Farkin' Links Vol. 86 6/2
I had a strange experience last night at Carl's Jr., of all places. Jack, Kim and I went to get a bite to eat in the middle of yet another NBA Live marathon involving the usual suspects as well as Uriel. When we pulled up, I asked for a Western Bacon Cheeseburger...suddenly, the disembodied voice puts his two cents in,"Yes...a Western Bacon Cheeseburger...good choice, good choice...I highly recommend it." Turns out our counter man considered himself not only a comedian but a rapper as well. I don't think I've ever encountered a happier fast food employee in my life. Looks like he works late night on Thursdays, so I know where I can go for dinner and show for cheap.
For those of you who missed out on Dim Sum and the most bizarre conversation involving Winston's naked boy lamp which he apparently "plays" with, he's been nice enough to explain himself with a charming photo essay on his blog. We keep telling him when he's in a hole to stop digging, but well, have a look and be sure to drop him a line about it.
"I am not young enough to know everything."
--Oscar Wilde
Good news for those of you worried about that lawbreaking, jaywalking chicken. It looks like he beat the rap...justice is served!
In other animal news, I should feel bad for this poor squirrel, but I just can't stop laughing about how ridiculous this situation turned out to be.
Now that's what I'm talking about! Truth in advertising.
If this isn't proof nobody looks at a damn thing when they go to museums, I don't know what is. Then again, it could be that people are so stupid now that they might think Walmart has been around this long.
This is great...a brothel museum in Butte, Montana was penetrated through the back door by bandits who made off with antique sex toys. Sometimes these things just write themselves.
I don't know how I missed this, but I about squirted soda out of my nose when I heard it. You need sound and a knowledge of the new Star Wars movie.
Oh boy...just when you think government can't get any more intrusive or stupid, something like this pops up. Remember, when kitchen knives are banned, only the criminals will...oh hell, forget it.
Is there any way we can send Paris Hilton to live in Vietnam? It sounds like a great women's prison movie in the making.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, I'm guessing this is one of their crazy game shows where people humiliate and seriously injure themselves for prizes. Hey, it beats the hell out of buying a vowel. (Hat tip: Tristan)
Hehe...not a good time to lose one's head, I suppose.
Jeez...as if the purses weren't ugly and expensive enough. This looks like it would be really easy to accidentally drop.
While I don't entirely agree with this guy's assessment of Star Wars, he makes some very good points.
If you're planning an abduction or just a really funny prank, this page on how to create cholorform should come in handy...or you can just ask Ben Wu to mix you up some and save some time.
That's it Britney; you've finally jumped the shark. I was willing to put up with the retarded trailer trash you chose as a husband but...soccer? WTF!
Okay...that was just disturbing.
I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut...
So now g-strings are hazardous to your health. Well ladies, I guess that means you should just stop wearing underwear completely. We just want you to be healthy.
This is something that could only have come from Asia. I can see this being used in the wrong way...much like Winston's little naked boy lamp.
Go ahead, ask him about it.
Science is going to kill us all...but at least our drinks will be cold.
These guys are on to something...I knew that Simpson's episode wasn't just a Halloween fantasy! Get your pho-cking flippers off me, you damn dirty dolphin!
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 85 6/1
Alright...it's already hump day. This week is gonna fly right by. For those of you that care, G.I. Jojo aka Uriel is back in town for the next three weeks or so. He seemed to have missed In & Out, although I've never really understood the appeal. The burgers are thin and their fries are a crime against humanity. I'll take a Fatburger burger anyday, especially with an egg on top. Mmmmm....I think I'm going to have to take lunch early today. Here's da links...enjoy.
During the 1992 Olympics in Spain: "I really miss America. I miss hearing if anybody's shot somebody lately."
--"Sir" Charles Barkley
New York lawmakers are going to legislate the amount of women's bathrooms to eliminate long lines. You know, when people say things like "That outta be a law," I don't think they mean to be taken literally.
Huh...I thought it was only evil America that was killing journalists for sport?
This is one hell of a literal "Japanese people are crazy" link; they just won't get over their ass whuppin' in WWII.
Ron Jeremy...American hero.
I haven't had any Lindsey Lohan links lately because, frankly, she's starting to freak me out. Still, I couldn't resist this one for it's pure inanity. Freckles? I wanna know what the hell happened to her breasts!
This must have been one hell of a bad break up...still, this guy is a pranker legend.
And you thought your place was small. Why am I not surprised a Japanese chick is living in this closet? These people do actually sleep in boxes on occasion.
Hehe...underwear shortage at a Thai women's prison. Maybe they should stop selling them on ebay for cigarettes.
Looking to dump someone but just can't find time in your busy schedule? Let this handy form letter do most of the work!
The silly ebay auction of the day is for those of you that are amateur entomologists.
For the paranoids and the vampire wannabees, here's an interesting bed designed to protect you from the outside world.
Wow...every party has to have a pooper. This guy is so dead meat at school.
I know several of you attended wedding services this weekend, but I doubt any of them were as cool as this one. majQa'!
You know what else is dangerous besides snow tunnels, Ms. Newscaster? Standing in the path of a snow plow.
This wanna be General Lee is almost as bad as my old Suzuki Samurai.
Ouch...this is just...sad.
This is just one of the strangest stories I've ever read...although it does remind me of that Seinfeld episode with his dentist that had the playboy magazines in his waiting room...
Maybe this is what they mean when they say smoking will kill you.
While in this story we learn that not only is marijuana not dangerous, it might actually save your life. Why don't you try that one with your pops, Moody?
This is an interesting collection of photos taken of freaks of nature. Sadly, Michael Jackson missed the cut due to being only a freak of science.
Alright...it's already hump day. This week is gonna fly right by. For those of you that care, G.I. Jojo aka Uriel is back in town for the next three weeks or so. He seemed to have missed In & Out, although I've never really understood the appeal. The burgers are thin and their fries are a crime against humanity. I'll take a Fatburger burger anyday, especially with an egg on top. Mmmmm....I think I'm going to have to take lunch early today. Here's da links...enjoy.
During the 1992 Olympics in Spain: "I really miss America. I miss hearing if anybody's shot somebody lately."
--"Sir" Charles Barkley
New York lawmakers are going to legislate the amount of women's bathrooms to eliminate long lines. You know, when people say things like "That outta be a law," I don't think they mean to be taken literally.
Huh...I thought it was only evil America that was killing journalists for sport?
This is one hell of a literal "Japanese people are crazy" link; they just won't get over their ass whuppin' in WWII.
Ron Jeremy...American hero.
I haven't had any Lindsey Lohan links lately because, frankly, she's starting to freak me out. Still, I couldn't resist this one for it's pure inanity. Freckles? I wanna know what the hell happened to her breasts!
This must have been one hell of a bad break up...still, this guy is a pranker legend.
And you thought your place was small. Why am I not surprised a Japanese chick is living in this closet? These people do actually sleep in boxes on occasion.
Hehe...underwear shortage at a Thai women's prison. Maybe they should stop selling them on ebay for cigarettes.
Looking to dump someone but just can't find time in your busy schedule? Let this handy form letter do most of the work!
The silly ebay auction of the day is for those of you that are amateur entomologists.
For the paranoids and the vampire wannabees, here's an interesting bed designed to protect you from the outside world.
Wow...every party has to have a pooper. This guy is so dead meat at school.
I know several of you attended wedding services this weekend, but I doubt any of them were as cool as this one. majQa'!
You know what else is dangerous besides snow tunnels, Ms. Newscaster? Standing in the path of a snow plow.
This wanna be General Lee is almost as bad as my old Suzuki Samurai.
Ouch...this is just...sad.
This is just one of the strangest stories I've ever read...although it does remind me of that Seinfeld episode with his dentist that had the playboy magazines in his waiting room...
Maybe this is what they mean when they say smoking will kill you.
While in this story we learn that not only is marijuana not dangerous, it might actually save your life. Why don't you try that one with your pops, Moody?
This is an interesting collection of photos taken of freaks of nature. Sadly, Michael Jackson missed the cut due to being only a freak of science.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 84 5/31
I hope ya'll had a good Memorial day weekend. It's been a fun time for sports fans; in basketball the Suns have gotten run off the court by the Spurs all weekend and Dwayne Wade on the Heat is doing his best impersonation of Michael Jordan to go up 2-1 against the champion Pistons. In baseball the Angels are still barely clinging on to first place, the Dodgers are still sucking. Hell, some chick even came in 4th at the Indy 500...I hear it's a car race of some sort. Since it's about as interesting as soccer, I usually don't pay attention. Still, at least this Danica Patrick is competing with the big boys; she's already gained far more respect than the WNBA ever will.
On another subject I know people enjoy, I had yet another signing in the hood this past weekend with this black man and his mother. Since it was at 9 in the morning, I wasn't fearing being mugged, shot or beat up as this is the time most people in this area are going to bed as opposed to waking up. This guy's mother was 77 years young (as my grandmother would say, but then, you'd expect that; she's old) and she was in pretty good shape for her age. I realized this after she sat down at the dining room chair and it collapsed right under her tossing her violently to the ground. My first thought was,"Oh hell, she just broke her hip. How am I gonna talk her into signing some docs now?" Luckily, she turned out to be just fine and even shooed off our assistance as she got back to her feet. I gave her space. I learned long ago never to mess with an old black lady; it's not good for your health.
"Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation."
--Kin Hubbard
That's no help. I can only attribute the fact that I wake up before my alarm goes off to my keen psychic powers.
This may be the geekiest thing I've ever seen...and cool as hell, too.
Speaking of geeky and cool, I could use another lava lamp.
Damn...english is hard to learn, ain't it?
Jeez...I didn't realize Minneapolis was so boring...can't they just hang out at a Starbucks or something?
I'm not sure it's that hard to get yourself fired, but these are some helpful hints that well definitely get you canned and possibly arrested.
This sounds like a terrible idea for improving your typing skills...still, that's a pretty cool looking keyboard.
Whoops...remember when this story was going around about Mrs. (Two weeks!) Sampson's cat? I guess somebody decided to see just what would happen with a microwave and a cat.
This might help explain why Cambodia is a poor, starving hell hole. Who put the cows in charge?
What a strange film...it does sort of remind me of my father and his home improvement projects that I got volunteered to help in. (Hat tip: Uriel)
It's a good thing B reminded me about this clip or I would have forgotten to add it to the links. I don't need this course, but there are some of you who aren't white who might.
This is why you should avoid ninjas. They don't fight fair.
I'm not even sure this qualifies for the silly ebay auction of the day...it's just too stupid.
In the immortal words of Keanu Reeves...Whoa! Uriel, don't forget your video camera when you go to Iraq, just in case the Mummy returns.
Alright, I've never played Worlds of Warcraft, but this clip is funny as hell. This guy Leeroy must be a fun guy to play the game with.
Welcome to the suicide prevention line, our office hours are 9-5 eastern standard time. Please leave a phone number and message and one of our representatives will return your call should you still be alive...
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a way for women keep their husbands from annoying them...spend a night in the box!
I hate to offend Moody's sensibilities yet again, but if you haven't watched the new Paris Hilton soft porn commercial for Carl's Jr...you really should.
Viagra causes blindness, huh? I thought it was masterba...oh...I guess I could see that...no pun intended.
Alzheimer's can be great for business.
I hope ya'll had a good Memorial day weekend. It's been a fun time for sports fans; in basketball the Suns have gotten run off the court by the Spurs all weekend and Dwayne Wade on the Heat is doing his best impersonation of Michael Jordan to go up 2-1 against the champion Pistons. In baseball the Angels are still barely clinging on to first place, the Dodgers are still sucking. Hell, some chick even came in 4th at the Indy 500...I hear it's a car race of some sort. Since it's about as interesting as soccer, I usually don't pay attention. Still, at least this Danica Patrick is competing with the big boys; she's already gained far more respect than the WNBA ever will.
On another subject I know people enjoy, I had yet another signing in the hood this past weekend with this black man and his mother. Since it was at 9 in the morning, I wasn't fearing being mugged, shot or beat up as this is the time most people in this area are going to bed as opposed to waking up. This guy's mother was 77 years young (as my grandmother would say, but then, you'd expect that; she's old) and she was in pretty good shape for her age. I realized this after she sat down at the dining room chair and it collapsed right under her tossing her violently to the ground. My first thought was,"Oh hell, she just broke her hip. How am I gonna talk her into signing some docs now?" Luckily, she turned out to be just fine and even shooed off our assistance as she got back to her feet. I gave her space. I learned long ago never to mess with an old black lady; it's not good for your health.
"Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation."
--Kin Hubbard
That's no help. I can only attribute the fact that I wake up before my alarm goes off to my keen psychic powers.
This may be the geekiest thing I've ever seen...and cool as hell, too.
Speaking of geeky and cool, I could use another lava lamp.
Damn...english is hard to learn, ain't it?
Jeez...I didn't realize Minneapolis was so boring...can't they just hang out at a Starbucks or something?
I'm not sure it's that hard to get yourself fired, but these are some helpful hints that well definitely get you canned and possibly arrested.
This sounds like a terrible idea for improving your typing skills...still, that's a pretty cool looking keyboard.
Whoops...remember when this story was going around about Mrs. (Two weeks!) Sampson's cat? I guess somebody decided to see just what would happen with a microwave and a cat.
This might help explain why Cambodia is a poor, starving hell hole. Who put the cows in charge?
What a strange film...it does sort of remind me of my father and his home improvement projects that I got volunteered to help in. (Hat tip: Uriel)
It's a good thing B reminded me about this clip or I would have forgotten to add it to the links. I don't need this course, but there are some of you who aren't white who might.
This is why you should avoid ninjas. They don't fight fair.
I'm not even sure this qualifies for the silly ebay auction of the day...it's just too stupid.
In the immortal words of Keanu Reeves...Whoa! Uriel, don't forget your video camera when you go to Iraq, just in case the Mummy returns.
Alright, I've never played Worlds of Warcraft, but this clip is funny as hell. This guy Leeroy must be a fun guy to play the game with.
Welcome to the suicide prevention line, our office hours are 9-5 eastern standard time. Please leave a phone number and message and one of our representatives will return your call should you still be alive...
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a way for women keep their husbands from annoying them...spend a night in the box!
I hate to offend Moody's sensibilities yet again, but if you haven't watched the new Paris Hilton soft porn commercial for Carl's Jr...you really should.
Viagra causes blindness, huh? I thought it was masterba...oh...I guess I could see that...no pun intended.
Alzheimer's can be great for business.
Farkin' Links Vol. 83 5/27
Happy, happy Friday is here! Not only that, but it's leading into a three day weekend. I'm already on break at this point, so I'm not writing anything anymore...in fact, I don't even feel like pulling a quote out of my ass today. I'll just use one from my buddy Dave who always has a lot of strange things to say, this one with an assist from Moody...probably my favorite of all time.
"Moody, you're a candy-ass. Anybody want some candy? Grab Moody's ass!"
--The Quotable Dave
Well, I for one, feel much safer knowing a member of the Doobie Brothers is protecting us from international terrorism.
Hey Moody, looks like you're going to be at Disneyland on June 25th, so be sure to take some pictures.
Don't piss off Burt Reynolds.
Jong-Il Kim can't complain; they used the best picture they could find for him on imbd.
For the silly ebay auction of the day, this is sort of like bidding on Darth Vader's bread knife, I suppose.
This must be why they have rally races in Europe; no way they could survive the lawsuits in this country.
You have to wonder what's going through this guy's mind that would make him think this was a good idea. Then again, he got his internet fame, so I guess that's all that matters.
David Hasselhoff is one hell of a salesman...that dazzling smile just melts my resistance to crappy toys.
This is a fun tarot card reading program...uh oh...my future ain't looking so good.
Here is a helpful care sheet for a hippo, in case you win some wacky morning show contest.
These companies have a lot of growth potential.
Hmmm...this is a rather extensive game for plugging a movie. The movie must be really bad.
This seems like a lot of work to not work...but I suppose it's better than unemployment.
I'm not the only one who thinks "Japanese people crazy," but this guy devoted an entire page to describing in detail about his life as a teacher there just to prove it.
Wow...that's a cool goldfish. All mine ever did was learn how to float upside down. At least that's what my mom told me...
Hehe...I'm pretty much sick of the Star Wars references, but this safety film on lightsabers is pretty clever, it would have been perfect if Troy MacClure was narrating.
This is a fun, albeit frustrating free throw shooting game...only marginally easier than actually shooting free throws.
These two are regular dancing machines...I wouldn't let anybody film me if I could dance like this; it would totally ruin any chances of running for public office down the line.
The Chinese strike back in the crazy contest with the Japanese in this story. Extra points for the cannibalism, but minus a couple for the fact that eating weird crap like this is pretty normal in China.
I wanna be your friend, do you wanna be mine? Friend power!
Happy, happy Friday is here! Not only that, but it's leading into a three day weekend. I'm already on break at this point, so I'm not writing anything anymore...in fact, I don't even feel like pulling a quote out of my ass today. I'll just use one from my buddy Dave who always has a lot of strange things to say, this one with an assist from Moody...probably my favorite of all time.
"Moody, you're a candy-ass. Anybody want some candy? Grab Moody's ass!"
--The Quotable Dave
Well, I for one, feel much safer knowing a member of the Doobie Brothers is protecting us from international terrorism.
Hey Moody, looks like you're going to be at Disneyland on June 25th, so be sure to take some pictures.
Don't piss off Burt Reynolds.
Jong-Il Kim can't complain; they used the best picture they could find for him on imbd.
For the silly ebay auction of the day, this is sort of like bidding on Darth Vader's bread knife, I suppose.
This must be why they have rally races in Europe; no way they could survive the lawsuits in this country.
You have to wonder what's going through this guy's mind that would make him think this was a good idea. Then again, he got his internet fame, so I guess that's all that matters.
David Hasselhoff is one hell of a salesman...that dazzling smile just melts my resistance to crappy toys.
This is a fun tarot card reading program...uh oh...my future ain't looking so good.
Here is a helpful care sheet for a hippo, in case you win some wacky morning show contest.
These companies have a lot of growth potential.
Hmmm...this is a rather extensive game for plugging a movie. The movie must be really bad.
This seems like a lot of work to not work...but I suppose it's better than unemployment.
I'm not the only one who thinks "Japanese people crazy," but this guy devoted an entire page to describing in detail about his life as a teacher there just to prove it.
Wow...that's a cool goldfish. All mine ever did was learn how to float upside down. At least that's what my mom told me...
Hehe...I'm pretty much sick of the Star Wars references, but this safety film on lightsabers is pretty clever, it would have been perfect if Troy MacClure was narrating.
This is a fun, albeit frustrating free throw shooting game...only marginally easier than actually shooting free throws.
These two are regular dancing machines...I wouldn't let anybody film me if I could dance like this; it would totally ruin any chances of running for public office down the line.
The Chinese strike back in the crazy contest with the Japanese in this story. Extra points for the cannibalism, but minus a couple for the fact that eating weird crap like this is pretty normal in China.
I wanna be your friend, do you wanna be mine? Friend power!
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 82 5/26/05
I have no stories to tell today. Nothing particularly interesting happened yesterday and I can't be bothered to make any up, so you'll just have to settle for a quote.
"The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come."
--Peter Ustinov
Oh boy...there's your tax dollars at work.
This seems like a fine use for a coffee pot, especially since I don't drink coffee. I'll have to run it by Ben Wu, first.
Some useful lessons about manly hugging.
This is a fun, simple version of Bubble Bobble.
I'm not exactly sure what the goal in this game is, but I do like seeing stick men get blowed up.
Understanding sarcasm is a complex business...yeah, riiiiight.
Damn...I guess in Afghanistan they DON'T want their MTV. Still, they have things better over there. I mean, obviously, there is a station that actually plays videos on tv. I wish we still had one.
Merry Christmas, kiddo. Enjoy the broken ribs.
So, Linh...this is basically what happened to you on your infamous bike ride last year, right?
I...think I need a cigarette.
This is a fun little shooter that looks like a generic anime cartoon.
This one is just for Moody since he's the only guy who actually thinks soccer doesn't belong on the Geneva convention's list of banned torture techniques.
Hehe...two morons attempting to re-enact lightsaber fights with home made lightsabers filled with gasoline re-enacted Anakin's little toasty "Man on Fire" scene instead.
Wow...this website has hot chicks doing geeky things like playing counterstrike and rolling dice. I guess it beats doing porn. NSFW
Playing with Nigerian scammers is like shooting fish in a barrel...but you gotta love the pics.
Uh oh...I hope Magneto hasn't read this story. Former commies sound like a perfect group to recruit for the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.
Hey Shaq...you're still in the playoffs, remember? Play Starsky and Hutch later. My favorite part of the story, "Shaq's interest in police work is very real," De Lucca said. "He'd be a great undercover guy." Uhhh...yeah, nobody would ever recognize a 7 foot black dude that regularly appears in commercials.
This is why it's hard to take Amnesty International seriously. Guatanamo Bay is just like the gulag...give or take 20 million deaths or so. You know, numbers aren't important when you're being hysterical.
Why am I not surprised this dumb criminal story took place in Arkansas?
...and you all said John Woo was crazy...the future is here!
I have no stories to tell today. Nothing particularly interesting happened yesterday and I can't be bothered to make any up, so you'll just have to settle for a quote.
"The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come."
--Peter Ustinov
Oh boy...there's your tax dollars at work.
This seems like a fine use for a coffee pot, especially since I don't drink coffee. I'll have to run it by Ben Wu, first.
Some useful lessons about manly hugging.
This is a fun, simple version of Bubble Bobble.
I'm not exactly sure what the goal in this game is, but I do like seeing stick men get blowed up.
Understanding sarcasm is a complex business...yeah, riiiiight.
Damn...I guess in Afghanistan they DON'T want their MTV. Still, they have things better over there. I mean, obviously, there is a station that actually plays videos on tv. I wish we still had one.
Merry Christmas, kiddo. Enjoy the broken ribs.
So, Linh...this is basically what happened to you on your infamous bike ride last year, right?
I...think I need a cigarette.
This is a fun little shooter that looks like a generic anime cartoon.
This one is just for Moody since he's the only guy who actually thinks soccer doesn't belong on the Geneva convention's list of banned torture techniques.
Hehe...two morons attempting to re-enact lightsaber fights with home made lightsabers filled with gasoline re-enacted Anakin's little toasty "Man on Fire" scene instead.
Wow...this website has hot chicks doing geeky things like playing counterstrike and rolling dice. I guess it beats doing porn. NSFW
Playing with Nigerian scammers is like shooting fish in a barrel...but you gotta love the pics.
Uh oh...I hope Magneto hasn't read this story. Former commies sound like a perfect group to recruit for the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.
Hey Shaq...you're still in the playoffs, remember? Play Starsky and Hutch later. My favorite part of the story, "Shaq's interest in police work is very real," De Lucca said. "He'd be a great undercover guy." Uhhh...yeah, nobody would ever recognize a 7 foot black dude that regularly appears in commercials.
This is why it's hard to take Amnesty International seriously. Guatanamo Bay is just like the gulag...give or take 20 million deaths or so. You know, numbers aren't important when you're being hysterical.
Why am I not surprised this dumb criminal story took place in Arkansas?
...and you all said John Woo was crazy...the future is here!
Monday, May 23, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 81 5/25
I did a signing this morning at a classroom with a 4th grade teacher that was just like a nightmare I used to have; trapped with my teacher Mrs. Hazlitt without my homework and a test I didn't study for...at least I was fully clothed this time. Mrs. Hazlitt and I had a hate-hate relationship; it might because of the whoopie cushion on her chair incident, or the unflattering drawings comparing her to a hot air balloon that she caught me drawing during a test, or...well, she had plenty of reasons dislike me. Is there some law that 4th grade teachers have to be fat, old, bitter battle axes with shorter hairdos than mine? This teacher at the signing even had Mrs. Hazlitt's vicious, barking voice as she yelled at the various little punks running around the classroom. I'm so glad I'm not a teacher.
Oh yeah, I watched Life Aquatic last night, the strange Wes Anderson film(that's rather redundant coming from a guy who made Rushmore) starring Bill Murray as Steve Zissou as a Jaques Cousteau wanna-be hunting a killer spotted jaguar shark who ate his best friend. Yeah, it's as strange as it sounds. It wasn't quite bizarre enough to be pure fantasy but it wasn't set in a believeable world either; it was sort of caught in this strange limbo that made you wonder if a plot was ever going to develop...you know, the kind of film that Tristan would qualify as great direction because it's weird for weird's sake. I really couldn't get past the claymation sea creatures in the movie that looked like they were pulled straight from a Gumby commercial; I kept expecting Zissou's three legged dog to look up at him and say, "Oh, Stevey..."actually, that would have been even too strange for me. I did enjoy the David Bowie sung in Portugese soundtrack as it reminded me of the Stan Getz album with that Gilberto couple, only with "Major Tom" instead of the "Girl from Ipanema." Bill Murray was as hilarious as ever; he's one of those actors that doesn't even need dialogue or physical comedy to be funny. For that reason alone(I once watched that elephant movie Larger than Life just because he was in it, so I'm a glutton for punishment) I give the movie a 7/10.
"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger."
--Franklin P. Jones
Damn those communists! They take the fun out of everything. Might not be safe for work.
This is totally not safe for work...but in view of the Star Wars mania, I cannot leave out instructions to build your own lightsaber sex toy.
Hey, I've found a more dangerous driver than Chih Hao...I sure wish I knew how the hell he did this with his car.
This probably isn't what you want teachers doing in their classes, but hey, at least they weren't molesting students, as the new trend seems to be.
That's taking truth in advertising to a whole new level.
...and you thought your day job was bad.
We could learn a lot from Asian cultures...like how to successfully advertise a toilet on tv using people in animal costumes. Hell, I'm even ready to buy a new john now.
I guess this passes for fun family entertainment in China; these people need DSL or something.
This looks like a nice place to live...of course, even if you won the lottery, you still couldn't afford it.
Here's a helpful guide for faking someone else's fingerprints in order to frame them for a crime they didn't commit. Ben Wu, please, do not get any ideas. Your pranks are dangerous enough as it is.
So, when your three teenage daughters get pregnant, you blame the sex education in schools? Sounds like the education was pretty effective, to me.
Do not underestimate the power of the dark side.
I guess once the vibrating razors came out, it was only a matter of time before someone took advantage of this technology. NSFW
Don't miss out on this silly ebay auction of the day; Michael Jackson's trial is coming to a close so it should appreciate in value.
I have a fear of my mom's porcelain dolls ever since I saw that horror movie Dolls, but I think Gilda, Sweetheart of the West could help me get over my phobia.
Whoa...shades of Better Luck Tomorrow. I guess blogs really do come in handy...I'm sure that's why Tristan and Chih Hao are addicted to them.
This is why I always listened to the bus driver man...well, usually it was a middle aged Mexican woman with purple hair, but she was scary enough.
A study on bras, huh? I'm sure the researchers were really hands on with the test subjects.
This guy is a regular Indiana Jones, minus the action, adventure and comedy. Still, DEATH WORM! I'm sold.
I may have found the reason as to why Natalie Portman was smuggling tic-tacs in that Star Wars movie of which we shall never speak of again. NSFW
I did a signing this morning at a classroom with a 4th grade teacher that was just like a nightmare I used to have; trapped with my teacher Mrs. Hazlitt without my homework and a test I didn't study for...at least I was fully clothed this time. Mrs. Hazlitt and I had a hate-hate relationship; it might because of the whoopie cushion on her chair incident, or the unflattering drawings comparing her to a hot air balloon that she caught me drawing during a test, or...well, she had plenty of reasons dislike me. Is there some law that 4th grade teachers have to be fat, old, bitter battle axes with shorter hairdos than mine? This teacher at the signing even had Mrs. Hazlitt's vicious, barking voice as she yelled at the various little punks running around the classroom. I'm so glad I'm not a teacher.
Oh yeah, I watched Life Aquatic last night, the strange Wes Anderson film(that's rather redundant coming from a guy who made Rushmore) starring Bill Murray as Steve Zissou as a Jaques Cousteau wanna-be hunting a killer spotted jaguar shark who ate his best friend. Yeah, it's as strange as it sounds. It wasn't quite bizarre enough to be pure fantasy but it wasn't set in a believeable world either; it was sort of caught in this strange limbo that made you wonder if a plot was ever going to develop...you know, the kind of film that Tristan would qualify as great direction because it's weird for weird's sake. I really couldn't get past the claymation sea creatures in the movie that looked like they were pulled straight from a Gumby commercial; I kept expecting Zissou's three legged dog to look up at him and say, "Oh, Stevey..."actually, that would have been even too strange for me. I did enjoy the David Bowie sung in Portugese soundtrack as it reminded me of the Stan Getz album with that Gilberto couple, only with "Major Tom" instead of the "Girl from Ipanema." Bill Murray was as hilarious as ever; he's one of those actors that doesn't even need dialogue or physical comedy to be funny. For that reason alone(I once watched that elephant movie Larger than Life just because he was in it, so I'm a glutton for punishment) I give the movie a 7/10.
"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger."
--Franklin P. Jones
Damn those communists! They take the fun out of everything. Might not be safe for work.
This is totally not safe for work...but in view of the Star Wars mania, I cannot leave out instructions to build your own lightsaber sex toy.
Hey, I've found a more dangerous driver than Chih Hao...I sure wish I knew how the hell he did this with his car.
This probably isn't what you want teachers doing in their classes, but hey, at least they weren't molesting students, as the new trend seems to be.
That's taking truth in advertising to a whole new level.
...and you thought your day job was bad.
We could learn a lot from Asian cultures...like how to successfully advertise a toilet on tv using people in animal costumes. Hell, I'm even ready to buy a new john now.
I guess this passes for fun family entertainment in China; these people need DSL or something.
This looks like a nice place to live...of course, even if you won the lottery, you still couldn't afford it.
Here's a helpful guide for faking someone else's fingerprints in order to frame them for a crime they didn't commit. Ben Wu, please, do not get any ideas. Your pranks are dangerous enough as it is.
So, when your three teenage daughters get pregnant, you blame the sex education in schools? Sounds like the education was pretty effective, to me.
Do not underestimate the power of the dark side.
I guess once the vibrating razors came out, it was only a matter of time before someone took advantage of this technology. NSFW
Don't miss out on this silly ebay auction of the day; Michael Jackson's trial is coming to a close so it should appreciate in value.
I have a fear of my mom's porcelain dolls ever since I saw that horror movie Dolls, but I think Gilda, Sweetheart of the West could help me get over my phobia.
Whoa...shades of Better Luck Tomorrow. I guess blogs really do come in handy...I'm sure that's why Tristan and Chih Hao are addicted to them.
This is why I always listened to the bus driver man...well, usually it was a middle aged Mexican woman with purple hair, but she was scary enough.
A study on bras, huh? I'm sure the researchers were really hands on with the test subjects.
This guy is a regular Indiana Jones, minus the action, adventure and comedy. Still, DEATH WORM! I'm sold.
I may have found the reason as to why Natalie Portman was smuggling tic-tacs in that Star Wars movie of which we shall never speak of again. NSFW
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 80 5/24
So, I'm sitting in a Jack in the Box last night located in...well, the hood waiting for a signing to take place. It's the first fast food place I've seen that has protective glass INSIDE the restaurant and I was about to find out why. While I was reading this cheesy thriller my grandmother gave me to read which already involves some strange North Korean former torturer and current assassin who can paralyze people by tearing up their spines with his bare hands(sort of like Mortal Kombat, I guess) an argument, no, make that a brouhaha erupts at the counter. This black woman is upset that they tried to give her fries that were less than fresh, so she starts cursing them out at the top of her lungs. It gets even better when the manager comes over and joins the fun. "No, beyatch, pho-ck you!" This goes on for about 5 minutes until she attempts to grab the manager through the glass to presumably choke him. He's a slippery fellow, though, and he breaks free and presses himself against the wall. Thwarted in her anger, she decides to toss the drink right through the hole all over the manager and the poor girl taking orders then storms out cursing fast food, fries, and even Jack himself. It was one hell of a virtuoso performance in temper tantrums. When I'm not running for my life or being mugged, Watts is kind of a cool place to hang out.
"Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office."
-- Adrienne E. Gusoff
I'm still on a Star Wars kick and nothing fixes it like cruel mockery.
Wow...this guy has his own website. Way to go, Star Wars weirdo!
Speaking of Star Wars...did you know it was the devil's tool? I could have sworn that was a banjo, but they may be right about R2-D2.
Holy crap...I have just found the greatest website of all time.
For the silly ebay auction of the day, we have a drink with one hell of a name. I'd buy it over a Pepsi...maybe even over an RC cola.
First we had a school for prostitutes, now we have a class at a real university on Pornography. Damn, I was born way too late.
Finally, a company doing the Lord's work. It's about time somebody fixed that damn hotdogs to buns ratio.
This little video wasn't all that funny until the American guy came out. USA! USA!
It's nice the Washington Post's investigative journalists are hot on the story everyone cares about, the hacking of Paris Hilton's phone. I mean, really, who cares about the U.N. stealing billions of dollars and helping Saddam oppress his people in the oil for food scandal?
Did I say earlier I found the greatest website of all time? I was way the hell off...nothing beats dying of dystentry on the OREGON TRAIL!!!
Hehe...I don't even have to sell this one, the title will do it for me; Rejected Letters to Penthouse.
Some days it's just better to stay in bed. Of course, this guy is gonna be spending lots of time in bed now recovering.
I think the appeal of two chicks fighting is that at some point, they'll start kissing...I'm not sure that would happen in this fight, though. Still, it's pretty hot...
In case you like shooting things, but zombies just aren't your style, try this sniper game. For those of you who play Counterstrike, this should look familiar.
I like this guy's style...anyone who gets bugged by Cameron Diaz trying to be political is cool in my book.
In the "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day, we have yet another one of their strange commercials...this one starring Keifer Sutherland. I wonder how you shout, "Where are the codes!" in Japanese?
This guy fought the law and the law won...eventually. He got a couple of good licks in there, though.
I wish politics was this exciting in the US. I certainly would watch CSpan more often.
Awwww...say it ain't so, Lara Croft! This is why I don't like Jennifer Connelly anymore.
I'm not sure that I should laugh at this, because I could see my father doing something like it.
So, I'm sitting in a Jack in the Box last night located in...well, the hood waiting for a signing to take place. It's the first fast food place I've seen that has protective glass INSIDE the restaurant and I was about to find out why. While I was reading this cheesy thriller my grandmother gave me to read which already involves some strange North Korean former torturer and current assassin who can paralyze people by tearing up their spines with his bare hands(sort of like Mortal Kombat, I guess) an argument, no, make that a brouhaha erupts at the counter. This black woman is upset that they tried to give her fries that were less than fresh, so she starts cursing them out at the top of her lungs. It gets even better when the manager comes over and joins the fun. "No, beyatch, pho-ck you!" This goes on for about 5 minutes until she attempts to grab the manager through the glass to presumably choke him. He's a slippery fellow, though, and he breaks free and presses himself against the wall. Thwarted in her anger, she decides to toss the drink right through the hole all over the manager and the poor girl taking orders then storms out cursing fast food, fries, and even Jack himself. It was one hell of a virtuoso performance in temper tantrums. When I'm not running for my life or being mugged, Watts is kind of a cool place to hang out.
"Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office."
-- Adrienne E. Gusoff
I'm still on a Star Wars kick and nothing fixes it like cruel mockery.
Wow...this guy has his own website. Way to go, Star Wars weirdo!
Speaking of Star Wars...did you know it was the devil's tool? I could have sworn that was a banjo, but they may be right about R2-D2.
Holy crap...I have just found the greatest website of all time.
For the silly ebay auction of the day, we have a drink with one hell of a name. I'd buy it over a Pepsi...maybe even over an RC cola.
First we had a school for prostitutes, now we have a class at a real university on Pornography. Damn, I was born way too late.
Finally, a company doing the Lord's work. It's about time somebody fixed that damn hotdogs to buns ratio.
This little video wasn't all that funny until the American guy came out. USA! USA!
It's nice the Washington Post's investigative journalists are hot on the story everyone cares about, the hacking of Paris Hilton's phone. I mean, really, who cares about the U.N. stealing billions of dollars and helping Saddam oppress his people in the oil for food scandal?
Did I say earlier I found the greatest website of all time? I was way the hell off...nothing beats dying of dystentry on the OREGON TRAIL!!!
Hehe...I don't even have to sell this one, the title will do it for me; Rejected Letters to Penthouse.
Some days it's just better to stay in bed. Of course, this guy is gonna be spending lots of time in bed now recovering.
I think the appeal of two chicks fighting is that at some point, they'll start kissing...I'm not sure that would happen in this fight, though. Still, it's pretty hot...
In case you like shooting things, but zombies just aren't your style, try this sniper game. For those of you who play Counterstrike, this should look familiar.
I like this guy's style...anyone who gets bugged by Cameron Diaz trying to be political is cool in my book.
In the "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day, we have yet another one of their strange commercials...this one starring Keifer Sutherland. I wonder how you shout, "Where are the codes!" in Japanese?
This guy fought the law and the law won...eventually. He got a couple of good licks in there, though.
I wish politics was this exciting in the US. I certainly would watch CSpan more often.
Awwww...say it ain't so, Lara Croft! This is why I don't like Jennifer Connelly anymore.
I'm not sure that I should laugh at this, because I could see my father doing something like it.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 79 5/23
I'm sure you're all upset that I didn't send one of these out on Friday(sarcasm is hard over an email)but this is because I decided to bite the bullet and see the new Star Wars movie. Let me just say, move over Citizen Kane and Casablanca because we have a new amazingly wonderful film for the ages...just kidding...although it's really pretty good. In fact, in the words of Moody, it was "pretty damn great." He had to see it a second time with me because, apparently, like George Costanza's shower from that Seinfeld episode, it didn't take. I'm really not sure what the means, but I'll let it go.
If you're looking for nuanced performances and clever dialogue, well, you're really damn lost; especially if you've already seen the first two. Hayden Christensen is still the same whiny loser and Natalie Portman somehow forgot how to act, but those scenes are mercifully short. Ian McDiarmid is quite good as the smarmy, villainous Senator and manages to carry Anakin over to the dark side while Hayden Christensen goes from emotion A to B(which seems to be his entire range of acting) without getting in the way. Anakin's fall to the dark side actually makes sense, although I'm not sure why Darth Vader is always trying to rule the universe with someone by his side. He's like a chick going to the bathroom, he can't do anything by himself, the needy bastard. There's lightsaber fights galore and enough action to keep you from falling asleep. What separates it from the last two is that there is an actual emotional core; the ending is as dramatic as a Star Wars movie can possibly be, with the bonus of Hayden Christensen getting set on fire, which is worth the ticket price alone. Let me rank the 6 so you can see how my rating went.
Ep. 1 Phantom Menace: 5.5/10 Very mediocre movie with no emotion and actually put me to sleep the first time. It gets an extra .5 for an amazing pod race scene which is so exciting, even Darth Vader has to go "Ya hoo!"
Ep. 2 Attack of the Clones: 3/10 Let's never speak of this movie again. The only reason it gets points at all is because it's a Star Wars movie and Yoda busts a move.
Ep. 3 Revenge of the Sith: 7.5/10 See above
Ep. 4 A New Hope: 8/10 It's as fun and goofy as a lightweight sci fi action flick should be; it also is one of the most influential of it's day. I give it an extra point for that
Ep. 5 Empire Strikes Back: 9/10 Far and away the best of the movies; it has everything, including dialogue that doesn't embarrass itself.
Ep. 6 Return of the Jedi: 7.5/10 A good ending for the story and redemption for the baddest of bad asses in movie history. Would have gotten a higher rating if Lucas could have quit trying to sell toys and introduce the Care Bear cousins from hell, the Ewoks.
Special bonus-Star Wars Christmas Special: 10/10 For pure unintentional comedy...you have super Golden Girl Bea Arthur running a cantina and a drugged out Carrie Fisher trying to sing and poor Harrison Ford hugging every wookie in sight. May be the best stoner special ever filmed.
"Now the circle is complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master."
--Darth Vader
I guess this is what being a teenage girl is like. I'm glad I spent my time playing Altered Beast and Joe Montana's Football on the Genesis instead.
This is the coolest and most useless thing I've ever seen. I'm sure Ben Wu and his Cal Tech homies are burning with jealousy right now.
Yikes...this is either a dog conga line or a dog orgy...neither one is a comforting thought. I mean, conga lines are for old people on cruise ships.
Damn refs...I knew they were in the other team's pocket.
This is a pretty fun side scroller. It's like Mario Bros, if Mario ran around shooting cyborgs and had a pony tail...alright, it's nothing like Mario Bros. It does have green pipes, though.
I'm not sure what the message of this commercial is...is it that Scots are a bunch of exhibitionists? Safe for work.
Oh my god...is that...is that Winston? Exactly how drunk was he on his birthday?
An oldie but goodie, you really need to check this website weekly. Fuggin' greatness.
This isn't safe for work, but it's really damn funny. 31 one things that make you go hmmm...no, wait, make you go ouch!
For the silly ebay auction of the day, well, it's more like sick auction. Go ahead and bid on a rabbit sex doll. That's one way to keep their population down.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have the new contact trend...look like a cartoon character, or someone really really baked.
Who knew Darth Vader liked to talk so much smack? Still, I'd say Mistress Cleo is more accurate at reading my mind.
So that's what you get when you combine two of the most obnoxious, tiresome media items into one.
I don't know about you, but this would get me to go to church way more often than I do...which is never.
With friends like these...I can see where serial killers come from. NSFW
I'm sure you're all upset that I didn't send one of these out on Friday(sarcasm is hard over an email)but this is because I decided to bite the bullet and see the new Star Wars movie. Let me just say, move over Citizen Kane and Casablanca because we have a new amazingly wonderful film for the ages...just kidding...although it's really pretty good. In fact, in the words of Moody, it was "pretty damn great." He had to see it a second time with me because, apparently, like George Costanza's shower from that Seinfeld episode, it didn't take. I'm really not sure what the means, but I'll let it go.
If you're looking for nuanced performances and clever dialogue, well, you're really damn lost; especially if you've already seen the first two. Hayden Christensen is still the same whiny loser and Natalie Portman somehow forgot how to act, but those scenes are mercifully short. Ian McDiarmid is quite good as the smarmy, villainous Senator and manages to carry Anakin over to the dark side while Hayden Christensen goes from emotion A to B(which seems to be his entire range of acting) without getting in the way. Anakin's fall to the dark side actually makes sense, although I'm not sure why Darth Vader is always trying to rule the universe with someone by his side. He's like a chick going to the bathroom, he can't do anything by himself, the needy bastard. There's lightsaber fights galore and enough action to keep you from falling asleep. What separates it from the last two is that there is an actual emotional core; the ending is as dramatic as a Star Wars movie can possibly be, with the bonus of Hayden Christensen getting set on fire, which is worth the ticket price alone. Let me rank the 6 so you can see how my rating went.
Ep. 1 Phantom Menace: 5.5/10 Very mediocre movie with no emotion and actually put me to sleep the first time. It gets an extra .5 for an amazing pod race scene which is so exciting, even Darth Vader has to go "Ya hoo!"
Ep. 2 Attack of the Clones: 3/10 Let's never speak of this movie again. The only reason it gets points at all is because it's a Star Wars movie and Yoda busts a move.
Ep. 3 Revenge of the Sith: 7.5/10 See above
Ep. 4 A New Hope: 8/10 It's as fun and goofy as a lightweight sci fi action flick should be; it also is one of the most influential of it's day. I give it an extra point for that
Ep. 5 Empire Strikes Back: 9/10 Far and away the best of the movies; it has everything, including dialogue that doesn't embarrass itself.
Ep. 6 Return of the Jedi: 7.5/10 A good ending for the story and redemption for the baddest of bad asses in movie history. Would have gotten a higher rating if Lucas could have quit trying to sell toys and introduce the Care Bear cousins from hell, the Ewoks.
Special bonus-Star Wars Christmas Special: 10/10 For pure unintentional comedy...you have super Golden Girl Bea Arthur running a cantina and a drugged out Carrie Fisher trying to sing and poor Harrison Ford hugging every wookie in sight. May be the best stoner special ever filmed.
"Now the circle is complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master."
--Darth Vader
I guess this is what being a teenage girl is like. I'm glad I spent my time playing Altered Beast and Joe Montana's Football on the Genesis instead.
This is the coolest and most useless thing I've ever seen. I'm sure Ben Wu and his Cal Tech homies are burning with jealousy right now.
Yikes...this is either a dog conga line or a dog orgy...neither one is a comforting thought. I mean, conga lines are for old people on cruise ships.
Damn refs...I knew they were in the other team's pocket.
This is a pretty fun side scroller. It's like Mario Bros, if Mario ran around shooting cyborgs and had a pony tail...alright, it's nothing like Mario Bros. It does have green pipes, though.
I'm not sure what the message of this commercial is...is it that Scots are a bunch of exhibitionists? Safe for work.
Oh my god...is that...is that Winston? Exactly how drunk was he on his birthday?
An oldie but goodie, you really need to check this website weekly. Fuggin' greatness.
This isn't safe for work, but it's really damn funny. 31 one things that make you go hmmm...no, wait, make you go ouch!
For the silly ebay auction of the day, well, it's more like sick auction. Go ahead and bid on a rabbit sex doll. That's one way to keep their population down.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have the new contact trend...look like a cartoon character, or someone really really baked.
Who knew Darth Vader liked to talk so much smack? Still, I'd say Mistress Cleo is more accurate at reading my mind.
So that's what you get when you combine two of the most obnoxious, tiresome media items into one.
I don't know about you, but this would get me to go to church way more often than I do...which is never.
With friends like these...I can see where serial killers come from. NSFW
Monday, May 16, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 78 5/19
I've started to catch up on my reading and somehow managed to finish up two books today. The first was Nightfall by Nelson Demille, one of the best modern writers of today. They've made one of his books, The General's Daughter, into a movie and I hear they're optioning some of his others which probably will be just as bad. You see, his plots aren't anything special; it's his dialogue and characterizations that are the best in the business. Since no screenplay writer would even think of using an actual novel writer's words, any movie made is going to suck like a Hoover. This particular book was actually the third starring one of his favorite characters who is a wisecracking retired police detective on a terrorist task force, John Corey. It involves that Flight 800 that went down in 1996 and was a very good yarn up until the end when he pulled a deus ex machina to close up the book without a very good finish. Maybe in another 5 years I would have not minded, but to use the Twin Towers attack to tie up loose ends just seems to soon. I give it a 6.5/10.
The other book I finished up was Put a Lid On It by my favorite living mystery writer, Donald E. Westlake. He's writen several screenplays including the Grifters, but his books have also been transformed into subpar crapfests as well, such as What's the Worst that Could Happen starring Martin Lawrence. He's known for two series of books; the first is about Parker, an amoral criminal who steals, slaps around or kills anyone who gets in his way and even had a movie based on him starring Mel Gibson as Par..I mean Porter, Payback. The other series is far more fun as the first basically defined the concept of a comedy caper story. The main character is the laconic, droopy mastermind thief, John Dortmunder who surrounds himself with all types of strange and kooky characters as they bumble their way through various types of criminal enterprises that never go to plan. Think Ocean's 11, only more blue collar with a Seinfeld attention to minor details. This book I just finished starred what I'd call Dortmunder lite. The characters were lifeless and unmemorable and the storyline, a presidential election committee group springs a professional thief from jail to help steal evidence from their opponents so they don't suffer a Watergate style bungling, is just original enough to keep you interested, but he never really pushes the envelope. You keep waiting for it to crack you up, but all you get is a chuckle. Not a terrible way to spend a couple of hours and it is short, so I'll give it a 6/10.
"John Dortmunder was a man on whom the sun shone only when he needed darkness."
--Donald E. Westlake
I'm betting this is what lunch would be like at Newjen's. Still, it's a fun game.
Then again, lunch could be much worse...like this.
I think I found some performances that are even worse than the Phantom Menace with this Opera based on the first Star Wars. Not quite as bad as Attack of the Clones, though.
Whoa! I promise to not jaywalk anymore!
Alex swears by this show on Cartoon network and after watching this clip, I may have to start watching. Who knew Voltron's weakness was the dancefloor?
In case your day hasn't been frustrating enough, try this bumper car air hockey game. It's a surprise my monitor is still in one piece.
If this family didn't believe in corporal punishment, I'm pretty sure they reconsidered after this.
This is a fun shooter...except for the weird 80's techno music. I'm not sure a Flock of Seagulls really qualifies as Western motif.
Further proof that editing can make any sport look exciting, check out these soccer clips. You'd almost think this was a cool sport. Almost.
I had no idea Jean Luc Picard was such a bad ass.
For the silly ebay auction of the day, we have the rock that David killed Goliath with...well, it's on a bible and the bible never lies, right?
Uh oh...forget nuclear weapons, I've found Iran's REAL secret weapon; female jedis!
Sometimes I regret not playing any sports in high school...then I see things like this and suddenly feel glad I can walk.
Wow, you really CAN order anything over the internet!
Well, the family that role plays together...are a bunch of losers, apparently.
I'm going to have to use this calculator with the sound up at work and see how long it takes for someone to notice. NSFW
Cool...it's Kung Fu from the Nintendo, only more violent.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a very strange child's toy. Only in Japan could you turn Russian Roulette into a game that's fun for the whole family.
They say everyone will have his 15 minutes of fame...although this ain't worth more than 2 minutes, 3 tops.
Not content to drug up every child in the western world, in Australia, they're giving dogs and cats medication to fight their obsessive compulsive disorders. How's that work? The dog washes his mouth out after every time he licks his own genitalia?
I've started to catch up on my reading and somehow managed to finish up two books today. The first was Nightfall by Nelson Demille, one of the best modern writers of today. They've made one of his books, The General's Daughter, into a movie and I hear they're optioning some of his others which probably will be just as bad. You see, his plots aren't anything special; it's his dialogue and characterizations that are the best in the business. Since no screenplay writer would even think of using an actual novel writer's words, any movie made is going to suck like a Hoover. This particular book was actually the third starring one of his favorite characters who is a wisecracking retired police detective on a terrorist task force, John Corey. It involves that Flight 800 that went down in 1996 and was a very good yarn up until the end when he pulled a deus ex machina to close up the book without a very good finish. Maybe in another 5 years I would have not minded, but to use the Twin Towers attack to tie up loose ends just seems to soon. I give it a 6.5/10.
The other book I finished up was Put a Lid On It by my favorite living mystery writer, Donald E. Westlake. He's writen several screenplays including the Grifters, but his books have also been transformed into subpar crapfests as well, such as What's the Worst that Could Happen starring Martin Lawrence. He's known for two series of books; the first is about Parker, an amoral criminal who steals, slaps around or kills anyone who gets in his way and even had a movie based on him starring Mel Gibson as Par..I mean Porter, Payback. The other series is far more fun as the first basically defined the concept of a comedy caper story. The main character is the laconic, droopy mastermind thief, John Dortmunder who surrounds himself with all types of strange and kooky characters as they bumble their way through various types of criminal enterprises that never go to plan. Think Ocean's 11, only more blue collar with a Seinfeld attention to minor details. This book I just finished starred what I'd call Dortmunder lite. The characters were lifeless and unmemorable and the storyline, a presidential election committee group springs a professional thief from jail to help steal evidence from their opponents so they don't suffer a Watergate style bungling, is just original enough to keep you interested, but he never really pushes the envelope. You keep waiting for it to crack you up, but all you get is a chuckle. Not a terrible way to spend a couple of hours and it is short, so I'll give it a 6/10.
"John Dortmunder was a man on whom the sun shone only when he needed darkness."
--Donald E. Westlake
I'm betting this is what lunch would be like at Newjen's. Still, it's a fun game.
Then again, lunch could be much worse...like this.
I think I found some performances that are even worse than the Phantom Menace with this Opera based on the first Star Wars. Not quite as bad as Attack of the Clones, though.
Whoa! I promise to not jaywalk anymore!
Alex swears by this show on Cartoon network and after watching this clip, I may have to start watching. Who knew Voltron's weakness was the dancefloor?
In case your day hasn't been frustrating enough, try this bumper car air hockey game. It's a surprise my monitor is still in one piece.
If this family didn't believe in corporal punishment, I'm pretty sure they reconsidered after this.
This is a fun shooter...except for the weird 80's techno music. I'm not sure a Flock of Seagulls really qualifies as Western motif.
Further proof that editing can make any sport look exciting, check out these soccer clips. You'd almost think this was a cool sport. Almost.
I had no idea Jean Luc Picard was such a bad ass.
For the silly ebay auction of the day, we have the rock that David killed Goliath with...well, it's on a bible and the bible never lies, right?
Uh oh...forget nuclear weapons, I've found Iran's REAL secret weapon; female jedis!
Sometimes I regret not playing any sports in high school...then I see things like this and suddenly feel glad I can walk.
Wow, you really CAN order anything over the internet!
Well, the family that role plays together...are a bunch of losers, apparently.
I'm going to have to use this calculator with the sound up at work and see how long it takes for someone to notice. NSFW
Cool...it's Kung Fu from the Nintendo, only more violent.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a very strange child's toy. Only in Japan could you turn Russian Roulette into a game that's fun for the whole family.
They say everyone will have his 15 minutes of fame...although this ain't worth more than 2 minutes, 3 tops.
Not content to drug up every child in the western world, in Australia, they're giving dogs and cats medication to fight their obsessive compulsive disorders. How's that work? The dog washes his mouth out after every time he licks his own genitalia?
Farkin' Links Vol. 77 5/18
Since I'm in Orange County this week, I ended up going to lunch with my grandmother. She's a pretty crazy lady and it's not just her 71 years of age to blame. You know that little voice in the back of your head that tells you not to do or say something that will get you in trouble? I wouldn't say she doesn't have one, but I bet it takes a lot of coffee breaks. She was telling me about meeting a friend of my grandfather's that he made while he was in the hospital. She had seen him there laid up in a bed for the next couple of weeks and when they bumped into this guy and his wife at a party, she tells him,"Wow, you're a tall drink of water! The only times I've seen you were in bed; I didn't realize you were so big." Even sitcom writers wouldn't have made such an obvious sexual innuendo. Let's just say going anywhere with her is an adventure; you never know who she's going to accidentally piss off.
"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."
--Dorothy Parker
I guess Monty Python was on to something with their sport of Novel Writing. Looks like 3 writers will be attempting to write a novel while trapped in a transparent box for people to view. Unfortunately, there's oxygen in said boxes.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, they're now making wine in a can...you know, just in case wine in a box is just too high class for you.
I guess if anyone wants to take you to Idaho, you better look out. Of course, if I ended up in Idaho, I'd probably kill myself first.
I think Paul Chua did this once...the cat wasn't very amused.
Wow...I need to start watching America's Next Top Model. I had heard Tyra Banks was completely insane, but, damn, woman!
Hehe...here's a useful list of terms to help describe a night out clubbing with Vicky. My personal favorite is "Blowing liquid kisses to the china goddess."
While we're on the subject of terminology, this handy guide can help you learn how to talk like a hobo. Why, you ask? Why wouldn't you!
Oooookayyy....looking to invest in some property? It's pretty cheap on the moon! After you're done there, I have this bridge I'd like to sell you.
Yet another person with far too much time on their hands. Still, the Batmobile has gone through some strange ass designs.
Bush is lord, huh? This is one of the funnier sites I've seen since the Condi Rice one. (Hat tip: Azure)
This would be an interesting hobby, if it wasn't so creepy. This is the type of activity you'd think a budding serial killer would do for kicks.
Speaking of creepy, I'm not sure what's worse; the fact that this compilation was made about Sharapova, or that there's enough for a volume 2.
I don't remember this commercial back in the Nintendo days, but it appears the media still has the same amount of respect for gamers as it did then.
So I guess Dave Chappelle isn't insane afterall; he's just hanging with his muslim friends. That's even weirder than the original story.
If only I was as good a movie reviewer as this guy. He's opened my eyes in ways I've never imagined about Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory...I'll never sleep comfortably again.
Have you ever wondered what happened to that baby from the cover of Nirvana's Nevermind album? Yeah, me neither, but I guess it was a slow newsday.
O.K., I always thought Popeye Jones was the ugliest man in basketball, but this is giving me pause.
Wow, this girlfriend fight simulator game is remarkbly lifelike. Too lifelike, really.
This is an interesting interactive game...a lot like Leisure Suit Larry.
This is why I lay off the caffeine. It stunts your growth.
Since I'm in Orange County this week, I ended up going to lunch with my grandmother. She's a pretty crazy lady and it's not just her 71 years of age to blame. You know that little voice in the back of your head that tells you not to do or say something that will get you in trouble? I wouldn't say she doesn't have one, but I bet it takes a lot of coffee breaks. She was telling me about meeting a friend of my grandfather's that he made while he was in the hospital. She had seen him there laid up in a bed for the next couple of weeks and when they bumped into this guy and his wife at a party, she tells him,"Wow, you're a tall drink of water! The only times I've seen you were in bed; I didn't realize you were so big." Even sitcom writers wouldn't have made such an obvious sexual innuendo. Let's just say going anywhere with her is an adventure; you never know who she's going to accidentally piss off.
"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."
--Dorothy Parker
I guess Monty Python was on to something with their sport of Novel Writing. Looks like 3 writers will be attempting to write a novel while trapped in a transparent box for people to view. Unfortunately, there's oxygen in said boxes.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, they're now making wine in a can...you know, just in case wine in a box is just too high class for you.
I guess if anyone wants to take you to Idaho, you better look out. Of course, if I ended up in Idaho, I'd probably kill myself first.
I think Paul Chua did this once...the cat wasn't very amused.
Wow...I need to start watching America's Next Top Model. I had heard Tyra Banks was completely insane, but, damn, woman!
Hehe...here's a useful list of terms to help describe a night out clubbing with Vicky. My personal favorite is "Blowing liquid kisses to the china goddess."
While we're on the subject of terminology, this handy guide can help you learn how to talk like a hobo. Why, you ask? Why wouldn't you!
Oooookayyy....looking to invest in some property? It's pretty cheap on the moon! After you're done there, I have this bridge I'd like to sell you.
Yet another person with far too much time on their hands. Still, the Batmobile has gone through some strange ass designs.
Bush is lord, huh? This is one of the funnier sites I've seen since the Condi Rice one. (Hat tip: Azure)
This would be an interesting hobby, if it wasn't so creepy. This is the type of activity you'd think a budding serial killer would do for kicks.
Speaking of creepy, I'm not sure what's worse; the fact that this compilation was made about Sharapova, or that there's enough for a volume 2.
I don't remember this commercial back in the Nintendo days, but it appears the media still has the same amount of respect for gamers as it did then.
So I guess Dave Chappelle isn't insane afterall; he's just hanging with his muslim friends. That's even weirder than the original story.
If only I was as good a movie reviewer as this guy. He's opened my eyes in ways I've never imagined about Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory...I'll never sleep comfortably again.
Have you ever wondered what happened to that baby from the cover of Nirvana's Nevermind album? Yeah, me neither, but I guess it was a slow newsday.
O.K., I always thought Popeye Jones was the ugliest man in basketball, but this is giving me pause.
Wow, this girlfriend fight simulator game is remarkbly lifelike. Too lifelike, really.
This is an interesting interactive game...a lot like Leisure Suit Larry.
This is why I lay off the caffeine. It stunts your growth.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 76 5/17
I hate Mondays. Unless it's Memorial Day, then it's cool. Unfortunately, it's 2 weeks away, which means at least one more crappy Monday in between.
"A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday."
--Thomas Ybarra
Ouch! I guess being a model really is tough, like they all seem to say whenever they're asked about their jobs. Still, she was probably more used to fending off trouser snakes as opposed to cold blooded ones.
Double ouch! Turns out lions in real life aren't like Aslan from Narnia.
The 50 worst hair-dos of all time, with all the usual suspects like Hulk Hogan and Marv Albert...still, Captain Caveman deserves better. After all, he's just a caveman, he doesn't understand these strange metrosexual fashion tips.
For the silly ebay auction of the day, we have a very valuable lesson...which should be obvious to anyone over the age of 3. Oh well, like GI Joe used to say, "Knowing is half the battle."
Huh...they make some strange ass commercials in Asia.
Speaking of Asians, I guess they're Austin Powers fans.
Talking about strange, here's a fun clip from a blacksploitation film. "Dance, mutha-pho-ka, dance!" NSFW
I suppose there's a market for this somewhere, the question is where, so I can avoid it at all costs.
Only click on this game if you have a lot of time on your hands, because you're not going to be able to stop.
Hehe...I guess Rusty Wallace is the Boss now, beyach!
It's failure to communicate that probably resulted in this store closing.
This seems like a lot of money for a damn cat, but I have no sympathy for the dog owners. "His bark is worse than his bite," right?
This is a fun soundboard with the baddest man of all time, Gunnery Sgt. Hartman!
I'm pretty sure this isn't official SWAT material right here...at least, I hope so.
This is...actually, I don't know what the hell it is. You'll have to watch it for yourself.
I guess it was only a matter of time before they started doing a detailed study on...er...according to Seinfeld, almost rhymes with Dolores.
I guess it could be worse regarding Jack's amazing college career. This guy took 55 years to get his masters...then again, at Jack's pace, that might not be possible.
Oh my god! Avril Lavigne is out of control...and acting like every other 20 year old girl. Must be a slow newsday.
O.K., now I definitely don't want to see the Fantastic Four. They can't even beat a fat old Magic Johnson in a pick up game.
Damn...these kids are the best hide and seekers I've ever heard of!
I hate Mondays. Unless it's Memorial Day, then it's cool. Unfortunately, it's 2 weeks away, which means at least one more crappy Monday in between.
"A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday."
--Thomas Ybarra
Ouch! I guess being a model really is tough, like they all seem to say whenever they're asked about their jobs. Still, she was probably more used to fending off trouser snakes as opposed to cold blooded ones.
Double ouch! Turns out lions in real life aren't like Aslan from Narnia.
The 50 worst hair-dos of all time, with all the usual suspects like Hulk Hogan and Marv Albert...still, Captain Caveman deserves better. After all, he's just a caveman, he doesn't understand these strange metrosexual fashion tips.
For the silly ebay auction of the day, we have a very valuable lesson...which should be obvious to anyone over the age of 3. Oh well, like GI Joe used to say, "Knowing is half the battle."
Huh...they make some strange ass commercials in Asia.
Speaking of Asians, I guess they're Austin Powers fans.
Talking about strange, here's a fun clip from a blacksploitation film. "Dance, mutha-pho-ka, dance!" NSFW
I suppose there's a market for this somewhere, the question is where, so I can avoid it at all costs.
Only click on this game if you have a lot of time on your hands, because you're not going to be able to stop.
Hehe...I guess Rusty Wallace is the Boss now, beyach!
It's failure to communicate that probably resulted in this store closing.
This seems like a lot of money for a damn cat, but I have no sympathy for the dog owners. "His bark is worse than his bite," right?
This is a fun soundboard with the baddest man of all time, Gunnery Sgt. Hartman!
I'm pretty sure this isn't official SWAT material right here...at least, I hope so.
This is...actually, I don't know what the hell it is. You'll have to watch it for yourself.
I guess it was only a matter of time before they started doing a detailed study on...er...according to Seinfeld, almost rhymes with Dolores.
I guess it could be worse regarding Jack's amazing college career. This guy took 55 years to get his masters...then again, at Jack's pace, that might not be possible.
Oh my god! Avril Lavigne is out of control...and acting like every other 20 year old girl. Must be a slow newsday.
O.K., now I definitely don't want to see the Fantastic Four. They can't even beat a fat old Magic Johnson in a pick up game.
Damn...these kids are the best hide and seekers I've ever heard of!
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 75 5/16
I hope you all had a good weekend, I know I did. Even if it did involve lots of family members. Actually, my cousin graduated from USC (You can't spell suck without USC!) so there was a cool family get together involving lots of pina coladas, games of horse shoes and a giant tortoise. A good time was had by all...as was a very good meal. No, we did not eat the tortoise, we're not Vietnamese, thank you very much. Congratulations to Bunghole...er, I mean Winston on surviving for 26 years, especially with the amount of drinks he had Saturday night. After clubbing for the night for Winston's birthday, we continued onto Denny's for the usual nonsensical conversations you have at 3 in the morning, involving Nazis, investment properties and Andy's cholesterol. Man, we must be getting old...if we start talking about golf and my prostate, I'm going to know it's all over. Oh, my basketball team even had a victory for it's first game of the season which I played a small part in; our opponents managed to self destruct and even managed to get one of their players tossed out after cursing out the ref. It's a damn rec league, people! You're playing for a plastic trophy and a t-shirt...let's keep things in perspective, shall we?
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
--Henry Youngman
Alright! More stick figure kung fu madness...with beer! All it's missing is scantily clad women!
Hmmm...so according to this Swedish study, we should just lock up all crazy people before they kill. Works for me. Of course, that would put all women behind bars...
This guy was playing to the wrong audience. Had he done this in England, he would have gotten a TV deal.
If you thought you had a bad week, watching this clip will make you very happy you're not at this guy's job. (Hat tip: Uriel)
Stick figure man isn't done with his beer, apparently.
Hehe...that guy's gay.
After being banned from wearing skimpy clothing, students in Modesto are complaining they now have nothing to wear. How about a t-shirt and some pants? I hear they still sell those.
Here's a guy with even more time on his hands than I do. My only question is, what could he possibly have to say that often?
This is a strangely addicting game involving Gilligan, a slingshot and a monkey.
This is a novel use for a bra. It's also an embarrassing way to die.
Here's a man that really must love his job...what a lucky bastard.
I think this guy might be trying to overcompensate for something...still, that's a unique guitar.
How is Screech still a celebrity?
I have just one question...when is Ill Mitch coming to town so I can go to a concert?
This guy ain't too funny...but these pictures of former first ladies speak for themselves.
This should put the fear of God, or more specifically, castration, into every rapist out there.
Do you think this silly ebay auction of the day comes with a certificate of authentication? Me neither.
Wow...talk about pushing your luck. He should play the lottery...oh...nevermind.
This may be the coolest prank of all time...I suspect Ben and his crazy group of Cal Tech pranksters.
This is my kind of school spirit! I would have voted for her.
I hope you all had a good weekend, I know I did. Even if it did involve lots of family members. Actually, my cousin graduated from USC (You can't spell suck without USC!) so there was a cool family get together involving lots of pina coladas, games of horse shoes and a giant tortoise. A good time was had by all...as was a very good meal. No, we did not eat the tortoise, we're not Vietnamese, thank you very much. Congratulations to Bunghole...er, I mean Winston on surviving for 26 years, especially with the amount of drinks he had Saturday night. After clubbing for the night for Winston's birthday, we continued onto Denny's for the usual nonsensical conversations you have at 3 in the morning, involving Nazis, investment properties and Andy's cholesterol. Man, we must be getting old...if we start talking about golf and my prostate, I'm going to know it's all over. Oh, my basketball team even had a victory for it's first game of the season which I played a small part in; our opponents managed to self destruct and even managed to get one of their players tossed out after cursing out the ref. It's a damn rec league, people! You're playing for a plastic trophy and a t-shirt...let's keep things in perspective, shall we?
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
--Henry Youngman
Alright! More stick figure kung fu madness...with beer! All it's missing is scantily clad women!
Hmmm...so according to this Swedish study, we should just lock up all crazy people before they kill. Works for me. Of course, that would put all women behind bars...
This guy was playing to the wrong audience. Had he done this in England, he would have gotten a TV deal.
If you thought you had a bad week, watching this clip will make you very happy you're not at this guy's job. (Hat tip: Uriel)
Stick figure man isn't done with his beer, apparently.
Hehe...that guy's gay.
After being banned from wearing skimpy clothing, students in Modesto are complaining they now have nothing to wear. How about a t-shirt and some pants? I hear they still sell those.
Here's a guy with even more time on his hands than I do. My only question is, what could he possibly have to say that often?
This is a strangely addicting game involving Gilligan, a slingshot and a monkey.
This is a novel use for a bra. It's also an embarrassing way to die.
Here's a man that really must love his job...what a lucky bastard.
I think this guy might be trying to overcompensate for something...still, that's a unique guitar.
How is Screech still a celebrity?
I have just one question...when is Ill Mitch coming to town so I can go to a concert?
This guy ain't too funny...but these pictures of former first ladies speak for themselves.
This should put the fear of God, or more specifically, castration, into every rapist out there.
Do you think this silly ebay auction of the day comes with a certificate of authentication? Me neither.
Wow...talk about pushing your luck. He should play the lottery...oh...nevermind.
This may be the coolest prank of all time...I suspect Ben and his crazy group of Cal Tech pranksters.
This is my kind of school spirit! I would have voted for her.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 74 6/4
Since my father is in town this week, we ended up going to watch a movie. Since he's decided to start over with two new children, he doesn't get to the movies very often unless he runs away from home for business. Anyways, we ended up going to see what was the best drama I've seen this year, Crash. It follows several different groups of characters that intersect each other's lives at important moments of a very eventful day. They've also all apparently lost that little voice in the back of your head that tells you not to say exactly what you're thinking, because the dialogue is extremely powerful in it's racial epithets. This plotline has been done as recently as last year with the confusing and ultimately depressing 21 Grams and with the even more disappointing Magnolia. In fact, Magnolia almost prevented me from taking a chance on this film as it also received undeserved praise and good reviews from a fawning group of movie critics. I'm glad I got over it, because this is what drama is all about...apologies to TNT. It's full of three dimensional characters who are at once, funny, scary, depressing, cruel and compassionate. With movies like these, it's usually easy to lose the audience when you bounce around from story to story, but the pacing of this movie and the amazing perfomances keep a tenseness that holds your attention. I was especially impressed with Cris "Ludacris" Bridges, who was a far better actor than I had any right to expect. That's yet another rapper I've thoroughly enjoyed in movies; maybe they should all form a movie studio...just as long as they don't inflict us with movies like Soul Plane. Anyways, this is one of those rare movies that stays with you long after the credits roll...I can't believe I'm raving and fawning like James Lipton, but this is a movie that truly deserves it...10/10.
"I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, "I wanna grow up and be a critic."
--Richard Pryor
The supremely untalented Tara Reid managed to get herself back into the news without exposing her breasts...darn it.
I know May is known for flowers and growth, so I suppose this is the perfect month for this holiday. NSFW
Kids really will put anything in their mouths. I know a kid that used to eat snails back in elementary school, but I always just thought he was French.
Most people blow their lotto winnings on stupid, useless things, so it's nice to see a woman willing to make a good investment in her family.
In the "Japanese people are crazy" link for today, it appears the Japanese are taking cues from the Simpsons now.
PETA kills animals? Wow...everything I've ever known has been a lie.
So this is how Barry Bonds passes all those drug tests! (Hat tip: Jon)
This is a great site full of stupid signs from around the world.
Good God! Will the Lucas whoring madness ever stop! Why? Why must you humiliate Darth Vader like this? Did he steal your wife or something?
Hehe...for the silly ebay auction of the day, we have a subliminal cd that turns your spouse into a sex slave. I'm betting Alex has already placed an order for three by the time this link gets to you.
Hmmm...if you thought I had a lot of time on my hands...and I obviously do, check this detailed ranking of movie villians. At least Darth Vader gets some respect here...
Natalie Portman seems to have taken to an extreme disguise so nobody recognizes her from those horrible new Star Wars movies...at least that's my theory and I'm sticking to it.
Damn, this guy almost lived a Letters to Penthouse moment; unfortunately, he's apparently gay. No pics, so it's basically safe for work.
Well, people, this is your last chance to use this website before it's officially banned in California.
This is fairly fascinating reading, especially if you suffered through that Cryptonomicon book.
I wonder what PETA would think of this abuse of dogs? Eh, they'd probably just have them killed in their back room, those murderers.
Here's a fun time waster that's reminiscent of keeping the soccer ball from touching the ground.
This is an even better time waster, if you're into shooting zombies in the head...and really, who isn't?
This guy definitely needs some anger management classes; who stomps geese to death? You know, besides those killers at PETA?
Well, this real estate agent knows how to sell houses. Actually, she could be selling anything with this tactic.
Since my father is in town this week, we ended up going to watch a movie. Since he's decided to start over with two new children, he doesn't get to the movies very often unless he runs away from home for business. Anyways, we ended up going to see what was the best drama I've seen this year, Crash. It follows several different groups of characters that intersect each other's lives at important moments of a very eventful day. They've also all apparently lost that little voice in the back of your head that tells you not to say exactly what you're thinking, because the dialogue is extremely powerful in it's racial epithets. This plotline has been done as recently as last year with the confusing and ultimately depressing 21 Grams and with the even more disappointing Magnolia. In fact, Magnolia almost prevented me from taking a chance on this film as it also received undeserved praise and good reviews from a fawning group of movie critics. I'm glad I got over it, because this is what drama is all about...apologies to TNT. It's full of three dimensional characters who are at once, funny, scary, depressing, cruel and compassionate. With movies like these, it's usually easy to lose the audience when you bounce around from story to story, but the pacing of this movie and the amazing perfomances keep a tenseness that holds your attention. I was especially impressed with Cris "Ludacris" Bridges, who was a far better actor than I had any right to expect. That's yet another rapper I've thoroughly enjoyed in movies; maybe they should all form a movie studio...just as long as they don't inflict us with movies like Soul Plane. Anyways, this is one of those rare movies that stays with you long after the credits roll...I can't believe I'm raving and fawning like James Lipton, but this is a movie that truly deserves it...10/10.
"I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, "I wanna grow up and be a critic."
--Richard Pryor
The supremely untalented Tara Reid managed to get herself back into the news without exposing her breasts...darn it.
I know May is known for flowers and growth, so I suppose this is the perfect month for this holiday. NSFW
Kids really will put anything in their mouths. I know a kid that used to eat snails back in elementary school, but I always just thought he was French.
Most people blow their lotto winnings on stupid, useless things, so it's nice to see a woman willing to make a good investment in her family.
In the "Japanese people are crazy" link for today, it appears the Japanese are taking cues from the Simpsons now.
PETA kills animals? Wow...everything I've ever known has been a lie.
So this is how Barry Bonds passes all those drug tests! (Hat tip: Jon)
This is a great site full of stupid signs from around the world.
Good God! Will the Lucas whoring madness ever stop! Why? Why must you humiliate Darth Vader like this? Did he steal your wife or something?
Hehe...for the silly ebay auction of the day, we have a subliminal cd that turns your spouse into a sex slave. I'm betting Alex has already placed an order for three by the time this link gets to you.
Hmmm...if you thought I had a lot of time on my hands...and I obviously do, check this detailed ranking of movie villians. At least Darth Vader gets some respect here...
Natalie Portman seems to have taken to an extreme disguise so nobody recognizes her from those horrible new Star Wars movies...at least that's my theory and I'm sticking to it.
Damn, this guy almost lived a Letters to Penthouse moment; unfortunately, he's apparently gay. No pics, so it's basically safe for work.
Well, people, this is your last chance to use this website before it's officially banned in California.
This is fairly fascinating reading, especially if you suffered through that Cryptonomicon book.
I wonder what PETA would think of this abuse of dogs? Eh, they'd probably just have them killed in their back room, those murderers.
Here's a fun time waster that's reminiscent of keeping the soccer ball from touching the ground.
This is an even better time waster, if you're into shooting zombies in the head...and really, who isn't?
This guy definitely needs some anger management classes; who stomps geese to death? You know, besides those killers at PETA?
Well, this real estate agent knows how to sell houses. Actually, she could be selling anything with this tactic.
Farkin' Links Vol. 73 6/3
I signed up for Netflix this week because it fits well with my lazy nature; forget trying to find a movie at Blockbuster then paying the 20 dollar late fee because I forgot to take it back. My first movie on the list was one I had heard so many things about it, Shaolin Soccer. For those of you unaware of foreign movies, this is a Chinese movie made by the famous( in China, I suppose)Stephen Chow and, at one time, the biggest grossing movie in Hong Kong history. The story is basically any sports underdog movie you have ever seen with some kung fu and cartoon style mayhem thrown in for the hell of it. Chow, a former Shaolin monk down on his luck, links up with a has-been soccer star and his former monk friends to enter a soccer tournament and earn some respect. Just in case you were confused on who to root for, the villian soccer team is actually named "Team Evil." Who the hell would sponsor a team like that? You know, besides Starbucks. Well, it is in China, so maybe it's a government team, like Ivan Drago. It's rather timely too, as Team Evil is using American drugs to make themselves into super athletes; who knew BALCO had clients in the Far East? I half expected to see Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi on the sidelines...but then, Giambi already has a contract with the American Team Evil, the New York Yankees. There's even a feeble attempt at a romance between Chow's character and a sweet bun making kung fu master, but it seems she's the only one interested. This is the second movie I've seen in which Stephen Chow comes off as though he's just not "into" women...not that there's anything wrong with that. The story was ridiculous, confusing and meandering. But it's not the type of movie you watch for those things; you're there to laugh at all the nonsense and cartoon violence, so for that, I give it an 8/10. I laughed my ass off.
"Life is like arriving late for a movie, having to figure out what was going on without bothering everybody with a lot of questions, and then being unexpectedly called away before you find out how it ends."
--Joseph Campbell
Wow. This is just...wow.
Ben Wu and his weird Cal Tech cult strike again. Learn to pick a lock with parts from you harddrive. I hope that 20 dollar item inside the lock was worth the 100 dollar harddrive you had to destroy.
I shouldn't laugh at people who live in trailer parks since an Aunt and Uncle of mine were doing that at one time...then they got evicted. Now that, that requires some serious mocking.
I'm pretty sure Mr. Wizard is turning in his grave after this experiment with tampons. I mean, that dude has to be dead at this point, right? He looked a hundred years old 20 years ago.
Well, hell, I guess not. Mr. Wizard not only is still alive, but he has a freakin' web site! Damn, the guy flew 56 bombing missions over Italy during WWII. He really IS an American Hero!
Hehe, can't let this story go. Why did the chicken cross the road? To fight "the man", that's why!
For the silly ebay auction of the day, Congreve's famous lines fit well,"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." Still, what a total bitch...
Damn...that's one mean prank, involving the biggest water balloon I've ever seen and a girl in a port a potty.
This girl should cut down on the cheeseburgers if she's gonna be pole vaulting.
This guy must be really bored in the army; I'll have to ask Uriel what he thinks of these rules.
It's usually a good idea not to hit cops...even if you're a girl.
This isn't safe for work, but I only need two words to sell this link. Midget Wrestlers!
This game is sick and wrong...but surprisingly fun. As a bonus, you get to fight the Governator as one of the level bosses.
This is just bad reporting; stories like this require pictures. Many, many pictures.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link today, we have a very sordid affair. It seems their reality t.v. is kicking things up to the next level. Bam!
This is a MUCH better air hockey game than the last one I sent you. Plus, you get to crush the losers from other countries as your opponents. Take that, Canada, you bunch of hosers!
Certain men can be aroused with the suggestion of alcohol. I know men become less discriminating with alcohol, but I was unaware about this...
Wow, those Chinese keep trying to wrest the "crazy" title from the Japanese in wacky stories. If they keep up with stuff like this, I may have to declare them the champions.
Who are these people to play God! Why should they keept these glaciers from melting by using destructive technology like this?
Hehe...In the words of Homer J. Simpson, "wrong again, liberal media!"
I signed up for Netflix this week because it fits well with my lazy nature; forget trying to find a movie at Blockbuster then paying the 20 dollar late fee because I forgot to take it back. My first movie on the list was one I had heard so many things about it, Shaolin Soccer. For those of you unaware of foreign movies, this is a Chinese movie made by the famous( in China, I suppose)Stephen Chow and, at one time, the biggest grossing movie in Hong Kong history. The story is basically any sports underdog movie you have ever seen with some kung fu and cartoon style mayhem thrown in for the hell of it. Chow, a former Shaolin monk down on his luck, links up with a has-been soccer star and his former monk friends to enter a soccer tournament and earn some respect. Just in case you were confused on who to root for, the villian soccer team is actually named "Team Evil." Who the hell would sponsor a team like that? You know, besides Starbucks. Well, it is in China, so maybe it's a government team, like Ivan Drago. It's rather timely too, as Team Evil is using American drugs to make themselves into super athletes; who knew BALCO had clients in the Far East? I half expected to see Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi on the sidelines...but then, Giambi already has a contract with the American Team Evil, the New York Yankees. There's even a feeble attempt at a romance between Chow's character and a sweet bun making kung fu master, but it seems she's the only one interested. This is the second movie I've seen in which Stephen Chow comes off as though he's just not "into" women...not that there's anything wrong with that. The story was ridiculous, confusing and meandering. But it's not the type of movie you watch for those things; you're there to laugh at all the nonsense and cartoon violence, so for that, I give it an 8/10. I laughed my ass off.
"Life is like arriving late for a movie, having to figure out what was going on without bothering everybody with a lot of questions, and then being unexpectedly called away before you find out how it ends."
--Joseph Campbell
Wow. This is just...wow.
Ben Wu and his weird Cal Tech cult strike again. Learn to pick a lock with parts from you harddrive. I hope that 20 dollar item inside the lock was worth the 100 dollar harddrive you had to destroy.
I shouldn't laugh at people who live in trailer parks since an Aunt and Uncle of mine were doing that at one time...then they got evicted. Now that, that requires some serious mocking.
I'm pretty sure Mr. Wizard is turning in his grave after this experiment with tampons. I mean, that dude has to be dead at this point, right? He looked a hundred years old 20 years ago.
Well, hell, I guess not. Mr. Wizard not only is still alive, but he has a freakin' web site! Damn, the guy flew 56 bombing missions over Italy during WWII. He really IS an American Hero!
Hehe, can't let this story go. Why did the chicken cross the road? To fight "the man", that's why!
For the silly ebay auction of the day, Congreve's famous lines fit well,"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." Still, what a total bitch...
Damn...that's one mean prank, involving the biggest water balloon I've ever seen and a girl in a port a potty.
This girl should cut down on the cheeseburgers if she's gonna be pole vaulting.
This guy must be really bored in the army; I'll have to ask Uriel what he thinks of these rules.
It's usually a good idea not to hit cops...even if you're a girl.
This isn't safe for work, but I only need two words to sell this link. Midget Wrestlers!
This game is sick and wrong...but surprisingly fun. As a bonus, you get to fight the Governator as one of the level bosses.
This is just bad reporting; stories like this require pictures. Many, many pictures.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link today, we have a very sordid affair. It seems their reality t.v. is kicking things up to the next level. Bam!
This is a MUCH better air hockey game than the last one I sent you. Plus, you get to crush the losers from other countries as your opponents. Take that, Canada, you bunch of hosers!
Certain men can be aroused with the suggestion of alcohol. I know men become less discriminating with alcohol, but I was unaware about this...
Wow, those Chinese keep trying to wrest the "crazy" title from the Japanese in wacky stories. If they keep up with stuff like this, I may have to declare them the champions.
Who are these people to play God! Why should they keept these glaciers from melting by using destructive technology like this?
Hehe...In the words of Homer J. Simpson, "wrong again, liberal media!"
Monday, May 09, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 72 6/2
I managed a run on my knee last evening and it hasn't swollen up to the size of a softball this morning, so I guess it's starting to get better. I was going to just take it easy, but my place was invaded by several friends who needed to take care of their competitive drive in video game format. Newjen and B began the trashtalking early last night and after the first victory by Newjen, the gauntlet was dropped. B wagered 20 dollars on the next game and Newjen happily took that bet. You see, B has a gambling problem; the problem being that he loses all the time. Combine that history with Newjen's inflated sense of self, Newjen was pretty confident going in. At first it seemed as though B might actually pull it out as he kept Newjen from scoring even one point for a quarter, but karma kicked in and B ended up snatching defeat from the jaws of victory as usual. What was a close game suddenly became a blowout as B pulled a Chris Webber and called a timeout when he didn't have a timeout...it was quite sad, really. In a perfect world, they both would have lost, then I wouldn't have had to hear them whine, gloat and complain for the next hour. Well, it was more entertaining than the actual playoff NBA games that night.
"Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that."
--Bill Shankly
I'd suggest this tattoo alternative to Paul or Vicky, but I doubt that they have enough hair on their chest for it to work. At least, I HOPE Vicky doesn't have enough hair on her chest.
Here's a Batman movie made with legos...well, it's a hell of a lot better than Batman and Robin.
How exactly do you become a sex researcher? I mean, really...do you major in human sexuality in college or something? More importantly, is there a lab section to that class?
Yet another example of how pizza is the world's most perfect food. It can even be used successfully in hostage negotiations.
In an amazing display of irony, a firetruck is destroyed by a fire in the firehouse. You'd think it would set off an alarm or something.
These are some crazy coincidences. My favorite is the one involving cannibalism. I mean, Edgar Allen Poe.
Yeah, as fun as Pamela Anderson would be to have as a mom, I don't think she really needs to be influencing any children at this point.
Something like this happened to a coworker at work...without the castration involved. Let's just say her husband found out he was a disco dancing, Oscar Wilde readin', Streisand ticket holding friend of Dorothy.
Well, that's a new use for your phone line. NSFW!
That's funny, I don't see my high school on this list of top schools in America.
Hehe...here's a Pat O'Brien sound board that let's you relive some of his famous phone conversations. Who couldn't use a wave of Pat O'Brien wanting to get some coke?
In the "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day, it seems to make up for their lack of procreation, Japan is going to become a nation full of super robots! Bring it on, Godzilla!
Wow...I guess that book Cryptonomicon wasn't entirely full of crap; the Filipinos really are looking for Japanese gold.
You can tell a lot about people by the beer they drink as this example from Michelob Ultra demostrates," You desire to be fit and attractive very much, but are unwilling to give up things—like beer drinking—that are necessary to achieve this goal."
I don't know if this actually happened, but if it did, I'm kicking myself in the ass for missing it while I was in Cambodia. Just check out the headline,"Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight."
In case you missed Mini-Me getting Vicky-drunk on the Surreal Life, here's the clip.
Awww...look at the cute kittens. If they were in Cambodia, they'd probably be lunch.
I didn't think David Hasselhoff is the Anti-Christ, but hey, this guy has proof.
This is a pretty fun wakeboarding game...except that the driver of this boat likes to drive through what seems to be a dangerous garbage dump.
Those are some intense speakers. I'm not sure if this is safe for work...although it is just two stuffed animals.
I managed a run on my knee last evening and it hasn't swollen up to the size of a softball this morning, so I guess it's starting to get better. I was going to just take it easy, but my place was invaded by several friends who needed to take care of their competitive drive in video game format. Newjen and B began the trashtalking early last night and after the first victory by Newjen, the gauntlet was dropped. B wagered 20 dollars on the next game and Newjen happily took that bet. You see, B has a gambling problem; the problem being that he loses all the time. Combine that history with Newjen's inflated sense of self, Newjen was pretty confident going in. At first it seemed as though B might actually pull it out as he kept Newjen from scoring even one point for a quarter, but karma kicked in and B ended up snatching defeat from the jaws of victory as usual. What was a close game suddenly became a blowout as B pulled a Chris Webber and called a timeout when he didn't have a timeout...it was quite sad, really. In a perfect world, they both would have lost, then I wouldn't have had to hear them whine, gloat and complain for the next hour. Well, it was more entertaining than the actual playoff NBA games that night.
"Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that."
--Bill Shankly
I'd suggest this tattoo alternative to Paul or Vicky, but I doubt that they have enough hair on their chest for it to work. At least, I HOPE Vicky doesn't have enough hair on her chest.
Here's a Batman movie made with legos...well, it's a hell of a lot better than Batman and Robin.
How exactly do you become a sex researcher? I mean, really...do you major in human sexuality in college or something? More importantly, is there a lab section to that class?
Yet another example of how pizza is the world's most perfect food. It can even be used successfully in hostage negotiations.
In an amazing display of irony, a firetruck is destroyed by a fire in the firehouse. You'd think it would set off an alarm or something.
These are some crazy coincidences. My favorite is the one involving cannibalism. I mean, Edgar Allen Poe.
Yeah, as fun as Pamela Anderson would be to have as a mom, I don't think she really needs to be influencing any children at this point.
Something like this happened to a coworker at work...without the castration involved. Let's just say her husband found out he was a disco dancing, Oscar Wilde readin', Streisand ticket holding friend of Dorothy.
Well, that's a new use for your phone line. NSFW!
That's funny, I don't see my high school on this list of top schools in America.
Hehe...here's a Pat O'Brien sound board that let's you relive some of his famous phone conversations. Who couldn't use a wave of Pat O'Brien wanting to get some coke?
In the "Japanese people are crazy" link of the day, it seems to make up for their lack of procreation, Japan is going to become a nation full of super robots! Bring it on, Godzilla!
Wow...I guess that book Cryptonomicon wasn't entirely full of crap; the Filipinos really are looking for Japanese gold.
You can tell a lot about people by the beer they drink as this example from Michelob Ultra demostrates," You desire to be fit and attractive very much, but are unwilling to give up things—like beer drinking—that are necessary to achieve this goal."
I don't know if this actually happened, but if it did, I'm kicking myself in the ass for missing it while I was in Cambodia. Just check out the headline,"Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight."
In case you missed Mini-Me getting Vicky-drunk on the Surreal Life, here's the clip.
Awww...look at the cute kittens. If they were in Cambodia, they'd probably be lunch.
I didn't think David Hasselhoff is the Anti-Christ, but hey, this guy has proof.
This is a pretty fun wakeboarding game...except that the driver of this boat likes to drive through what seems to be a dangerous garbage dump.
Those are some intense speakers. I'm not sure if this is safe for work...although it is just two stuffed animals.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 71 6/1
Since the basketball games last night were embarrassing blowouts, I watched an interesting National Geographic special called "Quest for the Phoenicians." Since they were the natural enemies of the Romans, I figured it might be interesting to check out. On that point, I was way the hell off. It mostly involved a guy wandering around collecting blood from Lebanon down to Tunisia trying to find out who's related to them. Why you'd want to be related to a bunch of baby burners, I don't know. I mean, the two most famous Phoenicians would technically be Hannibal, a general so feared through history that his name was chosen to represent a serial killer who likes to eat people's "liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti" and Jezebel, the evil seductress of the bible who corrupted King Ahab's kingdom with her Baal worship. Incidentally, she was tossed out a window, trampled to pieces by horses than devoured by dogs in the street. This is the reason I enjoy the Old Testament; it's about as graphic and violent as a Wes Craven movie. I guess the special was trying to rehabilitate their image, but I think they should have emphasised the Temple whores and the child sacrifice; it makes for better t.v.
"History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon."
--Napoleon Bonaparte
Looks like there was a time traveler's convention this past weekend and I forgot to RSVP for it. Oh well, I guess I can always go back in time and take care of that sometime later.
This is so very wrong...but I have to admit, these dogs have some remarkable fashion sense.
I'm surprised these food anamolies haven't made it onto an ebay auction...then again, they don't look like the Pope or the Olsen Twins.
Speaking of ebay, for the silly ebay auction of the day we have Carmen Electra. We all know the line about everyone being a prostitute, it's just a matter of determing the price, but should they really be encouraging 15-20 year olds to date a married woman? I blame Desperate Housewives and Terrell Owens, just because.
I haven't seen any funny Bill Clinton jokes lately despite his best efforts with his new health kick, but this Amazon page cracked me up. Check out the "You may also be interested in these items" below.
God may be trying to tell you something, P. Diddy...perhaps that's why he keeps changing his name in hopes that God can't keep track.
Remember the other guy who found a finger in his food? Well, he gave the proverbial finger to the poor guy who lost it...what a bastard.
I didn't realize McDonald's could be so hazardous to your health...oh wait...but not in that way.
Why does this sound like something Ben Wu did back in Cal Tech as a prank gone horribly wrong?
Wow, I hadn't heard this strange excuse for the runaway bride. I blame Desperate Housewives...
Ohio must be a dangerous place to live if this person is one of the county's most wanted criminals...look at that face...PURE EVIL!!!
Alright! Mega Man is back! I haven't played one of these games in a while...
Wow...this suicide man is certainly a doer. I think I would have given up after the first 3 shots.
Jeez, Vicky! Turn down your music! It's disrupting the airports.
Hehe...here's some advice on hiring female employees from 1943; good advice, for the most part.
It's nice to see that Indian courts are as modern and progressive as the U.S.
This can't be good...this kid is gonna stunt his growth.
Chrystler is forcing all employees who own cars from other companies to park farther away. Well, if their cars weren't so crappy, maybe this wouldn't be a problem.
That's some hot sauce...sounds like a prank that could go horribly wrong with an asthmatic.
Today's teacher sex scandal brought to you by the fine people of San Jose. Seriously, why should women teachers have all the fun?
Since the basketball games last night were embarrassing blowouts, I watched an interesting National Geographic special called "Quest for the Phoenicians." Since they were the natural enemies of the Romans, I figured it might be interesting to check out. On that point, I was way the hell off. It mostly involved a guy wandering around collecting blood from Lebanon down to Tunisia trying to find out who's related to them. Why you'd want to be related to a bunch of baby burners, I don't know. I mean, the two most famous Phoenicians would technically be Hannibal, a general so feared through history that his name was chosen to represent a serial killer who likes to eat people's "liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti" and Jezebel, the evil seductress of the bible who corrupted King Ahab's kingdom with her Baal worship. Incidentally, she was tossed out a window, trampled to pieces by horses than devoured by dogs in the street. This is the reason I enjoy the Old Testament; it's about as graphic and violent as a Wes Craven movie. I guess the special was trying to rehabilitate their image, but I think they should have emphasised the Temple whores and the child sacrifice; it makes for better t.v.
"History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon."
--Napoleon Bonaparte
Looks like there was a time traveler's convention this past weekend and I forgot to RSVP for it. Oh well, I guess I can always go back in time and take care of that sometime later.
This is so very wrong...but I have to admit, these dogs have some remarkable fashion sense.
I'm surprised these food anamolies haven't made it onto an ebay auction...then again, they don't look like the Pope or the Olsen Twins.
Speaking of ebay, for the silly ebay auction of the day we have Carmen Electra. We all know the line about everyone being a prostitute, it's just a matter of determing the price, but should they really be encouraging 15-20 year olds to date a married woman? I blame Desperate Housewives and Terrell Owens, just because.
I haven't seen any funny Bill Clinton jokes lately despite his best efforts with his new health kick, but this Amazon page cracked me up. Check out the "You may also be interested in these items" below.
God may be trying to tell you something, P. Diddy...perhaps that's why he keeps changing his name in hopes that God can't keep track.
Remember the other guy who found a finger in his food? Well, he gave the proverbial finger to the poor guy who lost it...what a bastard.
I didn't realize McDonald's could be so hazardous to your health...oh wait...but not in that way.
Why does this sound like something Ben Wu did back in Cal Tech as a prank gone horribly wrong?
Wow, I hadn't heard this strange excuse for the runaway bride. I blame Desperate Housewives...
Ohio must be a dangerous place to live if this person is one of the county's most wanted criminals...look at that face...PURE EVIL!!!
Alright! Mega Man is back! I haven't played one of these games in a while...
Wow...this suicide man is certainly a doer. I think I would have given up after the first 3 shots.
Jeez, Vicky! Turn down your music! It's disrupting the airports.
Hehe...here's some advice on hiring female employees from 1943; good advice, for the most part.
It's nice to see that Indian courts are as modern and progressive as the U.S.
This can't be good...this kid is gonna stunt his growth.
Chrystler is forcing all employees who own cars from other companies to park farther away. Well, if their cars weren't so crappy, maybe this wouldn't be a problem.
That's some hot sauce...sounds like a prank that could go horribly wrong with an asthmatic.
Today's teacher sex scandal brought to you by the fine people of San Jose. Seriously, why should women teachers have all the fun?
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 70 5/9
I hope you all had a good time this weekend, although I doubt any of you had as good a time as Vicky. In carving out a legacy of drunken revelry, Vicky really can not be touched. Friday night at V2O, after her first experience with Bicardi 151 in a blue hawaiian, she really let loose. Not content to simply mark her spot under a table, she proceeded to slap poor Jack around until she broke both the arms off his glasses. She doesn't seem to remember getting thrown out of the club, so to add anymore would be pure speculation on my part. Still, Vicky's legend continues to grow, much like Gatorade. For that, we salute you.
Hmmm...I've needed to stay awake, but I think I'll stick to caffeine pills.
How did that poor black guy end up with all these dorks? They must be blackmailing him or something.
I might have to change it to "Chinese people are crazy", but this would explain where Yao Ming comes from.
Here's a helpful list of comebacks in case you get in an argument with Ben Wu or some other overly educated engineer.
Speaking of helpful lists, here's a page with any excuse you could possibly need .If you need an excuse, you're obviously too lazy to come up with your own.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words...this one could be someone's thesis.
This is a bone chilling exhibit on the rewriters of history in the Soviet Union. It seems at least one good thing came out of it; they must have invented photo shop.
Now do you people understand why I don't go to Indian restaurants? I don't want to worry about whether it's beer or not.
Jeez, if the guy wanted so badly to be arrested, why didn't he just try and rob the police station...oh...wait...
This is Australia, so I'm not too surprised about people getting bit by crocodiles. The amusing part is where the article states he was bitten...did the croc trick the man by telling him he had a secret?
Speaking of down under, yet another teacher was caught and sentenced for giving a student unauthorized sex education extra credit.
Wow...those Chinese really are trying to get me to change it to "Chinese people are crazy." This sounds like something out of an episode of I Love Lucy.
Hmmm...break out the whips and chains, people. It's for your better health. Who the hell would sponsor a strange study like this?
What a drama queen.
Why does this sound like a scene out of Police Academy 22? I thought all cops did, besides eat donuts, was go to the practice range?
Now that was an entertaining commercial. Even if it is about Star Wars.
If only life's problems could be solved with a blow dart...
I hope you all had a good time this weekend, although I doubt any of you had as good a time as Vicky. In carving out a legacy of drunken revelry, Vicky really can not be touched. Friday night at V2O, after her first experience with Bicardi 151 in a blue hawaiian, she really let loose. Not content to simply mark her spot under a table, she proceeded to slap poor Jack around until she broke both the arms off his glasses. She doesn't seem to remember getting thrown out of the club, so to add anymore would be pure speculation on my part. Still, Vicky's legend continues to grow, much like Gatorade. For that, we salute you.
Hmmm...I've needed to stay awake, but I think I'll stick to caffeine pills.
How did that poor black guy end up with all these dorks? They must be blackmailing him or something.
I might have to change it to "Chinese people are crazy", but this would explain where Yao Ming comes from.
Here's a helpful list of comebacks in case you get in an argument with Ben Wu or some other overly educated engineer.
Speaking of helpful lists, here's a page with any excuse you could possibly need .If you need an excuse, you're obviously too lazy to come up with your own.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words...this one could be someone's thesis.
This is a bone chilling exhibit on the rewriters of history in the Soviet Union. It seems at least one good thing came out of it; they must have invented photo shop.
Now do you people understand why I don't go to Indian restaurants? I don't want to worry about whether it's beer or not.
Jeez, if the guy wanted so badly to be arrested, why didn't he just try and rob the police station...oh...wait...
This is Australia, so I'm not too surprised about people getting bit by crocodiles. The amusing part is where the article states he was bitten...did the croc trick the man by telling him he had a secret?
Speaking of down under, yet another teacher was caught and sentenced for giving a student unauthorized sex education extra credit.
Wow...those Chinese really are trying to get me to change it to "Chinese people are crazy." This sounds like something out of an episode of I Love Lucy.
Hmmm...break out the whips and chains, people. It's for your better health. Who the hell would sponsor a strange study like this?
What a drama queen.
Why does this sound like a scene out of Police Academy 22? I thought all cops did, besides eat donuts, was go to the practice range?
Now that was an entertaining commercial. Even if it is about Star Wars.
If only life's problems could be solved with a blow dart...
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 69 5/6
I missed my team the Boston Celtics managing to pull out a must win game yesterday because that bastard Marlon dragged me to some Mexican food crap shack. I missed out on Antoine Walker putting the team on his back and willing them to victory. Damn that Marlon and his Mexican food place...damn him to hell.
"We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can."
--Cullen Hightower
This is disturbing...I know Charles Barkley wanted to play with Michael Jordan, but I didn't know he wanted it like that!
Here's some ridiculous pictures of rappers with commentary below. To be honest, the commentary isn't necessary to make them look foolish; they do a very good job already.
Cookin' with Christopher Walken. This guy may be the strangest man alive, but hey, I love me some shrimp.
If I wasn't already deathly afraid of clowns, this would have done it. Imagine the fear instilled in the kids who get this crazy ass clown showing up at their birthday party.
Here's another compilation of people getting smoked which just proves the line,"It's funny until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious!" (Hat tip: Uriel)
Samuel L. Jackson is the coolest man on Earth. He just made hockey interesting again.
Talk about tough on criminals; makes our country's laws look tame.
This is taking the whole baseline in your car just a bit too far.
Wow...an honest to god mind reading machine. This can only lead to world disaster and destruction. Time to invest in a steel bunker.
What is it with Florida and crazy court decisions? Is there something in the water down there?
Just in case you thought your neighbor was weird, take a gander at this guy. Maybe I'm not up on Native American history, but I'm pretty sure tigers aren't native to North America.
Have you ever known a cat to do something nice? Me neither...he's probably just softening up this guy in order to steal his soul. (Hat tip: Uriel)
If they highlighted this sort of thing in the NHL, people would watch. I guarantee. In fact, they should do it ECW style and have the audience throw in weapons to use. (Hat tip: Uriel)
Since I'm on the subject of a dead, demoralized sport, here's a sample of some of the skills these guys have. Maybe he'll be able to get a job as a short order chef flippin' burgers now that the NHL is gone. (Hat tip: Uriel)
For the silly ebay auction of the day, we have the remnants of a motorcycle accident concerning an NFL player that's played in a whole 2 games. Sports fans are nutbergs.
In case that other clown didn't scare you enough, check out Ouchy the Porn Clown.
Hehe...I don't know what the hell is going on in this flash movie about a stick man, but it's greatness. Definitely worth watching.
That's one hell of a prize in his cereal. Usually it's one of those wacky wall walkers.
This sounds like shoddy science, but an interesting concept. Still, I'm not sure I follow the logic; stressful times kills off more men so there's more women around to...presumably protect themselves? How does that work?
...and since we're on a clown motif today, let's end it with a clown game...a really frustrating and hard clown game.
I missed my team the Boston Celtics managing to pull out a must win game yesterday because that bastard Marlon dragged me to some Mexican food crap shack. I missed out on Antoine Walker putting the team on his back and willing them to victory. Damn that Marlon and his Mexican food place...damn him to hell.
"We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can."
--Cullen Hightower
This is disturbing...I know Charles Barkley wanted to play with Michael Jordan, but I didn't know he wanted it like that!
Here's some ridiculous pictures of rappers with commentary below. To be honest, the commentary isn't necessary to make them look foolish; they do a very good job already.
Cookin' with Christopher Walken. This guy may be the strangest man alive, but hey, I love me some shrimp.
If I wasn't already deathly afraid of clowns, this would have done it. Imagine the fear instilled in the kids who get this crazy ass clown showing up at their birthday party.
Here's another compilation of people getting smoked which just proves the line,"It's funny until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious!" (Hat tip: Uriel)
Samuel L. Jackson is the coolest man on Earth. He just made hockey interesting again.
Talk about tough on criminals; makes our country's laws look tame.
This is taking the whole baseline in your car just a bit too far.
Wow...an honest to god mind reading machine. This can only lead to world disaster and destruction. Time to invest in a steel bunker.
What is it with Florida and crazy court decisions? Is there something in the water down there?
Just in case you thought your neighbor was weird, take a gander at this guy. Maybe I'm not up on Native American history, but I'm pretty sure tigers aren't native to North America.
Have you ever known a cat to do something nice? Me neither...he's probably just softening up this guy in order to steal his soul. (Hat tip: Uriel)
If they highlighted this sort of thing in the NHL, people would watch. I guarantee. In fact, they should do it ECW style and have the audience throw in weapons to use. (Hat tip: Uriel)
Since I'm on the subject of a dead, demoralized sport, here's a sample of some of the skills these guys have. Maybe he'll be able to get a job as a short order chef flippin' burgers now that the NHL is gone. (Hat tip: Uriel)
For the silly ebay auction of the day, we have the remnants of a motorcycle accident concerning an NFL player that's played in a whole 2 games. Sports fans are nutbergs.
In case that other clown didn't scare you enough, check out Ouchy the Porn Clown.
Hehe...I don't know what the hell is going on in this flash movie about a stick man, but it's greatness. Definitely worth watching.
That's one hell of a prize in his cereal. Usually it's one of those wacky wall walkers.
This sounds like shoddy science, but an interesting concept. Still, I'm not sure I follow the logic; stressful times kills off more men so there's more women around to...presumably protect themselves? How does that work?
...and since we're on a clown motif today, let's end it with a clown game...a really frustrating and hard clown game.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 68 5/5
I had another signing last night in the hood; about a mile outside of Inglewood in a neighborhood that could have been the set for Friday. There were a bunch of kids fighting out front of the house so I sort of had to shoo them away without getting knifed or shot. When I got to the door, I was met by a little black kid who was in the process of putting his shoes onto the wrong feet. After I gave him some pointers about the right shoe going onto the right foot, he called for his dad. For the first time in my life at a signing, I was speechless. This guy, who is a spittin' image of Karl Malone came out in a wife beater, a pair of boxers and a flower patterned shower cap. "Give me a minute while I get some clothes on," he said. Thank goodness he didn't try to do the signing looking like that...although he did keep the shower cap on. I really do meet some of the strangest people on my side job.
"Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted."
--Aldous Huxley
Testaclese sounds like a most powerful and exhilarating mascot. I'm all in favor of P-day...why should the women have all the fun talking about their genitalia?
Must have been a slow day at a current affair to devote a whole segment to...fainting goats. Yep, you read that right. Fainting goats.
This little game is really simple, but damn addicting. Look out for that wall!
Star Trek is dead. Long live...Smallville? Yeah, I can't say I agree with that.
J-Lo wants to be president, huh? Well, she's about as good an actor as Ronald Reagan. Maybe she should run for Governor of California first.
It seems that finger food is becoming the new hotness, to go along with freeway shootings and high school teachers seducing students.
I think I've discovered the reason obesity is on the rise in the U.S.; no it isn't marriage.
To get an idea of how sheltered and idiotic researchers can be, they are warning that the rich in 3rd world countries are at a greater risk of heart disease. Hmmm...heart disease or starvation? Yeah, that's a tough choice.
I haven't done you justice in keeping up with the local celebrity news lately, so here's a new one. Hillary Duff's mom really likes her new 25 year old recovering alcoholic boyfriend. I can understand her logic; they'll be able to go to rehab together in a couple of years.
If you can't wait to watch Paris Hilton get murdered and displayed in that new movie "House of Wax", you can beat her ass instead with this flash game.
This is a strange calendar/clock...it actually makes watching the time go by somewhat interesting.
I think I found the perfect gift for Marlon's birthday.
For the silly ebay auction of the day, you can be the biggest geek on your block in preparation for the new Star Wars movie...for only 80,000 credits!
Come worship at the altar of the church of Pac-Man! I'd consider it, if I wasn't already an upstanding member of the church of What's Happening Now!
Since I'm still stuck on the geek links, here's a pictoral of the ladies starring on the original Star Trek, which should be named all the chicks that Captain James T. Kirk banged on his 3 year mission.
I suppose this is supposed to be for personal protection, but I'd probably accidentally use it on myself...at least once a week.
If you're too cheap to buy a tivo but have a lot of time on your hands and your personal hero is MacGyver, here's a good project for you.
I bet this kid is a big Barbra Streisand fan.
Hehe...only in San Francisco. Still, this is good training in case they move to Amsterdam or something.
This site saves you the trouble of pretending to read that ridiculously long and tedious book by James Joyce. Ulysses for Dummies.
I had another signing last night in the hood; about a mile outside of Inglewood in a neighborhood that could have been the set for Friday. There were a bunch of kids fighting out front of the house so I sort of had to shoo them away without getting knifed or shot. When I got to the door, I was met by a little black kid who was in the process of putting his shoes onto the wrong feet. After I gave him some pointers about the right shoe going onto the right foot, he called for his dad. For the first time in my life at a signing, I was speechless. This guy, who is a spittin' image of Karl Malone came out in a wife beater, a pair of boxers and a flower patterned shower cap. "Give me a minute while I get some clothes on," he said. Thank goodness he didn't try to do the signing looking like that...although he did keep the shower cap on. I really do meet some of the strangest people on my side job.
"Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted."
--Aldous Huxley
Testaclese sounds like a most powerful and exhilarating mascot. I'm all in favor of P-day...why should the women have all the fun talking about their genitalia?
Must have been a slow day at a current affair to devote a whole segment to...fainting goats. Yep, you read that right. Fainting goats.
This little game is really simple, but damn addicting. Look out for that wall!
Star Trek is dead. Long live...Smallville? Yeah, I can't say I agree with that.
J-Lo wants to be president, huh? Well, she's about as good an actor as Ronald Reagan. Maybe she should run for Governor of California first.
It seems that finger food is becoming the new hotness, to go along with freeway shootings and high school teachers seducing students.
I think I've discovered the reason obesity is on the rise in the U.S.; no it isn't marriage.
To get an idea of how sheltered and idiotic researchers can be, they are warning that the rich in 3rd world countries are at a greater risk of heart disease. Hmmm...heart disease or starvation? Yeah, that's a tough choice.
I haven't done you justice in keeping up with the local celebrity news lately, so here's a new one. Hillary Duff's mom really likes her new 25 year old recovering alcoholic boyfriend. I can understand her logic; they'll be able to go to rehab together in a couple of years.
If you can't wait to watch Paris Hilton get murdered and displayed in that new movie "House of Wax", you can beat her ass instead with this flash game.
This is a strange calendar/clock...it actually makes watching the time go by somewhat interesting.
I think I found the perfect gift for Marlon's birthday.
For the silly ebay auction of the day, you can be the biggest geek on your block in preparation for the new Star Wars movie...for only 80,000 credits!
Come worship at the altar of the church of Pac-Man! I'd consider it, if I wasn't already an upstanding member of the church of What's Happening Now!
Since I'm still stuck on the geek links, here's a pictoral of the ladies starring on the original Star Trek, which should be named all the chicks that Captain James T. Kirk banged on his 3 year mission.
I suppose this is supposed to be for personal protection, but I'd probably accidentally use it on myself...at least once a week.
If you're too cheap to buy a tivo but have a lot of time on your hands and your personal hero is MacGyver, here's a good project for you.
I bet this kid is a big Barbra Streisand fan.
Hehe...only in San Francisco. Still, this is good training in case they move to Amsterdam or something.
This site saves you the trouble of pretending to read that ridiculously long and tedious book by James Joyce. Ulysses for Dummies.
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