Farkin' Links Vol. 170 12/5

My company Christmas party was this weekend, which was nice. You gotta love free booze and food whenever it presents itself. Many beers later, I was all in favor of sitting around and watching a movie. Jack was really pushing to watch I heart Huckabees, which I wasn't all that big on, but it sure as hell beat the alternative of House of Wax. I mean, other than Paris Hilton getting killed, it didn't really have anything to recommend it. Sadly enough, Tony had alread seen March of the Penguins and Stealth was checked out. I know that Stealth would have cost another 20 dollars in order to get drunk enough to enjoy, but with this Huckabees movie I knew I'd have to be relatively sober to pay attention to. Oh well...

So, onto the movie. I heart Huckabees, which has an overly clever and stupid name (As the members of Spinal Tap once pointed out,"There's a fine line between stupid and clever") and the rest of the movie lives up to this first impression. The plot revolves around a tree hugging neurotic who, while fighting for control of an environmental advocacy group he helped create, enlists the aid of an extistential detective agency to investigate a strange coincidence that's happened in his life and is keeping him from concentrating on his job. Yeah, it's as weird as it sounds. This is a movie that probably sounded much better in script form, as it was apparently written by a couple of guys who took too many philosophy classes in college and were smoking too much peyote during the process. The acting is the only thing that makes this idiotic script worth anything; Marky Mark Walberg is extremely entertaining as a nihilistic firefighter, Jason Schwartzman portrays his quirky, bossy character from Rushmore, and the married detectives are ably played by Dustin Hoffman wearing a really strange wig and Lily Tomlin, who I wasn't even sure was still alive. I should have known this movie was going to suck like a Hoover because Jude Law was in it; he's actually a good actor, but his decisions for movie roles are about as successful as Michael Jordan playing baseball. This whole existential investigation comedy was done about a million times better with Douglas Adams' Dirk Gently's Hollistic Detective Agency novels. I think this subject just doesn't translate well to film. I wouldn't even watch this trainwreck again, but, hey, if you're feeling masochistic, give it try. It has one of the boldest sex scenes I've ever seen in a film. There's a quote from the movie that sums up my feelings on this film,"What the f*ck was that about?" 4/10 Tristan grading scale, D+.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
--Edgar Bergen


This link is for Ben Wu, who loves dissecting the science in movies and thus making them completely unwatchable...as well as pissing off everyone in earshot.

...and this week on Rescue 911, we have an idiot, a beer bong, and a bottle of Captain Morgan.

Gee...trouble in paradise with Britney and K-Fed? I thought that marriage would last forever.

Never read the style guys before, but I'd have to agree with their assessment of these various puppies...and I wish them well on their future gay marriage in Massachusetts.

Wow...I guess this chick objects...make that strenuously objects to her seat partner in the courtroom. Ads not safe for work.

Hehe, I know I'm rooting for Gonzaga. It's sort of like rooting for the Utah Jazz. Go whities!

I blame this type of masochistic idiocy on Jackass; but hey, at least I now know what it actually looks like when a nail enters a person's leg. It's totally different than Looney Tunes makes it look.

This is the definition of adding insult to injury. I think he learned his lesson about crossing streets without looking both ways, no need to give him a ticket too. It must have been quota week.

This is an interesting story about a man who was both a dwarf and a giant in his life. This might be classified in the "be careful what you wish for" category.

They've finally done a story on all the boys getting molested by older women that's been going on lately. I was obviously born too damn soon.