Farkin' Links Vol. 181

Some of you know that Jack has been working at AnimeExpo for several years now...for free. Even though he is always desperate for money and hasn't held a normal job since the Pizza Man gig back in high school. Why does he put in long hours for free? Is it his love for Anime?(He hasn't watched a cartoon in probably 5 years.) Nope, I think it's the free t-shirts. This year, he got even more. They gave out some free dvds and he ended up with a copy of Daredevil, Elektra, and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen(Gee...those wonderful movies were available? Who'da thunk it?) Anyways, I guess this is just my way of setting up the fact that I actually sat through one of them the other night.

I wanted to watch Daredevil since I've never seen it and I always thought the character was so ridiculous; he's a blind crime fighter who is a defense lawyer in real life. Basically, he gets criminals out of jail so he can kill them when they get home, all while dressed in red spandex. Besides, it's starring Ben Affleck attempting to act blind, so I know it's gonna be highest of high un-intentional comedy. Well, Jack had already seen it, so he talked me into watching Elektra instead. My argument was that I figured I would be lost, what with watching a quasi-sequel to a movie I've never seen. Much like watching Star Wars Episode IV before episodes I-III...and then my argument completely fell apart. He then offered up a much better reason; Elektra is supposed to be so horrible, that after watching it, Daredevil should be a much more entertaining feature. With that, the decision was made.

Now, I won't say Elektra is the worst movie I've ever seen; and that's about all I'll say that's good about it. Basically, the movie, starring Jennifer Garner as a ninja*snicker*, is about a chick ninja/go go dancer fighting a collection of mystical ninjas from a super secret ninja organization called the Hand(who hide their super secret organization within a giant sky scraper with a pagoda styled top...nope, no one's gonna find that place). Incidentally, the super secret Hand apparently conducts board meetings with guys in suits; even the ninjas have gone corporate! I understand this Garner chick was popular in that show Alias...and I really don't see the appeal. She looks like she weighs about 90 pounds and gave up calories for her last two New Year's resolutions. I just don't see this concentration camp survivor beating up super powered beings.

Anyways, Elektra is supposed to be assassinating someone or something...and then changes her mind...and blah blah blah...lots of badly edited fighting and ridulous crap...You know what? It's really not even worth discussing. They have a couple of neat characters, like this ninja who's tattoos come to life and act as his animal familiars...but then they get dispatched so quickly as almost an afterthought that I didn't even have a chance to form a real opinion about them. There is also the fact that all the good ninjas are white people and all the evil ninjas are either Asian or black, I wonder how they even got this past the political correctness police? First of all, exactly how many white ninjas can there possibly be? Who's training them? Is there a mail away Ninja training home schooling program? Ever since American Ninja, I just can't take white people running around dressed in black hoods throwing ninjas stars very seriously. Throw in the fact that the title ninja is a wanna be stripper wearing a red bustier and high heel boots, I kept waiting for Randy West to show up as a pizza man so they could all start having sex. Frankly, that would have been a much more entertaining movie. I'm giving it a 3 out of 10, or in the wonderful world of Tristan reviews, a D.

I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost.-Frank Bruno, Boxer


This Zidane headbutt truly is the gift that keeps on giving. I haven't seen this much effort to ridcule something since Darth Vader's famous last words in Star Wars III.

This guy had way too much time on his hands to put together this "cheat sheet" for all 255 levels of Pac-man. Of course, I'm going to be practicing out all night.

I guess it's just the season for insano aerobics clips. This one involves this creepy, Bjork looking chick and a bunch of poodles...well, you just need to watch it. (Hat tip: Mimi)

Hehe...imagine that? Coors gets arrested for drunken driving. If Alanis were still alive, that would totally be ironic. I wonder why he didn't use the excuse, "I was just coming back from work...and I always bring the scent with me."

It's called extreme climbing...like most extreme labels, it's extremely stupid and an exreme waste of time, but that's what you're hear for.

For a game called Nudist Trampolining...this sure comes up short in the sexy department...and in the nude department. But that's a good thing here.

Hehe...these are some truly bad writing excepts; bad like waking up next to Pamela Anderson and realizing you forgot a condom.

Chicken lays an "Allah" egg...I wonder how long it will take for Goldenpalace.com to purchase it.

Nice...here are 10 cars that I will only be able to drive if I turn to a life of crime...or marry a Hilton.

Wow...these chicks discovered that elusive 1002nd use for Superglue! I have to say, it beats the hell out of sticking your hardhat to a girder.

Russian President Putin has weighed in with an opinion on the possible threat of Cthulu...sometimes, I can't make up stories weirder than what I find on the internet. Oh yeah, he also talks about sex he can't remember and giant robots. I...have nothing to add.