Farkin' Links Vol. 182

This weekend I managed to get some rest; which means I mostly sat around on my butt and watched movies. On Saturday, Alex decided to inflict...I mean, screen one of the new Asian action movies he picked up at the Anime Expo from last week. He had quite a selection; a Chinese action crime movie with a really old looking Sammo Hung, a Japanese action sci-fi adventure-drama called Casshern, and a Korean action sci-fi adventure-drama called Natural City. Personally, I was looking forward to a Cambodian action sci-fi adventure-comedy-drama starring midget wrestlers and Ernie Reyes...but no such luck. After reading the summaries on the back, seeing that Natural City was called Korea's answer to the Matrix, my choice was obvious. Unfortunately, I think they meant Korea's answer to the Matrix 3...which, of course, never happened. IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! Sort of like those rumors of a Godfather 3, or Rocky 5.

Natural City takes place in 2080, after a huge war has destroyed much of the world, there exists several high tech cities for the rich and cyborgs to do their bidding. Actually, it's basically Blade Runner...only it makes far less sense, which is quite a feat in itself. The main character named R (I guess he's taking that Brazilian tradition of one name to a whole new level and just going with a letter in the alphabet) is a super cop who hunts down rogue cyborgs, but he's in love with a cyborg that's about to expire. Apparently, the cyborgs only last for 3 years and then they break down...I guess they're built by American car companies. Anyways, he's trying to keep her alive by doing shady deals with generic street criminals and mad scientists. It would have been a good movie, had I liked or even empathized with any of the characters, understood the rules of the world, or had a plot that wasn't completely hackneyed and predictable. Still, it's fun watching supposedly well trained SWAT type soldiers getting as close as possible to unarmed super strong robots in order to be torn to pieces and repeatedly kicked in the head instead of shooting them from a distance. I think there was a good movie somewhere here, but it got lost in translation. In fact, I think you should go rent Lost in Translation and Blade Runner instead of watching this movie. I'll give it a 5/10, or as Tristan would have it, a C.

I also managed to take in the big blockbuster of the summer so far, Pirates of the Caribbean 2. I remember going into the first one wondering why the hell I just spent 8 bucks on a movie based on a Disneyland ride starring the personality free Orlando Bloom. I also remember walking out thinking that Captain Jack Sparrow is one of the most entertaining and memorable characters in movie history and feeling my 8 bucks had been well spent. Still, I didn't think, "Hey, this movie totally needs a sequel! There are so many questions left unanswered. In fact, I don't think one sequel will really do it...it needs to be a trilogy!" But, what do I know? The critics hadn't been particularly kind to this movie, but there was no way I was passing up another chance to see Captain Jack in action...even if it was a complete failure. I have to say that, like the first one, I was very pleasantly surprised. They didn't just make the exact same movie over again like many sequels; this one actually picks up where the last one left off and continues in some strange directions. It's full of all types of plot twists and action scenes galore which keep you entertained for the duration of an inflated running time. I still can't figure out why Orlando Bloom keeps getting employed; the guy has not one ounce of charm, toughness, or coolness that you would expect from a leading man. The fact that he has a more femine face than his love interest, Keira "man-jaw" Knightley, doesn't really put much in his positive column either. Still, I had a great time watching this movie, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't entirely the couple of glasses of wine I had at dinner right before...It seems like the critics were falling all over themselves to cry exhaustion from all the meaningless action. Umm...right. Because I usually like lots of boring exposition and heady dialogue in my action movies. God forbid there's actual sword fights and barroom brawls in a Pirate movie. If you go into this movie looking for Ingmar Bergman's the Seventh Seal, you're gonna be disappointed. Otherwise, it's stupid fun. Oh yeah, Captain Jack is as funny as I remember...and then some. I give it an 8/10, or in Tristan speak, an A-.

Incidentally, watching the trailers before the actual trailers, which is a new feature at the movies, we saw an add for some Stephen King miniseries on TNT called Nightmares and Dreamscapes. Not a surprise, since the guy has written, what, 10,000 books? What was funny was their selling pitch,"From the man who brought you the Green Mile, the Shawshank Redemption, and the Shining..." Oh really? You're selling me on a horror mini by telling me that it was written by a guy who brought me two prison dramas and a 30 year old Jack Nicholson movie? Couldn't they have at least used horror movies, like Carrie, or Misery? I understand there was no reason to tell us "from the man who brought you the Lawnmower Man, Thinner, and Maximum Overdrive!" Still, odd choices. I'm sure market research showed these to be the best, and TNT does know drama.

Hey! How did Moody end up in a Price is Right episode? I thought Newjen was the one winning chimneas?

The cat with two heads! Looks like the Aquabats' biggest fear is a reality!

I guess Jean-Claude Van Damme likes women just as much as the next guy...

For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a really cool Mousetrap like Domino gameshow where they utilize everything, and I mean EVERYTHING into the mix. I just wanna know why these hosts are wearing tuxedos.

How much would you pay to have tea with Nelson Mandela? I'm thinking...2...maybe 3 bucks. But only if he pays for his own tea.

This kid is a fishing cyborg! It's only a matter of time before it morphs into a rocket launcher and he goes looking for Sarah Conner.

In case anybody is thinking of getting Abe an early Hannuka present(or is it chanukah?), this might come in handy.

Hmmm...well, when someone asks what he did for his summer vacation, he has a pretty interesting story.

This is a fun mini game, Bowman 2. You get to practice your geometry by trying to shoot an opponent in the head with an arrow. For some reason, I kept hitting his other head. You know that's gotta hurt. Some ads might be NSFW.

See, this is why my family stopped playing Monopoly. Boardgames always end in tears...and sometimes blood.