Farkin' Links Vol. 155 10/3

*Important Announcement* Some of you know that Tristan traded in his Corolla in for a giant behemoth, an Avalon. He was thinking he was in good shape until he saw what Carol managed to get for her birthday. He says it's a grey Mercedes SLK280 Roadster and that it's freakin' awesome. I know I'm jealous; and guys, I think she's still single...

Well, since I took off most of last week, I guess I should start up my links for those of you who are still bored. I hope you had a nice weekend; mine was pretty packed. Friday night I went to Newgen's company's Jazz concert in Pasadena. Playing that night was a swing band orchestra called Jonathan Stout and his Campus Five. I had forgotten what a strange group those swing dancers are; they dress in these weird zoot suits that look straight out of a cartoon. Either way, they sure can move; the band wasn't too bad either...especially for free. Saturday was a make up for my birthday by Moody, B, Chris and Newjen. They figured since they missed out on the soju, they could get me drunk again. After attempting to watch the Jones Jr. vs. Tarver fight for an hour (Thanks for nothing, directv. If it weren't for the fact that you own the NFL, I'd tell you where to stick your dish) and failing, we ended up going midnight bowling. I dominated, of course, but I was dragooned into bowling for my dad's league for 5 years, so I have the experience. The cool part about bowling is that you generally get better the drunker you get; this is also why it can't be called a sport, much like darts, pool or the WNBA. Still, I hadn't bowled in a while and doing so while pounding Jager-bombs wearing glowing shoes in an alley being blasted by rock music made it all the more fun.

Sunday was football, of course...Moody found out buying breakfast that there's a difference between a Sausage McMuffin and a Sausage and Egg McMuffin...actually, we found out since he doesn't eat swine. After too much football, I ended up heading to the fair. Besides winning an expensive stuffed animal (Well, expensive because of how much it cost to win, I mean. It's still a cheap piece of crap) and trying out all the good fair food, there were some interesting things to see. The best part was the Peking Acrobats, a group of crazy flexible circus performers that could do things I didn't know humans were capable of. This one act, where a tiny woman balanced a tray of 18 or so glasses full of liquid on the bridge of her nose climbed onto a rubber ball, rolled it across a giant see saw all while using a hula hoop and spinning rugs on both her hands. Talk about a stressful job...it was all I could do not to start throwing quarters at her. I had spent about 4 hours walking through a mass of humanity in the blazing sun stuffing myself with unhealthy food, so I found myself in perfect condition to play in my league basketball game right after. We only had 5 players yet again; Bihn managed to sprain his ankle, crazy ass Jonathan was stuck in Laughlin at a fishing contest (I'm not sure how you have a fishing contest in the desert), and we're still missing Scotty, but we did get Sean back this weekend. Since we had no subs, we had to conserve our energy; that's why we only won by one point. Well, actually, it was a desperate, ugly game that we barely pulled out. It was so desperate, in fact, that I was the one that scored the final two points for our team. If I'm scoring, that usually a bad sign for my team. Still, we're 3-0. Go Playground Legends!

"It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations."
--Sir Winston Churchill


Jeez...not only are the Teletubbies a bunch of sodomites, but they also run a drug cartel to rival Tony Montana!

That argument about gay marriage opening the way to polygamy doesn't sound all that crazy anymore, does it?

Well, this is good to know in case I end up in quicksand.

At least this didn't happen to me on my birthday...I'm claustrophobic, and I don't like getting my limbs broken.

I'm not exactly sure what happened here, but I guess this guy is pretty good at darts. Ads not safe for work.

The worst sex scene in cinema has been awarded to the pool sequence in that wonderful classic, Showgirls. But, hey, just like sex, even a bad sex scene is better than no sex scene.

For our "Japanese people are crazy" link...well, this is taking that whole "When Harry Met Sally" scene to it's logical conclusion, isn't it? Might not be safe for work.

This is a terrible, terrible idea, Big Brother. There's no way in hell I'll ever drive a car with one of these black boxes.

Whoa...I don't think you should be standing there, lady.

This illegal purchase sent to a pastor would have been much funnier if it had been a priest.

This is one of the most horrid stories I've ever heard about a roommate from hell. But hey, she makes me look clean, so I guess it's not all bad.

This guy went about testing whether or not you can cook a grilled cheese sandwich with an iron, like in the movie Benny and Joon. Mr. Wizard would be proud.

Yeah, this chick ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. If you can't figure out it's not a bad idea to brag about breaking the law to the media, you belong in jail. Still, this was a story that really needed pictures. Lots of pictures.

Alright! Hammertime never stops!

Damn! I hope this isn't true...I'm no fan of stray dogs, but this is just cruel.