn...I'm over using hotmail. If I inflicted a bunch of papercuts on my hands then dipped them in lemon juice, I still wouldn't be in as much frustrated pain as trying to get that crap to work. I guess anything free really is worth what you pay for.


Imagine my surprise when I tried to look up French military victories and got this...the French suck.

Here's a fun, uplifting site called despair.com. I think I need this poster on my wall...it might motive me.

Not only are the British really uptight, they are even more sensitive than CAIR. Still, I think they could have put a shirt on this kid.

Today's teacher caught half naked in a car with a student brought to us by the wonderful educators of Chicago.

Hmmm...maybe I should register a domain in the Cook Islands...after all, it is the year of the cock.

Here's an interesting class...but I'm sure it's more informative than underwater basket weaving.

What's with this rash of idiot school administrators suspending people? Since when is the word "booty" an offensive word? It's one of the only words NOT censored in a Snoop Dogg song.

Cases like these make me glad I wasn't involved in organized sports in high school; those people have too many weird traditions...still, how the hell do you get suspended for urine?

This guy is trying to teach an important lesson by using his personal experiences...although the lesson of not cutting yourself with a circular saw seems pretty self-evident.

iToilet? Somebody doesn't like Apple...but they have a point. I used to own an apple until I realized they were completely sucky and slow compared to pcs.

England may have jeopardized it's chances to stage the 2012 Olympics by making a joke about France...and the problem is what? Didn't Greece just lose their "booty" when nobody decided to watch the last one? In other news, France still sucks.

So it's official...according to the chief driving examiner at the Driving Standard Agency, women can't drive.

In case the Hummer was just to small and girlie man style for you, here comes a new Bad Boy truck that can also protect you from radiation, chemical and biological weapons, and as a bonus, like that proverbial 500 pound gorilla, you can park anywhere you want.

Since I haven't put a single Lindsey Lohan story in here yet, it looks like she's getting her own doll. You can insert your own plastic breast joke here.

Well, there you go. Next time your date tells you she doesn't drink, just give her the facts from this Swedish study. Drinking is GOOD for you.

For our "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day, here's a high class homeless man. Usually they just want alcohol, but only the best sushi for him!

Interesting...match making is joining the Comcast cable lineup. I guess you can create your own episode of Blind Date now.

Something tells me this story about a woman arrested for parking tickets wouldn't have made it without the "strip search" reference. I know it got my attention.

Hehe...it was bound to happen eventually. Man suing penis enlargement companies for failing to...uh, live up to potential. If it stops them from sending me spam, I'm all for it.

Farkin' Links Vol. 37 2/15


So...do you think Kurt Cobain was murdered? Me...I really don't care. I was never a big fan of Nivana.

Man...I need to listen to Moody more and watch the O.C., Bitch! I didn't realize it had fine storylines like this one.

Hehe...not really safe for work, but this would have made playing Super Mario Brothers much more memorable. You need to listen to the sound...

Here's another weird drawing in action of a woman...from the inside out. Weird, but rather cool.

Awwww...I guess Virginia got too embarrassed to continue with their droopy pants laws; maybe it turned out they still had real crime going on. I love Sen. Norment's quote about being preoccupied with pants,""I find that an indignation, which dampens my humor." Something tells me this guy is a regular barrel of monkeys.

Looks like Australia is trying to increase their population with this new spray that enhances women's sexual enjoyment and satisfaction. Once again, how do I get a job on these studies?

Man dies testing out a bullet proof vest. Some would blame the show "Jackass;" I call it evolution in action.

Hehe...I can't argue with the punchline of this ad,"Fat people are hard to kidnap." And they say Asians don't get enough work in movies and t.v.

Here's a website strictly devoted to angry pictures of our Sec. of State, Condi Rice. Whatever floats your boat, I suppose. I mean, I hear some people dress up as stuffed animals to have sex...

This is what you get when you combine a couple of computer programmers, musical instruments, legos and reggae. Do with it what you will.

Wow...uberslut Christina Aguilera gets engaged...while the world attempts to actually care.

Blame Canada for being lousy lovers, and for low self esteem. You'd think they'd be good at it without anything else to do 6 months out of the year, eh.

Hmmm...Britney Spears' commercial for her perfume has gotten restricted to only being showed after 7:30 for suggestive sexuality...and the British are still really uptight. Jeez...a Britney and a Christina Aguilera link in one day...I've got to employ more quality control.

Did you ever want to practice that street corner shell game without losing 20 dollars a pop? Now we have a flash game!

Yikes! This baby was aborted 3 times, and like Rasputin, refused to die. I guess that guy in Jurassic Park was right, life finds a way. I'd seriously consider getting a new doctor, though. Who is this guy, Dr. Nick?

According to this British study, women are visually more attracted to girlie men...which once again proves women have no idea what the hell they want. You should also check out the test.

Man...we need to bring back hockey in order to save these hockey players from themselves...and to keep them from raping people in Europe as well.

...or maybe we can send these hockey players to Italy where they're paying people to have children. Whoever thought that the destruction of marriage and a nanny state that keeps people from personal responsibility would result in low population rates? At least they're bringing in the African muslims. Nothing bad could possibly happen from that.

I bet this shmuck feels just as bad as the Hornets on their loss on the night. I guess the lesson is, if you're going to ask a woman to marry you, make sure she's going to say yes.

Brad Pitt has thrown a big birthday party for his estranged wife Jennifer Aniston because, as the rumor mill goes, he really wants her back. I really hope so, they look so good together. You know, sarcasm just doesn't quite work as well when you read it back.

Farkin' Links Vol. 36 2/14

I hope you all had a good weekend; I'm pretty sure I had a good weekend, but I'm a little hazy on some of it. What I do remember is the fact that our basketball team whooped that ass this Sunday; we won by 22 points. It was such a butt thumping the opponent's team leader got so pissed he pulled a Danny Fortson and threw a chair. Good times...anyways, on with da links...



Help save Toby, the cute bunny rabbit. It'll only cost you $50,000...me, I'm more interested in the recipes he's considering.

Hmmm...I guess this is targeting that large ghetto consumer community, although I'm not sure they buy too many stuffed animals.

Wow...Juwana Mann is for real! I still say that's Ron Artest's best shot at playing basketball right now; it beats working at Circuit City.

For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have dancing robots. Not quite as funny as dancing monkeys or midgets, but it's still pretty cool.

This Asian bartender is quite cool...her kung fu is most powerful.

Here's a neat site with pictures of jet planes doing all types of things...even suffering landings worse than Southwest usually gives us. It's not exactly making me feel better about my vacation.

Hehe...if you thought karaoke was embarrassing enough...what about naked karaoke?

Because tax time is here, you get silly articles about strange deductions...like this one. Still, the joke about cow breeding was almost funny.

Oh boy...Jack Osborne wants to be a fireman, now? Why stop there? Why not be an astronaut too?

Wow...I guess the postal service is far more efficient in Germany, too.

Yikes...here is the best video to convince you to use a condom. I dare you to finish this video.

...and now you now, the rest of the story. I'm gonna be a lot more careful in funhouses from now on.

Not safe for work...but DAMN! This would actually work in making me want to watch soccer.

I bet this guy's house is fresh and never suffers freezer burn.

Not only is it a slow newsday, but this town must be the most boring place on earth.

I don't remember this in the Black Dahlia story...maybe Brian De Palma is just trying to emulate Roman Polanski?

Didn't this scene happen in the Starsky and Hutch movie? I like the excuse for selling drugs; she needed food and diapers. Maybe if she'd cut out some of the food, she wouldn't need so many diapers.

This is a neat little game about building a really jacked up house...I wouldn't live there, but it's a fun puzzle.

I knew Hillary Duff was responsible. Not like that Britney chick.

Remember that funky commercial during the Superbowl with all the dancing people? You can make your own, now.

Farkin' Links Vol. 35 2/10

So I learned several important lessons last night. First, I learned my garbage disposal cannot handle potato skins. I also learned how to take my sink piping apart in order to fix the damage of that earlier lesson. The other lesson I learned? Don't cook. That's what fast food is for.


Hmmm...so monkeys like porn as well. Maybe we really are related. I mean in general...not that I have an orangutan as an uncle or anything.

Wow...I mean, they do prance around in tights, but who knew that Robin gets the Michael Jackson treatment from Batman!

Speaking of superheroes...Superman does have a point here. Plus...he is sort of a dick.

Damn...I hate paraplegics...who file frivilous lawsuits. I doubt they'd discrminate against him for a disability; they'd discriminate if he was ugly. Or Asian.

I'm not sure why I finished this game...it could be because it was short, or it could be because it has Indiana Jones AND stormtroopers.

Here's a group of pictures that have no sympathy for animals...although I do like the armadillo basketball.

Blame Canada for bringing down drug prices. Especially heroin...I don't think the drug dealers are gonna like that.

Well...it's one thing for a teacher to be looking at porn on a school computer, but for him to be discriminating against Asian students? Fire his ass. I mean, seriously, how would you NOT trust an Asian on a computer? They're natural at it...you know, like math.

Because cops in Virginia apparently have nothing better to do than look at people's underwear, a legislator introduces a bill to fine people for wearing low cut jeans too low. I think there should be fine, but only if you're overweight and wearing those things...it's visual pollution.

I'm gonna guess this isn't the best way to get Anna Kournikova's attention...although the tattoo is nice, I suppose, in a weird crazy stalker sort of way.

Wow...that's all I can really say about this. This chick did...wow...

Well, this is a fun link for the "Japanese people are crazy" file. Apparently, they've been watching too much anime porn and try acting that out on the subway.

Uh oh...they've found a terrorist mastermind in the NBA! Olajuwon, say it ain't so!

You ever wonder what's inside one of those ipod shuffles? Well, now's your chance to see.

This little dodging game is pretty fun...just don't put on all the options. It gets crrrraaaazzzy!

Here's the silly ebay item of the day...a robot arm that looks suspiciously like a lamp. Hey...waitaminute...

This is an interesting site full of strange mailboxes...I'm not sure how you get email in there, so basically, they're just for show.

Alright! It's Terry Tate, office linebacker! He's back and he's pissed off...Whooo!

I better send this to Moody...just so he doesn't try and break any boards for a while.

...and in order to save money, American Airlines has taken pillows out of the planes. Eh...with a seat the size of a child's carseat, I've never understood how the hell I was supposed to use them.

Farkin' Links Vol. 34 2/9

So Donovan McNabb's excuse for being a jackass in the final minutes of the Superbowl is that he was sick. So sick, that another player had to call at least one play...SO sick that the player calling the play was the useless lump of crap Freddie Mitchell. That's touching, really...of course, I remember when Michael Jordan was sick in a finals game...and he score 40 points. I guess it takes all kinds.


Has anybody else seen this jewish guy sing his reggae? I know I'm impressed. (Hat tip: Tristan)

Why is it when the topic is women cheating on their spouses, they still manage to make it sound like it's the guy's fault? Heads you win, tails I lose.

The moral police of the U.S. got nuttin' on Malaysia!

Now that's one hell of a big painting!

This site has all types of fun reading. Basically, wild college stories of all types and sizes...

Damn! This four year old is bold! I can't imagine even trying to drive a car when I couldn't see out the window.

I didn't realize you could weigh a thousand pounds and still be alive...well, you learn something new everyday...

I'm not even sure what to say about this clip...what's worse, the fact that there is actually an air guitar contest or that this guy with a Hello Kitty on his chest won it?

Beware the Zogg! They shall conquer the world with their cuteness!

Try playing tiny Pac-man...but only if you're eyes aren't bad.

Here's a site for those who want their money working for them.

I'm not quite sure what the point of this game is...but it's kind of fun.

O.K., well this racing game actually has a point.

Why the heck do you need a license to run a day care center? I'm guessing it's so the government can make money off of it...those bastards.

O.K., now THAT'S a cool camera. The whole 100 pound weight is a little much, but 4 gigapixels? Whoo wee...

I guess in Britian it's o.k. to harrass and mock burglars. I can only imagine what kind of lawsuits that would generate here.

So it's official...Boston fans are just a bunch of apes.

Speaking of apes...here's a 23 year old virgin ape. I'm guessing his name O.J. didn't help him out with the ladies.

Well, any test that includes videos of women sunbathing topless can't be all bad. The gay marriage images aren't really necessary...unless both the women are hot, of course.

Wow...who knew the Megan's Law web site would give Date.com a run for it's money?

Farkin' Links Vol. 33 2/8


Well, I hope these girls learned their lesson...which is never, NEVER do anything nice for anyone ever again. Well, that and go drink at parties whenever possible.

Sci-fi writers punk a publishing company by taking turns writing a crappy book about Atlanta and actually getting it accepted after said company mocked Science Fiction. It should turn up on Oprah's book of the month club any day now.

Damn women drivers...I blame all that suffrage talk.

But on a lighter note, if this is what it means for women to serve their country, I'm all for it.

The French are protesting a longer work week...it must be cutting into their bath time. France sucks.

Damn! This guy can spin a rifle...and that's a fact, JACK!

Whoa...fly, retard, fly! He's gonna feel that one in the mornin'.

See, this is one of the reasons I never wanted to stay at a hostel. Well, that and the whole sleeping next to weird Europeans.

See, this is the definition of a third world country. How the hell do 13 people die during a kite flying event?

Wow...it's just like You've Got Mail...with burkas. I love virgin Pina Coladas, praying to Allah and walks in the rain too!

I just love this clip. Bruce Leroy he is not!

This is actually a fun skating game...if you can get past all the Disney crap. It's exactly like Tony Hawk...only different.

Speaking of skating, check out Rodney Mullen...he's like the Rainman of boarding."I'm a very good skateboarder, I'm a very good skateboarder..."

I love these extreme sports parachuters...you're always expecting them to go splat at some point. Still, this guy's got some skills; he kind of reminds me of Willie E. Coyote.

O.K. This is just plain creepy. I guess if you don't have many friends, go ahead and talk to an intellibuddy...and if they want to know where Sarah Conner lives, run!

I'm not sure who the hell the Faint are...but drop kicking them sure is fun! Oi!

Here's a game that pits you against men armed with guns with...a sword. Yeah, I didn't do so well either.

Looks like they found some more erotic frescoes in Pompeii...I have to say, that was one of the more memorable things I saw in Italy that first trip. When they showed us that fertility god who had three legs...except that the leg in the middle wasn't a leg...well, Wow. I mean, how does he put on pants? I guess that's why they wore togas.

Man...times sure have changed. We have prom dresses apparently designed by Lil' Kim and now we have elementary school girls falling out of their shirts? I blame those Bratz dolls.

...and here's yet another air hockey game...I never get tired of this...

Farkin' Links Vol. 32 2/7

So, who didn't watch the Superbowl? Judging by the ratings, everybody in America. Too bad it was a pretty dull game...but then, we got lucky with an exciting game last year so we can't complain.


This wasn't the most tasteful, tactful thing to say, but, when have the Marines ever been tactful? To be honest, I'm glad he's on our side.

Must have been a REEEEEAAAAALLLL slow newsday for this to make the paper. Personally, I love the expression on this girl's father's face; he looks like he's considering killing everybody in the room.

Asian scientist is trying to give robots artifical feelings so they will reproduce...and kill Sarah Conner, I suppose.

Wow...I can understand the need to get drunk, but as Eddie Murphy said,"my ass is an exit, not an entrance."

The goofy ebay item of the day...is a hard drive...I think.

I blame Canada for encouraging not bathing by living in these...I don't even know what they are, but I certainly don't want to be living in one.

Hehe...here's a story on all the useless items sent to the tsunami victims, such as ski parkas, moisturizing gel and Viagra. With how big the population is over there, I definitely think Viagra is overkill.

This bird is pretty damn good at making sound effects; kind of like Michael Winslow from Police Academy. What ever happened to that guy?

Damn...I didn't know the English partied like that! It looks like they're trying to limit all the cokeheads though, with a much more polite version of Nancy Reagan's anti drug message,"Just say no thanks."

I'd love to see Germany try and arrest Rumsfield...we'd just have to sic that Marine General one them. I mean, we haven't whooped their ass this century, yet. It's only a matter of time.

Yet another reason why I don't eat sushi. I don't eat magazines, either.

Man...how come my babysitters were never this cool? Or naked?

Ummm...I'm not sure what to make of this film about Gunther. Zee Germans are a strange bunch, really.

This is a higher production than I'm used to in crappy shockware games, but any one where you get to play a giant rat killing smaller rats is worth checking out.

Man...Britian is not only coked up, but it's also boring. These were the best secrets they could find?

This doesn't do much to dispel the stereotype that everyone in China is an acrobat and knows kung fu.

Nice...old people are getting abandoned by their busy children in Saudi Arabia. Well, at least they're not strapping tnt to them before driving off.

Man, I think we've hired this guy's entire family. It would certainly explain a whole lot.

This game reminds me of Marble Madness...except that Marble Madness didn't make me want to put my fist through the monitor.

...and a fun quasi role playing game for the heck of it. It reminds me of gaming of old. Back when every games wasn't a simulation or a 1st person shooter.