Farkin' Links Vol. 165 11/23

Whoops; too busy to update yesterday, so this will have to be your last linkage for the Turkey week. I have to bring up the comedy of errors that has been this one signing I've been trying to accomplish this past...well, almost two months. The first time this signing had been given to me was the end of September; they ended up giving me the wrong address and the man had no contact number. I ended up sitting around for an hour watching Boyz in the Hood play ball and suspiciously eyeing my car. The lady at the address given to me vehmenently denied the existence of my signer and about threatened to call the cops. Ha...like they'd show up in a neighborhood like that. Anyways, I ended up going home with no carjacking, which was good.

The next time I was asked to follow up at the man's actual address. Turns out he was refinancing the house I was at and it was his mother's place, and the crazy lady was his sister on "disability." The only disability she was on concerned her consumption of donuts and her likelihood of getting harpooned at the beach; but I digress. He was responsible for the house now that his mother wasn't working and he was hoping to get some cash out of it and get a lower rate. Of course, since I had accidentally torpedoed that plan by revealing that it wasn't his place of residence, the rate they were going to give him had suddenly gone up about a point and a half. It made refinancing not even worth it, so he decided that he wasn't going to sign. Cool, I can understand that. The least amount of time spent at his crack home the better; this, too, was the kind of neighborhood I'm not supposed to be in unless I'm picking up an eighth of something mind altering. I foolishly asked to use his toilet; I think the bathroom on the trail to Macchu Picchu was cleaner.

This leads us to this past week; I was told that he was going to sign, so I foolishly ventured back into the lion's den and showed at his doorstep. Unfortunately, or fortunately, however you want to look at it, he wasn't home. I ended up doing the usual hour wait and he never arrived. At this point I'm beginning to lose faith in my sigining company; still, if they really want to pay me to sit around in neighborhoods with a fast food fried chicken franchise on every corner, it's their business. Well, they call again and tell me that this time he will be home at 8 pm. I figure I've gone this far, why not push my luck again? I show up at 8, and in my haste to get done with it, I accidentally knock on the wrong door, which is answered by this creepy Jabba the Hut like creature wearing a wife beater that looked like it might have been worn so long it was attached to the skin who yelled at me and asked if I was with a collection agency. Yep, my kind of neighborhood. I finally get to the right door and I'm met by the man that started this whole ridiculous venture who then informs me,"No, I never agreed to sign these papers again. I told my loan officer that I was canceling; they're just hoping I'll sign if they keep harrassing me." I can hardly believe the incompetence at work here, so I say the only thing that comes to mind.
"Hey, can you do me a favor? What's the score of the Vikings/Packers game?"

So I was reading Playboy...you know, for the articles, of course, and for the stupid jokes they have. Anyways, this one made me chuckle. Have a nice Thanksgiving, everyone.

An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional. "But," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why, in Glasgow there's a little bar where the owner goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he will buy the fifth."
The Englishman responded, "Well, at my local bar, the local owner would buy you your third drink after you bought the first two."
"Ah, that's nothing," the Irishman said. "Back home there's this bar where the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink and keep them coming all night. Then, when you've had enough to drink, they take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately doubted the Irishman's claims.
"Well," said the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"
"No, not myself personally," said the Irishman. "But it did happen to my sister."


Well, that didn't take long. Still, when you employ a French actor, you have to expect these things. This page is safe, but the link on it leads to a not safe for work.

How embarrassing. Sure, the car is going to cost 98 bucks to get back, but what can ever buy back this guy's self respect?

Oh. My. God. That is just so wrong. How much do you want to bet that every fat German businessman has already ordered two?

The top 25 inventions of the year, huh? An alarm clock that doesn't go off on time and a talking piece of rope. What a crappy year for inventions. Well, at least we got a crappy moped powered by hydrogen for up to two whole hours. Good lord, my battery charged remote controlled car does better than that! Just one more link from this invention list; isn't it funny that the model using the filter straw designed to keep you from dying from poisoned water is made to look Indian? I've never seen more honesty in advertising in all my life.

It's been a while since I've visited this Bryanboy's blog...but, really, all I can do is quote the immortal Keanu Reeves. "Whoa!"

Who knew "Saved by the Bell" was such a polarizing social event in the nation's history? Oh, right, it isn't. This guy just had to finish a paper hopped up on caffeine pills.

This should have been featured in the 25 inventions story; I, for one, hate that damn beyatch giving me directions on my car's gps navigation system. But if it was Mr. T? I pity the fool who doesn't follow his directions!

Hehe...speeding camera hoisted by it's own petard! Who says Aussies are just a bunch of drunk idiots? Oh...that would be me...

Here's some completely unhelpful advice about how to handle your porn stash with your girlfriend...not that I have a porn stash or anything...

Wow...you got knocked the f**k out!