Farkin' Links Vol. 159 10/7

I finally got around to watching the academy award winning movie, Million Dollar Baby, the other night. I had mixed feelings going into it; it was probably going to be yet another snooze fest by that senior citizen, Clint Eastwood, who hasn't made a movie I've enjoyed since I was in high school. That last movie of his, Mystic River, was one of the worst movie experience I've ever had and I'd rather swallow Drano...or worse yet, watch a WNBA game, than have to watch even 10 minutes of that crapfest ever again. On the other hand, the script was written by Paul Haggis, my new favorite screenplay writer. I know he gets his name from some nasty boiled sheep's stomach, but he wrote and directed the best movie I've seen in a while, Crash. Plus, he helped create that brilliant, high brow show, Walker, Texas Ranger. Anybody able to keep Chuck Norris on TV for seven years is a genius in my book. Maybe I should talk about the actual movie at some point.

The plot revolves around Frankie Dunn (played by Clint Eastwood), a boxing trainer and the best cut man in the business(I really didn't know there was such thing...I mean, don't they just stick a cold press on the cuts? How hard is that, really?) who ends up training a 31 year old white trash chick named Maggie Fitzgerald (played by two time academy award winner Hilary Swank...seriously, how the hell does she win two statues? Who would have saw that coming?) who wants to become a champion level boxer. Watching chicks fight is marginally better than watching them play basketball, so it's not the worst plot they could have come up with...but it's close. Watching women do masculine things isn't exactly my cup of tea, unless her name is Buffy the Vampire Slayer, so already the concept wasn't something I was interested in.
I don't want to ruin the surprise that you've all no doubt read about on the internet since the movie came out, but it's an extremely depressing, slow, and plodding...it's one of those 2 hour movies that seems like it's a David Lean epic; I kept checking my watch to see how much longer this damn thing is. It's well acted, the dialogue is pretty harsh but effective, and I can understand how Hilary Swank won another award...oh, and I'd never in a million years or for a million dollars watch this downer again. I'll give it a 7/10 (It gets an extra point because Morgan Freeman does the narration; that makes any movie better. He could narrate penguins walking aorund doing nothing and make a hit film...waitaminute...) Oh, and with the Tristan grading system, it gets a B-.

"Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence."
--Henrik Tikkanen


This is certainly good news for guys, but probably not so good news for society. Still, Whoo hoo!

Hehe...take that, you handicapped bastards!

Hey, I wanna be president of the internet! That means I get all the free porn I want, right?

This is sort of how I walk through a museum...except that he left out the part where you look for the hottest naked chick artfully painted. That's by far my favorite tip.

There is such thing as too much information, as this rock star reveals. Yuck...and more yuck.

I guess I gotta add this to the "Japanese people are crazy" link, but hey, it's pretty accurate.

...and because I've been neglecting the Japanese links lately, here's a follow up from a story a while ago. The government is now involved in trying to raise the Japanese birth rate as they're not producing enough to maintain the population. I respectfully recommend getting some orthodonics going in there...have you seen their teeth? This ain't England, man!

So that's what happened to Norman Bates! How the heck did he end up in India? Maybe he was a secret fan of Bollywood movies?Awww, who am I kidding...everyone's a fan of Bollywood movies.

This is a nice collection of insightful quotes from that enlightened genius, Mike Tyson. (Hat tip: Tristan)

Wow...this inventor is a genius making the world a better place. Someone needs to nominate him for a Nobel...oh wait, it's a German. Nevermind.

Poor Lindsay...she can't blame this accident on low blood sugar; she's been eating lately.

Hmmm...python vs. alligator? Much like a comedy showdown between Pauly Shore and Carrot top; they're both losers.

So...who wants to see Janet Jackson naked? Anyone?

Wow...I remember a kid submitting this invention back in jr. high school for a project. I wonder if this is his work?

I knew those Mormons were wild...this whole crazy religion thing is just an act.