Well...this day just crawls along at a snail's pace. Luckily, everybody is leaving early so we'll all have time to get ready and do nothing on Memorial day weekend. Actually, I'll be going white water rafting up in Kern county, then continue up to Oakland and fly out to see my brother's high school graduation. Not exactly a fitting tribute to all the men and women who have died and are currently fighting for this country's freedoms, but it'll have to do, I suppose. Not that anybody here in California celebrates the military in any way. We're so left-wing that the fire department in Berkeley was forbidden from flying an American flag from their engines just in case it provoked someone into violence. Provoked someone? The American flag? I guess this is proof that the communists in red just turned into the environmentalists in green and moved to Northern California. My friend JJ is out in Kentucky serving in the military right now and he always tells me that the love the Army in that state. I'm not surprised, as Kentucky is part of actual America or as the elites in California and New York refer to as "fly over country." These people, along with white male businessmen are the only groups you're allowed to make fun of in this country anymore. Heaven forbid you comment on someone's race, sex, height, weight, sexual orientation in any way that doesn't make them look like perfect, infalliable humans. That is the amusing part of these leftist's worldview; we don't make fun of anybody unless they disagree with us...then they're obviously evil and must be stopped by any means necessary. I'm sure that worked with the politburo, but luckily for us Americans, we made our government so inefficient that it can't get anything done.

I'm not looking forward to traveling out to Michigan to visit my mother, brother and sister. Not because I don't like them, but because Michigan just plain sucks. It's hot, muggy and full of mosquitoes. There's nothing to do except go to the movies or go bowling...if I lived there, I'm sure I'd have a different opinion, but as it stands, I have to deal with the crappy weather and indifferent siblings as well as my mom's...well, dysfunctional family. My grandfather is an alcoholic, but with good reason as his 40 year old son still lives in his basement and his 35 year old daughter lives with her deadbeat husband in one of his bedrooms upstairs complete with a cooler filled with beer to deaden the senses to their miserable lives. That isn't even the half of it really. My bum of an aunt who lives upstairs somehow managed to get evicted from her trailer home. How embarrassing is that? They don't even qualify as trailer trash anymore. Anyways, I'll have to visit these poor saps as well as my grandmother who is quite insane. I know I have to love them as I don't get to pick my family...but it doesn't mean I have to like or respect them. It's hard to do either once you get to know them. The one uncle I have that I do like on my mom's side of the family is an ex-alcoholic as well. The only thing he had going for him was the fact that he actually showed up to work. He's an ass and a serious racist, which made the fact that his youngest daughter ended up getting knocked up by a black man all the more ironic. Perhaps not ironic...more fitting, I suppose. Either way, he's calmed down a lot since then.

This is what I have to look forward to...dealing with people I don't like in a place I can't stand all to attend a graduation by a brother who never talks to me. At least I don't have to do this every year.

Well, it looks like the Lakers are going to win this Western Conference in 5 games...the Timberwolves looked lost yet again and completely overwhelmed. Too bad; I like Kevin Garnett. Seeing him floundering around yelling at nobody and missing bad shots, I can't help but think of that old line from Gauntlet,"Wizard needs food badly!" MVP needs composure badly!

Just to give you an example of how hard at work people are here at my office, Shaleah(you'd never guess from the name, but she's black)brought in this ass padding that she was wearing under her pants to give the illusion she had "back." This resulted in a whole lot of people smacking her on the butt and grabbing it...of course, only female employees as if any guy did that, it's a lawsuit waiting to happen. It seems since God deemed that Shaleah's breasts were so huge, she shouldn't have a butt...at least, that was her theory. Reo, a male employee here, wasn't a big fan. He thinks that it's false advertisement and that it gets you excited so that once you reach on in...you get disappointed. Obviously he's an ass man. The other girl in here with that same problem also tried on this ass padding. She was wiggling it around and stuff...even had someone take a picture. Say what you want about this company, it's never boring.

So, last night my friend the jinx managed to ensure that the Pacers would lose. Newjen guaranteed that they would win which was pretty much like taking a baseball bat to Jermaine O'Neal's knees. The "Newjen guarantee" is a very famous, or shall I say, infamous act of evil sorcery that this guy can pull. In every case when he's ever guaranteed anything...the exact opposite always happens. In sports, relationships, you name it, he's destroyed something by jinxing it. Anyways, he insists that it's not real and it's a coincidence...which Moody vehemently denies. It's only a coincidence if it happens once or twice, but a Newjen guarantee is as certain as the sun rising in the East. Sure enough, once he guaranteed a win, not only did they lose, they didn't cover the spread AND they went over for total game points...so pretty much, he was a complete loser. Thus the Newjen guarantee legend continues.

So, I sort of played hookey from work today and it almost backfired. Technically, I didn't skip out for no reason; my place was being fumigated as I mentioned and I had to be at my place from 12-4 to wait for the gas man to come and turn it back on. I love those vague time frames they give you...4 freakin' hours? Come on...even my friend Dave who usually takes an hour to tie his shoes can give me a better estimate of when he's showing up! You know that if you show up a little after 12, you'll get one of those notes on your door saying "We stopped by and you weren't there...you loser!" Of course, if you actually show up at 12, you'll generally have to wait until 4. It's almost like they have this satellite system that lets them know your every move so they can screw you over. Sorry, lost my train of thought. I didn't bother going in because even if I got in at 7:30, that's still barely 4 hours at most. I figured I might as well just hang out and take care of this crap that way I don't get screwed by getting stuck in traffic or something. Either way, all this shit happened in Ventura today which just so happens to be my responsibility; I really didn't get to avoid work at all today. I just had to do a bunch of it on the phone instead.

Once I got back to my place, I found that the guys doing the job had actually sealed up a couple more of my perishables in bags that I didn't bother doing because I was just going to throw them out. That was mighty kind of them...now I can just toss the bag out instead. The gas representative shows up around 1 which has to be a first; he also is a pretty funny guy. He lights my pilot light in my heater and then as he's checking the other connections, he starts telling me this funny story that happened to him the other day. This real estate lady smelled gas in one of the houses that she was selling, so she immediately called the gas company to come check it out. Since he happened to be just down the block, he took the call and showed up within 10 minutes. He starts knocking on the door...no answer...he walks around the back and starts shouting Gas Company!...no answer...he's getting a little frustrated so he decides to go back in the front when the real estate agent finally opens the door and tells him she didn't hear him at first. He's pretty impressed as she's wearing a nice outfit; all dressed to the 9s with a blouse and a skirt and heels...anyways, she is acting all proper and haughty, so she tells him she'll lead him to where she smelled the gas. Once she turns around, he has a nice view of her ass...it seems that when he was knocking, she took the time to use the bathroom and had to finish up really quickly to answer the door. Too quickly. She had tucked the back of her skirt right into her pantyhose, so he got quite the view. He laughed and let her in on what the problem was; she of course turned bright red and accused him of staring at her...well duh! That's like asking if the pope is catholic. Either way, that must have made his day.

I managed to go to the gym early today; this was nice as I've not been able to consistently go since I've been back from my vacation to Peru. I had a nice workout; back, chest and arms as well as a three mile run. I hopefully can get back into the swing of things as I noticed that I've actually gotten weaker. Oh well, at least the travel has made me lose weight again. I'm down to a level that I should be now; I probably weigh less than my dad now and he's 3 inches shorter than I am.

Damn...I'm a lazy ass. It's been half a year and I haven't posted a single thing...this in a time when I've been to Macchu Picchu and back. Oh well, I guess whining about it won't get anything written. I should just start up again and pretend that this little lapse(little in the grand scheme of things...think dinosaurs)won't happen again. Seems fair to me...how about you? You know, the imaginary readership I have.

So, this week my place has turned into a circus...it's being fumigated and it has a giant tent over it. This means, of course, that I had to find another place to stay. Normally I'd just stay at someone's place, but I didn't really feel like imposing on anybody this time so I just decided to rent a room at Motel 6. It's probably a waste of money, but hey, there are worse things I could be wasting my money on...like watching Van Helsing again. Of course, that would be wasting money and my brain...and might actually push me over sanity's edge. I've always wondered what a killing spree would be like. Anyways, since I'm hanging out in a crappy trucker's motel, I get to see all the weirdoes that check into places like this. I swear, I feel like I'm in an episode of Cops when I step outside. Luckily, nobody has tried to sell me crack just yet.

I spent most of yesterday after work watching t.v. and reading...which is generally what I do when I have to stay in a motel. It's almost like I'm on a business trip or vacation...even though I'm about 5 minutes from home. I got to watch the end of the Pacers/Pistons game; looks like Rasheed "Smokey" Wallace was bailed out by the basketball player known as Prince with his silly guarantee of a win. It's kind of sad, but Reggie Miller had the chance to make or break the game yet again as he did in the first one. You'd think an old man like Reggie wouldn't be put in such a position by this young, deep team, but apparently nobody is ready to step up. He somehow blew a lay-up to tie the game up at the end; well, actually it was just a good play by Tayshaun Prince. He flew out of nowhere to block this easy basket and sacrificed his already frail looking body into the stands. Of course, everytime I look at this guy, I think, "Wow...the Pistons gave up the chance to take Carmelo Anthony because THIS GUY is their future?" He doesn't suck, but, come on! 'Melo or Prince? They've been sharing Rasheed's pipe way too much or something. That's not fair...Rasheed didn't show up until the middle of the season, so really, they had no excuse other then stupidity.

I then wasted my time watching that great show Curb Your Enthusiasm...it's pretty much Seinfeld only the main character isn't likeable in the least. Plus they get to curse. Other then that, it's really damn hilarious. The first episode was a plot involving a surrogate mother who changed her mind due to the main character Larry David's spiel about how having a script is like a "baby" and giving it up is the hardest thing to do. This is only one section of the plot; it revolved around racism, the penis size of white and black men and the magazine selection at the doctor's office just to name a few. Classic stuff. The next episode even revolved around a College Girls Gone Wild video tape...really, how has nobody else used this plotline? It was way overdue.

After watching an episode of Monk, which is one of those entertaining shows that I make no effort to watch consistently...sort of like E.R., I decided to go get a bite to eat and read my current book, Shadow of the Hegemon. As I walked out, I realized there was a Denny's right next door, so I just walked there and had a Lumberjack's special and a coke. Damn...that was way too much food, to be honest. I couldn't even finish it...which must be a sign that I really have changed my horrible eating habits...or at least my stomach size. I'm almost all the way through this book and I look forward to buying the next one. It's a spinoff series of books based on a minor character from Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card; sci-fi crap...but this book plays more like a game of Risk with genius mastermind children. Yes, very realistic, as you can tell by the description, but also very entertaining. I'd recommend you read Ender's Game first; a sci-fi masterpiece if you ask me...even if you don't ask me. It's usually on the top book lists.