Farkin' Links Vol. 172 12/7

I watched George Romero's new zombie movie, Land of the Dead, last night. Funny thing about this movie; it feels like it was made in the 1970s. The special effects, the cheesy dialogue, the confused plotline, the cardboard characters; if I had been watching this on a small TV I probably would have assumed it was from 30 years ago. This is the 4th movie in Romero's zombie series and, while probably not the worst, it's certainly nowhere close to what he accomplished with his original Night of the Living Dead.

If you've watched a Romero zombie movie, you can expect two things; you're going to see zombies imitating living people(That zombie is playing the trombone! Haha...how funny) and you'll be hit over the head with some social message about commercialism or race relations or some other progressive krep. In his new movie, you get more than enough of these two things. In this case, there's even this genius zombie...well, I guess that makes him about as smart as Lenny from Of Mice and Men, but smart enough to lead an army of dead to invade a human settlement. Of course, the people in charge of this human settlement might actually even dumber than the zombies; let me just say I'm not impressed with their defense perimeters. The big message in this one is about class; apparently Romero just finished Das Kapital after a bottle of Scotch before he decided to write this script. The human settlement is a dystopian slum protected by their defenses and ruled by a bunch of evil white businessmen who still dress in suits living in the aptly named Fiddler's Green, a sky scraper that still operates as though the world hasn't changed. Basically, you have the haves living in their artificial wonderland served by the lower classes, the have nots who live in poverty at the whims of their rich overlords, and the zombies, who represent...oh, who really cares? I've seen deeper social commentary on an episode of Saved by the Bell.

The movie itself? It's about a rogue collector (John Leguizamo) who, after being denied entry to Fiddler's Green because he's a spic (Hey, I'm just quoting the movie...see what I mean about it seeming to be 30 years old?) decides to hijack a truck with missiles and hold the city hostage. The white, evil businessman in control of everything is Dennis Hopper who basically mails in his performance, and he decides to send the hero, some generic white dude that I'm far too lazy to look up, to stop him and bring back the truck. Throw in some zombie invasions, racial stereotypes that embarrassed even me (You gotta see the Samoan guy) and that's about it. It's funny that Romero would choose a generic white guy as the hero as his previous movies have either featured or starred a black man as the main protagonist. In fact, the Night of the Living Dead almost hinted at a black man/white woman potential relationship that probably scared middle America more than the zombies. I suppose that's why he cast the zombie leader a black man; somehow, that seems to be moving backwards. Oh well...the movie is definitely watchable, and on a Sunday afternoon with no other options, I'd watch it again out of the corner of my eye while surfing the net. For that, I'll give it a 6.5/10. Or in the Tristan grading system, C+.

The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever.
--Anatole France

Here's a new case of evolution in action...I sure hope this guy won his spitting contest.

Here's a new case of a girl getting sent home for inappropriate clothing. I don't know how they even spotted her out of the crowd with this ensemble.

Wow! That old flash cartoon was right! 50 cent really is Jewish!

Hehe...I guess Toohey's is Australian for beer. This commercial is almost bold, but it's definitely funny. For a second, I thought this chick might have been from Bangkok.

For the "India is a freakshow" link, we have...well, let's just say any story that involves the cannibal act of devouring the head of a former servant is gonna raise eyebrows.

This poor burglar needs to lose some weight. Getting caught like Winnie the Pooh is gonna stay with him for the rest of his life.

Damn, these are some of the greatest answers to game show questions I've ever read. Say what you want about the English, as I regularly do, but they have some entertaining people.

Something tells me these condoms will do great business.