Farkin' Links Vol. 197
Has anybody seen or heard about this Brawny Academy? Apparently, the Brawny man has turned from a bad ass lumberjack to a clean shaven, sensitive, new age guy in a flannel. He's basically turned into Al Gore. On this show, he's supposed to teach a group of married men how to be "more thoughtful, more helpful...even more romantic." Oh, that's right...he's also going to teach them how to grow a vagina. Since he's intent on turning these men into women, I suppose that would be the next step. Obviously, the group of fools they got to show up on this show deserve to be completely emasculated, but this feminization of society is a depressing trend. Of course, knowing as much about women as I do(which ain't much), I know that once they manage to turn their men into a servant, they'll get bored and move on to that mysterious, married man who gets them all excited down below. But hey, at least these Brawny men can cry on each other's shoulders on Brokeback Mountain afterwards.
Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.
--Oscar Wilde
Here's a nice collection of the top erotic Atari games...which is kind of like having a list of the most erotic Golden Girls cast members. My vote goes for Bea Arthur.
This reporter may actually be dumber than Brick Tamland from Anchorman...and he was retarded.
O.K., I may have put this shirt on before...but it's still so stupid it made me laugh...which I'll admit, isn't particularly hard.
Being crushed by a giant cage in a freak balloon accident isn't funny...unless it happens to a clown.
This Vietnamese criminal must have inspired that Martin Lawrence movie, Blue Streak.
I'm beginning to think Florida has a "Hellmouth" ala Buffy the Vampire Slayer, only it attracts nutjobs and crazies. In central Florida, they're looking for the naked tickler...how hard is it to find a naked man running through the streets?
If you think I have a lot of time on my hands, check out this guy's hobby of recreating Nazi war scenes with G.I. Joe sized dolls. I think Alex just pissed his pants in excitement and jealousy.
Just to prove, once again, that anything can be had on the internet, check this out. I know I'd like infant blood that doesn't spoil so quickly.
Uh oh...the raccoons are about to conquer Washington State. I, for one, welcome our new furry, masked overlords. I sure hope they haven't heard about that raccoon I ran over up in Oakland.
Here's a strange sketch collection of various cartoon characters with what would be their internal skeleton. These are some deformed people.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 196
USA! USA! Our little leaguers just kicked the crap out of the world's little leaguers, so it's reason to celebrate. Nothing like putting the intense pressure of all your country's expectations on 11 year olds. That won't result in any long term scarring, right? It's not like parents aren't already living vicariously through their children when they're competing in the local championship in butt-f*ck nowheres; imagine what kind of crap they go through when they're representing their damn country on ESPN. There's gonna be a lot of therapists making some good money 10 years from now.
The great part about the victory by the Georgia team is that they beat a Japanese team. Nothing warms my heart like seeing Japanese children bawling their eyes out as their dreams lie broken and strewn about the ballfield like so much litter. I'm still bitter over Pearl Harbor. I mean, if they can act like victims every anniversary of Hiroshima and Nagasaki which only occurred due to a war they started, than I can remain angry about the death and destruction they reigned down on the world because of an arrogant, racist, self importance. On the other hand, they do make really good cars. Of course, so do zee Germans. I wonder if there is a correlation?
Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.
--Evan Esar
Since I've just bashed on the Japanese, I will give them their props with this article. They do make the coolest food...I mean, chocolate goldfish? BRILLIANT!
Stretching is always a good thing when you're working out. This, however, is called getting a little TOO loose.
I know Paul may disagree, but I'd say this was a much better prank than making it look like his car was stolen. Of course, we managed not to get prosecuted.
Here's Maxim's greatest 11 movie coaches. I don't see how they missed the Fonz' turn in the Waterboy...but mostly I love the fact that they managed to reference Big Trouble in Little China. That may be the greatest movie ever made.
I'd say this guy's theory that Fight Club really revolves around a grown up Calvin and Hobbes is nutty...if it weren't so eerily spot on. I want you all to complete the discussion questions so we can have a roundtable discussion later.
This is a ridiculously terrible game involving Bill Cosby, pudding, and murder. I only include it because The Hoff is in it. Everything is better with the Hoff. In fact, he goes on the pirates, ninjas, monkeys, and midgets list.
Speaking of the Hoff...this would be the best birthday present ever! I can't understand this kid. He's obviously a damn loser.
Cool...this commercial is a nice blast from the past. I have no idea what this game was, but I suddenly want to buy it. NSFW.
This site just keeps on giving. This one is for Moody; this was his favorite song in Germany...other than Nelly Furtado's Promiscious.
Newjen should love this one; it's not quite as good as his fireworks special on the 4th, but neither is the one at Disneyland. Still, these bunch of rednecks put on quite a potential forest fire.
USA! USA! Our little leaguers just kicked the crap out of the world's little leaguers, so it's reason to celebrate. Nothing like putting the intense pressure of all your country's expectations on 11 year olds. That won't result in any long term scarring, right? It's not like parents aren't already living vicariously through their children when they're competing in the local championship in butt-f*ck nowheres; imagine what kind of crap they go through when they're representing their damn country on ESPN. There's gonna be a lot of therapists making some good money 10 years from now.
The great part about the victory by the Georgia team is that they beat a Japanese team. Nothing warms my heart like seeing Japanese children bawling their eyes out as their dreams lie broken and strewn about the ballfield like so much litter. I'm still bitter over Pearl Harbor. I mean, if they can act like victims every anniversary of Hiroshima and Nagasaki which only occurred due to a war they started, than I can remain angry about the death and destruction they reigned down on the world because of an arrogant, racist, self importance. On the other hand, they do make really good cars. Of course, so do zee Germans. I wonder if there is a correlation?
Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.
--Evan Esar
Since I've just bashed on the Japanese, I will give them their props with this article. They do make the coolest food...I mean, chocolate goldfish? BRILLIANT!
Stretching is always a good thing when you're working out. This, however, is called getting a little TOO loose.
I know Paul may disagree, but I'd say this was a much better prank than making it look like his car was stolen. Of course, we managed not to get prosecuted.
Here's Maxim's greatest 11 movie coaches. I don't see how they missed the Fonz' turn in the Waterboy...but mostly I love the fact that they managed to reference Big Trouble in Little China. That may be the greatest movie ever made.
I'd say this guy's theory that Fight Club really revolves around a grown up Calvin and Hobbes is nutty...if it weren't so eerily spot on. I want you all to complete the discussion questions so we can have a roundtable discussion later.
This is a ridiculously terrible game involving Bill Cosby, pudding, and murder. I only include it because The Hoff is in it. Everything is better with the Hoff. In fact, he goes on the pirates, ninjas, monkeys, and midgets list.
Speaking of the Hoff...this would be the best birthday present ever! I can't understand this kid. He's obviously a damn loser.
Cool...this commercial is a nice blast from the past. I have no idea what this game was, but I suddenly want to buy it. NSFW.
This site just keeps on giving. This one is for Moody; this was his favorite song in Germany...other than Nelly Furtado's Promiscious.
Newjen should love this one; it's not quite as good as his fireworks special on the 4th, but neither is the one at Disneyland. Still, these bunch of rednecks put on quite a potential forest fire.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 195
First off, I think everyone should congratulate Moody on his engagement to his lovely and charming fiance, Fatima. They had a really nice engagement party this past Sunday which involved weird Arabic music, Moody's dad telling embarrassing stories about his son (I'm sure he's been waiting for 29 years to do that; of course, his were cute, funny stories, not like the embarrassing we could have told. We'll just have to save those for his wedding), and this weird Xena: Warrior Princess war cry from the women at various times during the party. All in all, a very successful event and I wish nothing but happiness and success for the two of them.
The only other notable thing I did this weekend was change an air filter in a car. What should take 2 minutes took me about 20. I think car designers go out of their way to make it almost impossible to access parts of their engine without breaking another component. Personally, I think that's for our safety. I certainly don't want to be on the road with people who do their own brakes, which is why I try to not drive with Jack. I only bring this up because it reminded me of an incident when Jiffy Lube tried to take advantage of me. The "mechanic" comes in holding a horrifically dirty air filter and asks me if I'd like to get it changed out. I answer,"Well, maybe if you showed me my actual air filter, I could tell you." Acting confused he asked me what I meant. I told him that the air filter in his hand isn't the same type as the one in my car, so either he's an idiot, or a liar. He chose option number one and pretended that it was another guy's air filter and went off to find him. I don't mind paying professionals to make sure my car runs correctly, but I don't like being insulted. According to Scott Adams, the definition of a professional is someone who knows a little bit more than you. I'd recommend everyone look into learning a bit about their car in order to discourage this type of robbery.
For our "Japanese people are crazy" link, we revist that wacky exercise/English lesson show. They're doing prep work for visiting Detroit, learning what to say to potential muggers, rapists, and murders.
Those wacky Chinese keep trying to take away that crazy title from Japan. Probably revenge for that Nanking incident...anyways, in this story involves a woman trying to teach her dog how to drive. Maybe the dog realized she was taking him to her restaurant for dinner.
I bet you thought I was done with China...well, apparently the authorities had to step in and ban strippers being hired to perform at funerals. Personally, I think it's a wonderful idea. I'm sure my grandfather would have heartily approved.
Jumping across the Strait, Taiwan apparently has the worst drinking water in the world. Of course, dead bodies floating in your water supply will do that.
Here's a nice list of insane weathermen...although, I figured that was part of the job description. That, and a George Hamilton tan.
Darn it! I missed another nipple slip...this time at the Emmy's. Oh well, I'll just have to be content with my porn collection.
Wow...and you thought YOU had a bad weekend. Let this be a lesson; if you're planning on playing with dildos, make sure you use proper lubricant.
I dunno about you, but I want my tongue nowhere near my *ss...or vice versa.
From the Norweigan Department of Obviousness, 1 in 5 woman have been harrassed by drunken men the past year. Oddly enough, women 20-29 seem most at risk. Funny, I would have thought it was the 60-69...they look hot enough when I'm drunk.
This is rather amusing; the marines guarding Saddam are making him watch the South Park movie where he plays the gay lover of Satan. I'm not sure whether he's insulted or flattered.
First off, I think everyone should congratulate Moody on his engagement to his lovely and charming fiance, Fatima. They had a really nice engagement party this past Sunday which involved weird Arabic music, Moody's dad telling embarrassing stories about his son (I'm sure he's been waiting for 29 years to do that; of course, his were cute, funny stories, not like the embarrassing we could have told. We'll just have to save those for his wedding), and this weird Xena: Warrior Princess war cry from the women at various times during the party. All in all, a very successful event and I wish nothing but happiness and success for the two of them.
The only other notable thing I did this weekend was change an air filter in a car. What should take 2 minutes took me about 20. I think car designers go out of their way to make it almost impossible to access parts of their engine without breaking another component. Personally, I think that's for our safety. I certainly don't want to be on the road with people who do their own brakes, which is why I try to not drive with Jack. I only bring this up because it reminded me of an incident when Jiffy Lube tried to take advantage of me. The "mechanic" comes in holding a horrifically dirty air filter and asks me if I'd like to get it changed out. I answer,"Well, maybe if you showed me my actual air filter, I could tell you." Acting confused he asked me what I meant. I told him that the air filter in his hand isn't the same type as the one in my car, so either he's an idiot, or a liar. He chose option number one and pretended that it was another guy's air filter and went off to find him. I don't mind paying professionals to make sure my car runs correctly, but I don't like being insulted. According to Scott Adams, the definition of a professional is someone who knows a little bit more than you. I'd recommend everyone look into learning a bit about their car in order to discourage this type of robbery.
For our "Japanese people are crazy" link, we revist that wacky exercise/English lesson show. They're doing prep work for visiting Detroit, learning what to say to potential muggers, rapists, and murders.
Those wacky Chinese keep trying to take away that crazy title from Japan. Probably revenge for that Nanking incident...anyways, in this story involves a woman trying to teach her dog how to drive. Maybe the dog realized she was taking him to her restaurant for dinner.
I bet you thought I was done with China...well, apparently the authorities had to step in and ban strippers being hired to perform at funerals. Personally, I think it's a wonderful idea. I'm sure my grandfather would have heartily approved.
Jumping across the Strait, Taiwan apparently has the worst drinking water in the world. Of course, dead bodies floating in your water supply will do that.
Here's a nice list of insane weathermen...although, I figured that was part of the job description. That, and a George Hamilton tan.
Darn it! I missed another nipple slip...this time at the Emmy's. Oh well, I'll just have to be content with my porn collection.
Wow...and you thought YOU had a bad weekend. Let this be a lesson; if you're planning on playing with dildos, make sure you use proper lubricant.
I dunno about you, but I want my tongue nowhere near my *ss...or vice versa.
From the Norweigan Department of Obviousness, 1 in 5 woman have been harrassed by drunken men the past year. Oddly enough, women 20-29 seem most at risk. Funny, I would have thought it was the 60-69...they look hot enough when I'm drunk.
This is rather amusing; the marines guarding Saddam are making him watch the South Park movie where he plays the gay lover of Satan. I'm not sure whether he's insulted or flattered.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 194
Well, billing is tomorrow, so it's likely you ain't getting another one of these until next week. So enjoy your spam free day tomorrow. I had an ethical dilemma to deal with today. I was picking up lunch for Glenn in the office today, when I was jostled in the street by some crazy Asian lady with an umbrella. I was forced to break her umbrella in half and push her in front of a bus. By the way, that's not the ethical question yet. I dropped Glenn's fork into the street after this incident. Now, if you're not familiar with downtown Broadway, just imagine the most disgusting toilet you've ever seen, be it real or imagined; now imagine it covering an entire street. It's a place where you can actually see someone taking a crap right in broad daylight. Obviously this fork was not gonna be in good shape even with the 3 second rule in effect. The question is...should I tell him after he eats his meal with the fork, or should I keep it to myself?
I'm tired of these muthaf*cking snakes on this muthaf*cking helicopter! Uriel, I hope you do a better job of keeping these vermin off our nation's helicopters.
Hehe...listen to that engine purr...hey, did it just meow at me?These would be pretty cool ads for the Little League World Series; I think they should broaden the sponsors for this thing anyways. More people watch it than hockey.
I'm going to have to get my dad this shirt. This gives me flashbacks of growing up.
Hmmm...Lysol used to advertise itself for feminine hygiene. I'm just imagining the lovely Pine scent...
So...who wants a 29 year old virgin? No, I'm not talking about you, Jack, I'm talking about this chick who's pimping herself out on the internet.
Damn, who knew those cute, fluffy clouds could crush you like an empty beer can?
Ol' granny gets her profane personalized license plate, NWTF, back. I dunno; I think her last name is much more offensive, really.
Awww...Lindsay Lohan is mad about the fact that the media ignored Ashlee Simpson's nosejob. Can you blame them? They were too busy following your drunken escapades, b*tch!
...and last but certainly not least, is a gallery just for Andy. It's a collection of nipple slips from famous celebrities...don't get your hopes too high, Andy. Dave Gahan doesn't make an appearance. Not safe for work.
Well, billing is tomorrow, so it's likely you ain't getting another one of these until next week. So enjoy your spam free day tomorrow. I had an ethical dilemma to deal with today. I was picking up lunch for Glenn in the office today, when I was jostled in the street by some crazy Asian lady with an umbrella. I was forced to break her umbrella in half and push her in front of a bus. By the way, that's not the ethical question yet. I dropped Glenn's fork into the street after this incident. Now, if you're not familiar with downtown Broadway, just imagine the most disgusting toilet you've ever seen, be it real or imagined; now imagine it covering an entire street. It's a place where you can actually see someone taking a crap right in broad daylight. Obviously this fork was not gonna be in good shape even with the 3 second rule in effect. The question is...should I tell him after he eats his meal with the fork, or should I keep it to myself?
I'm tired of these muthaf*cking snakes on this muthaf*cking helicopter! Uriel, I hope you do a better job of keeping these vermin off our nation's helicopters.
Hehe...listen to that engine purr...hey, did it just meow at me?These would be pretty cool ads for the Little League World Series; I think they should broaden the sponsors for this thing anyways. More people watch it than hockey.
I'm going to have to get my dad this shirt. This gives me flashbacks of growing up.
Hmmm...Lysol used to advertise itself for feminine hygiene. I'm just imagining the lovely Pine scent...
So...who wants a 29 year old virgin? No, I'm not talking about you, Jack, I'm talking about this chick who's pimping herself out on the internet.
Damn, who knew those cute, fluffy clouds could crush you like an empty beer can?
Ol' granny gets her profane personalized license plate, NWTF, back. I dunno; I think her last name is much more offensive, really.
Awww...Lindsay Lohan is mad about the fact that the media ignored Ashlee Simpson's nosejob. Can you blame them? They were too busy following your drunken escapades, b*tch!
...and last but certainly not least, is a gallery just for Andy. It's a collection of nipple slips from famous celebrities...don't get your hopes too high, Andy. Dave Gahan doesn't make an appearance. Not safe for work.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 193
So, I was very amused by the strange email thread from yesterday. To make a long story short, it revolved around whether Andy would rather spend lunch with David Gahan, the lead singer for Depeche Mode, or some supposedly famous go-go dancer. Andy would rather spend the time with his idol from Depeche Mode, which caused the general reaction of, "What! Are you gay!" from everyone else. I can totally understand where he's coming from, though. I mean, there are thousands of go-go dancers, but only one lead singer of his favorite band. I could open up a phone book to escorts, and get any number of women to attend lunch with me. If the argument had been, lunch with Dave, or a night of wild sexcapades with said go-go dancer, the argument would be more difficult. Still, I can open a phone book to escorts and...well, you get the idea.
Thinking outside the box, however, I figured the best idea would be to have your cake and eat it too. I mean, if you go to lunch with Dave, but then invite the go-go dancer to come along and meet a rock star, chances are she's coming. From there, there are two likely scenarios. One, Dave starts hitting on the dancer, and is somewhat grateful for you for bringing something to the table, so you can use it to your advantage in backstage passes or some such nonsense. I think Andy wants to be a roadie. The other scenario would be that Dave is gay, but the go-go dancer is suitably impressed with your connections and you can parlay that into something as well. All in all, a pretty good situation for you. Andy, you wanna give this a try for us and tell us if it works?
On another subject, I watched Poseidon last night. This is the remake of the Poseidon Adventure from 1972. Now, everyone was on a lot of drugs back in the 70s, so I can understand how they somehow greenlighted a sequel. But, in this day and age, what were the powers that be thinking when they created this remake? The original was part of the disaster movie craze; Towering Inferno, Earthquake, Airport 77, that sort of thing. Take a group of well known actors, give them all shallow, one note personalities, place in a given life or death situation involving falling buildings, fires, or explosions where they're forced to work together in order to survive, rinse and repeat. That's basically the plot for all of these movies, and it remains the storyline for the new Poseidon. There are some pretty fun death scenes, lots of explosions for seemingly no reason(I think the ship may have been built out of asbestos, dynamite, and napalm) and lots of hold your breath water sequences. Does anybody else try to hold their breath along with a movie character to see if you could have swam down that 150 meter hallway, open a metal door with no leverage, and somehow find that one pocket of air? No...well, me neither. Forget I asked. Anyways, it's a fairly enjoyable popcorn flick, in that you're sort of rooting for everyone to die, if only to see how creative the filmmakers can make it. You may have noticed I've said absolutely nothing about the characters; well, the less said the better. They're just props that react to a giant cruise ship flipped over, on fire, and sinking. This movie is best viewed in the background while you're doing something else, or with 2 parts coke, 1 part Jack Daniels. I'll give it a 6/10, or in Tristan speak, a C+.
Hehe...many of you have seen the fauxtography going on with the Lebanon-Israeli war. The fakes, lies, and photoshopping. Well, now they have a do it yourself kit. This chick has been EVERYWHERE!
Wow! Not only do these ants bite faster than any living animal, but they know kung fu! They're like, flippy, ninja ants.
I wonder if Chris Hsieh had anything to do with this guide on not tipping bad waiters. It looks like his handiwork...I'm really gonn have to try the boxed lunch one, though. That one is flippin' brilliant.
I think I saw this goalie in the World Cup playing for Paraguay. No, wait, this guy sort of tried to stop the ball. Ads not safe for work.
Wow...that's just wrong. Tigger wouldn't go out like a punk...even though I've never seen Deadwood, this is still pretty funny.
This guy's going for father and husband of the year. Lighting your family on fire, then settling down for a beer? That's a Miller High Life man.
It's a darn good thing I don't steal cable anymore...I mean, why, I would never, EVER steal cable! That would be dishonest and wrong.
Sometimes the only way to fight bacteria is with bacteria...but I sure as heck don't want it in my toothpaste.
This is a poorly made side scroller...but it gets included because it has zombies. That one addition alone salvages the game.Adding zombies is almost equivalent to adding monkeys, ninjas, midgets, or pirates.
Man shoots his wife after seeing an Indian movie on marriage. Well, having sat through Bollywood movies myself, I would understand more if she had killed him for forcing her to watch one of those ridiculous movies.
So, I was very amused by the strange email thread from yesterday. To make a long story short, it revolved around whether Andy would rather spend lunch with David Gahan, the lead singer for Depeche Mode, or some supposedly famous go-go dancer. Andy would rather spend the time with his idol from Depeche Mode, which caused the general reaction of, "What! Are you gay!" from everyone else. I can totally understand where he's coming from, though. I mean, there are thousands of go-go dancers, but only one lead singer of his favorite band. I could open up a phone book to escorts, and get any number of women to attend lunch with me. If the argument had been, lunch with Dave, or a night of wild sexcapades with said go-go dancer, the argument would be more difficult. Still, I can open a phone book to escorts and...well, you get the idea.
Thinking outside the box, however, I figured the best idea would be to have your cake and eat it too. I mean, if you go to lunch with Dave, but then invite the go-go dancer to come along and meet a rock star, chances are she's coming. From there, there are two likely scenarios. One, Dave starts hitting on the dancer, and is somewhat grateful for you for bringing something to the table, so you can use it to your advantage in backstage passes or some such nonsense. I think Andy wants to be a roadie. The other scenario would be that Dave is gay, but the go-go dancer is suitably impressed with your connections and you can parlay that into something as well. All in all, a pretty good situation for you. Andy, you wanna give this a try for us and tell us if it works?
On another subject, I watched Poseidon last night. This is the remake of the Poseidon Adventure from 1972. Now, everyone was on a lot of drugs back in the 70s, so I can understand how they somehow greenlighted a sequel. But, in this day and age, what were the powers that be thinking when they created this remake? The original was part of the disaster movie craze; Towering Inferno, Earthquake, Airport 77, that sort of thing. Take a group of well known actors, give them all shallow, one note personalities, place in a given life or death situation involving falling buildings, fires, or explosions where they're forced to work together in order to survive, rinse and repeat. That's basically the plot for all of these movies, and it remains the storyline for the new Poseidon. There are some pretty fun death scenes, lots of explosions for seemingly no reason(I think the ship may have been built out of asbestos, dynamite, and napalm) and lots of hold your breath water sequences. Does anybody else try to hold their breath along with a movie character to see if you could have swam down that 150 meter hallway, open a metal door with no leverage, and somehow find that one pocket of air? No...well, me neither. Forget I asked. Anyways, it's a fairly enjoyable popcorn flick, in that you're sort of rooting for everyone to die, if only to see how creative the filmmakers can make it. You may have noticed I've said absolutely nothing about the characters; well, the less said the better. They're just props that react to a giant cruise ship flipped over, on fire, and sinking. This movie is best viewed in the background while you're doing something else, or with 2 parts coke, 1 part Jack Daniels. I'll give it a 6/10, or in Tristan speak, a C+.
Hehe...many of you have seen the fauxtography going on with the Lebanon-Israeli war. The fakes, lies, and photoshopping. Well, now they have a do it yourself kit. This chick has been EVERYWHERE!
Wow! Not only do these ants bite faster than any living animal, but they know kung fu! They're like, flippy, ninja ants.
I wonder if Chris Hsieh had anything to do with this guide on not tipping bad waiters. It looks like his handiwork...I'm really gonn have to try the boxed lunch one, though. That one is flippin' brilliant.
I think I saw this goalie in the World Cup playing for Paraguay. No, wait, this guy sort of tried to stop the ball. Ads not safe for work.
Wow...that's just wrong. Tigger wouldn't go out like a punk...even though I've never seen Deadwood, this is still pretty funny.
This guy's going for father and husband of the year. Lighting your family on fire, then settling down for a beer? That's a Miller High Life man.
It's a darn good thing I don't steal cable anymore...I mean, why, I would never, EVER steal cable! That would be dishonest and wrong.
Sometimes the only way to fight bacteria is with bacteria...but I sure as heck don't want it in my toothpaste.
This is a poorly made side scroller...but it gets included because it has zombies. That one addition alone salvages the game.Adding zombies is almost equivalent to adding monkeys, ninjas, midgets, or pirates.
Man shoots his wife after seeing an Indian movie on marriage. Well, having sat through Bollywood movies myself, I would understand more if she had killed him for forcing her to watch one of those ridiculous movies.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 192
If mankind minus one were of one opinion, then mankind is no more justified in silencing the one than the one - if he had the power - would be justified in silencing mankind.
-John Stuart Mill
Although it's a somewhat sloppy statement, I can understand his sentiments. Free speech isn't about letting people say things you agree with; it's letting people say things you despise...but I think you can still beat the crap out of them if you want. As long as you do it one on one, mano y mano. That way it's not a lynching. It's just a plain ol' *ss-whuppin'.
Damn, I need to get me a Zombie Preparedness Kit. At the very least, it would keep the Jehovah's Witnesses and the magazine salespeople away. No, I do NOT want to help you save money for college or a copy of the Watchtower! Eat pellets, punk!
I may have had GI Joe pajamas...but they still didn't get me beat up nearly as much as these would have.
This is kinda neat. This chick put together a collage of a picture of herself every day since 2001. Unfortunately, the ads are unsafe for work.
Oh boy...this could only happen in Florida. A woman was mauled to death trying to wash her dog. I can understand if it was a cat, but dogs usually like water.
Speaking of Florida, this police chief had his house broken into while he was giving a lecture on crime prevention...why, that's, that's "like rain...on your wedding day..."
Since we're on the subject of strange places, here's a nice spot for a "Japanese people are crazy" link. They're not quite sure if the women only cars on the subways are actually cutting down on the gropings...I dunno about you, but I wanna hear more about women only groping.
This has got to be one of the signs of the Apacalypse...K-Fed performing at the Teen Choice Awards. How has this guy not made it on his own?
Hehe...the site is Statue Molesters. I'd comment on the juvenile nature of these people, if I hadn't done this on countless occasions in other countries.
South Africa sounds like such a charming place. I'm so glad that the World Cup will be there in 4 years.
Damnit! Why didn't I get to see any rain dance appeals to gods while I was in Nepal? That settles it...my next vacation is Japan so I can ride the subway.
If mankind minus one were of one opinion, then mankind is no more justified in silencing the one than the one - if he had the power - would be justified in silencing mankind.
-John Stuart Mill
Although it's a somewhat sloppy statement, I can understand his sentiments. Free speech isn't about letting people say things you agree with; it's letting people say things you despise...but I think you can still beat the crap out of them if you want. As long as you do it one on one, mano y mano. That way it's not a lynching. It's just a plain ol' *ss-whuppin'.
Damn, I need to get me a Zombie Preparedness Kit. At the very least, it would keep the Jehovah's Witnesses and the magazine salespeople away. No, I do NOT want to help you save money for college or a copy of the Watchtower! Eat pellets, punk!
I may have had GI Joe pajamas...but they still didn't get me beat up nearly as much as these would have.
This is kinda neat. This chick put together a collage of a picture of herself every day since 2001. Unfortunately, the ads are unsafe for work.
Oh boy...this could only happen in Florida. A woman was mauled to death trying to wash her dog. I can understand if it was a cat, but dogs usually like water.
Speaking of Florida, this police chief had his house broken into while he was giving a lecture on crime prevention...why, that's, that's "like rain...on your wedding day..."
Since we're on the subject of strange places, here's a nice spot for a "Japanese people are crazy" link. They're not quite sure if the women only cars on the subways are actually cutting down on the gropings...I dunno about you, but I wanna hear more about women only groping.
This has got to be one of the signs of the Apacalypse...K-Fed performing at the Teen Choice Awards. How has this guy not made it on his own?
Hehe...the site is Statue Molesters. I'd comment on the juvenile nature of these people, if I hadn't done this on countless occasions in other countries.
South Africa sounds like such a charming place. I'm so glad that the World Cup will be there in 4 years.
Damnit! Why didn't I get to see any rain dance appeals to gods while I was in Nepal? That settles it...my next vacation is Japan so I can ride the subway.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 191
Another day, another season for 24. As I mentioned before, I got through the 2nd season of 24 in about 3 days...which is either impressive or pathetic, depending on your point of view. It's easily my new favorite show, although one I could never actually watch while it's on tv. There's no way I'd want to wait a week to find out what happened; for some reason, cliff hanging type events always seem to occur around the end of any particular hour. A strange coincidence, no?
Jack Bauer has officially become the baddest man to ever appear on television. I don't care if he's played by one of the brat pack who can't be more than 5'5", nor do I care that he's incessantly screaming "Tell me where the bomb/virus/insert storyline MacGuffin here is!" He's easily the most ruthless hero character that has ever been put on prime time. He makes Batman look like a queer in tights...of course, the tights don't help out Batman in this argument. Still, how many heroes have you seen develop a heroin addiction trying to go undercover with a drug cartel? How many heroes would shoot a protected witness, remove his head with a knife, and deliver it to a villian in order to penetrate his inner circle?
Oh sure, there are plenty of plot holes and ridiculous contrivances to make the plot work. I mean, come on, a Senator getting elected President? Ha, you wish, John Kerry, Bob Dole, etc. The most ridiculous plot point is the fact that people can drive around Los Angeles at will. Just once I wanna see Jack Bauer stuck on the 101 downtown listening to KFI for and episode and a half. He thinks his day is bad? It would be much worse if he had to sit in traffic for 4 hours.
I think one of the major draws to this show is that they kill off a man character every couple of episodes. It's like Survivor, only the person voted off the island is either shot in the head, or infected with some ebola virus...which, I think would make Survivor much more watchable. In fact, unless your name is either Keifer or Sutherland, chances are you're not making it through the day. In fact, you're more likely to actually be shot in the head by Jack Bauer than anyone else...and that includes the good guys. I'm telling you, Jack is one bad mutha...
The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.
-Fyodor Dostoevsky
This "kid" is in little league...and it's not even the Dominican Republic? I call shenanigans.
This bartender just guaranteed he's getting no tips. This is why bartenders rank very high on the list of people who wield far too much power for their job title.
Firefighters were almost murdered for not rescuing a cat from a tree. Well, maybe that's excessive, but isn't that really all they're good for most days? I'd rather have them doing something useful instead of playing playstation at their station.
Damn; this little 6 year old is one bad...actually, he doesn't need counseling. He needs a swift kick in the *ss.
The average age of a child prostitute in Phoenix is 13. I wonder how much field testing was required?
This is a fun little racer...that I totally suck at. It's a damn good thing I don't drive as bad in real life as I do in video games.
Wow...Indian man wants one of his two functioning penises removed. I say keep it and go into Japanese porn. I'm sure Alex would buy at least two copies of all your films.
Awww...I love all my moms too. Of course, my dad hasn't been married to them at the same time.
This is a cute site with basic football 101 identifying positions and plays. It's a good start for the ladies...and Abe, who picks his fantasy football players with his eyes closed and a strong faith in God. Not a chance this season, Abe. Not a chance.
This is quite an impressive weed factory. Moody, don't book the flight to Tennessee just yet. I'm guessing this place has already been shut down.
Another day, another season for 24. As I mentioned before, I got through the 2nd season of 24 in about 3 days...which is either impressive or pathetic, depending on your point of view. It's easily my new favorite show, although one I could never actually watch while it's on tv. There's no way I'd want to wait a week to find out what happened; for some reason, cliff hanging type events always seem to occur around the end of any particular hour. A strange coincidence, no?
Jack Bauer has officially become the baddest man to ever appear on television. I don't care if he's played by one of the brat pack who can't be more than 5'5", nor do I care that he's incessantly screaming "Tell me where the bomb/virus/insert storyline MacGuffin here is!" He's easily the most ruthless hero character that has ever been put on prime time. He makes Batman look like a queer in tights...of course, the tights don't help out Batman in this argument. Still, how many heroes have you seen develop a heroin addiction trying to go undercover with a drug cartel? How many heroes would shoot a protected witness, remove his head with a knife, and deliver it to a villian in order to penetrate his inner circle?
Oh sure, there are plenty of plot holes and ridiculous contrivances to make the plot work. I mean, come on, a Senator getting elected President? Ha, you wish, John Kerry, Bob Dole, etc. The most ridiculous plot point is the fact that people can drive around Los Angeles at will. Just once I wanna see Jack Bauer stuck on the 101 downtown listening to KFI for and episode and a half. He thinks his day is bad? It would be much worse if he had to sit in traffic for 4 hours.
I think one of the major draws to this show is that they kill off a man character every couple of episodes. It's like Survivor, only the person voted off the island is either shot in the head, or infected with some ebola virus...which, I think would make Survivor much more watchable. In fact, unless your name is either Keifer or Sutherland, chances are you're not making it through the day. In fact, you're more likely to actually be shot in the head by Jack Bauer than anyone else...and that includes the good guys. I'm telling you, Jack is one bad mutha...
The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half.
-Fyodor Dostoevsky
This "kid" is in little league...and it's not even the Dominican Republic? I call shenanigans.
This bartender just guaranteed he's getting no tips. This is why bartenders rank very high on the list of people who wield far too much power for their job title.
Firefighters were almost murdered for not rescuing a cat from a tree. Well, maybe that's excessive, but isn't that really all they're good for most days? I'd rather have them doing something useful instead of playing playstation at their station.
Damn; this little 6 year old is one bad...actually, he doesn't need counseling. He needs a swift kick in the *ss.
The average age of a child prostitute in Phoenix is 13. I wonder how much field testing was required?
This is a fun little racer...that I totally suck at. It's a damn good thing I don't drive as bad in real life as I do in video games.
Wow...Indian man wants one of his two functioning penises removed. I say keep it and go into Japanese porn. I'm sure Alex would buy at least two copies of all your films.
Awww...I love all my moms too. Of course, my dad hasn't been married to them at the same time.
This is a cute site with basic football 101 identifying positions and plays. It's a good start for the ladies...and Abe, who picks his fantasy football players with his eyes closed and a strong faith in God. Not a chance this season, Abe. Not a chance.
This is quite an impressive weed factory. Moody, don't book the flight to Tennessee just yet. I'm guessing this place has already been shut down.
Farkin' LInks Vol. 190
I have nothing to add from yesterday. I'm still bitter over our embarrassing beatdown in the championship game. I'll just leave you with a quote.
The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever.
-Anatole France
Here's a nice nominee for Mother of the Year. I love her justification; It is tough to find something you could do together with your son.
Who says Asian people can't dunk? Sure...they need a trampoline, but that was still pretty cool.
In case you weren't convinced that France is going to become part of the caliphate, go ahead and read this article.
This is pretty neat; color pictures from the 30s and 40s. It almost looks like it could be happening today. Usually, those black and white photos make America seem like an alien land.
Well...I found the Christmas cards I wanna send out this year. Oh, who am I kidding? I never send out Christmas cards.
I wasn't planning on using my Ipod Nano to murder anyone...but I guess it's nice to have options.
I guess there's just no escaping the deadly blue screen of death...even in the perfect world of Star Trek.
Well, this is the best reason I've ever heard for breast implants. Remember ladies, it's for your own protection.
Have you ever seen Mr. T dance? I pity the foo' who hasn't!
Ouch. I'd feel sorry for a guy getting his head run over by a train...except for the fact that he got his legs run over 7 years earlier. This, my friends, is called evolution in action.
I have nothing to add from yesterday. I'm still bitter over our embarrassing beatdown in the championship game. I'll just leave you with a quote.
The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever.
-Anatole France
Here's a nice nominee for Mother of the Year. I love her justification; It is tough to find something you could do together with your son.
Who says Asian people can't dunk? Sure...they need a trampoline, but that was still pretty cool.
In case you weren't convinced that France is going to become part of the caliphate, go ahead and read this article.
This is pretty neat; color pictures from the 30s and 40s. It almost looks like it could be happening today. Usually, those black and white photos make America seem like an alien land.
Well...I found the Christmas cards I wanna send out this year. Oh, who am I kidding? I never send out Christmas cards.
I wasn't planning on using my Ipod Nano to murder anyone...but I guess it's nice to have options.
I guess there's just no escaping the deadly blue screen of death...even in the perfect world of Star Trek.
Well, this is the best reason I've ever heard for breast implants. Remember ladies, it's for your own protection.
Have you ever seen Mr. T dance? I pity the foo' who hasn't!
Ouch. I'd feel sorry for a guy getting his head run over by a train...except for the fact that he got his legs run over 7 years earlier. This, my friends, is called evolution in action.
Farkin' Links Vol. 189
So, we had our championship game this weekend, and we won...the first half. If only the games were only 20 minutes and not 40. In the first half, we stuck to our gameplan and ended it by being up 2. In the second half...not so much, and we ended up losing by 18. It's hard to win a game when the second best player on the other team hits ten 3 pointers. Well, at least we got a dinky second place trophy; Newjen was planning on just removing the 2nd and hope nobody notices.
I attended a quinceanera this weekend, which was quite entertaining. I've never been to one, what with not being Mexican and all. For those of you who aren't familiar, this is a big celebration for girls when they turn 15 years old and become a woman...or something. Sort of like a barmitzva, or I guess those sweet 16 parties that rich people are throwing and having filmed to be a show on MTV.
It starts with a mass in a Catholic church, which I never really liked ever since my grandmother used to drag me to while I was growing up. I personally didn't think it was fair since I'm not even Catholic; it's like drinking a non-alcoholic beer. You have to suffer through the bad stuff, but get absolutely no benefits from it. This mass ended up being a little more entertaining for several reasons, though. First, there was a mariachi band perfoming religious songs at the intermissions. Second, the priest did the ceremony in English, most definitely not his first language...it might not even be his second. I'm glad they were wise enough to provide us with a pamplet of subtitles; it was like watching Antonio Banderas give mass.
After that, we attended the reception hall, which was actually this Italian club dedicated to Giuseppe Garibaldi. He's a very intruiging character, who, despite all the honors, didn't really seem to do much. Well, it's almost as tough picking out an Italian war hero to celebrate as it is finding a French one. Anyways, a lot of seats were empty, which leads me to believe they didn't have quite the turnout that was expected. If I were the family, I'd be pissed as hell. They spend 17,000 bucks, as much as a wedding, on some party to play on every woman's princess fantasy and half the people didn't show. It's not as though these people have a lot of money; I'm still trying to figure out who they had to kill to come up with that much in the first place. I'm thinking that money might actually come in handy to...oh, I dunno, buy a car, or for college, or part of a down payment for a place to live, even a future wedding. For a group of people that aren't well off to be blowing this kind of money...well, I just don't get it.
The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.
-Katharine Whitehorn
This is rather disturbing; I'm sure there are people who support Hezbollah, but in San Francisco? I'm pretty sure Hezbollah wouldn't be down for the tenderloin district.
This is even more disturbing...Jeez, Tucker Max, you are one crazy bastard. This story is mostly for Alex, since I know he has a thing for midgets.
Speaking of tiny, check out this weird gallery full of tiny animals on fingers. Yes, I know that sounds dirty, but there's no sexual innuendo...I'm serious. It's totally safe for work.
This is perfect example why rushing a job only makes it take longer. But, on the plus side, you get to see a soccer player get hurt. You know that always warms my heart.
Well, this guy makes a very strong argument. It's hard to argue with a flying chair.
While this is totally unnecessary, I'd like to have 31 different options for lacing my shoes.
This Ladder Theory has obviously been around for a while...but it's my first time reading it. Yep, seems about accurate. Damn b*tches.
That's certainly one way to get a remote control. I would never, EVER, resort to drinking fake beer. It's not as though beer tastes good.
Uh oh...looks like the Alien invasion is going to start. We've found facehuggers in the bottom of the ocean.
Wow...this is like discovering how to turn lead in to gold or cold fusion. The Japanese may be crazy, but they sure do come up big sometimes.
So, we had our championship game this weekend, and we won...the first half. If only the games were only 20 minutes and not 40. In the first half, we stuck to our gameplan and ended it by being up 2. In the second half...not so much, and we ended up losing by 18. It's hard to win a game when the second best player on the other team hits ten 3 pointers. Well, at least we got a dinky second place trophy; Newjen was planning on just removing the 2nd and hope nobody notices.
I attended a quinceanera this weekend, which was quite entertaining. I've never been to one, what with not being Mexican and all. For those of you who aren't familiar, this is a big celebration for girls when they turn 15 years old and become a woman...or something. Sort of like a barmitzva, or I guess those sweet 16 parties that rich people are throwing and having filmed to be a show on MTV.
It starts with a mass in a Catholic church, which I never really liked ever since my grandmother used to drag me to while I was growing up. I personally didn't think it was fair since I'm not even Catholic; it's like drinking a non-alcoholic beer. You have to suffer through the bad stuff, but get absolutely no benefits from it. This mass ended up being a little more entertaining for several reasons, though. First, there was a mariachi band perfoming religious songs at the intermissions. Second, the priest did the ceremony in English, most definitely not his first language...it might not even be his second. I'm glad they were wise enough to provide us with a pamplet of subtitles; it was like watching Antonio Banderas give mass.
After that, we attended the reception hall, which was actually this Italian club dedicated to Giuseppe Garibaldi. He's a very intruiging character, who, despite all the honors, didn't really seem to do much. Well, it's almost as tough picking out an Italian war hero to celebrate as it is finding a French one. Anyways, a lot of seats were empty, which leads me to believe they didn't have quite the turnout that was expected. If I were the family, I'd be pissed as hell. They spend 17,000 bucks, as much as a wedding, on some party to play on every woman's princess fantasy and half the people didn't show. It's not as though these people have a lot of money; I'm still trying to figure out who they had to kill to come up with that much in the first place. I'm thinking that money might actually come in handy to...oh, I dunno, buy a car, or for college, or part of a down payment for a place to live, even a future wedding. For a group of people that aren't well off to be blowing this kind of money...well, I just don't get it.
The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.
-Katharine Whitehorn
This is rather disturbing; I'm sure there are people who support Hezbollah, but in San Francisco? I'm pretty sure Hezbollah wouldn't be down for the tenderloin district.
This is even more disturbing...Jeez, Tucker Max, you are one crazy bastard. This story is mostly for Alex, since I know he has a thing for midgets.
Speaking of tiny, check out this weird gallery full of tiny animals on fingers. Yes, I know that sounds dirty, but there's no sexual innuendo...I'm serious. It's totally safe for work.
This is perfect example why rushing a job only makes it take longer. But, on the plus side, you get to see a soccer player get hurt. You know that always warms my heart.
Well, this guy makes a very strong argument. It's hard to argue with a flying chair.
While this is totally unnecessary, I'd like to have 31 different options for lacing my shoes.
This Ladder Theory has obviously been around for a while...but it's my first time reading it. Yep, seems about accurate. Damn b*tches.
That's certainly one way to get a remote control. I would never, EVER, resort to drinking fake beer. It's not as though beer tastes good.
Uh oh...looks like the Alien invasion is going to start. We've found facehuggers in the bottom of the ocean.
Wow...this is like discovering how to turn lead in to gold or cold fusion. The Japanese may be crazy, but they sure do come up big sometimes.
Farkin' Links Vol. 188
I finally got around to watching this Kurosawa film I've been holding onto forever called Ikiru. Much like any Kurosawa film, this is about an hour's worth of story stretched into 2 and a half. I think Kurowsawa is Michael Mann's directing idol or something. The difference is that Kurosawa's movies are incredibly engrossing and meaningful while Michael Mann remakes 80's tv shows that used to star Don Johnson. I'm gonna have to go with Akira on this one.
This film is a fairly big departure for Kurosawa since it's a small, personal story that takes place in his modern day. No samurai to be seen, no Shakespearean play to rip off...er...create homages to. Just a simple story about a boring, bureaucratic drone, who's done nothing with his life other than stamp papers, who finds out that he has 6 months to live. It's basically a take off of Last Holiday, starring the great Alec "Obi Wan" Guinness, which was recently remade starring Queen Latifa. I can't believe I just put Alec Guinness and Queen Latifa in the same sentence. It's not as though this idea is new; people changing their outlook on life due to a brush with death or terminal illness is something that's been around since we climbed out of the caves. Hell, American Beauty basically took the same idea by cheapening it into a case of a midlife crisis. Oh, right...back to the actual movie I watched last night.
Our protagonist, Watanabe, has been the perfect section chief of Personal Affairs in the Tokyo city hall for almost thirty years. He's always shown up, never complained, shown any ambition, and did what he was told. Basically, the perfect governmental zombie. Because he retreated inwardly after his wife died early leaving him to raise their son, he's basically become isolated by everyone. In fact, it's hard to figure out if Watanabe even has a personality at all. He doesn't say much, and when he does, it's in a stuttering monosyllable fashion. Played by Takashi Shimura, who is a constant in Kurosawa's movies(He played the wise Samurai leader from the Seven Samurai), I'm not sure whether to say "Wow, what a great performance playing a bland, boring, loser," or "Wow...this guy sucks!" I'm leaning towards the first, since he obviously can be charming and entertaining as demonstrated in the Seven Samurai. From the first moment his sloped shouldered, defeated, frail figure makes it's appearance, you can't help but feel a little sorry...and maybe a little creeped out by the guy.
I think you can all figure out where the story goes; he obviously doesn't want to die, but if he does, he doesn't want to go out like the total loser he is. He wants to do something, to feel what it's like to actually be alive again. The interesting part is that his transformation is much more believable than other movies of this type; he doesn't become some cool, sarcastic, butt-kicker. He basically remains the quiet, uninteresting man, but with an intensity that wasn't there before. It's an almost nuanced performance, which I'm not used to in a Kurosawa movie since he apparently directs his actors to overact and make faces like they're on stage.
The story is told in a rather confused narrative, and uses a completely unnecessary narrator for seemingly random scenes in the movie. Other than that, it's a surpisingly moving film about personal redemption and putting a twist on that old saying,"nobody on their deathbed wishes they spent more time at the office." When you think about it, any one of us could die today. What would our legacy be? These are the things that you lose perspective of during the day to day drugery of just plain living. Even if you knew when you were going to die, like that comedian Steven Wright who has an expiration on his birth certificate, what would you do? Would you spend your time in hedonistic idol and selfish behavior like the protagonist of American Beauty? Would you try to leave your mark by doing something that would benefit humanity, like our sad sack hero of Ikiru? I have no idea what I would do, but I do know that I don't want to die full of regrets of the things I should have done. Stupid movie...making me think morose thoughts. Still, any movie that gets you thinking deserves a solid 8/10. That's a B+ in Tristanspeak.
Wowzers...try this game out. Is it TV chef...or porn star? I've had some great meals, but never THAT great.
In the least surprising story since Lance Bass came out of the closet, McRibs are...well, not really ribs. Honestly, I don't care! They're still great! (Hat tip: Azure)
Cool...the Kiss Army has invaded Cleveland to demand the induction of Kiss into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame...waitaminute...they're not in the Hall yet? How much is a ticket to Cleveland?
Here are 8 important lessons learned from 80's cartoons. I'm sure you'll want to know, because, knowing is half the battle.
Hehe...Pimp my ride, Army style. Hooah!
This is a cute jumping game...starring a Teletubbie, methinks.
I love this wacky ebay item, even if Ronaldhino and Brazil choked harder than a Flip Saunders coached team.
There's a lot of women that are gonna need this come 20 years down the line when they realize how stupid tattoos look.
Gotta love this headline: Chinese country clubs to death 50,000 dogs. That's gonna be one hell of a buffet.
This is the type of sign homeless people need to use if they expect to receive money. Hell, I'd give this guy 5 bucks if I saw him on the street.
I finally got around to watching this Kurosawa film I've been holding onto forever called Ikiru. Much like any Kurosawa film, this is about an hour's worth of story stretched into 2 and a half. I think Kurowsawa is Michael Mann's directing idol or something. The difference is that Kurosawa's movies are incredibly engrossing and meaningful while Michael Mann remakes 80's tv shows that used to star Don Johnson. I'm gonna have to go with Akira on this one.
This film is a fairly big departure for Kurosawa since it's a small, personal story that takes place in his modern day. No samurai to be seen, no Shakespearean play to rip off...er...create homages to. Just a simple story about a boring, bureaucratic drone, who's done nothing with his life other than stamp papers, who finds out that he has 6 months to live. It's basically a take off of Last Holiday, starring the great Alec "Obi Wan" Guinness, which was recently remade starring Queen Latifa. I can't believe I just put Alec Guinness and Queen Latifa in the same sentence. It's not as though this idea is new; people changing their outlook on life due to a brush with death or terminal illness is something that's been around since we climbed out of the caves. Hell, American Beauty basically took the same idea by cheapening it into a case of a midlife crisis. Oh, right...back to the actual movie I watched last night.
Our protagonist, Watanabe, has been the perfect section chief of Personal Affairs in the Tokyo city hall for almost thirty years. He's always shown up, never complained, shown any ambition, and did what he was told. Basically, the perfect governmental zombie. Because he retreated inwardly after his wife died early leaving him to raise their son, he's basically become isolated by everyone. In fact, it's hard to figure out if Watanabe even has a personality at all. He doesn't say much, and when he does, it's in a stuttering monosyllable fashion. Played by Takashi Shimura, who is a constant in Kurosawa's movies(He played the wise Samurai leader from the Seven Samurai), I'm not sure whether to say "Wow, what a great performance playing a bland, boring, loser," or "Wow...this guy sucks!" I'm leaning towards the first, since he obviously can be charming and entertaining as demonstrated in the Seven Samurai. From the first moment his sloped shouldered, defeated, frail figure makes it's appearance, you can't help but feel a little sorry...and maybe a little creeped out by the guy.
I think you can all figure out where the story goes; he obviously doesn't want to die, but if he does, he doesn't want to go out like the total loser he is. He wants to do something, to feel what it's like to actually be alive again. The interesting part is that his transformation is much more believable than other movies of this type; he doesn't become some cool, sarcastic, butt-kicker. He basically remains the quiet, uninteresting man, but with an intensity that wasn't there before. It's an almost nuanced performance, which I'm not used to in a Kurosawa movie since he apparently directs his actors to overact and make faces like they're on stage.
The story is told in a rather confused narrative, and uses a completely unnecessary narrator for seemingly random scenes in the movie. Other than that, it's a surpisingly moving film about personal redemption and putting a twist on that old saying,"nobody on their deathbed wishes they spent more time at the office." When you think about it, any one of us could die today. What would our legacy be? These are the things that you lose perspective of during the day to day drugery of just plain living. Even if you knew when you were going to die, like that comedian Steven Wright who has an expiration on his birth certificate, what would you do? Would you spend your time in hedonistic idol and selfish behavior like the protagonist of American Beauty? Would you try to leave your mark by doing something that would benefit humanity, like our sad sack hero of Ikiru? I have no idea what I would do, but I do know that I don't want to die full of regrets of the things I should have done. Stupid movie...making me think morose thoughts. Still, any movie that gets you thinking deserves a solid 8/10. That's a B+ in Tristanspeak.
Wowzers...try this game out. Is it TV chef...or porn star? I've had some great meals, but never THAT great.
In the least surprising story since Lance Bass came out of the closet, McRibs are...well, not really ribs. Honestly, I don't care! They're still great! (Hat tip: Azure)
Cool...the Kiss Army has invaded Cleveland to demand the induction of Kiss into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame...waitaminute...they're not in the Hall yet? How much is a ticket to Cleveland?
Here are 8 important lessons learned from 80's cartoons. I'm sure you'll want to know, because, knowing is half the battle.
Hehe...Pimp my ride, Army style. Hooah!
This is a cute jumping game...starring a Teletubbie, methinks.
I love this wacky ebay item, even if Ronaldhino and Brazil choked harder than a Flip Saunders coached team.
There's a lot of women that are gonna need this come 20 years down the line when they realize how stupid tattoos look.
Gotta love this headline: Chinese country clubs to death 50,000 dogs. That's gonna be one hell of a buffet.
This is the type of sign homeless people need to use if they expect to receive money. Hell, I'd give this guy 5 bucks if I saw him on the street.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 187
What a nice Monday morning it is. It's overcast and somewhat chilly; normally that would be a crappy day. But after the 100 degree heat this past month, I'm looking forward to the Autumn chill.
I've haven't sent one of these out for a couple of days, and you can blame that on Jack Bauer. My dad was raving about how fun that show 24 is and he lent me seasons 2 and 3. I actually watched season 1, but wasn't all that impressed. I should have stayed on board, because season 2 was one hell of a roller coaster ride. I should take my dad's advice on television shows more often, especially with the amount of tv he takes in. Oh, sure, he once tried to claim he doesn't really watch that many shows and started ticking them off on his fingers...he soon ran out of fingers and thumbs. To be fair, he does watch all the CSI and Law and Order shows, so that's, what, 22 shows right there...give or take a CSI: Omaha or whatever their umpteenth version is. Still, there really hadn't been any good torture shows until 24 came around. It's implausable as hell, but you won't be able to turn it off. I sat through 8 episodes straight this past weekend.
Oh yeah, we also won our basketball game...sort of. The other team didn't show up and forfeited. So technically, we went 1-6 in the regular season, then 3-0 in the playoffs. That's clutch, baby.
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
-George Bernard Shaw
So, Abe, are these the type of ladies you're looking for over there in Israel? You better not be the Jerusalem Gigolo, because they look like they can shoot pretty straight.
USA Today apologizes for photoshopping demon eyes on Condi Rice. I dunno...she looks somewhat scarier without the change. I can't see why people are scared that she might run for president; there's no way Americans are going to elect the first black, the first female, and the first lesbian all in one try.
Speaking of politics and photoshopping, it looks as though Reuters has been caught photoshopping extra smoke and destruction in pictures of Beirut...because, you know, the actual smoke and destruction just isn't exciting enough, I guess.
Enough with all the stupid politics...on to far more important features, like how to open a beer with a piece of paper. Macgyver would be proud. Strangely, this man has a box of bounce on his kitchen counter; either he does his laundry in his dish washer or he puts his weed in there.
I missed out on this years ago; the hundred greatest novels of all time...also known as the 100 books you may have been assigned to read in class which you wisely bought the cliff notes and watched Beverly Hills 90210 and Saved by the Bell instead.
I know the great Wesley Snipes told us to "Always bet on black," but maybe not when they're outweighed by 100 pounds. That's just...ow...
I'm sorry I have to do this to you, but keep this in mind in case anybody suggests to you that you should watch some figure skating because it's really graceful...
Huh...well, that's...um...rather suggestive. You know, that Donald Duck doesn't wear pants...
Nice...a compilation of people getting knocked the f*ck out! This is what UFC should be, instead of the homo-erotic foreplay of men wearing speedos lying on each other.
In case you were wondering why Jessica Simpson is still so popular for not having really done much of anything other than acting in commercials with Muppets...well, there's two very good reasons. Might not be safe for work.
What a nice Monday morning it is. It's overcast and somewhat chilly; normally that would be a crappy day. But after the 100 degree heat this past month, I'm looking forward to the Autumn chill.
I've haven't sent one of these out for a couple of days, and you can blame that on Jack Bauer. My dad was raving about how fun that show 24 is and he lent me seasons 2 and 3. I actually watched season 1, but wasn't all that impressed. I should have stayed on board, because season 2 was one hell of a roller coaster ride. I should take my dad's advice on television shows more often, especially with the amount of tv he takes in. Oh, sure, he once tried to claim he doesn't really watch that many shows and started ticking them off on his fingers...he soon ran out of fingers and thumbs. To be fair, he does watch all the CSI and Law and Order shows, so that's, what, 22 shows right there...give or take a CSI: Omaha or whatever their umpteenth version is. Still, there really hadn't been any good torture shows until 24 came around. It's implausable as hell, but you won't be able to turn it off. I sat through 8 episodes straight this past weekend.
Oh yeah, we also won our basketball game...sort of. The other team didn't show up and forfeited. So technically, we went 1-6 in the regular season, then 3-0 in the playoffs. That's clutch, baby.
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
-George Bernard Shaw
So, Abe, are these the type of ladies you're looking for over there in Israel? You better not be the Jerusalem Gigolo, because they look like they can shoot pretty straight.
USA Today apologizes for photoshopping demon eyes on Condi Rice. I dunno...she looks somewhat scarier without the change. I can't see why people are scared that she might run for president; there's no way Americans are going to elect the first black, the first female, and the first lesbian all in one try.
Speaking of politics and photoshopping, it looks as though Reuters has been caught photoshopping extra smoke and destruction in pictures of Beirut...because, you know, the actual smoke and destruction just isn't exciting enough, I guess.
Enough with all the stupid politics...on to far more important features, like how to open a beer with a piece of paper. Macgyver would be proud. Strangely, this man has a box of bounce on his kitchen counter; either he does his laundry in his dish washer or he puts his weed in there.
I missed out on this years ago; the hundred greatest novels of all time...also known as the 100 books you may have been assigned to read in class which you wisely bought the cliff notes and watched Beverly Hills 90210 and Saved by the Bell instead.
I know the great Wesley Snipes told us to "Always bet on black," but maybe not when they're outweighed by 100 pounds. That's just...ow...
I'm sorry I have to do this to you, but keep this in mind in case anybody suggests to you that you should watch some figure skating because it's really graceful...
Huh...well, that's...um...rather suggestive. You know, that Donald Duck doesn't wear pants...
Nice...a compilation of people getting knocked the f*ck out! This is what UFC should be, instead of the homo-erotic foreplay of men wearing speedos lying on each other.
In case you were wondering why Jessica Simpson is still so popular for not having really done much of anything other than acting in commercials with Muppets...well, there's two very good reasons. Might not be safe for work.
Farkin' Links Vol. 186
Well, it's been an eventful couple of days. This past weekend, I did not one, but two physical activities! You'd almost think I have a life. I'm not sure how it happened, but B talked several of us into going golfing. Personally, I think we're about 10 years to soon, but it was fun to go out and make complete fools of ourselves attempting to get that little ball into the hole. The man who invented golf was obviously a masochist, because it has to be the most difficult and unrewarding games in existence. I'm gonna have to go back to tennis.
On Sunday, we had our second playoff basketball game. Another game, another loss, what else is new? Oh...wait a minute...actually, WE WON OUR GAME! WE'RE IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP! Chances are we'll get crushed by the number one team, but it doesn't really matter at this point. We went through the 2 and 3 seed, not to mention beat B's team straight up, despite the fact that they brought in a ringer this season who can dunk and hit threes like his name was Dirk. Our final margin of victory was 3 points, which is much better than losing that stomach punch game to the same team by 1 in double overtime. There's actually another game to be played before the final, but since our league was apparently inspired by the World Cup, we were broken up into two groups of 4 with the winners coming out of those two groups for the final. Really, we don't even need to show up and we still make the finals...except that Newjen loses his deposit for the forfeit. Hehe...gee...what's the downside to not showing up again?
To read a newspaper is to refrain from reading something worthwhile. The first discipline of education must therefore be to refuse resolutely to feed the mind with canned chatter.
-Aleister Crowley
So, how many times do you think she's had to endure the "Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it" jokes recently?
This is what I love about Italian magazines...so you know it's obviously not safe for work.
Welcome to the O.C., b*tch! I don't care what the kid did, this kind of revenge leads to a joint episode of Cops and Rescue 911. Still, it's pretty funny because it's happening to someone else.
These women are sooo hot...and I'm not just saying that because they could break me in half.
I know that duct tape is pretty handy and all...but I don't think this is what the makers had in mind.
This is strictly for Andy...because he was requesting some T&A. That's some photographer!
A guy in Germany was using this stitck to pick up on Brazilian chicks during the World Cup, so I suppose it might be a cool way to get drunkards under control. Gee, maybe soccer is good for something after all.
...and if you needed more proof the world is made up of a bunch of morons, CSI: Miami is the most popular show in the world. I guess it could have been worse...it could have been Everyone Loves Raymond.
Here are answers to the 25 most important questions in the history of the universe...I feel like that needs an echo effect or something. Still, who knew there really are B size batteries?
That's a pretty good prank. I know squeeling tires scares the hell out of me every time...of course, I've been in 7 accidents, so maybe I'm just more prepared.
To round out the day, we have the always hilarious Triumph the dog at American Idol tryouts. If you don't find him funny, you're obviously a communist. Or a jew(just kidding! I'm not Mel Gibson)
Well, it's been an eventful couple of days. This past weekend, I did not one, but two physical activities! You'd almost think I have a life. I'm not sure how it happened, but B talked several of us into going golfing. Personally, I think we're about 10 years to soon, but it was fun to go out and make complete fools of ourselves attempting to get that little ball into the hole. The man who invented golf was obviously a masochist, because it has to be the most difficult and unrewarding games in existence. I'm gonna have to go back to tennis.
On Sunday, we had our second playoff basketball game. Another game, another loss, what else is new? Oh...wait a minute...actually, WE WON OUR GAME! WE'RE IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP! Chances are we'll get crushed by the number one team, but it doesn't really matter at this point. We went through the 2 and 3 seed, not to mention beat B's team straight up, despite the fact that they brought in a ringer this season who can dunk and hit threes like his name was Dirk. Our final margin of victory was 3 points, which is much better than losing that stomach punch game to the same team by 1 in double overtime. There's actually another game to be played before the final, but since our league was apparently inspired by the World Cup, we were broken up into two groups of 4 with the winners coming out of those two groups for the final. Really, we don't even need to show up and we still make the finals...except that Newjen loses his deposit for the forfeit. Hehe...gee...what's the downside to not showing up again?
To read a newspaper is to refrain from reading something worthwhile. The first discipline of education must therefore be to refuse resolutely to feed the mind with canned chatter.
-Aleister Crowley
So, how many times do you think she's had to endure the "Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it" jokes recently?
This is what I love about Italian magazines...so you know it's obviously not safe for work.
Welcome to the O.C., b*tch! I don't care what the kid did, this kind of revenge leads to a joint episode of Cops and Rescue 911. Still, it's pretty funny because it's happening to someone else.
These women are sooo hot...and I'm not just saying that because they could break me in half.
I know that duct tape is pretty handy and all...but I don't think this is what the makers had in mind.
This is strictly for Andy...because he was requesting some T&A. That's some photographer!
A guy in Germany was using this stitck to pick up on Brazilian chicks during the World Cup, so I suppose it might be a cool way to get drunkards under control. Gee, maybe soccer is good for something after all.
...and if you needed more proof the world is made up of a bunch of morons, CSI: Miami is the most popular show in the world. I guess it could have been worse...it could have been Everyone Loves Raymond.
Here are answers to the 25 most important questions in the history of the universe...I feel like that needs an echo effect or something. Still, who knew there really are B size batteries?
That's a pretty good prank. I know squeeling tires scares the hell out of me every time...of course, I've been in 7 accidents, so maybe I'm just more prepared.
To round out the day, we have the always hilarious Triumph the dog at American Idol tryouts. If you don't find him funny, you're obviously a communist. Or a jew(just kidding! I'm not Mel Gibson)
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 186
Well, it's been an eventful couple of days. This past weekend, I did not one, but two physical activities! You'd almost think I have a life. I'm not sure how it happened, but B talked several of us into going golfing. Personally, I think we're about 10 years to soon, but it was fun to go out and make complete fools of ourselves attempting to get that little ball into the hole. The man who invented golf was obviously a masochist, because it has to be the most difficult and unrewarding games in existence. I'm gonna have to go back to tennis.
On Sunday, we had our second playoff basketball game. Another game, another loss, what else is new? Oh...wait a minute...actually, WE WON OUR GAME! WE'RE IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP! Chances are we'll get crushed by the number one team, but it doesn't really matter at this point. We went through the 2 and 3 seed, not to mention beat B's team straight up, despite the fact that they brought in a ringer this season who can dunk and hit threes like his name was Dirk. Our final margin of victory was 3 points, which is much better than losing that stomach punch game to the same team by 1 in double overtime. There's actually another game to be played before the final, but since our league was apparently inspired by the World Cup, we were broken up into two groups of 4 with the winners coming out of those two groups for the final. Really, we don't even need to show up and we still make the finals...except that Newjen loses his deposit for the forfeit. Hehe...gee...what's the downside to not showing up again?
To read a newspaper is to refrain from reading something worthwhile. The first discipline of education must therefore be to refuse resolutely to feed the mind with canned chatter.
-Aleister Crowley
So, how many times do you think she's had to endure the "Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it" jokes recently?
This is what I love about Italian magazines...so you know it's obviously not safe for work.
Welcome to the O.C., b*tch! I don't care what the kid did, this kind of revenge leads to a joint episode of Cops and Rescue 911. Still, it's pretty funny because it's happening to someone else.
These women are sooo hot...and I'm not just saying that because they could break me in half.
I know that duct tape is pretty handy and all...but I don't think this is what the makers had in mind.
This is strictly for Andy...because he was requesting some T&A. That's some photographer!
A guy in Germany was using this stitck to pick up on Brazilian chicks during the World Cup, so I suppose it might be a cool way to get drunkards under control. Gee, maybe soccer is good for something after all.
...and if you needed more proof the world is made up of a bunch of morons, CSI: Miami is the most popular show in the world. I guess it could have been worse...it could have been Everyone Loves Raymond.
Here are answers to the 25 most important questions in the history of the universe...I feel like that needs an echo effect or something. Still, who knew there really are B size batteries?
That's a pretty good prank. I know squeeling tires scares the hell out of me every time...of course, I've been in 7 accidents, so maybe I'm just more prepared.
To round out the day, we have the always hilarious Triumph the dog at American Idol tryouts. If you don't find him funny, you're obviously a communist. Or a jew(just kidding! I'm not Mel Gibson)
Well, it's been an eventful couple of days. This past weekend, I did not one, but two physical activities! You'd almost think I have a life. I'm not sure how it happened, but B talked several of us into going golfing. Personally, I think we're about 10 years to soon, but it was fun to go out and make complete fools of ourselves attempting to get that little ball into the hole. The man who invented golf was obviously a masochist, because it has to be the most difficult and unrewarding games in existence. I'm gonna have to go back to tennis.
On Sunday, we had our second playoff basketball game. Another game, another loss, what else is new? Oh...wait a minute...actually, WE WON OUR GAME! WE'RE IN THE CHAMPIONSHIP! Chances are we'll get crushed by the number one team, but it doesn't really matter at this point. We went through the 2 and 3 seed, not to mention beat B's team straight up, despite the fact that they brought in a ringer this season who can dunk and hit threes like his name was Dirk. Our final margin of victory was 3 points, which is much better than losing that stomach punch game to the same team by 1 in double overtime. There's actually another game to be played before the final, but since our league was apparently inspired by the World Cup, we were broken up into two groups of 4 with the winners coming out of those two groups for the final. Really, we don't even need to show up and we still make the finals...except that Newjen loses his deposit for the forfeit. Hehe...gee...what's the downside to not showing up again?
To read a newspaper is to refrain from reading something worthwhile. The first discipline of education must therefore be to refuse resolutely to feed the mind with canned chatter.
-Aleister Crowley
So, how many times do you think she's had to endure the "Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it" jokes recently?
This is what I love about Italian magazines...so you know it's obviously not safe for work.
Welcome to the O.C., b*tch! I don't care what the kid did, this kind of revenge leads to a joint episode of Cops and Rescue 911. Still, it's pretty funny because it's happening to someone else.
These women are sooo hot...and I'm not just saying that because they could break me in half.
I know that duct tape is pretty handy and all...but I don't think this is what the makers had in mind.
This is strictly for Andy...because he was requesting some T&A. That's some photographer!
A guy in Germany was using this stitck to pick up on Brazilian chicks during the World Cup, so I suppose it might be a cool way to get drunkards under control. Gee, maybe soccer is good for something after all.
...and if you needed more proof the world is made up of a bunch of morons, CSI: Miami is the most popular show in the world. I guess it could have been worse...it could have been Everyone Loves Raymond.
Here are answers to the 25 most important questions in the history of the universe...I feel like that needs an echo effect or something. Still, who knew there really are B size batteries?
That's a pretty good prank. I know squeeling tires scares the hell out of me every time...of course, I've been in 7 accidents, so maybe I'm just more prepared.
To round out the day, we have the always hilarious Triumph the dog at American Idol tryouts. If you don't find him funny, you're obviously a communist. Or a jew(just kidding! I'm not Mel Gibson)
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 184
As you noticed, these links aren't always going to be a daily occurrence. Sometimes I actually have...well, work and stuff, so I'm unable to do it. But, hey, it's free, so I guess it doesn't really matter.
This weekend was full of far too much physical activity for someone my advanced age. I played tennis, not that I really know how, but I apparently did alright for someone with about 2 weeks of experience 10 years ago. It was quite fun; plus, any activity that causes my wrist and forearm to get exercise gets a thumbs up from me. Surprisingly, our basketball team was victorious in our first playoff game against the number 2 seed. I guess we're just a calm, playoff experienced team who doesn't get bothered by having a 1-6 record. We don't need the confidence of actually winning to do well in a playoff game. My favorite moment was when Newjen finally decided to grace our team with a shot on goal and actually hit a three. He rations his shot attempts like Elaine Benes rations her sponge...which is odd, because when we play on the blacktop, I can't get him to STOP shooting.
On another subject, I watched the most fascinating documentary movie over the past two nights, Grizzly Man. Some of you may have heard of subject, Timothy Treadwell. He is the crazy bastard that lived with grizzly bears in Alaska for months at a time for 13 years until they finally got fed up and ate him. Well, him and his girlfriend. Either way, Treadwell would bring a video camera the last couple of years to film himself and his bears. This footage was crafted into this fascinating study by zee German director Werner Herzog. I've never really watched any of Herzog's movies since they're obviously crappy foreign films, but maybe I've been missing out. He was able to put together a film based on this obvoius lunatic and transform him into a troubled, tragic, hero. I really can't describe how completely insane this Treadwell fella is. He truly loved these wild animals and wanted to be one. I kind of wanted to be a tiger once...of course, I was 4 years old. I sort of grew out of it. Still, this film is almost like watching a traffic accident; you wanna look away, but you can't. Fleshed out with interviews by his friends and associates who appear just as bizarre as he was, and comically narrated by the director Herzog himself. At first, it feels like an SNL skit; imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger narrating a National Geographic special, and that's about what Herzog sounds like. Yet, after a while, he begins to grow on you as his actual passion for the subject overshadows his limited English ability. It's a marvelous movie and I highly recommend it. I give it a 9/10, or as Tristan would prefer, an A.
...and now we dance. Youtube.com is the new sliced bread...or Tivo. Tivo was way better than sliced bread.
Uh oh...the fish are evolving and growing human like teeth. I'm going to have to stop dumping all my radioactive waste in the water supply.
Hmmm...does this mean I don't have to feel bad about having a blow up woman? I'm scared too.
It looks like I really missed out at that ComicCon. I could have seen enough people and items to mock for at least two, three years.
Heh...The Hoff claims he doesn't drink anymore...I claim he doesn't drink any less, either. I saw him on that America's got Talent show. He wasn't high on life.
This is just wrong...even more wrong than Star Wars Monopoly. How can you go cashless in a Monopoly game? How can you taunt your family members with cold hard blue, yellow, and red cash?
Ooooookay. Well, I guess they managed to make shaving a beaver not exactly dirty. But still...
These super high res pics are always pretty cool. Check out Sydney by night...but forget looking into people's rooms to see some nudity. I already checked. Nada.
This isn't making marriage look any more palatable.
Awww...this dog reminds me of my old dog VJ. He wouldn't stop humping everything in sight either.
As you noticed, these links aren't always going to be a daily occurrence. Sometimes I actually have...well, work and stuff, so I'm unable to do it. But, hey, it's free, so I guess it doesn't really matter.
This weekend was full of far too much physical activity for someone my advanced age. I played tennis, not that I really know how, but I apparently did alright for someone with about 2 weeks of experience 10 years ago. It was quite fun; plus, any activity that causes my wrist and forearm to get exercise gets a thumbs up from me. Surprisingly, our basketball team was victorious in our first playoff game against the number 2 seed. I guess we're just a calm, playoff experienced team who doesn't get bothered by having a 1-6 record. We don't need the confidence of actually winning to do well in a playoff game. My favorite moment was when Newjen finally decided to grace our team with a shot on goal and actually hit a three. He rations his shot attempts like Elaine Benes rations her sponge...which is odd, because when we play on the blacktop, I can't get him to STOP shooting.
On another subject, I watched the most fascinating documentary movie over the past two nights, Grizzly Man. Some of you may have heard of subject, Timothy Treadwell. He is the crazy bastard that lived with grizzly bears in Alaska for months at a time for 13 years until they finally got fed up and ate him. Well, him and his girlfriend. Either way, Treadwell would bring a video camera the last couple of years to film himself and his bears. This footage was crafted into this fascinating study by zee German director Werner Herzog. I've never really watched any of Herzog's movies since they're obviously crappy foreign films, but maybe I've been missing out. He was able to put together a film based on this obvoius lunatic and transform him into a troubled, tragic, hero. I really can't describe how completely insane this Treadwell fella is. He truly loved these wild animals and wanted to be one. I kind of wanted to be a tiger once...of course, I was 4 years old. I sort of grew out of it. Still, this film is almost like watching a traffic accident; you wanna look away, but you can't. Fleshed out with interviews by his friends and associates who appear just as bizarre as he was, and comically narrated by the director Herzog himself. At first, it feels like an SNL skit; imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger narrating a National Geographic special, and that's about what Herzog sounds like. Yet, after a while, he begins to grow on you as his actual passion for the subject overshadows his limited English ability. It's a marvelous movie and I highly recommend it. I give it a 9/10, or as Tristan would prefer, an A.
...and now we dance. Youtube.com is the new sliced bread...or Tivo. Tivo was way better than sliced bread.
Uh oh...the fish are evolving and growing human like teeth. I'm going to have to stop dumping all my radioactive waste in the water supply.
Hmmm...does this mean I don't have to feel bad about having a blow up woman? I'm scared too.
It looks like I really missed out at that ComicCon. I could have seen enough people and items to mock for at least two, three years.
Heh...The Hoff claims he doesn't drink anymore...I claim he doesn't drink any less, either. I saw him on that America's got Talent show. He wasn't high on life.
This is just wrong...even more wrong than Star Wars Monopoly. How can you go cashless in a Monopoly game? How can you taunt your family members with cold hard blue, yellow, and red cash?
Ooooookay. Well, I guess they managed to make shaving a beaver not exactly dirty. But still...
These super high res pics are always pretty cool. Check out Sydney by night...but forget looking into people's rooms to see some nudity. I already checked. Nada.
This isn't making marriage look any more palatable.
Awww...this dog reminds me of my old dog VJ. He wouldn't stop humping everything in sight either.
Farkin' Links Vol. 183
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
-Marquis de la Grange
That about sums up my managing skills, even if it's from a Frenchie...well, he was sort of an Italian. Hmmm...the two teams that made the World Cup. This is a sign. I better check my Nostradamus writings...
You'd think I'd get tired of watching people get kicked in the face...but you'd be wrong.
This is cute. See what your name looks like in heiroglyphics. I have a medallion from the last time I was in Egypt with my name on it. It looks like they didn't spell my name wrong...that or it's just a big conspiracy to make us foreigners look stupid.
So...who wants to be a tattoo artist? I certainly don't...and after playing this game, I want it even less.
The strangest part about this sumo wrestler getting suspended for slapping is...well, just go ahead and look at the guy.
Whenever someone gives you a hard time about drinking, go ahead and spout a couple of these facts. See...it's actually un-American to not drink! Damn sober commies...
This is what being in Europe is like...bunch of fakers. Well, at least it's nice to know their civilization is slowly crumbling from their low birthrate.
This is somewhat disturbing; although it won't be the first prison beauty pagent I've heard of. I guess it appeals to the George Costanza in every guy; having a girlfriend in jail means they always look forward to seeing you and can't check up on what you're doing.
I don't usually like those bizarre fashion shows and their crazy outfits nobody would wear outside of a runway...but I think I can be persuaded to support this look. Might not be safe for work.
Wow...underwater bubble rings...that's pretty talented. Not in a make any money on it, but I guess everyone has to have a hobby.
Looks like Michael Jackson will be moving to Holland. I do so hate the Dutch. Austin Powers' dad was right on; they're bastards.
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
-Marquis de la Grange
That about sums up my managing skills, even if it's from a Frenchie...well, he was sort of an Italian. Hmmm...the two teams that made the World Cup. This is a sign. I better check my Nostradamus writings...
You'd think I'd get tired of watching people get kicked in the face...but you'd be wrong.
This is cute. See what your name looks like in heiroglyphics. I have a medallion from the last time I was in Egypt with my name on it. It looks like they didn't spell my name wrong...that or it's just a big conspiracy to make us foreigners look stupid.
So...who wants to be a tattoo artist? I certainly don't...and after playing this game, I want it even less.
The strangest part about this sumo wrestler getting suspended for slapping is...well, just go ahead and look at the guy.
Whenever someone gives you a hard time about drinking, go ahead and spout a couple of these facts. See...it's actually un-American to not drink! Damn sober commies...
This is what being in Europe is like...bunch of fakers. Well, at least it's nice to know their civilization is slowly crumbling from their low birthrate.
This is somewhat disturbing; although it won't be the first prison beauty pagent I've heard of. I guess it appeals to the George Costanza in every guy; having a girlfriend in jail means they always look forward to seeing you and can't check up on what you're doing.
I don't usually like those bizarre fashion shows and their crazy outfits nobody would wear outside of a runway...but I think I can be persuaded to support this look. Might not be safe for work.
Wow...underwater bubble rings...that's pretty talented. Not in a make any money on it, but I guess everyone has to have a hobby.
Looks like Michael Jackson will be moving to Holland. I do so hate the Dutch. Austin Powers' dad was right on; they're bastards.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 182
This weekend I managed to get some rest; which means I mostly sat around on my butt and watched movies. On Saturday, Alex decided to inflict...I mean, screen one of the new Asian action movies he picked up at the Anime Expo from last week. He had quite a selection; a Chinese action crime movie with a really old looking Sammo Hung, a Japanese action sci-fi adventure-drama called Casshern, and a Korean action sci-fi adventure-drama called Natural City. Personally, I was looking forward to a Cambodian action sci-fi adventure-comedy-drama starring midget wrestlers and Ernie Reyes...but no such luck. After reading the summaries on the back, seeing that Natural City was called Korea's answer to the Matrix, my choice was obvious. Unfortunately, I think they meant Korea's answer to the Matrix 3...which, of course, never happened. IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! Sort of like those rumors of a Godfather 3, or Rocky 5.
Natural City takes place in 2080, after a huge war has destroyed much of the world, there exists several high tech cities for the rich and cyborgs to do their bidding. Actually, it's basically Blade Runner...only it makes far less sense, which is quite a feat in itself. The main character named R (I guess he's taking that Brazilian tradition of one name to a whole new level and just going with a letter in the alphabet) is a super cop who hunts down rogue cyborgs, but he's in love with a cyborg that's about to expire. Apparently, the cyborgs only last for 3 years and then they break down...I guess they're built by American car companies. Anyways, he's trying to keep her alive by doing shady deals with generic street criminals and mad scientists. It would have been a good movie, had I liked or even empathized with any of the characters, understood the rules of the world, or had a plot that wasn't completely hackneyed and predictable. Still, it's fun watching supposedly well trained SWAT type soldiers getting as close as possible to unarmed super strong robots in order to be torn to pieces and repeatedly kicked in the head instead of shooting them from a distance. I think there was a good movie somewhere here, but it got lost in translation. In fact, I think you should go rent Lost in Translation and Blade Runner instead of watching this movie. I'll give it a 5/10, or as Tristan would have it, a C.
I also managed to take in the big blockbuster of the summer so far, Pirates of the Caribbean 2. I remember going into the first one wondering why the hell I just spent 8 bucks on a movie based on a Disneyland ride starring the personality free Orlando Bloom. I also remember walking out thinking that Captain Jack Sparrow is one of the most entertaining and memorable characters in movie history and feeling my 8 bucks had been well spent. Still, I didn't think, "Hey, this movie totally needs a sequel! There are so many questions left unanswered. In fact, I don't think one sequel will really do it...it needs to be a trilogy!" But, what do I know? The critics hadn't been particularly kind to this movie, but there was no way I was passing up another chance to see Captain Jack in action...even if it was a complete failure. I have to say that, like the first one, I was very pleasantly surprised. They didn't just make the exact same movie over again like many sequels; this one actually picks up where the last one left off and continues in some strange directions. It's full of all types of plot twists and action scenes galore which keep you entertained for the duration of an inflated running time. I still can't figure out why Orlando Bloom keeps getting employed; the guy has not one ounce of charm, toughness, or coolness that you would expect from a leading man. The fact that he has a more femine face than his love interest, Keira "man-jaw" Knightley, doesn't really put much in his positive column either. Still, I had a great time watching this movie, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't entirely the couple of glasses of wine I had at dinner right before...It seems like the critics were falling all over themselves to cry exhaustion from all the meaningless action. Umm...right. Because I usually like lots of boring exposition and heady dialogue in my action movies. God forbid there's actual sword fights and barroom brawls in a Pirate movie. If you go into this movie looking for Ingmar Bergman's the Seventh Seal, you're gonna be disappointed. Otherwise, it's stupid fun. Oh yeah, Captain Jack is as funny as I remember...and then some. I give it an 8/10, or in Tristan speak, an A-.
Incidentally, watching the trailers before the actual trailers, which is a new feature at the movies, we saw an add for some Stephen King miniseries on TNT called Nightmares and Dreamscapes. Not a surprise, since the guy has written, what, 10,000 books? What was funny was their selling pitch,"From the man who brought you the Green Mile, the Shawshank Redemption, and the Shining..." Oh really? You're selling me on a horror mini by telling me that it was written by a guy who brought me two prison dramas and a 30 year old Jack Nicholson movie? Couldn't they have at least used horror movies, like Carrie, or Misery? I understand there was no reason to tell us "from the man who brought you the Lawnmower Man, Thinner, and Maximum Overdrive!" Still, odd choices. I'm sure market research showed these to be the best, and TNT does know drama.
Hey! How did Moody end up in a Price is Right episode? I thought Newjen was the one winning chimneas?
The cat with two heads! Looks like the Aquabats' biggest fear is a reality!
I guess Jean-Claude Van Damme likes women just as much as the next guy...
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a really cool Mousetrap like Domino gameshow where they utilize everything, and I mean EVERYTHING into the mix. I just wanna know why these hosts are wearing tuxedos.
How much would you pay to have tea with Nelson Mandela? I'm thinking...2...maybe 3 bucks. But only if he pays for his own tea.
This kid is a fishing cyborg! It's only a matter of time before it morphs into a rocket launcher and he goes looking for Sarah Conner.
In case anybody is thinking of getting Abe an early Hannuka present(or is it chanukah?), this might come in handy.
Hmmm...well, when someone asks what he did for his summer vacation, he has a pretty interesting story.
This is a fun mini game, Bowman 2. You get to practice your geometry by trying to shoot an opponent in the head with an arrow. For some reason, I kept hitting his other head. You know that's gotta hurt. Some ads might be NSFW.
See, this is why my family stopped playing Monopoly. Boardgames always end in tears...and sometimes blood.
This weekend I managed to get some rest; which means I mostly sat around on my butt and watched movies. On Saturday, Alex decided to inflict...I mean, screen one of the new Asian action movies he picked up at the Anime Expo from last week. He had quite a selection; a Chinese action crime movie with a really old looking Sammo Hung, a Japanese action sci-fi adventure-drama called Casshern, and a Korean action sci-fi adventure-drama called Natural City. Personally, I was looking forward to a Cambodian action sci-fi adventure-comedy-drama starring midget wrestlers and Ernie Reyes...but no such luck. After reading the summaries on the back, seeing that Natural City was called Korea's answer to the Matrix, my choice was obvious. Unfortunately, I think they meant Korea's answer to the Matrix 3...which, of course, never happened. IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! Sort of like those rumors of a Godfather 3, or Rocky 5.
Natural City takes place in 2080, after a huge war has destroyed much of the world, there exists several high tech cities for the rich and cyborgs to do their bidding. Actually, it's basically Blade Runner...only it makes far less sense, which is quite a feat in itself. The main character named R (I guess he's taking that Brazilian tradition of one name to a whole new level and just going with a letter in the alphabet) is a super cop who hunts down rogue cyborgs, but he's in love with a cyborg that's about to expire. Apparently, the cyborgs only last for 3 years and then they break down...I guess they're built by American car companies. Anyways, he's trying to keep her alive by doing shady deals with generic street criminals and mad scientists. It would have been a good movie, had I liked or even empathized with any of the characters, understood the rules of the world, or had a plot that wasn't completely hackneyed and predictable. Still, it's fun watching supposedly well trained SWAT type soldiers getting as close as possible to unarmed super strong robots in order to be torn to pieces and repeatedly kicked in the head instead of shooting them from a distance. I think there was a good movie somewhere here, but it got lost in translation. In fact, I think you should go rent Lost in Translation and Blade Runner instead of watching this movie. I'll give it a 5/10, or as Tristan would have it, a C.
I also managed to take in the big blockbuster of the summer so far, Pirates of the Caribbean 2. I remember going into the first one wondering why the hell I just spent 8 bucks on a movie based on a Disneyland ride starring the personality free Orlando Bloom. I also remember walking out thinking that Captain Jack Sparrow is one of the most entertaining and memorable characters in movie history and feeling my 8 bucks had been well spent. Still, I didn't think, "Hey, this movie totally needs a sequel! There are so many questions left unanswered. In fact, I don't think one sequel will really do it...it needs to be a trilogy!" But, what do I know? The critics hadn't been particularly kind to this movie, but there was no way I was passing up another chance to see Captain Jack in action...even if it was a complete failure. I have to say that, like the first one, I was very pleasantly surprised. They didn't just make the exact same movie over again like many sequels; this one actually picks up where the last one left off and continues in some strange directions. It's full of all types of plot twists and action scenes galore which keep you entertained for the duration of an inflated running time. I still can't figure out why Orlando Bloom keeps getting employed; the guy has not one ounce of charm, toughness, or coolness that you would expect from a leading man. The fact that he has a more femine face than his love interest, Keira "man-jaw" Knightley, doesn't really put much in his positive column either. Still, I had a great time watching this movie, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't entirely the couple of glasses of wine I had at dinner right before...It seems like the critics were falling all over themselves to cry exhaustion from all the meaningless action. Umm...right. Because I usually like lots of boring exposition and heady dialogue in my action movies. God forbid there's actual sword fights and barroom brawls in a Pirate movie. If you go into this movie looking for Ingmar Bergman's the Seventh Seal, you're gonna be disappointed. Otherwise, it's stupid fun. Oh yeah, Captain Jack is as funny as I remember...and then some. I give it an 8/10, or in Tristan speak, an A-.
Incidentally, watching the trailers before the actual trailers, which is a new feature at the movies, we saw an add for some Stephen King miniseries on TNT called Nightmares and Dreamscapes. Not a surprise, since the guy has written, what, 10,000 books? What was funny was their selling pitch,"From the man who brought you the Green Mile, the Shawshank Redemption, and the Shining..." Oh really? You're selling me on a horror mini by telling me that it was written by a guy who brought me two prison dramas and a 30 year old Jack Nicholson movie? Couldn't they have at least used horror movies, like Carrie, or Misery? I understand there was no reason to tell us "from the man who brought you the Lawnmower Man, Thinner, and Maximum Overdrive!" Still, odd choices. I'm sure market research showed these to be the best, and TNT does know drama.
Hey! How did Moody end up in a Price is Right episode? I thought Newjen was the one winning chimneas?
The cat with two heads! Looks like the Aquabats' biggest fear is a reality!
I guess Jean-Claude Van Damme likes women just as much as the next guy...
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a really cool Mousetrap like Domino gameshow where they utilize everything, and I mean EVERYTHING into the mix. I just wanna know why these hosts are wearing tuxedos.
How much would you pay to have tea with Nelson Mandela? I'm thinking...2...maybe 3 bucks. But only if he pays for his own tea.
This kid is a fishing cyborg! It's only a matter of time before it morphs into a rocket launcher and he goes looking for Sarah Conner.
In case anybody is thinking of getting Abe an early Hannuka present(or is it chanukah?), this might come in handy.
Hmmm...well, when someone asks what he did for his summer vacation, he has a pretty interesting story.
This is a fun mini game, Bowman 2. You get to practice your geometry by trying to shoot an opponent in the head with an arrow. For some reason, I kept hitting his other head. You know that's gotta hurt. Some ads might be NSFW.
See, this is why my family stopped playing Monopoly. Boardgames always end in tears...and sometimes blood.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 181
Some of you know that Jack has been working at AnimeExpo for several years now...for free. Even though he is always desperate for money and hasn't held a normal job since the Pizza Man gig back in high school. Why does he put in long hours for free? Is it his love for Anime?(He hasn't watched a cartoon in probably 5 years.) Nope, I think it's the free t-shirts. This year, he got even more. They gave out some free dvds and he ended up with a copy of Daredevil, Elektra, and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen(Gee...those wonderful movies were available? Who'da thunk it?) Anyways, I guess this is just my way of setting up the fact that I actually sat through one of them the other night.
I wanted to watch Daredevil since I've never seen it and I always thought the character was so ridiculous; he's a blind crime fighter who is a defense lawyer in real life. Basically, he gets criminals out of jail so he can kill them when they get home, all while dressed in red spandex. Besides, it's starring Ben Affleck attempting to act blind, so I know it's gonna be highest of high un-intentional comedy. Well, Jack had already seen it, so he talked me into watching Elektra instead. My argument was that I figured I would be lost, what with watching a quasi-sequel to a movie I've never seen. Much like watching Star Wars Episode IV before episodes I-III...and then my argument completely fell apart. He then offered up a much better reason; Elektra is supposed to be so horrible, that after watching it, Daredevil should be a much more entertaining feature. With that, the decision was made.
Now, I won't say Elektra is the worst movie I've ever seen; and that's about all I'll say that's good about it. Basically, the movie, starring Jennifer Garner as a ninja*snicker*, is about a chick ninja/go go dancer fighting a collection of mystical ninjas from a super secret ninja organization called the Hand(who hide their super secret organization within a giant sky scraper with a pagoda styled top...nope, no one's gonna find that place). Incidentally, the super secret Hand apparently conducts board meetings with guys in suits; even the ninjas have gone corporate! I understand this Garner chick was popular in that show Alias...and I really don't see the appeal. She looks like she weighs about 90 pounds and gave up calories for her last two New Year's resolutions. I just don't see this concentration camp survivor beating up super powered beings.
Anyways, Elektra is supposed to be assassinating someone or something...and then changes her mind...and blah blah blah...lots of badly edited fighting and ridulous crap...You know what? It's really not even worth discussing. They have a couple of neat characters, like this ninja who's tattoos come to life and act as his animal familiars...but then they get dispatched so quickly as almost an afterthought that I didn't even have a chance to form a real opinion about them. There is also the fact that all the good ninjas are white people and all the evil ninjas are either Asian or black, I wonder how they even got this past the political correctness police? First of all, exactly how many white ninjas can there possibly be? Who's training them? Is there a mail away Ninja training home schooling program? Ever since American Ninja, I just can't take white people running around dressed in black hoods throwing ninjas stars very seriously. Throw in the fact that the title ninja is a wanna be stripper wearing a red bustier and high heel boots, I kept waiting for Randy West to show up as a pizza man so they could all start having sex. Frankly, that would have been a much more entertaining movie. I'm giving it a 3 out of 10, or in the wonderful world of Tristan reviews, a D.
I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost.-Frank Bruno, Boxer
This Zidane headbutt truly is the gift that keeps on giving. I haven't seen this much effort to ridcule something since Darth Vader's famous last words in Star Wars III.
This guy had way too much time on his hands to put together this "cheat sheet" for all 255 levels of Pac-man. Of course, I'm going to be practicing out all night.
I guess it's just the season for insano aerobics clips. This one involves this creepy, Bjork looking chick and a bunch of poodles...well, you just need to watch it. (Hat tip: Mimi)
Hehe...imagine that? Coors gets arrested for drunken driving. If Alanis were still alive, that would totally be ironic. I wonder why he didn't use the excuse, "I was just coming back from work...and I always bring the scent with me."
It's called extreme climbing...like most extreme labels, it's extremely stupid and an exreme waste of time, but that's what you're hear for.
For a game called Nudist Trampolining...this sure comes up short in the sexy department...and in the nude department. But that's a good thing here.
Hehe...these are some truly bad writing excepts; bad like waking up next to Pamela Anderson and realizing you forgot a condom.
Chicken lays an "Allah" egg...I wonder how long it will take for Goldenpalace.com to purchase it.
Nice...here are 10 cars that I will only be able to drive if I turn to a life of crime...or marry a Hilton.
Wow...these chicks discovered that elusive 1002nd use for Superglue! I have to say, it beats the hell out of sticking your hardhat to a girder.
Russian President Putin has weighed in with an opinion on the possible threat of Cthulu...sometimes, I can't make up stories weirder than what I find on the internet. Oh yeah, he also talks about sex he can't remember and giant robots. I...have nothing to add.
Some of you know that Jack has been working at AnimeExpo for several years now...for free. Even though he is always desperate for money and hasn't held a normal job since the Pizza Man gig back in high school. Why does he put in long hours for free? Is it his love for Anime?(He hasn't watched a cartoon in probably 5 years.) Nope, I think it's the free t-shirts. This year, he got even more. They gave out some free dvds and he ended up with a copy of Daredevil, Elektra, and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen(Gee...those wonderful movies were available? Who'da thunk it?) Anyways, I guess this is just my way of setting up the fact that I actually sat through one of them the other night.
I wanted to watch Daredevil since I've never seen it and I always thought the character was so ridiculous; he's a blind crime fighter who is a defense lawyer in real life. Basically, he gets criminals out of jail so he can kill them when they get home, all while dressed in red spandex. Besides, it's starring Ben Affleck attempting to act blind, so I know it's gonna be highest of high un-intentional comedy. Well, Jack had already seen it, so he talked me into watching Elektra instead. My argument was that I figured I would be lost, what with watching a quasi-sequel to a movie I've never seen. Much like watching Star Wars Episode IV before episodes I-III...and then my argument completely fell apart. He then offered up a much better reason; Elektra is supposed to be so horrible, that after watching it, Daredevil should be a much more entertaining feature. With that, the decision was made.
Now, I won't say Elektra is the worst movie I've ever seen; and that's about all I'll say that's good about it. Basically, the movie, starring Jennifer Garner as a ninja*snicker*, is about a chick ninja/go go dancer fighting a collection of mystical ninjas from a super secret ninja organization called the Hand(who hide their super secret organization within a giant sky scraper with a pagoda styled top...nope, no one's gonna find that place). Incidentally, the super secret Hand apparently conducts board meetings with guys in suits; even the ninjas have gone corporate! I understand this Garner chick was popular in that show Alias...and I really don't see the appeal. She looks like she weighs about 90 pounds and gave up calories for her last two New Year's resolutions. I just don't see this concentration camp survivor beating up super powered beings.
Anyways, Elektra is supposed to be assassinating someone or something...and then changes her mind...and blah blah blah...lots of badly edited fighting and ridulous crap...You know what? It's really not even worth discussing. They have a couple of neat characters, like this ninja who's tattoos come to life and act as his animal familiars...but then they get dispatched so quickly as almost an afterthought that I didn't even have a chance to form a real opinion about them. There is also the fact that all the good ninjas are white people and all the evil ninjas are either Asian or black, I wonder how they even got this past the political correctness police? First of all, exactly how many white ninjas can there possibly be? Who's training them? Is there a mail away Ninja training home schooling program? Ever since American Ninja, I just can't take white people running around dressed in black hoods throwing ninjas stars very seriously. Throw in the fact that the title ninja is a wanna be stripper wearing a red bustier and high heel boots, I kept waiting for Randy West to show up as a pizza man so they could all start having sex. Frankly, that would have been a much more entertaining movie. I'm giving it a 3 out of 10, or in the wonderful world of Tristan reviews, a D.
I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost.-Frank Bruno, Boxer
This Zidane headbutt truly is the gift that keeps on giving. I haven't seen this much effort to ridcule something since Darth Vader's famous last words in Star Wars III.
This guy had way too much time on his hands to put together this "cheat sheet" for all 255 levels of Pac-man. Of course, I'm going to be practicing out all night.
I guess it's just the season for insano aerobics clips. This one involves this creepy, Bjork looking chick and a bunch of poodles...well, you just need to watch it. (Hat tip: Mimi)
Hehe...imagine that? Coors gets arrested for drunken driving. If Alanis were still alive, that would totally be ironic. I wonder why he didn't use the excuse, "I was just coming back from work...and I always bring the scent with me."
It's called extreme climbing...like most extreme labels, it's extremely stupid and an exreme waste of time, but that's what you're hear for.
For a game called Nudist Trampolining...this sure comes up short in the sexy department...and in the nude department. But that's a good thing here.
Hehe...these are some truly bad writing excepts; bad like waking up next to Pamela Anderson and realizing you forgot a condom.
Chicken lays an "Allah" egg...I wonder how long it will take for Goldenpalace.com to purchase it.
Nice...here are 10 cars that I will only be able to drive if I turn to a life of crime...or marry a Hilton.
Wow...these chicks discovered that elusive 1002nd use for Superglue! I have to say, it beats the hell out of sticking your hardhat to a girder.
Russian President Putin has weighed in with an opinion on the possible threat of Cthulu...sometimes, I can't make up stories weirder than what I find on the internet. Oh yeah, he also talks about sex he can't remember and giant robots. I...have nothing to add.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 180
Well, Abraham has some great timing. Now that there is a full blown war going on in the country he's immigrating to, I wonder if he just has bad luck. I know my dad has always assumed the devil was following him wherever he traveled. When he went to Holland, a month later a dike broke and drowned 56 people. When he had a business meeting in Oklahoma City on the 19th of April,1995, he moved it up a day out of pure luck...considering he was in a building across the street from the Murrah Federal building. He also had to take a quick flight down to Florida to catch a cruise, so he got the cheapest flight from an Airline soon to be famous for all the wrong reasons, Value Jet. I wouldn't say don't travel with him...just don't go anywhere after he's been there.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
-Groucho Marx
Zizou is the awesomest Frenchman of all time...which really isn't saying a whole lot. Still, I love the 6 hit combo on this page...be sure to check out the fun headbutting game as well.
This is taking lazy to a whole new level. I never want to sit in another bean bag for as long as I live. NSFW
This new shock absorbing bra website seems to be marketing itself to the horny male teenager market. Still, at least I can watch a stimulation...er...simulation of G sized breasts bouncing over and over again without feeling guilty...I mean, it's science, right?
Damn...Wisconsin better let Moses' people go before he brings on the frogs and the locusts.
In case you weren't convinced you could find anything on the internet...here's an entire page devoted to cats that look like Hitler. No, really. I couldn't make this crap up.
This is why obituaries try to stay away from stark honesty. It's just too damn depressing.
I'm not sure what's sadder; that some dork spent the hours required to develop specific rules to have sex in a role playing game...or that I used to actually play this particular role playing game. Actually, I should be sad that these rules weren't around then...NSFW
Maybe this guy should have just played this GURPS roleplaying game instead of this much more real one. It beats playing with your new boyfriend Bubba in a dark cell.
Damn...I hope I'm having this much fun when I'm 70. Well, maybe not quite that much fun...
Hehe...for the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have this educational cartoon. It's not quite a GI Joe PSA, but it gets bonus points for being acted out with giant tigers...or something. (Hat tip: Tristan)
Well, Abraham has some great timing. Now that there is a full blown war going on in the country he's immigrating to, I wonder if he just has bad luck. I know my dad has always assumed the devil was following him wherever he traveled. When he went to Holland, a month later a dike broke and drowned 56 people. When he had a business meeting in Oklahoma City on the 19th of April,1995, he moved it up a day out of pure luck...considering he was in a building across the street from the Murrah Federal building. He also had to take a quick flight down to Florida to catch a cruise, so he got the cheapest flight from an Airline soon to be famous for all the wrong reasons, Value Jet. I wouldn't say don't travel with him...just don't go anywhere after he's been there.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
-Groucho Marx
Zizou is the awesomest Frenchman of all time...which really isn't saying a whole lot. Still, I love the 6 hit combo on this page...be sure to check out the fun headbutting game as well.
This is taking lazy to a whole new level. I never want to sit in another bean bag for as long as I live. NSFW
This new shock absorbing bra website seems to be marketing itself to the horny male teenager market. Still, at least I can watch a stimulation...er...simulation of G sized breasts bouncing over and over again without feeling guilty...I mean, it's science, right?
Damn...Wisconsin better let Moses' people go before he brings on the frogs and the locusts.
In case you weren't convinced you could find anything on the internet...here's an entire page devoted to cats that look like Hitler. No, really. I couldn't make this crap up.
This is why obituaries try to stay away from stark honesty. It's just too damn depressing.
I'm not sure what's sadder; that some dork spent the hours required to develop specific rules to have sex in a role playing game...or that I used to actually play this particular role playing game. Actually, I should be sad that these rules weren't around then...NSFW
Maybe this guy should have just played this GURPS roleplaying game instead of this much more real one. It beats playing with your new boyfriend Bubba in a dark cell.
Damn...I hope I'm having this much fun when I'm 70. Well, maybe not quite that much fun...
Hehe...for the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have this educational cartoon. It's not quite a GI Joe PSA, but it gets bonus points for being acted out with giant tigers...or something. (Hat tip: Tristan)
Farkin' Links Vol. 179
In case you needed some visual proof; Bo Jackson is the greatest video game character of all time
Whoops...I pity all of you with children.
I guess Ryu from Street Fighter needed some tougher opponents to practice his martial arts on. I wish he'd start with that smart ass dog who always laughs at me...Damn you Duck Hunt dog! Damn you and your smarmy snicker to hell!
This looks like a job for Cal-Tech graduate...so Ben, go ahead and build a trebuchet when you have the time and tell us how it works. You might want to also include a definition for the word trebuchet.
I remember this game in the arcade...it looked a little better then. Still, I love any game that gives you bonus points for head shots.
Uh oh...it looks like those aliens really are an advanced race! They're making three dimensional crop circles! Now if they can only figure out how not to die when sprayed with water...
This is a nice return of the "Japanese people are crazy" links. Combining learning English and cheesy aerobics is something only they could do. You would think that was the goofiest part...just wait until you see what they're learning to say.(Hat tip: Tristan)
Say what you want...but this is one cool mom. I like how they tied it into yet another teacher doing the sex education tutoring on the side. I was just born to soon...
Hmmm...I've had some bad mornings, but never quite this bad.
Wowzers...I'm not sure how I missed this game back when I was a kid, but if there was ever a way to persuade me to want to play golf, the only thing better than monkeys would be...Ninjas!
In case you needed some visual proof; Bo Jackson is the greatest video game character of all time
Whoops...I pity all of you with children.
I guess Ryu from Street Fighter needed some tougher opponents to practice his martial arts on. I wish he'd start with that smart ass dog who always laughs at me...Damn you Duck Hunt dog! Damn you and your smarmy snicker to hell!
This looks like a job for Cal-Tech graduate...so Ben, go ahead and build a trebuchet when you have the time and tell us how it works. You might want to also include a definition for the word trebuchet.
I remember this game in the arcade...it looked a little better then. Still, I love any game that gives you bonus points for head shots.
Uh oh...it looks like those aliens really are an advanced race! They're making three dimensional crop circles! Now if they can only figure out how not to die when sprayed with water...
This is a nice return of the "Japanese people are crazy" links. Combining learning English and cheesy aerobics is something only they could do. You would think that was the goofiest part...just wait until you see what they're learning to say.(Hat tip: Tristan)
Say what you want...but this is one cool mom. I like how they tied it into yet another teacher doing the sex education tutoring on the side. I was just born to soon...
Hmmm...I've had some bad mornings, but never quite this bad.
Wowzers...I'm not sure how I missed this game back when I was a kid, but if there was ever a way to persuade me to want to play golf, the only thing better than monkeys would be...Ninjas!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 178
I had to fire someone yesterday, which really put a damper on my day...but probably not as much as on her day. Contrary to popular belief, I do not enjoy firing people. Usually...I mean, there was that one psycho lady in Bakersfield who brought her boyfriend to pick up some of her junk who then threatened to "kick my *ss" for the honor of his lady. Being threatened with physical violence by Larry the Cable Guy relieved me of any sympathy for this particular foolio. In this case, it wasn't nearly as bad. The lady knew she was going to get the axe because she'd been warned plenty of times about picking up her data entry pace and about all the mistakes she had made. If anything, we waited too long; I mean, we had to turn her desk towards her supervisor so she wouldn't keep logging into Myspace.com. By the way...does anybody out there know how to use Quickbooks? Converting our company's records is really starting to harsh my mellow. I barely have time for this...
So THAT'S why Dell computers are so cheap. They need the money for the lawsuits...
I guess these things going boom is just a trend this month. It was the 4th of July. Hey Ben, were you down in Florida this past weekend?
It's a fairly famous clip, but you gotta love it when a ref gets knocked the f*ck out. I can think of several refs during this last World Cup that deserved a couple of these. Actually, they just need some Zidane super head butt specials...
Wowzers...that's one dangerous Super Soaker. This is utterly dangerous and stupid, so either he's a dumb hick who's wiffed too much paint thinner, or he's from Cal Tech.
Here's a big list of all the world's religions...my god, there's 4-6 million worshippers of Cao Dai? The religion where Victor Hugo is one of the chosen saints? Normally I don't like to question people's faith, but, what the hell is wrong with you!
Hmmm...so halitosis is caused by the devil. Thanks Bill Nye, Science guy!
Yep, this sure sounds like the Turkey I know. Why wouldn't you let these guys into the EU? Still, I love how the guy shot his gun in the air and he hit a guy in the foot...not exactly William Tell, is he?
This is a fun little shooter. You just blow crap up...that's about it...that and it's 10 times better than Abe's Turbo Grafix games.
Speaking of mini games...learn what's like to try and park on the wrong side of the road with this one from the UK. I can't park in this country, so I surrenderd faster than a French legion.
Wow...I didn't see any mention of this at the Heineken experience. This is the type of thing that would get me to want to help a third world nation...I could drink at least two cases for the cause.
I had to fire someone yesterday, which really put a damper on my day...but probably not as much as on her day. Contrary to popular belief, I do not enjoy firing people. Usually...I mean, there was that one psycho lady in Bakersfield who brought her boyfriend to pick up some of her junk who then threatened to "kick my *ss" for the honor of his lady. Being threatened with physical violence by Larry the Cable Guy relieved me of any sympathy for this particular foolio. In this case, it wasn't nearly as bad. The lady knew she was going to get the axe because she'd been warned plenty of times about picking up her data entry pace and about all the mistakes she had made. If anything, we waited too long; I mean, we had to turn her desk towards her supervisor so she wouldn't keep logging into Myspace.com. By the way...does anybody out there know how to use Quickbooks? Converting our company's records is really starting to harsh my mellow. I barely have time for this...
So THAT'S why Dell computers are so cheap. They need the money for the lawsuits...
I guess these things going boom is just a trend this month. It was the 4th of July. Hey Ben, were you down in Florida this past weekend?
It's a fairly famous clip, but you gotta love it when a ref gets knocked the f*ck out. I can think of several refs during this last World Cup that deserved a couple of these. Actually, they just need some Zidane super head butt specials...
Wowzers...that's one dangerous Super Soaker. This is utterly dangerous and stupid, so either he's a dumb hick who's wiffed too much paint thinner, or he's from Cal Tech.
Here's a big list of all the world's religions...my god, there's 4-6 million worshippers of Cao Dai? The religion where Victor Hugo is one of the chosen saints? Normally I don't like to question people's faith, but, what the hell is wrong with you!
Hmmm...so halitosis is caused by the devil. Thanks Bill Nye, Science guy!
Yep, this sure sounds like the Turkey I know. Why wouldn't you let these guys into the EU? Still, I love how the guy shot his gun in the air and he hit a guy in the foot...not exactly William Tell, is he?
This is a fun little shooter. You just blow crap up...that's about it...that and it's 10 times better than Abe's Turbo Grafix games.
Speaking of mini games...learn what's like to try and park on the wrong side of the road with this one from the UK. I can't park in this country, so I surrenderd faster than a French legion.
Wow...I didn't see any mention of this at the Heineken experience. This is the type of thing that would get me to want to help a third world nation...I could drink at least two cases for the cause.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 177
I hope y'all had a nice weekend. Mine was rather busy, although one positive was that our basketball team finally won a game. I was beginning to worry that wasn't ever going to happen again. We blew the one before in the most ridiculous ways; With us being up 7 points with less than two minutes, I think we turned the ball over about 6 times to let them tie it up and send us into overtime. Which we then failed again to keep a lead and ended up going into double overtime. At this point, the refs were just bored and so they made it the first team to 5 points; keeping with our strategy to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, we went up 4 points to zero and managed to still lose. The other team had a ringer and he pulled a Dr. J move by throwing the ball off the rim, getting the rebound and putting it back in...it was quite the stomach punch of a game.
This past weekend, however, we managed to get a decent lead and not toss the ball 5 times into the stands. It's definitely an improvement and it also means we're not going to finish in last. How is it, with one win, are we able to avoid that? Well, the team we beat also only had one win, so we get the tie breaker. Yeah...well, we obviously both stink, but at least there's a team that's worse than we are. Sorry, Jon...don't mean to clown your team or anything. Or, right...links or some such nonsense...
Good News: Castlevania is gonna be a movie! Whips and chains are in again...not that they were really ever out.
Jessica Biel is quite hot...but not only is she box office death, she throws like a girl.
I dunno what scary *ss animal picture books this guy had as a kid, but that's the screwiest looking horse I've ever seen.
Oh...sweet mother Mary...I'm not sure whether to pray for this guy's heart or make myself a bowl of bacon cereal...mmmm....bacon....
I wonder if Abe will be able to get in on some of this Wife-Swap when he gets to Israel. This chick certainly wouldn't have to worry about Abe's work-a-holic tendencies...unless you count time spent playing TurboGrafix as work.
There's nothing like foreign prank shows. Eventually, they'll get enough lawyers to put an end to the fun.
I wonder how come Monica hasn't forced me to play any of these great board games? It would sure beat the hell out of Cranium.
This is one hell of a graduation prank about Mike Hawk. I wonder why my sister didn't try something like this...oh wait, scratch that. She's totally not allowed to do any of that.
Speaking of pranks...these guys have way too much time on their hands.
It's not a purse! It's a European carry-all!
I hope y'all had a nice weekend. Mine was rather busy, although one positive was that our basketball team finally won a game. I was beginning to worry that wasn't ever going to happen again. We blew the one before in the most ridiculous ways; With us being up 7 points with less than two minutes, I think we turned the ball over about 6 times to let them tie it up and send us into overtime. Which we then failed again to keep a lead and ended up going into double overtime. At this point, the refs were just bored and so they made it the first team to 5 points; keeping with our strategy to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, we went up 4 points to zero and managed to still lose. The other team had a ringer and he pulled a Dr. J move by throwing the ball off the rim, getting the rebound and putting it back in...it was quite the stomach punch of a game.
This past weekend, however, we managed to get a decent lead and not toss the ball 5 times into the stands. It's definitely an improvement and it also means we're not going to finish in last. How is it, with one win, are we able to avoid that? Well, the team we beat also only had one win, so we get the tie breaker. Yeah...well, we obviously both stink, but at least there's a team that's worse than we are. Sorry, Jon...don't mean to clown your team or anything. Or, right...links or some such nonsense...
Good News: Castlevania is gonna be a movie! Whips and chains are in again...not that they were really ever out.
Jessica Biel is quite hot...but not only is she box office death, she throws like a girl.
I dunno what scary *ss animal picture books this guy had as a kid, but that's the screwiest looking horse I've ever seen.
Oh...sweet mother Mary...I'm not sure whether to pray for this guy's heart or make myself a bowl of bacon cereal...mmmm....bacon....
I wonder if Abe will be able to get in on some of this Wife-Swap when he gets to Israel. This chick certainly wouldn't have to worry about Abe's work-a-holic tendencies...unless you count time spent playing TurboGrafix as work.
There's nothing like foreign prank shows. Eventually, they'll get enough lawyers to put an end to the fun.
I wonder how come Monica hasn't forced me to play any of these great board games? It would sure beat the hell out of Cranium.
This is one hell of a graduation prank about Mike Hawk. I wonder why my sister didn't try something like this...oh wait, scratch that. She's totally not allowed to do any of that.
Speaking of pranks...these guys have way too much time on their hands.
It's not a purse! It's a European carry-all!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Farkin' Links Vol. 176
So, I'm going for two days in a row. Not bad, although it'll take me some time to get used to sending out useless e-mails again. I'm sorry that I didn't make any mention of Newjen's big fireworks extravaganza this past 4th of July. It lived up to the previous shows and even better, nobody got burned, arrested or killed. Since this was the 3rd annual final show, I guess I have to say that I'll miss it next year...of course, considering it was the 3rd annual, I guess you never know. I'd venture to guess he'll be blowing crap up sooner than anybody thinks.
I'm attending a wake and a funeral the next couple of days for a co-worker. I didn't know the man very well, but it's still shocking to be talking to someone one day and finding out that they're dead all of a sudden. You know; it makes you question your own mortality...unless you're an immortal like myself. I just have to look out for sword wielding rivals. At least he went out nice and quick; he giving a private Tae Kwon Do lesson when he developed a blood clot in his lung and just died before anybody could react. He did lead a full life, but I doubt that's any consolation for his family. Anyways, on to other more ridiculous things.
It warms my heart to know that we have such intelligent and technologically informed senators running things in Washington. This genius is also the guy behind that bridge to nowhere in Alaska. He's over 70, so don't miss out on his brilliance before it's too late.
Hehe...stupid lion.
Jeez...who knew Eddie Griffin belonged on the Trail Blazers? Things are already looking bad for Garnett and his Timberwolves and the season hasn't even started yet.
These are some crazy ass chairs. My personal favorite is the tank chair. Sorry Abe, there is a Nintendo controller chair, but not the Turbo Grafix one...it must have just missed the list.
This kind of reminds me of last year's roman candle wars...except that this guy must have lost a really big bet.
Oh boy...somebody needs to actually put Sean Penn in a movie so he'll stop doing stupid publicity stunts. A rolling hunger strike? I think that's the definition of style over substance.
This guy is one hell of an Etch-a-Sketch artist. The best I could do was draw a really crappy circle before I tossed it across the room in frustration and started playing Nintendo again.
This may seem harsh...but really, soccer must be stopped at all costs! It's even infiltrating this country like some virus...
So...despite all the soccer fans showing up in Germany for the World Cup, the prostitution business didn't increase at all. I'd make a crack about soccer fans having no balls, but really, I blame the oh so sweet beer that Germany is famous for. Unless you're traveling with Rush Limbaugh, you're probably not rising to the occasion after a liter of beer.
Sofia Loren is posing nude for a calendar? Well, I guess she is pretty hot for a 72 year old woman. I'd hit it...after about 6 of those German beers I discussed previously.
So, I'm going for two days in a row. Not bad, although it'll take me some time to get used to sending out useless e-mails again. I'm sorry that I didn't make any mention of Newjen's big fireworks extravaganza this past 4th of July. It lived up to the previous shows and even better, nobody got burned, arrested or killed. Since this was the 3rd annual final show, I guess I have to say that I'll miss it next year...of course, considering it was the 3rd annual, I guess you never know. I'd venture to guess he'll be blowing crap up sooner than anybody thinks.
I'm attending a wake and a funeral the next couple of days for a co-worker. I didn't know the man very well, but it's still shocking to be talking to someone one day and finding out that they're dead all of a sudden. You know; it makes you question your own mortality...unless you're an immortal like myself. I just have to look out for sword wielding rivals. At least he went out nice and quick; he giving a private Tae Kwon Do lesson when he developed a blood clot in his lung and just died before anybody could react. He did lead a full life, but I doubt that's any consolation for his family. Anyways, on to other more ridiculous things.
It warms my heart to know that we have such intelligent and technologically informed senators running things in Washington. This genius is also the guy behind that bridge to nowhere in Alaska. He's over 70, so don't miss out on his brilliance before it's too late.
Hehe...stupid lion.
Jeez...who knew Eddie Griffin belonged on the Trail Blazers? Things are already looking bad for Garnett and his Timberwolves and the season hasn't even started yet.
These are some crazy ass chairs. My personal favorite is the tank chair. Sorry Abe, there is a Nintendo controller chair, but not the Turbo Grafix one...it must have just missed the list.
This kind of reminds me of last year's roman candle wars...except that this guy must have lost a really big bet.
Oh boy...somebody needs to actually put Sean Penn in a movie so he'll stop doing stupid publicity stunts. A rolling hunger strike? I think that's the definition of style over substance.
This guy is one hell of an Etch-a-Sketch artist. The best I could do was draw a really crappy circle before I tossed it across the room in frustration and started playing Nintendo again.
This may seem harsh...but really, soccer must be stopped at all costs! It's even infiltrating this country like some virus...
So...despite all the soccer fans showing up in Germany for the World Cup, the prostitution business didn't increase at all. I'd make a crack about soccer fans having no balls, but really, I blame the oh so sweet beer that Germany is famous for. Unless you're traveling with Rush Limbaugh, you're probably not rising to the occasion after a liter of beer.
Sofia Loren is posing nude for a calendar? Well, I guess she is pretty hot for a 72 year old woman. I'd hit it...after about 6 of those German beers I discussed previously.
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