Farkin' Links Vol. 175

Well, I guess I'm back...sort of. It's been a while since I sent out these time wasters. The reason is simply that I didn't have the time to waste. I think I've gotten things at the office in order now so I can continue to send out mass emails that nobody reads. I want to start this one off with several comments about a movie that I was unfortunate enough to sit through last week; Rent.

Now, I know all about the 525,600 minutes and crap that goes with the fairly clever and catchy soundtrack; mostly because my friend Alex forced me to listen to the damn thing about three times on the way to and from Vegas once. I did enjoy some of the songs, but with Alex’s convoluted and completely insane telling of the plot and characters, I figured he must be on something, that I should remain calm and hope he doesn't drive us off a cliff. When the movie version of this musical finally came out, I figured it was the perfect time to check out why this show was so popular. I'm still looking...The show is basically a retelling of Puccini's opera La Boheme set in New York's East Village. Of course, that means absolutely nothing to most of you…you’re probably thinking Puccini is a kind of pasta you get at the Spaghetti Factory. Of course, who really cares about opera anyways? It’s full of fat chicks singing in Italian; I’d rather drink Drano…or worse, sit through a MLS soccer match. Anyways, it substitutes the disease of consumption for AIDS and instead of the characters being a bunch of useless artisans, they play a bunch of homosexual, useless artisans. Basically, there are 8 major players: Roger, an HIV positive, recovering heroin addict who wants to be Jon Bon Jovi but just isn’t tough looking enough; Mark, his supposed comic relief roomie filmmaker; Tom, their other roomie who’s a black, gay, philosophy teacher(or is that African-American, gay…or should it be Gay, African-Amer…screw it, I really can’t keep track of which minority gets top billing anymore) also with AIDS; Maureen, one of those ridiculous urban poets who you see at coffee shops reading bad poetry, who also is a converted lesbian; Benny, the landlord who used to be a roommate to these bunch of losers but managed to become useful to society, so obviously he’s one of the more villainous characters; Angel, a transvestite escapee from that Stomp show, also with AIDS; Mimi, a drug addict stripper with AIDS; and Joanne, the black, lesbian lawyer(or should it be lesbian, African-American…)who somehow doesn’t have AIDS. I’d ruin the plot for all of you, especially Tristan, but I’m not sure there really is one.

The most obnoxious character for me in this pointless, depressing story was one of the only straight, non diseased characters in the show; Mark, a wannabe filmmaker who has no money for food, but apparently has enough to keep buying film for his crank operated camera. He’s the stereotypical nebbish Jew that manages to come off as the most gay in the show; in a show with lesbians and transvestites, it’s quite an accomplishment. He seems to be the stand in for the creator of this show, Jonathan Larson, who also was Jewish and was basically a starving composer living in the Village in New York. It seems he lost a lot of friends to AIDS and much of this show is autobiographical. Talk about a depressing life; what’s even more depressing is that the show opened right after he died and became a big hit. If Alanis Morrisette were still alive, she’d tell us how ironic that is.

So, we have a pointless movie about a bunch of losers interacting with each other in New York, while they sing songs at inappropriate times. Normally, I enjoy when people start singing for absolutely no reason, but the songs were getting in the way of who the hell everyone was and overshadowing anything like character development, emotion, or anything that would have kept me paying attention. I give it a 3/10; it gets 4 points for the music and a -1 for everything else. For Tristan’s grading method, this is a D. Go download the soundtrack instead.


I figure I should start this puppy off with a bang. Check out David Hasselhoff's completely awesome video "Jump in my car." This guy has taken cheese to uncharted levels. I really need to get that shirt...

This guy wasn't going that much faster than the speed racers on the Autobahn in Germany, but I guess an accident is inevitable when you combine Asians with driving. Wow...it only took me two links to throw out my first ethnic slur; I've still got it!

I actually think either of my names would work well as a Brazilian soccer player as they both end in O, plus I'm really good at falling and grabbing my face whenever anybody brushes past me...but I'm sure some of you would like to give this Brazilian name generator a go.

These are supposedly the worst Family Feud answers ever. Still, some of them, like the things that annoy a gardener seem rather logical.

Wow...them Dukes of Hazzard county sure get around, don't they?

You know, if Captain Planet had been this cool when it was on, I might actually recycle. More blood, less of that wanna be Care Bear Indian kid.

This is an interesting blog that shows pictures of the weird things people sell at yard sales. I really want to get the wax candle shaped like Lenin for Moody...it'll go great with his pinko-commie Che Guevara shirt.

Just when you thought monkeys couldn't get any cooler...meet Banno, the violent alcoholic monkey!

In case you didn't understand just how completely, utterly insane the English are as far as soccer is concerned...well, check out some of these photoshops on the appropriately named site, ihateronaldo.com

Hmmm...here's some advice on how to treat a lady. I'm not so sure it's very good advice...but the only way to find out is to give it a try!