As if actual student drivers weren't dangerous enough...

I think I've found the perfect gift for Marlon this year for his birthday. Maybe I should buy the package and give it for Christmas as well.

Hehe...to go along with the "lazy" gene, they've now found the slut gene. It's really true; science is going to eventually prove that we have no free will if we give them another year or so.

I guess Jews really do have a more healthy appreciation of sex than Christians...but they have much goofier names. Shmuley Boteach? Is it a name or a disease?

I guess this is more proof of the Sports Guy's eternal life lesson,"Women ruin everything."

That crazy Paris Hilton...she needs her own television reality show...preferably on the Spice Channel.

Oh yeah, this sounds like the worst drink ever concocted...unless you're trying to keep the vampires away.

For the almost ultimate rush...I guess you have to go to Estonia.

Yet more proof that criminals crawled out of the stupid gene pool. Well, at least he helped the cops remove him from his predicament.

So, what's the prize here, exactly? A shortened prison sentence?

Oh yeah...that's really tasteful, Tatu. Can't you girls go back to kissing each other instead?

Next time you feel the need to critize someone, make sure they don't have a knife in their hands.

I'm sure Carmen knows what speaks on this subject, at least. I'll stick to the drink instead.

Man...compared to these guys, our gang members are a bunch of pussies. Then again, this is the country that has the most baby rapes, so I suppose this is mild for them.

Just like the saying, those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Unless you're in Japan.

This is an interesting story about a structure similar to Stonehenge. Not surprising, as the aliens helped build it. They probably checked out Russia too.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...of course, you probably shouldn't store hundreds of vials of cocaine at your house when you call the cops.

Well, now I know EXACTLY what to get Moody this Christmas!

Ummm...I'm really glad Alyssa Milano can entertain herself, but is that something we really need to know?

Wow...those are some caring bosses...the only question I have is, are they hiring?

I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. I found out how to lose 5 pounds rather effectively on mine. All you need to do is get a crazy stomach flu from your little brother and suffer for the next couple of days. I wouldn't recommend it, but it probably works better than that Atkins thing.


These guys would totally kick ass on Fear Factor.

Uriel would absolutely LOVE this page.

These criminals were obviously inspired by Snatch.

Hehe...M.C. Hammer would be proud.

Huh...more proof that Vanilla Ice is completely crazy. But what I really want to know is, what is the difference between a kangaroo and a wallaby? At least we know what you get when you cross the two.

Wowzers...at least I know what channel to watch when I visit my mom out in Michigan next time.

I could swear that's William Hung 4 over, 7 down. Anybody been in the UK lately?

For those paranoid ones of you...here's a fun game to think about how far you need to get away from a nuclear blast.

This is the cake I'm getting Moody next year. Although maybe I should rethink that...he might try and smoke it...

Alright...this guy's a little too clever...I can't add anything to upstage this...dammit...

I would have rather seen how the hell this car got into that space...but wow, that's physics defying shit...

New employment opportunities for Jack in Amsterdam. It's nice to know that nuns are finally entering the 21st century.

I sure hope she has some regular shot of these puppies...just to make sure that the x-rays are real and all. You know...for science.

This lady found a new way to spice up your turkey for thanksgiving...pretty much the only good use for a chihuahua.

Now this is cool...you too can have some of the benefits of a Vampire, without the blood of virgins. I mean, how easy is it to get virgin blood nowadays, anyway?

This man needs to be severely beaten. I'd definitely egg is house.

Damn that Google...giving away porn for free! What's this world coming to? You're gonna put all the smut peddlers out of business, then where will we be? Stuck with the Family Channel!

Is this a toy asking for a lawsuit, or what? I can imagine it'll be a popular game for drunk college students, though.

I guess he finally heard about that tech bubble popping...hey, at least he got to drive around in a ferrari for a while.

Yet another lawsuit waiting to happen..I'm still waiting for that Michael Vick football ride though...

I don't know karate, but I know crraaaazy!!

He's apparently not a follower of the Clinton form of government.

I hope my dad's neighbors up in Oakland haven't read this article yet, or my internet access is going to be seriously limited when I go up again.

Well, at least we aren't the fattest country in the world. They must have a lot of McDonald's down under. That or too much shrimp off the barbi.

Man...these kids are too stupid to be in college.

I guess since that whole gay marriage monopoly didn't pan out, San Fran needs new ways to rape their citizens.

Oooohhhh...so THAT'S where my second floor went to. I've been wondering about that.

This might be cool if it was Hooters Airlines...but have you ever actually seen the people who show up to nude camps? Ewww...at least they wouldn't have to serve food on the plane.

Now...if they can only figure out how to apply this to movie theatres...

Wow...how did my mom get nominated as the British Health Secretary?

It's nice to know that the most well paid athlete in the world is a really hot chick. Tiger just did nothing for me.

I don't know about you, but I'm absolutely shocked, SHOCKED, that there is pornography on this internet thingie.

I bet if this happened more often, thievery would drop dramatically. Plus, the fish would be well fed.

Dr. Nick from the Simpsons strikes again. I dunno about you, but I really want to know how a spatula helps in a breast implant.

Whoops...hehe...well, he got some permanent help nonetheless.

Don't mess with the elderly...they'll fuck you up.

No wonder those Swiss are so calm and orderly...not too mention love chocolate.

That's amazing! Now, all they need to do is get a life...

Now...where exactly are you supposed to shoot? I see the goal, but what's with the two holes?

How the heck does a man walk down the street with no pants? Oh, right, this is in New York.

This would explain so much...I'd go into more detail...but eh...

What a chump...what kind of man can't drive a stick?

Jeez, obesity seems to be a problem everywhere now...well, except for Ethiopia...hehe, I'm going to hell.

Yeah, I guess being part of the Bin Laden fan club would make it hard to catch him.

Does this really require a survey? It's like finding out that fire is hot.

While this is probably the only way you can interest me in actually going fishing, that's a bit pricey. I might as well go to Spearmint Rhino and save 500 bucks.

I think Dr. Ian Malcolm said it best,"I'll tell you the problem with the scientific power that you're using here: it didn't require any discipline to attain it. You read what others had done and you took the next step. You didn't earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don't take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could and before you even knew what you had you patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now you're selling it, you want to sell it!"

This is just too weird...and too easy. Just read it.

Wow...look at her huge...tracts of land!

I don't see the big deal...he was just trying to support single mothers.

For those of you who think their cell phones are waaaay too small.

I'm not sure which part is more disturbing; that someone would steal naked garden gnomes...or that someone went out of their way to make them in the first place.

Hmmm...this is a great use of public money. I would like to submit my name to do all the really in depth research on this subject.

Hey, hey, hey! There's enough scantily clad hot chicks for every restaurant. No need for Johnny Cochrane.

Nooooooo!!!! Say it ain't so, Raimi, say it ain't so!

Yeah...that penguin sure looks shifty. I can understand the caution needed with these toys.

That is what's so great about Catholic school...the fun loving nature of the teachers.

Now if they can only figure out how to trick the homeless into those freezers. That might improve Berkeley.

Sometimes married couples don't part even after death. At least she didn't stuff and mount him.

Wow...I'd hate to meet the other teachers that didn't make this list. What, do they have Hannibal Lecter teaching over there or something?

Gee, I used to just get grounded. Then again, we didn't have leaves that needed to be raked. I suppose I should be grateful.

Hehe...I wonder if they deliver?

She forgot to also sue God for allowing such a terrible thing to happen.

I think there might be a little piggie in the market for a house like this.

Wow...Phoebe Cates' story in Gremlins was true after all!

I think this happened to Goofy in a Disney cartoon once...unfortunately, this guy wasn't a cartoon.

I got a name for this class. It's called, quit going to McDonald's.

Hehe...I sure hope this club is on the ground floor...speaking of which, what the hell is a "vivacious plus-size woman?"

I think Jesus would have offered wine instead, but it is a bunch of Aussies.

Yeah...I agree with the Prince. If they wanted to be special, they should have been born into the Royal family, dammit!

Damn the NBA! Why are they bringin' down Mark Cuban for? If you want to fine him for something, fine him for that hairdo!

Sure, it sounds cool, but if you cut your finger, just stick to the bandaids.

I guess you really can sue over anything.

...and they say people don't have fun in Texas. Well, apparently they don't.

Even in death he's a bastard. That's probably why my computer is running so slow today.

Wow...that R. Kelly is in more films than Paris Hilton. I wonder if he was practicing "water sports" in this one as well.

Wow...this guy is so going to hell. Read the last part of the sale.

Well, they better send him to Big Gay Al's place.

I can understand playing football, hell even golf on an Xbox...but yoga? That's like making a videogame where you go to the gym and lift weights.

Hello...Is it me you're looking for? Because I wonder where you are...oh, you're in jail? How the hell did that happen?

Poor R. Kelly...still getting mocked. What did he ever do to deserve this? Oh, right...that.

Oh sure...you have the old lady strip down to look for weapons and contraband, but you let a DEER into the airport? What...he had proper identification on him?

I hope this doesn't give Germany any bright ideas regarding Auschwitz...

You know...that's not a bad idea for politicians. I know I'd take notice if strippers were handing out election material.

Take this to the next woman that complains about her butt being big. Maybe Sir-Mix-A-Lot really was on to something.

Oh yeah...and in case you were ever wondering what all those rappers real names were(don't pretend, you know you want to know), here is a helpful list.

It's certainly tragic, but hey, at least they were in the right company. How much do you want to bet alcohol was involved somehow?

Hehe...69...well, I guess I can understand where they're coming from. It sure sounds like a fun place, though.

As Homer Simpson once said,"In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"

Now THAT'S an exciting soccer match!

I dunno what's with the disrespect to the Doc, but 50 cent apparently isn't all talk.

Maybe she'll write a book about how to survive prison now.

Cool! I've always loved golden arches. Would you like fries with that shake...oh, forget that last one.

I'm not really surprised...but the last line says it all. "Well, these documents do explain one thing," said Kowshik. "I always wondered how AOL managed to maintain a customer satisfaction rate of 40%. Now we know exactly which 40% of their client base that is."

What is it with women wanting to get into men's locker rooms, but we're not allowed into theirs?

How much do you wanna be alcohol factors into this survey?

Jeez...Dr. Nick from the Simpsons strikes again. "Stab marks? I thought they were wrinkles!"

I was only a matter of time before phone ads ventured into porn.

With employees like that, I bet that office building has never gotten robbed.

Darn...this story turned out to be a hoax. Unlike Dan Rather and the C-BS news, I make corrections. Still...69...hehe...

I don't know how the hell I missed this...but that line about it being impossible to understimate the intelligence of people seems to be proven true here. One thing I did learn from this seller, though, is that Mary is apparently the patron saint of Gambling.

Gee...and I would have thought she'd be easily accepted into Harvard.

Man...this guy must collect a fortune in loose change! That's why he's diving into fountains, right?

Holy crap! I may have to take up bowling again! If anybody is looking for a Christmas gift for me...

Chih Hao...you need to stop falling asleep at the wheel!

There's a lot of facial shots today...I wonder what's going on?

Wow...now that's adventure! I dunno about the selling your possessions and walking the earth like Kane, but I guess you gotta do what ya gotta do.

I dunno...this didn't seem to do much for my friend Uriel...

Somebody forward this to Jack. I think I found a way for him to make money that doesn't involve him doing any actual work.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure Medieval Times got it wrong with serving Coca Cola, but this is grounds for an entire article? Slow news day.

This article I read today didn't particularly shock me as much as make me laugh and pity the poor fool writing it. I'm hoping this is actually sarcasm or satire as the hubris involved is just plain sad. Go ahead and check it out...

Should Canada indict Bush?
THOMAS WALKOMWhen U.S. President George W. Bush arrives in Ottawa — probably later this year — should he be welcomed? Or should he be charged with war crimes?
It's an interesting question. On the face of it, Bush seems a perfect candidate for prosecution under Canada's Crimes against Humanity and War Crimes Act.
This act was passed in 2000 to bring Canada's ineffectual laws in line with the rules of the new International Criminal Court. While never tested, it lays out sweeping categories under which a foreign leader like Bush could face arrest.
In particular, it holds that anyone who commits a war crime, even outside Canada, may be prosecuted by our courts. What is a war crime? According to the statute, it is any conduct defined as such by "customary international law" or by conventions that Canada has adopted.
War crimes also specifically include any breach of the 1949 Geneva Conventions, such as torture, degradation, wilfully depriving prisoners of war of their rights "to a fair and regular trial," launching attacks "in the knowledge that such attacks will cause incidental loss of life or injury to civilians" and deportation of persons from an area under occupation.
Outside of one well-publicized (and quickly squelched) attempt in Belgium, no one has tried to formally indict Bush. But both Oxfam International and the U.S. group Human Rights Watch have warned that some of the actions undertaken by the U.S. and its allies, particularly in Iraq, may fall under the war crime rubric.
The case for the prosecution looks quite promising. First, there is the fact of the Iraq war itself. After 1945, Allied tribunals in Nuremberg and Tokyo — in an astonishing precedent — ruled that states no longer had the unfettered right to invade other countries and that leaders who started such conflicts could be tried for waging illegal war.
Concurrently, the new United Nations outlawed all aggressive wars except those authorized by its Security Council.
Today, a strong case could be made that Bush violated the Nuremberg principles by invading Iraq. Indeed, U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan has already labelled that war illegal in terms of the U.N. Charter.
Second, there is the manner in which the U.S. conducted this war.
The mistreatment of prisoners at Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison is a clear contravention of the Geneva Accord. The U.S. is also deporting selected prisoners to camps outside of Iraq (another contravention). U.S. press reports also talk of shadowy prisons in Jordan run by the CIA, where suspects are routinely tortured. And the estimated civilian death toll of 100,000 may well contravene the Geneva Accords prohibition against the use of excessive force.
Canada's war crimes law specifically permits prosecution not only of those who carry out such crimes but of the military and political superiors who allow them to happen.
What has emerged since Abu Ghraib shows that officials at the highest levels of the Bush administration permitted and even encouraged the use of torture.
Given that Bush, as he likes to remind everyone, is the U.S. military's commander-in-chief, it is hard to argue he bears no responsibility.
Then there is Guantanamo Bay. The U.S. says detainees there do not fall under the Geneva accords. That's an old argument.
In 1946, Japanese defendants explained their mistreatment of prisoners of war by noting that their country had never signed any of the Geneva Conventions. The Japanese were convicted anyway.
Oddly enough, Canada may be one of the few places where someone like Bush could be brought to justice. Impeachment in the U.S. is most unlikely. And, at Bush's insistence, the new international criminal court has no jurisdiction over any American.
But a Canadian war crimes charge, too, would face many hurdles. Bush was furious last year when Belgians launched a war crimes suit in their country against him — so furious that Belgium not only backed down under U.S. threats but changed its law to prevent further recurrences.
As well, according to a foreign affairs spokesperson, visiting heads of state are immune from prosecution when in Canada on official business. If Ottawa wanted to act, it would have to wait until Bush was out of office — or hope to catch him when he comes up here to fish.
And, of course, Canada's government would have to want to act. War crimes prosecutions are political decisions that must be authorized by the federal attorney-general.
Still, Prime Minister Paul Martin has staked out his strong opposition to war crimes. This was his focus in a September address to the U.N. General Assembly.
There, Martin was talking specifically about war crimes committed by militiamen in far-off Sudan. But as my friends on the Star's editorial board noted in one of their strong defences of concerted international action against war crimes, the rule must be, "One law for all."

Now that you've wiped your eyes from all the hysterical laughter, I have to say I wish this would happen. Then we could go ahead and invade Canada finally and lay waste to their "superior" health care center. I mean, we could probably send 21st Michigan Volunteer Infantry Civil war reenactors and they'd conquer Ottawa by next Friday. I'm not sure what we'd do with Canada, being it's filled with wanna-be Frenchies and deer, but I suppose we could turn it into a national park. The fact that they haven't realized how irrelevant they are is equal parts hilarious and pitiful.

I'm not exactly sure who this show is supposed to appeal to...perhaps the people who watch Queer as Folk. It's not like there's a legion of women out there buying porn, and although Ron Jeremy is a pretty cool guy, do I really need to be seeing this?

Who says our society is oversexed? This would make shopping for this type of stuff less embarrassing...I suppose.

I dunno about you, but I usually like to look around before I buy a property...check the water pressure, the dimensions of the rooms, look for decomposing bodies...you know, the usual.

Wait a minute...Mexico has a national anthem? Is a mariachi band prominently involved?

Mmmmmmm.....heart attack....aaarrrrrgggghhhhhh......

Hey! I think I can see my house from here!

I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid. Had I been born in New Zealand, though, I definitely would have wanted to be a pimp.

Oohhh...a judge ruled there is such thing as personal responsibility! I didn't think they did that anymore.

Hmmm...so THAT'S where my old neighbor moved to. I miss those cats.

Wow...if that's his definition of a loving, caring wife, I'd hate to see what his previous girlfriends used to do to him.

Geez...these guys make more than the President of the United States! What exactly do they do, besides collect a big paycheck?

Bunch of girlie-men...remember,"No pain, no gain!"

Uh oh...the lawyers have apparently immigrated to Tokyo. Something tells me the witnesses might not be "available" come trial time.

Either this guy has a sick sense of humor or he's just really stupid. If you think raising money for a charity established for a girl who died of alcohol poisoning with free jello shots is a good idea, raise your hand.

I wonder if he puts on a mask and cape afterwards and fights crime?

Alright! Another elephant story! Elephants are cool! Although, how stupid are they exactly? Once one of their buddies fell into a well, why did 3 follow? Were they trying to make an elephant chain of life?

What a bunch of stupid kids. Free porn and they destroy it?

In case you think government is not equal parts stupidity and evil, check this out. Aussie mama's, don't let you boys grow up to be cowboys.

Hehe...read the car description...just in case you were expecting a bottle of Viagra.

Not a movie star? Obviously they never saw the Sports Illustrated 1994 Swimsuit Issue Video...I laughed, I cried, I was moved. It was a masterpiece.

I wonder if they were inspired by that movie Mimic...as much as I'd like to be a cockroach commander, isn't this how the world was destroyed in the Terminator? Robots cannot be trusted.

And people think Canada doesn't produce anything...how wrong does "there are few orifices that haven't been explored" sound now?

I guess is still is the evil empire. News flash for those out there that are unaware, Hot coffee spilled= pain.

I'm in the mood for a rant so I thought I'd put it on my blog tonight. This whole incident with an Iraqi insurgent getting capped in the head by a marine yesterday in Fallujah has gotten the liberals as excited as a high school student taking his prom date to Motel 6. You see, these people like it when America gets a black eye...they want to believe that this country is evil and dangerous to the world, unlike wonderfully peaceful countries such as France. Pay no attention to the 5,000 man army being sent to the Ivory Coast, folks. All is well in Gay Paris. They were like this after the Abu Garib prison incident, so it should be expected. While the facts have yet to be presented in this shooting, even without knowing everything that's happened I can honestly say, good for that Marine. I only regret he didn't shoot the rest of the clowns lying there. These men have been booby trapping the bodies of their dead and the living in order to kill our troops. Fuck 'em. If they want to play with no rules, we shouldn't expect our troops to fight with one arm tied behind their backs by the Geneva convention.

I have a hard time understanding why people take liberals seriously. These people have been wrong about every major event in the past 60 years. The Soviet Union, Vietnam, welfare, taxes, you name it. What was the last great idea that came from the liberal establishment? If you say social security, I'll punch you in the mouth. That freakin' ponzi scheme is going to crush my generation if something isn't done soon to establish private investments. For those of you still living in the clouds, There is no fucking lockbox! They just take in X amount of dollars a year from taxpayers and use it to pay the social security recipients. There ain't much left over and if there is, it goes into the general fund to pay for studies on fruit bats in West Virginia so some such bullshit. The fact is, the Soviet Union WAS an evil empire and murdered millions of it's own people while it enslaved and oppressed them. When we pulled out of Vietnam, millions of people in South East Asia were placed into concentration camps and or murdered. Heard of Pol Pot? No, that's not a new type of marijuana from Poland, that's one of the biggest mass murders of the century that we ignored once we abandoned Asia to the communists. Liberals have somehow evolved into a group of people that automatically support anybody who's opposing their own country. You see, for them, power corrupts, therefore the most powerful country in the world has to be corrupt and evil. The weaker countries are far more humane, you know, like Iraq or North Korea. Thank goodness this defective thought process seems to have receeded a bit lately.

You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
-Yogi Berra

Yeah...exactly.


The only place I wanna be right now is home. I still don't feel all that healthy right now. I wish this cold would just go away. Let's see...what happened with my life that's worth writing down? Nothing much, really. Other than the funny blow up that occurred in the fantasy football league I'm in. Moody and I were text messaging each other back and forth while he's in Florida and he decided that I was being too bold on my victory this week. He wrote the following:


It's official guys...by: Adam Rules! (unburnable)
Nov 15 5:06pm
Adam wants us to just call the league now and give him the title. He's pretty sure we don't need to waste anymore time worrying about scores and stuff. One great thing about the confidence adam has is he is actually involved in the league, he's posted in the last 3 weeks more than every fantasy league he's ever been in combined. If you're gonna be a fair-weather fan you might as well rep yourself right?


This was a bit of a stretch, as I haven't once pulled a Muhammad Ali and done a "I'm the greatest, I'm bad and I'm pretty" routine, so I'm not sure where he was going with this. Basically, he's the calling the kettle black, as he is the main shit talking braggart in all sports leagues. In fact, his team is usually named "Return of the King" as he is a two time champion in the fellas league. Until recently it was "Feel the Brees" as his bench boy Drew Brees was an improvement to Aaron Brooks, but he's back to his usual boldness. Anyways, I had to write back.


King of Complaintsby: Peyton da Man-ning (kaos021)
Nov 15 5:27pm
Man...all I've done this season is clown the hell out of B and now I'm calling the league in my favor? The only guy here who likes to trumpet his greatness is Drew Brees # 1 fan, not me. There isn't any clear winner in any year of fantasy football by week 10...the only thing certain is my continuous domination of B's damaged Goods.

Anyhoo...we're only in week 10 and there are 3 more weeks until playoffs. Then the true trash talking can begin.

First off...here's a man who knows real evil and what to do about it. Memorize his brilliant advice.

This crazy guy just won't stay out of the headlines...he's an actor or something, right? Someone tell me why he's famous again.

Well there you go...go buy your woman some chocolate.

This seems to be a theme on the internet. Probably because they're anonymous.

This sounds rather...painful.

Injury? What did the couple do? Sing a duet?

This "extreme" sport could only have been invented by a bunch of drunk Aussies. I'd be happy to let them practice with a real iron at my place anytime, though.

Wow...those chinese will gamble on ANYTHING! Poor Jiminy Cricket. Well, at least they get to fight for their lives instead of getting eaten...which seems to be the other Chinese pastime.

I think they should have let them into the country just on creativity points.

Wow...the legacy of Spinal Tap lives on!

That's a new answer to that age old question, "Your money or your life!" I'll write a check.

Hey Vicky...if this guy calls you, don't listen to him! He's not a real cop!

Damn those border agents! They've let a chupacabra illegally cross over into Colorado.

This is almost too silly to be true. I'd award her a million dollars, tell her it's at the bottom of the Pacific ocean and forget to tell her that water makes people drown.

See...why can't the government spend money on cool stuff like this instead of studies about ape testicles?

Damn...I'm sorry I missed out on this game as a kid.

Holy crap! This chick is fertile!

Speaking of crap...I always knew Dave Matthews was pretty shitty...but this...

What a bozo. He should have used the camel clutch and then finished him off with a pile driver.

Wow...that's creepy...maybe he was watching the Ring!

This isn't exactly safe for work...but what the hell. You can just say you're shopping for dog toys.

I dunno...maybe he's on to something. I would have loved to see the principal get beat everytime I screwed up in school. I wonder how long before Mel Gibson gets blamed for this.

This is what happens when elephants don't have a loving home...they turn to a live of drinking and crime.

By the way...I have been informed by Mr T that the full quote by the Monkey King...well, actually from some Tai Chi dude is this:

"Even if you eat a whole bull during the day, that's not sufficient to replace your ejaculation at night."

Uh huh...o.k. I can't argue with that. I can't even understand it.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein

Can't argue with that one. Relaxing is the one thing we're both really good at.

So the weekend is over and I didn't have a post for Friday. That would be because I got to get the hell out of dodge here at the office nice and early and to hell with this junk that I write to myself...so there. For how hectic this weekend appeared, I really didn't do much. It started with having dinner with Chow and Paul. Paul was poisoned by his mother's cooking earlier this week and was actually trying to recover, so he decided that the best place to go would be a Chinese restaurant right in the middle Colima Street. It's basically like rush hour in Hong Kong, only more crowded. Paul's idea of safe food was some seafood porridge. I tried to talk him out of it, but he ignored me and managed to get himself even more sick. We were all planning on going to some house party of some sort that night, but that ended up falling through and we instead wasted the night driving about looking for something to do. It was like I was back in high school again...

When I drove back home, it turned out I had company. Granados, B and Moody were already there playing FIFA05 yet again and basically wasting time. Granados is going to become a bartender so he was experimenting with drinks and such and came up with a fairly tasty drink that went straight to your head. I would have given him a high five, but my coordination had left me by that point. After more FIFA hilarity...mostly because of the silly names those foreigners have. Moody let us know he was going to be in Florida for the next couple of days, so I told him to stay out of trouble. He's the type of guy when left on his own would end up in the biggest cocaine bust of the decade by shear accident. Hopefully he's not in jail as I write this.

Saturday I ended up going out with the usual suspects to the Century Club. That ended up being way too expensive, but since the Vickster broke up with her man, she was the one pushing for the alcoholic beverages. We did get to see Juvenile perform for about a half an hour and sing "Back that ass up," so it wasn't that bad of a time. The only drawback was that fool Jimmy managed to lose us and leave with Z. I get the phone call before we've even left that he's at that Korean restaurant named Hidori. Instead of going home, I had to go pick his ass up...this led to actually eating there and wasting even more of the night...er...morning. It was after 4 by the time I got back. This seriously cut into my sleeping schedule.

The next morning wasn't the worst I've ever had, but it wasn't a pleasant experience. I did manage to get up to watch most of the morning football games and clear my head a little. Luckily, I didn't have a basketball game. We have so many damn bye weeks in this league that it runs almost as long as a real basketball season. As I watched my fantasy football team start to lay the whoopin' on my opponent, I remembered I actually had somewhere I was supposed to go.

Mr. T made a 30 second short for a film festival at this Pacific Asian American film organization called Visual Communications. He asked all of us if we wanted to go to this event where it was shown...the only catch was it cost 35 bucks. I thought, what the hell, I flaked on his last film and there was going to be some new band performing there two named Dengue Fever. I'm not sure what's cool about naming your band after a disease, but it's not the first. That band ended up being alright, more of a gimmick band than anything else. The main singer is part of some pop star family in Southeast Asia and she sings in that language...whatever the hell it is. They're supposed to have sort of a ska feel, but instead they sound like background music to a bootleg Chinese crime movie, probably starring Chow Yun Fat. Hehe...I like these hyperlinks...Anyhoo, they were ten times better than the funky ass dancing group to kick off the show. It was an all guy group dancing to Indian bhangra music; let's just say N'Sync they were not.

Once they got the actual short going, things were pretty cool. Most of them were really bad and amatuerish on the level of high school films made for 4th period History class, but several were pretty damn good. Mr T's was actually quite funny. It was about this Monkey King, some weird Chinese legend, who is reincarnated into a little girl that lives in a supermarket. She gives out some bizarre advice about bulls and ejaculation, then plays a game of hopscotch with the protaganist...existential? Ingmar Bergman would be proud. Or, at the very least, Monty Python. Unfortunately, they also gave out a bunch of awards and had some terrible poetry reading session which about put me to sleep. Either way, it wasn't quite worth 35 bucks, but I'm not disappointed I went. It was pretty interesting to see.

I think I'll just close with an insult I lobbed at Frank last week that cracked up the people who were eavesdropping in the other room.

"Frank, if you keep it up, I'll hit you so hard, when you wake up your clothes will be back in style!"

This is just like my workplace...except for all the work. What a bunch of suckers.

Something tells me this isn't going to be a successful marriage...but seriously, what the hell is wrong with that poolboy? Isn't that why you become a poolboy? It isn't for the wonderful pay.

Oooohhhhhh....the humanity! If only Chih Hao had been around, it wouldn't have all gone to waste!

Well, I can't really disagree with the title of the blog, but this guy needs a hug.

Maybe that last guy needs to take notes from this stud.

No...I guess that first guy was right. At least Bill Mauer would agree.

The power of suggestion compels you!

Uhhh...Mary Kay LeTourneau's black cousin, perhaps? Man, those boys made out like bandits! 5,000 and booze AND drugs!?! She should win teacher of the year honors!

No wonder crime is skyrocketing in England...they sound out courtesy cards to criminals! Why not just say, "Yes, we're a bunch of pansy tea sippers! Come beat us up and steal our stuff!"

OH MY GOD!!! I hope that's a photoshop picture.

Wherever he is, probably hosting a 90's flashback show, Sir-Mix-A-Lot is smiling.

I guess those foreign mail brides aren't always successful. It seems the main problem is that she was a bitch.

That's really good to know. Now, who is this guy again? Was he in a band or something?

Hmmm...maybe they thought it was an episode of Punk'd?

Why am I not surprised this guy is Japanese? But still...Japanese schoolgirls...who can resist?

Wow...now that's one hell of a long scam! Jack, bow down to your master!

Dumbass of the day award has to go to this guy. I like how he had money from a "painting" sold earlier...yeah right...

What is with all these weird guys refusing sex? I really don't get it.

Well, as they say, "A fool and his money are soon parted." He could have paid me 20 bucks and I could have painted that for him.

Just in case you were wondering...yikes!

This happened to me once...except that it was an angry chihuahua. It was quite frightening, really.

I say reward these gentlemen...it's obvious they were actually attending their chemistry classes. That's more than any other football players in that program.

Just another piece of evidence of the obvious conclusion: Women are crazy.

O.K. Maybe men and women are crazy, or just these two, anyways. I certainly don't remember ever having the desire to have a knife fight for "fun."

Remember people...Baaaaa Baaaa means No! Those sick Norweigans.

Guvf vf ernyyl pbby. Va n trrxl fbeg bs jnl. Fgvyy, V fhccbfr guvf pbhyq pbzr va unaql vs lbh jnagrq gb fraq n frperg zrffntr be fbzrguvat.

What did I just say?

Well, that's a downer...I thought for sure I was far more evil than this. Most likely this Gematriculator website is mistaken.

I guess this was the youth vote that P. Diddy was trying to get out.

Speaking of P. Diddy or Puff Daddy or whatever the hell he wants to call himself, this shirt pretty much sums it up.

Hehe...speaking of the election, ebay never fails to surprise or entertain.

In case you didn't think government is an evil that must be stopped...take a look at this law.

Sure, I guess it beats waiting a month in line for Star Wars to open...but not by much.

I hope this catches on...there's nothing I enjoy more than watching commercials...

I don't see the big deal...she's far less sleezy than the lawyers in her courtroom. "Yes, your honor...punish me!"

An unsuccessful attempt at bringing the bartering system back into the mainstream. I am a little curious about the baseball bat, though. Did this guy walk around with one over his shoulder like a gang member out of that movie The Warriors?

Hehe...that's one way to give the finger...

Sigh...if only these people would move already and quit whining to the newspapers. We can't miss you if you don't leave!

Isn't that wonderful...ly selfish. When they're 10, she'll most likely be dead.

More stupid studies, at least not done with our tax dollars for once. Still, I could have told them this for free. Burgers=very cool. Carrots=rabbit food.

They should watch more porn starring Ron Jeremy. That should make them feel much better about themselves.

This just in...ABBA stays retired. Nobody really notices.

This I just can't believe. There's no way that such a well spoken and intelligent man such as he could be smoking pot.

While these guys need to get over themselves, this is the main reason men have stopped watching television. Well, that and Halo 2.

Yeah right...I can barely figure out how to send text messages. I'll stick to Snake, thank you very much.

Only in San Francisco...I guess cocaine is still pretty expensive. Still, I'd be happy to get a lap dance in order to contribute to a worthy cause like this.

Everyone needs goals. I think I broke the record for longest time in the lavatory the time I went to Egypt, already. Local food may be tasty, but you'll regret it later.

This organization needs to be stopped before they fully organize and form a resistance. Once united, they cannot be stopped!

And finally...these look like some fun destinations to visit when you're in New York, as long as you look out for the C.H.U.D.'s. And alligators.

Isn't this how the future was destroyed in the Terminator? We're all doomed. Doomed, I say!

Get in my belly! Hehe...you know, she could probably service both these guys without having to crouch or anything...

Life is just one damned thing after another.
-Elbert Hubbard

Damn straight...

Wow...I can't believe I've actually been consistent for about a week in posting on this stupid blog. Might as well keep it up. Last night I had yet another signing with these two yuppie professionals that were an interesting contrast to one another. The man...well, male of them, was this really anal new-age sensitive guy who literally had to read every page and his wife was extremely gruff and signed whatever was put in front of her in order to get it over with. I suppose they balance each other out. They also had these two dogs that must take the place of actual children in their lives. They talked about these dogs as though they were people or something. They were both in their 40s so an actual child probably wasn't likely; they seemed to self absorbed to be bothered with raising anything more complex than a puppy anyhow.

After a seeming eternity of paperwork, I finally extracated myself from their place and headed on down to the O.C., bitch! Sorry, ever since that show O.C. has been on the air, I have the urge to add that little expletive to the end of every mention of Orange County...bitch! I met up with Moody and we got some dinner and watched the Sacramento "Queens" get punked by the Seattle SuperSonics...actually, more punked by Danny Fortson in particular. This guy seemingly gets larger with each passing year. He looks to be about 400 pounds now and also has taken to wearing his dreadlocks into two little pony tails...which might be cute on a girl, but on a monstrous black guy...well, really, who's going to make fun of him? To his face, anyways. Moody's theory for this new fashion in basketball, as it seems that all dreadlocked individuals have been doing this, is that the league put some new rule in effect about long hair covering their jersey names. Sounds good enough for me, and at least it gives them the benefit of the doubt as opposed to them doing this voluntarily as a fashion statement. Of course, this is the sport where guys wear lime green suits with no buttons...

Afterwards, we went and watched the Incredibles as everyone has been raving about it. As Newjen told me before hand,"The Incredibles is pretty incredible!" I'd have to agree. It actually did live up to it's name as the storyline was very entertaining and managed to get you involved with the various characters as most Pixar films do. The action scenes were full of heart-pumping excitement...more so do to the fact that I cared what was happening. This is in direct contradiction with a movie like Van Helsing where there isn't a moment of quiet in it's entire run and you really stop caring what the hell is going on at about 20 minutes in. My personal favorite character was the sorely underused villian at the beginning named Bomb Voyage, who was a french mime that used explosives...If only he had been in it more. Moody loved Frozone, the character voiced by Samuel L. Jackson mostly because the guy was pretty much Iceman from the X-men except that he actually skated on the ice he created...he even put his hand behind his back like the Olympic skaters. All in all, a very good time. The preview for the next Pixar movie looked like crap, however. It's called "Cars" and it appears to be a world inhabited by those annoying talking cars from a Chevron commercial. I HATE those commercials. Oh well, they're due for a bad movie anyways.

Well, I may have to change my opinions on diets. This is one I can get on board with!

If you have problems with those damn aliens trying to control your mind like I do, then this site is a lifesaver! As a bonus, you get a jammin' new hat!

I have a pretty crappy phone, but this takes it to a whole new level.

This competition makes Curling and Golf seem exciting.

Oh boy...those wacky English people. I suppose this is what passes for humor over there. Don't worry if you don't laugh...it might only be funny of you're British.

Nice start, but they should have added a television and a playstation.

I'd make fun of this if I wasn't tempted to build one myself. To the bat poles!

I use the Thurston method myself, but I suppose whatever works.

That is the coolest thing I've ever seen! Ironically, their insurance policy didn't cover this incident.

Heh...I bet this guy had freezer burn. He certainly wasn't a Foster Farms chicken. We're Fugitives!

Whoops! I guess she doesn't believe in banks.

Wow...this guy should be in the circus, not in jail. How the hell do you swallow syringes?

Hey, I may be a meth-head, but I ain't no crack head!

Hehe...this is just too bizarre. At least they worked at an ice business so they had something to put on those bruises.

Well...ain't that a pisser.

Heh...Viagra even works on flowers. That's some powerful stuff. The rest of this article is pretty good.

We may have earthquakes, floods and fires here in California, but at least we don't get attacked by drunked Moose...or is it Meese?

I dunno about you, but if this guy wanted to show me his scrapbook, I'd have to decline.

For sale: A judgment that you can't collect on. I bet she has a bridge she'd like to sell you too.

I'm not quite sure I get this...I mean, monkeys don't use tampons! They're probably more into the pads.

Either this guy was real persuasive, or this cop was just that dumb. I'm leaning toward the latter.

What do you get when you try and cock-block a bear?

Word of caution...if somebody ever asks you to play "hot potato" while you're in the Middle East, just say No!

When you're trying to make a quick getaway, using the valet for your car is probably not a good choice. Still, if women used this method of protest more often, they might actually convince someone.

Well, that proves two points; never bring a knife to a gunfight and never make fun of a man's dog.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
-George Bernard Shaw

Well, consider my life pretty damn honorable then.

I didn't really do much last night. I had a signing which was a big pain in the ass as it was located right in Westwood. For a guy who's been there on more occassions than one should have who's not going to UCLA, I still can't find my way around there without getting lost. The signing went pretty smoothly, except for the part where the receptionist and the security guard were convinced that the guy I was looking for didn't actually work there. Luckily, they were wrong as I would have had to kill both of them if he didn't. I had to sit in all this damn traffic just to get there and the drive back was already going to be a nightmare, so the chances of me just walking out of there without finishing my job were slim and none. This compounded with the fact that this contact chick Brianne had been pestering my all day about status on this signing as she couldn't leave work until I finished. Originally she wanted me to fax the documents once I was done...after I wiped my eyes and finished laughing, I let her know that that wasn't going to happen. There was no way I was driving back to the office just to fax her some documents at 7 in the evening. These loan officers are a pain in the ass; they screw up the documents all the time and expect you to fix them and put yourself out for less and less money...actually, that's pretty much any client, I suppose. Well, she got her call when I was done and I told her to go home and leave me alone.

Once I arrived home, I had unexpected company. Turns out Moody and Newjen were already there watching basketball on directv. They both have a key to my place as I seem to be out of town frequently and they supposedly come by and take out the trash and get my mail while they're actually partying and making a mess. I'm not anal about my place, so the more the merrier. B and Jimmy showed up a little later so we all had a big fantasy football conversation in which we all got to make fun of B's terrible team this season. He's already lost a bet to Newjen; they wagered 20 bucks that B's team would not lose more than 3 games this season...the loser lost that bet by week 7. So, pretty much, we just shot the shit and talked about nothing important for most of the night. Eventually, Newjen pulled out a new copy of FIFA05, a soccer game for the playstation. Apparently, when I was in Peru, these clowns played last year's copy for about 40 hours over a weekend. I'm not sure what's sadder, the fact that they wasted a whole weekend playing video games or that the game they were playing was soccer. Moody, who considers himself a cultured, knows way too much about soccer. Hell, I know way too much about soccer just by being around him and actually listening to him. Either way, Moody is usually the master of all things soccer including video games, so when Newjen whooped his ass 3 times in a row he felt it was time to go home. Well, that and all the mockery he got while he losing. He doesn't really like to lose.

One thing that did come up that was rather bizarre was Newjen's story about his girlfriend, KimPossible. That's our nickname for her which, oddly enough, started before the Disney cartoon of the same name. That's no excuse for such a stupid name, but hey, at least I'm not a totally unoriginal bastard. Either way, her sister pulled a stunt ditching school last Friday in which she got caught by KP in the act. Moody was pretty sympathetic to the sister as he was in trouble at least half the time he was in high school and spent the other half getting into trouble. Anyhoo...KP decided to call her mom out about being to lenient on her sister and pretty much questioned her parenting skills which led to her mother bitch slapping her with a butcher knife. I dunno about you, but I know my mom never tried to shank me when I was a kid. That's an episode of COPS waiting to happen. Not surprisingly, she's considering moving out now. Newjen had to do the "love line" with her for at least half an hour in the empty bedroom in my place with her while she presumably whined and complained. It's pretty simple to me; if you pull a knife on me, I'm not going to stay. This ain't Thunderdome, you can't just attack people with deadly weapons.

Luckily, I have tomorrow off from work for Veteran's day, so I'm going to honor the veterans by sleeping in. They fought to give me that right.

I suppose this could be dangerous, but seriously, what are they going to crash into? Corn?

See people, this is what happens when you become a huge pop star/sex symbol and don't go to school...

How the hell did a llama get in Minnesota? It's not like they go on vacation or anything. I say he had it coming to him.

Well Jack, I guess that's one more scam you'll have to cross off your "To-Do-List."

Of course, if this happened in Los Angeles, the boy would have been awarded 2 million dollars in compensatory damages and a copy of Half Life 2. Stupid juries.

Wow...that's a motivated criminal. Motivated by what, I'm not quite sure.

I dunno...I think I'd be afraid I didn't lock up the beetles well enough and wake up with my nose eaten.

This sounds scientifically legitimate. I know I was testing alcohol with Chih Hao the other night. We're gonna need more testing.

I'm not sure which is sadder, performing in a cover band that's covering your actual band, or appearing in a Hillary Duff movie.

More scientists talking out of their asses so they can write an article. And they say religious people are fantasists.

Yeah...now that's a MAN! Directions are for suckers!

Wow...darwinism at work yet again. I bet that hurt.

Heh...and they say global warming has no use.

History of the Mini Cooper...that's a pretty long history for a toy car.

Mary Kay LaTourneau's sister, apparently. I'm more amazed as to how an 8 year old could be such a pimp already.

Wow...it's a bad week for Jack and his scams. Best Buy is apparently on to you.

This would explain a lot about my coworkers. Of course, they may just be mentally deranged beforehand.

Breaking news just in! Eating healthy makes you lose weight! I repeat, eat healthy, lose weight.

Who says guns and alcohol don't mix? This sounds like a great party! Especially the knife fight finale. Personally, I blame those extreme anti-drunk driving commercials.

Hi, I'm Japanese and I'm totally talking out of my ass right now.

Well, since Churchill did it, I guess I don't feel so bad I taught my friend's bird to curse anymore.

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
-Samuel Goldwyn

I'm trying to figure out something to write today, but I have no idea. The only thing I did yesterday was watch Peyton the Man-ning whoop that Viking ass on MNF and watch those poor Clippers lose yet another close game due to stupidity and bad luck. That was helpful as it put me over the top to win in my fantasy football league this week. Even better, B not only lost again, but was humiliated by having the lowest score and lost to the guy with the second lowest score. There will be much clowning and mocking these next few weeks...

I know we're going on the offensive in Fallujah as I write...which really means we're just killing a whole bunch of terrorists and blowing up shit while they run around like chickens with their heads sliced off. I can't say I feel bad for them and I wish our soldiers well. The amount of force our military can inflict on the enemy is frightening and terrible, which I must say is a good thing. Nobody should enjoy war. We need to make sure they pay such a price that they don't consider doing it again...at least for another couple of hundred years. Five of our soldiers have died so far in the battle, which is always sad, but actually rather encouraging when you think about the type of operation they're engaged in. Two hundred years ago, something like this would have resulted in hundreds, perhaps thousands of casualties on our side. Go American technology and innovation!

One headline that really bothered me today, well, in a completely silly personal way and not to be confused with the previous paragragh, is that the Anaheim Angels are going to be renamed the Los Angeles Angels. Talk about redundancy; the Angels Angels. Oh goodie...maybe we can just start calling them Angels squared or something. If they don't stop changing their name, I'm gonna have to do something drastic. I can barely figure out each year what they've changed. They were the California Angels only a couple of years ago, then the stadium was Anaheim stadium, then Edison field, now Angel Stadium of Anaheim...what the hell is next? Are they going to just go with a weird symbol like Prince did it? This can't be good karma for next season...

I'd say this is ridiculous, but you know someone is working on canine contacts as we speak.
http://www.hinduonnet.com/thehindu/holnus/003200411081715.htm
This is surprising...not their position on the law, but the fact that a bunch of potheads could get motivated enough to actually form a political party. Wouldn't they just blow off voting to eat brownies instead?
http://www.canada.com/vancouver/theprovince/soundoff/story.html?id=e5dbc922-05b1-40ac-8bf3-9e0a17d64c70
Those crazy Japanese. Have they learned NOTHING from Godzilla?
http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=234286
Am I the only one excited about this online game?
http://www.sanriotown.com/onlinegame/index.php?s=introduction
Guns don't kill people...but only when you're facing a maniac with a machete. I bet this guy was an immortal from Highlander. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/aplocal_story.asp?category=6420&slug=WA%20Machete%20Defense
I don't know about you, but I can't wait for a glow in the dark pussy.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/National/2020-vision-live-to-120/2004/11/08/1099781305947.html?oneclick=true
Hmmm...I've never heard of this guy. Do you think he can play center for the Lakers?
http://feeds.bignewsnetwork.com/?sid=7f55fe6fecae8471
Well, it's nice to know some serious science goes on at Ohio State University. I wonder if you can major in drinking?
http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_pg=57&u_sid=1249879
Larry Hagman is still alive? Oh well...check the end of this article...it's Solyent Green! We're eating people!
http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/NEWSV5/storyV5dallas04.htm
It's about friggin' time. We've been living in the 50s far too long. Of course, with the way taxi drivers drive, do we really want them flying around?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3990329.stm
What is it with Japanese people? No, really.
http://mdn.mainichi.co.jp/news/20041107p2a00m0dm002000c.html
Hey Chih Hao, better put this beer on your list.
http://news.newkerala.com/india-news/?action=fullnews&id=41385
In case you were wondering...yes, Oklahoma is the most boring place on earth.
http://www.mcalesternews.com/articles/2004/11/06/news/local_news/news04.txt
I would have considered voting for her if she wasn't a Philosophy major...and a chick. Women are insane.
http://hotabercrombiechick.blogspot.com/2004/11/even-i-beat-ralph-nader.html
I guess this is what a compassionate conservative is. Well, color me compassionate!
http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/news/bizarre/110804_APsn_brothel.html
There is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to start.
http://www.maskon.com/marti/Ella/Ella.htm
It's nice to know they're spending that money wisely in Chicago on important studies like this. I'm just curious...do they go around measuring size or what? Do they take volunteers for this?Is this why Carol decided to go to Chicago?
http://www.technewsworld.com/story/Women-Not-as-Faithful-as-Gorillas-37952.html
Wow...it's Michael Jackson!
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_365484.html
This guy must have gone to the Carribean medical school that Dr. Nick from the Simpsons went to. But hey, at least it's free health care, right?
http://pub.tv2.no/nettavisen/english/article299699.ece
Love-making specialist? I hope he doesn't practice while he's alone. But more importantly, is this squad taking volunteers?
http://www.manilatimes.net/national/2004/nov/08/yehey/opinion/20041108opi7.html

O.K. that's enough. Back to "work."

"Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream."
- Rush Limbaugh

Hehe...ouch.


I've been trying to get over this sickness, this malaise going on in my health. I think it's a throat thing, but I dunno. Hopefully it goes away soon. Feeling sick is very debilitating to my life...I can't go on like this!!! I need my life back, dammit! Sorry, it must be the virus talking.

Friday night I bought a six pack of Red Stripe and went over to that bastard Marlon's place to watch the Lakers get beat up on by the Spurs. It actually was a lot closer than I thought it would be as Kobe will not be denied when he wants to score. They ended up losing by 12, but it was down to 6 with 2 minutes left. It certainly gave those chumps in San Antonio a little scare. I'm beginning to wonder if the Spurs are even all that good of a team. Tim Duncan seems to have peaked as a player and really doesn't dominate the game like he used to. It is early in the season, but I can't see him getting much better as he played in the Olympics and will be probably hurting for the rest of the year. The big fundamental better bring it this year, because it's theirs to lose.

I headed off with Marlon and his girl to meet Mr. Chow and co. at Q's, a pool hall/bar in Westwood. Once I got there, I found out that we were WAAAAAAY behind in the alcohol consumption dept. I ended up getting talked into ordering a pitcher of beer(yeah, they really twisted my arm)and somehow got stuck finishing most of it all by my little lonesome. This didn't do my health any good as I ended up getting home after 2 and probably contributed to this terrible mood I'm in.

I took all of Saturday off to just sleep and drink water all day. I thought this would flush out all those evil alcoholic demons and for the most part, it did. Well enough for me to make it to my league basketball game the next day which we promptly lost by the same score as the Lakers. We're obviously not the Lakers, but we do have a problem with having no real point guard. The only sorry excuse for one on our team is dat Newjen who was at a Vietnamese wedding the night before and was so hung over he couldn't even keep water down. It was like watching a small Vin Baker out there, weaving, stumbling and thowing the ball away to the other team. Quite sad. We now have a losing record, but at this point we've already won more games than last season...that's certainly a statement about how bad last season was.

I love my job.
It's called evolution in action...tonight on FOX! World's stupidest protesters! http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/afp/20041107/wl_afp/france_germany_nuclear
Would you like to see everything on your next scuba trip underwater? All you have to do is look like a total tool. http://www.falsegods.com/waterboy/bh.html
I don't know how Tivo doesn't make this list.
http://www.thehenryford.org/innovations/default.asp
Not only am I the president of the Hair Club for men, I patented that bitch!
http://coolgov.com/index.php?p=36
Here we feature the first of Adam's Heroes. The mighty inventor of the Veg-O-Matic and many other useless items that bored housewives have blown good money on.
http://www.ronco.com/history_of_ronco.di4
Hehe...that's gotta be the dumbest thing I've ever seen...I'll take 5.
http://www.amazingflygun.com/main.asp
Hey Marlon...isn't that your dad? I didn't know you were rich.
http://www.drfad.com/
O.K. Seriously, we need to start getting Japanese TV. How is this show not running here? Beats the hell out of Survivor or Donald Trumps silly hair.
http://mdn.mainichi.co.jp/waiwai/0411/1106realityTV.html
You know, Chih Hao was drunk enough to have done this Friday night. Make a note for next time.
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/04307/405463.stm
Awww...that's so touching. We're talking Kodak moments and stuff. But more importantly, I bet they went at it like wild rabbits once they got home, Cialis or not.
http://www.mansfieldnewsjournal.com/news/stories/20041106/localnews/1546701.html
If nominated, I will not run, if elected...Holy crap, I won! YES!!!
http://www.nwanews.com/story.php?paper=adg§ion=News&storyid=97779
I can understand taking a break...what I can't understand is why the hell they'd do this in the first place.
http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/stlouiscitycounty/story/3E837EBFD693D8B586256F44001A425F?OpenDocument&Headline=Lewis+and+Clark+re-enactors+will+come+back+home+for+a+break
This chick got lucky...I mean, imagine if she had actually had sex with Ozzy? Nothing good could have come from that.
http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/celebrity/13022004.htm
Hey Tristan...have you tried using this to find dates yet? You could tell them all about that horror movie you made.
http://film.guardian.co.uk/features/featurepages/0,4120,1344653,00.html
O.K., maybe we also need English television too. Makes you wonder what the heck is going on in the rest of the world.
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/review/story/0,6903,1345128,00.html
Damn...they're on to you Jack! Time for a new ebay scam. Oh wait, this can't be you; these people are actually selling something.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=509&ncid=509&e=4&u=/ap/20041107/ap_on_bi_ge/ebay_phony_bidding
For people supposedly devoted to science, they may need to take another class and learn exactly what the definition of "theory" is.
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20041107/ap_on_re_us/evolution_debate
According to Jim, he's being targeted by Catwoman. Time to put out the Bat Signal!
http://entertainment.tv.yahoo.com/entnews/ap/20041107/109988922000.html
Well, it seems sexism seems to be falling by the wayside. Women have a ways to go, but they're catching up to us guys!
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20041107/ap_on_re_us/prison_population
This is a pretty good way to do it, but they should have gone all the way and had a Texas Hold'em tournament and televised it instead.
http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/11/04/high.card.ap/index.html
...and just a follow up. Remember that crazy kicker who tried to kill Siegried and Roy? Not that it's hard to see a professional athlete kill someone,(ex. O.J. Simpson)but a kicker? They're not even really football players.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/041103/480/nvjc10411032222

I sort of played hookey yesterday from work. I have a bunch of days off still, so I'm not too bothered by it. The thing is, I really am a little sick; I have a sore throat that doesn't seem to be getting much better. All I can do is just keep drinking water and praying to my God for salvation...well, I'll keep drinking water, anyways. That bastard Marlon is supposed to be having people over to watch the Laker game at his new apartment tonight and to avoid sitting in traffic I'll probably head over there after work. This should be the revenge game the Spurs have been waiting for since they got spanked years ago during the Lakers 2nd title with the Kobe-Shaq team. I expect a serious ass-whuppin', so it should be a fun game for commentary. That cheapskate Marlon doesn't want to buy any alcohol because he's broke, so we have to bring over anything we want. I don't buy this whole poverty scheme, but I guess I'll bring him over a box of wine. Only the good stuff for him.



Well, the weekend is almost upon us and if you're like me and manage to do practically nothing on Friday at work, this should give you something to look at.
Gee, I figured at her age she'd be flattered. Hehe...or maybe not.
http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/celebrity/13062004.htm
The hypocondriac's list right here. Of course, extra-marital affairs can damage more than your heart. Ask John Wayne Bobbit.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/allnews/tm_objectid=14823624%26method=full%26siteid=50143%26headline=don%2dt%2dread%2dthis%2don%2dthe%2dloo%2d%2d%2dyou%2dll%2dget%2dpiles-name_page.html
I can think of some great pranks you could pull with this puppy.
http://www.onlypunjab.com/real/fullstory1004-newsID-471.html
Man...must be a slow newsday for this to qualify as an article. Then again, Bill Clinton thought it was a good question.
http://www.statepress.com/issues/2004/11/04/arts/688641
What's wrong with these Indians? Why would you complain about this?
http://www.boston.com/news/odd/articles/2004/11/04/complaints_after_women_motorists_dance_nude/
Gee...I hope this isn't my grandmother's site. This seems like the type of thing she'd do. The description fits, too.
http://www.stargazy.org/hamstersinhats/
Now this is would certainly liven up CSpan. I wouldn't mind seeing some Senators get slapped upside the head.
http://blennus.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=63&Itemid=
Now...do you wash this dress or is it disposable?
http://cellar.org/iotd.php?threadid=7097
This article is worth looking at just so you can see the picture of the Michelin man.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2004512257,00.htm
Hehe...ooohhhh, sweet irony. That could be a public service announcement. Steal electricity, die by electricity.
http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/1104taser-safety-ON.html
Being a cop in Hong Kong must be pretty fun. This usually gets you fired.
http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=29&art_id=qw109954746380B252
Well, this sounds MUCH better than Queer as Folk or Will and Grace.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/allnews/tm_objectid=14830526&method=full&siteid=50143&headline=schoolgirl-lesbian-sex-drama-for-c4-name_page.html
This first guy is great. I can just imagine a drunk Jack challenging cops to a UFC match.
http://www.ucsbdailynexus.com/news/2004/8281.html
Wow...that statue is VERY happy to be there.
http://riverfronttimes.com/issues/2004-11-03/news/unreal.html
That's one way to win a court case.
http://komotv.com/stories/33793.htm
He's made mistakes...but not as big a mistake as his wife. Then again, she probably slipped and fell repeatedly onto that knife.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=391&e=3&u=/ibsys/20041104/lo_ksat/2439167
YES! The wheels of justice turn slowly, but eventually even they get fed up with spam about enlarging your penis.
http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/technology/2004-11-03-spam_x.htm
Once again, poor you're crazy. Rich you're eccentric.
http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/1102kirstie02-ON.html
This would explain the extra energy I used to have as a kid after lunchtime.
http://apnews.myway.com//article/20041104/D864NUP80.html
NO! Say it ain't so, Jake the Snake!
http://news.scotsman.com/latest.cfm?id=3699605&vm=r
Just a follow up on that link about the dumbest rapist of all time.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1103043blinddate1.html
I guess it's harder to not be an American than I thought.
http://www.harpers.org/ElectingToLeave.html
Isn't this what led to all those murders in Sleepaway Camp?
http://www.globalspot.com/strangenews/mistakeson.shtml
Maybe this is a silly question...but how the hell do you accidentally swallow a toothbrush?
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1162246.html
That's a pretty safe bet...I mean, what did she really have to lose?
http://reuters.myway.com/article/20041104/2004-11-04T140418Z_01_N04253355_RTRIDST_0_ODD-ODD-BET-DC.html
If this had happened at Jack's old place...do you think he would have noticed?
http://www.wftv.com/news/3886750/detail.html
I really can't top this last link right here. Word to the wise, don't mess with Spanish authorities.
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=6353