Farkin' Links Vol. 140 8/30
You may be wondering why my links have been getting out so late this past week...of course, you probably don't give a damn, but it gives me an excuse to write about something. I'm out in Riverside this week covering for an employee on vacation. Normally, hanging out in 105 degree weather would piss me off(but, it's the dry heat!), but in this case I now have an excuse to go to my favorite fast food place, Farmer Boys. They have the biggest onion rings you have ever imagined and their hamburgers are heart attack sized...certainly not for the calorie counter, but quite tasty nonetheless. The other bonus of being in Riverside is the strange people out there. Take this exchange I overheard eating lunch yesterday, involving a teenage girl and the Mexican table server in the restaurant.
Teenager: Hi! What's your name?
Server: (looking nervous, like someone just asked her to name all the elements from the periodical table) Uhhhh...ummm...Melissa?
Teenager: Oh, Cool! That's my mom's name! She's Norweigan...hey, are you Norweigan too?
"My favorite animal is steak."
--Fran Lebowitz
Hmmm...maybe dingos really didn't eat Meryl Streep's baby.
Here's a fairly simple game, but it does involve lots of bullets and blood, so I'm all over it.
Just like the rest of Europe, Russia seems to be killing itself. I say, bring back communism!
It's been a while, but this is the best silly ebay auction of the day I've seen in a while...maybe ever. Seriously though, who doesn't want to own a rapper's name?
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a cat and a woman...you know what? I'm not going to ruin it for you. You do really need to listen to the commentary, though. Unfortunately, it's not safe for work.
Hehe, gotta love Britney Spears stories, especially when they involve the abuse of children.
Wow...I know Chuck Norris brought us the wonderment and joy that is Walker, Texas Ranger and one of my all time favorite movies, Top Dog, but I bet you didn't know half the things on this site!
Oh. My. God. I...I'm beyond speechless. This is totally not safe for work, but DAMN! This guy is talented.
Who says men don't like older women?
This painter is very talented...too bad he wastes it on something this idiotic.
See, not only are Legos fun, they're educational as well.
I think this doofus robber inspired Sol and Vincent from Snatch. Sometimes truth really is stranger, and funnier, than fiction.
Here's a nice nominee for the mother of the year award. It's nice to be accepting of your daughter's boyfriends, but usually sex offenders don't make the short list of live ins.
Alright, that's enough. Maybe Pat Robertson is a nutbag, but we really need to get rid of this Hugo Chavez. Of course, we could wait until he gets his way on this case.
...and one sport mini-game for the road. I'm sorry, did I say sport? I meant golf.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 139 8/29
I got around to watching another Paul's recommended movie selections, Sexy Beast. The story involves a sociopathic gangster thief who's trying to convince his old partner to come back from retirement in Sunny Spain to do another job for a big mover and shaker back in England. It's one part character study, one part crime caper film, and one part gangster redemption film...unfortunately, it doesn't do any of those parts well. The most interesting character, the sociopath named Don Lugo played by Ben "Ghandi" Kingsley, was hyped to be a very intimdating and frightening character. He might have been frightening in grade school, but that's the only place I can think of where a grown man acting like a petulant, whiny child with ADD and Tourette's syndrome would be intimidating. No offense to Ghandi, because he tries really hard, but he's just not scary. He's actually a little pathetic, so it's hard to see why these other characters are so frightened to be around him. The caper is such a small part of the film as to be a throwaway and you don't ever really get the feeling anything is going to go wrong. The main character, who I can't even remember the name of, is completely uninteresting as a person. They try to do this weird inner dialogue as well as dream sequences that makes me think the director had been watching too many Ingmar Bergman movies while stoned. For instance, he's plagued in his dreams by this hairy monster that looks like a cross between the goatboy on SNL and Beastman from Masters of the Universe; I'm still not sure if they're going for comedy or not. This whole mess is compounded by the fact that you can't understand half the things that are spoken by the characters; they all have a crazy cockney accent that's about as unintelligible as Brad Pitt's in Snatch. I can't say I didn't enjoy parts of it, but as a movie, it's an almost...and as the old saying goes,"Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades." Final grade, 5/10...or as Tristan would grade it, D+.
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."
--Mark Twain
I'm not sure I ever wanted to know what's in Cheez Whiz...but, it ain't gonna stop me from eating it. "Gettin' crazy with the Cheez Whiz!"
Not much of a sense of humor in New Hampshire, I suppose. Then again, it's not a very funny prank.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a page dedicated to the images of Kamikaze pilots from both the Japanese and American point of view. Blowing yourself up is pretty crazy; I'd put more stock in Patton's line,"No bastard won a war dying for his country; he won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."
Ha...and they say chimpanzees are smart. Look at these chimps...smoking their lives away.
I can think of better ways to spend the weekend. Still, this is yet another fool who broke a cardinal rule of crime; never photograph the evidence.
Here's a list of 101 things not to say during sex. All very good advice, as I can attest to.
Wowzers...talk about frontier justice. Only in India could the cops consider fighting crime with lions. Well, OK, Africa has probably considered it, too.
You know, this is actually a pretty good idea to put a warning on beer mats. These are the people who are most likely walking off cliffs in a drunken stupor.
Athletes must hate Onterrio Smith now that he blew the lid off the Whizzinator industry.
I dunno...if I owned a Real Life doll, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want people to take pictures of me with it.
This isn't exactly news, but it's still pretty funny. Scientists have found that Cleopatra was a broke lookin' slut.
Well, sex does sell, but I doubt this ad is gonna keep Mexican men from eating turtle eggs...unless they get to bring this photo to bed and paste it on the face of their actual wives.
What a way to go...at least it was quick...going to hell at about 155 miles per hour.
Yikes! Talking about a way to go...I do not want to go out like Darth Vader! Noooooooooooooo!
There goes China again, trying to take the title for craziness from Japan. Rhino man here puts another point on their side of the ledger, though...
I got around to watching another Paul's recommended movie selections, Sexy Beast. The story involves a sociopathic gangster thief who's trying to convince his old partner to come back from retirement in Sunny Spain to do another job for a big mover and shaker back in England. It's one part character study, one part crime caper film, and one part gangster redemption film...unfortunately, it doesn't do any of those parts well. The most interesting character, the sociopath named Don Lugo played by Ben "Ghandi" Kingsley, was hyped to be a very intimdating and frightening character. He might have been frightening in grade school, but that's the only place I can think of where a grown man acting like a petulant, whiny child with ADD and Tourette's syndrome would be intimidating. No offense to Ghandi, because he tries really hard, but he's just not scary. He's actually a little pathetic, so it's hard to see why these other characters are so frightened to be around him. The caper is such a small part of the film as to be a throwaway and you don't ever really get the feeling anything is going to go wrong. The main character, who I can't even remember the name of, is completely uninteresting as a person. They try to do this weird inner dialogue as well as dream sequences that makes me think the director had been watching too many Ingmar Bergman movies while stoned. For instance, he's plagued in his dreams by this hairy monster that looks like a cross between the goatboy on SNL and Beastman from Masters of the Universe; I'm still not sure if they're going for comedy or not. This whole mess is compounded by the fact that you can't understand half the things that are spoken by the characters; they all have a crazy cockney accent that's about as unintelligible as Brad Pitt's in Snatch. I can't say I didn't enjoy parts of it, but as a movie, it's an almost...and as the old saying goes,"Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades." Final grade, 5/10...or as Tristan would grade it, D+.
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."
--Mark Twain
I'm not sure I ever wanted to know what's in Cheez Whiz...but, it ain't gonna stop me from eating it. "Gettin' crazy with the Cheez Whiz!"
Not much of a sense of humor in New Hampshire, I suppose. Then again, it's not a very funny prank.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a page dedicated to the images of Kamikaze pilots from both the Japanese and American point of view. Blowing yourself up is pretty crazy; I'd put more stock in Patton's line,"No bastard won a war dying for his country; he won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."
Ha...and they say chimpanzees are smart. Look at these chimps...smoking their lives away.
I can think of better ways to spend the weekend. Still, this is yet another fool who broke a cardinal rule of crime; never photograph the evidence.
Here's a list of 101 things not to say during sex. All very good advice, as I can attest to.
Wowzers...talk about frontier justice. Only in India could the cops consider fighting crime with lions. Well, OK, Africa has probably considered it, too.
You know, this is actually a pretty good idea to put a warning on beer mats. These are the people who are most likely walking off cliffs in a drunken stupor.
Athletes must hate Onterrio Smith now that he blew the lid off the Whizzinator industry.
I dunno...if I owned a Real Life doll, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want people to take pictures of me with it.
This isn't exactly news, but it's still pretty funny. Scientists have found that Cleopatra was a broke lookin' slut.
Well, sex does sell, but I doubt this ad is gonna keep Mexican men from eating turtle eggs...unless they get to bring this photo to bed and paste it on the face of their actual wives.
What a way to go...at least it was quick...going to hell at about 155 miles per hour.
Yikes! Talking about a way to go...I do not want to go out like Darth Vader! Noooooooooooooo!
There goes China again, trying to take the title for craziness from Japan. Rhino man here puts another point on their side of the ledger, though...
Friday, August 26, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 138 8/26
It's Friday and all that. I am fairly happy that I finally finished my Europe trip album...and it only took me three years. You know it's old because Uriel is in it. Either way, it was one of the more fun trips I've taken. Contiki tours are great times; the hotels suck, the guides know less than your average high school student about the historical landmarks you're viewing, but your fellow travelers are between 18-35 and half of them are Australians. Even if you were visiting Topeka, Kansas, you'd have a good time. This isn't my best photo album I've made on tour, but it's the most recent one completed. Either way, why don't you check out the sparse album we made; I know it's not many pictures, but I plead drunkeness for most of it.
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
--August Strindberg
Oh goody...all that complaining about not having enough fashion for men has finally paid off. We now have "pubic pants." I wonder if you have to own several Barbra Streisand albums to by these pants...
Anything free is worth what you pay for, I suppose. Even if it's a trip to the ER.
Mmmmm....ghetto fries...sounds like something worthy of Homer Simpson, or Jack Lin.
Gee, a human catapult can result in injuries? But it always works in the cartoons!
If you want something done right, you better do it yourself...unless it involves jabbing a giant needle into your breast. Then, death sounds pretty good.
Damn...piss off Sharon Osbourne at your own risk; she believes in some frontier justice. Of course, the response by Iron Maiden is kind of wimpy; aren't these guys a tough, heavy metal band? Since when do they whine and cry in posted internet responses?
Talk about a real man. I think I'd be rolling on the ground crying if I broke my back. It took this guy 44 years to realize it.
Hehe...this really does look like some strange fetish you'd find in Japan. Either way, it's pretty funny, and safe for work.
Wow, this guy was serious about winning his costume contest. Although, to be honest, the finished project still looks like crap.
This is the type of soccer I could get on board with...take that, granny!
I guess the lesson here is to not jump off the roof with rollerblades...but I think I already knew that.
Ooohhh...those wacky, crazy computer programmers sure know how to party! I can't wait to get invited to one of their shindigs!
Here's a little girl crybaby rant about how bad fantasy football is. I'd tell him where to go with his high horse, but I'm trying to cut down on the goddamn profanity.
Are you feeling lonely? Why not find a new friend and make a prison pen pal? I'm sure he's got company every night from his cell mate Bubba, but I'm sure he'd like to hear from the outside world.
You mean an ad featuring a nun holding a condom would offend Catholics? What planet are these ad wizards from, exactly?
It's Friday and all that. I am fairly happy that I finally finished my Europe trip album...and it only took me three years. You know it's old because Uriel is in it. Either way, it was one of the more fun trips I've taken. Contiki tours are great times; the hotels suck, the guides know less than your average high school student about the historical landmarks you're viewing, but your fellow travelers are between 18-35 and half of them are Australians. Even if you were visiting Topeka, Kansas, you'd have a good time. This isn't my best photo album I've made on tour, but it's the most recent one completed. Either way, why don't you check out the sparse album we made; I know it's not many pictures, but I plead drunkeness for most of it.
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
--August Strindberg
Oh goody...all that complaining about not having enough fashion for men has finally paid off. We now have "pubic pants." I wonder if you have to own several Barbra Streisand albums to by these pants...
Anything free is worth what you pay for, I suppose. Even if it's a trip to the ER.
Mmmmm....ghetto fries...sounds like something worthy of Homer Simpson, or Jack Lin.
Gee, a human catapult can result in injuries? But it always works in the cartoons!
If you want something done right, you better do it yourself...unless it involves jabbing a giant needle into your breast. Then, death sounds pretty good.
Damn...piss off Sharon Osbourne at your own risk; she believes in some frontier justice. Of course, the response by Iron Maiden is kind of wimpy; aren't these guys a tough, heavy metal band? Since when do they whine and cry in posted internet responses?
Talk about a real man. I think I'd be rolling on the ground crying if I broke my back. It took this guy 44 years to realize it.
Hehe...this really does look like some strange fetish you'd find in Japan. Either way, it's pretty funny, and safe for work.
Wow, this guy was serious about winning his costume contest. Although, to be honest, the finished project still looks like crap.
This is the type of soccer I could get on board with...take that, granny!
I guess the lesson here is to not jump off the roof with rollerblades...but I think I already knew that.
Ooohhh...those wacky, crazy computer programmers sure know how to party! I can't wait to get invited to one of their shindigs!
Here's a little girl crybaby rant about how bad fantasy football is. I'd tell him where to go with his high horse, but I'm trying to cut down on the goddamn profanity.
Are you feeling lonely? Why not find a new friend and make a prison pen pal? I'm sure he's got company every night from his cell mate Bubba, but I'm sure he'd like to hear from the outside world.
You mean an ad featuring a nun holding a condom would offend Catholics? What planet are these ad wizards from, exactly?
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 137 8/25
Scanning the tv last night, I noticed the media is still following that non-story about the missing girl in Aruba, which I guess isn't a surprise considering Cindy Sheehan took a break from her ditch in Crawford for the week, but does anybody actually care about this story? I don't want to sound cold hearted, but people go missing all the time without round the clock news coverage. I know it's slow in the summer, but come on, people! You're journalists! Can't you actually take a walk outside the studio and find something else to talk about? Surely there's a dog stuck up in a tree or something, right? Speaking of non-stories, I noticed that the French have "definitive proof" that Lance Armstrong was cheating by using banned substances. I'll lay off the old joke about finding deodorant and a tooth brush in his hotel room, but I will ask the following question; Who cares? It's a bunch of dudes in spandex riding bicycles...I'd rather watch the Magic: The Gathering tournaments on ESPN8. The only reason we paid any attention was the fact that an American was whoopin' some French ass, but really, how is that even unexpected? What have the French been good at lately, other than taking long vacations and surrendering? Frankly, I'm happy as hell Lance retired, because now I don't have to watch bike riding on my ESPN anymore. It joins the trash bin of history, along with women's soccer, and hopefully soon, the WNBA.
"Confusion is always the most honest response."
--Marty Indik
Here's some big news...Tara Reid has admitted that her breasts are fake. In other earth shattering news, the pope has admitted he's a catholic.
Here's a rather funny yet totally inaccurate list of famous virgins.
Oh...my...god...Scott Spiezio, what the hell happened to you? You were a World Series hero...
This link is a collection of people with really poor computer skills. I should probably submit some of the stories from the people working here.
Well, this site certainly gets to the point. I'll have roast beef on rye.
I'm always in favor of a spanking, so I don't see a problem with this pamphlet.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have visual proof. Remind me never to travel on the subway in Tokyo.
Looks like China is cracking down on their budding internet stars...does this really qualify as a hot chick in China? Now I'm actually feeling bad for the communists...
This is not cool. I've heard of a woman taking a man's balls before...but this is just sick and wrong.
I know gas prices have been pretty high, so I've included this link to an alternative to your gas guzzling car.
I guess there's really not much to do in the Ozarks; still, this looks pretty fun.
I've been neglecting Moody's soccer links...now now, don't all of you get upset. I know how much you love them as well. Anyways, here's some visual evidence of why there's no scoring in soccer.
This baby retouching service is just wrong...this isn't healthy for the grieving family members.
Here's a fun Counterstrike-like shooter for you guys to waste time with. Get 'dem terrorists!
I always knew those Power Rangers were shifty dudes...why else would they wear a mask?
Scanning the tv last night, I noticed the media is still following that non-story about the missing girl in Aruba, which I guess isn't a surprise considering Cindy Sheehan took a break from her ditch in Crawford for the week, but does anybody actually care about this story? I don't want to sound cold hearted, but people go missing all the time without round the clock news coverage. I know it's slow in the summer, but come on, people! You're journalists! Can't you actually take a walk outside the studio and find something else to talk about? Surely there's a dog stuck up in a tree or something, right? Speaking of non-stories, I noticed that the French have "definitive proof" that Lance Armstrong was cheating by using banned substances. I'll lay off the old joke about finding deodorant and a tooth brush in his hotel room, but I will ask the following question; Who cares? It's a bunch of dudes in spandex riding bicycles...I'd rather watch the Magic: The Gathering tournaments on ESPN8. The only reason we paid any attention was the fact that an American was whoopin' some French ass, but really, how is that even unexpected? What have the French been good at lately, other than taking long vacations and surrendering? Frankly, I'm happy as hell Lance retired, because now I don't have to watch bike riding on my ESPN anymore. It joins the trash bin of history, along with women's soccer, and hopefully soon, the WNBA.
"Confusion is always the most honest response."
--Marty Indik
Here's some big news...Tara Reid has admitted that her breasts are fake. In other earth shattering news, the pope has admitted he's a catholic.
Here's a rather funny yet totally inaccurate list of famous virgins.
Oh...my...god...Scott Spiezio, what the hell happened to you? You were a World Series hero...
This link is a collection of people with really poor computer skills. I should probably submit some of the stories from the people working here.
Well, this site certainly gets to the point. I'll have roast beef on rye.
I'm always in favor of a spanking, so I don't see a problem with this pamphlet.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have visual proof. Remind me never to travel on the subway in Tokyo.
Looks like China is cracking down on their budding internet stars...does this really qualify as a hot chick in China? Now I'm actually feeling bad for the communists...
This is not cool. I've heard of a woman taking a man's balls before...but this is just sick and wrong.
I know gas prices have been pretty high, so I've included this link to an alternative to your gas guzzling car.
I guess there's really not much to do in the Ozarks; still, this looks pretty fun.
I've been neglecting Moody's soccer links...now now, don't all of you get upset. I know how much you love them as well. Anyways, here's some visual evidence of why there's no scoring in soccer.
This baby retouching service is just wrong...this isn't healthy for the grieving family members.
Here's a fun Counterstrike-like shooter for you guys to waste time with. Get 'dem terrorists!
I always knew those Power Rangers were shifty dudes...why else would they wear a mask?
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 136 8/24
I finally got around to watching that movie, Requiem for a Dream last night. I'm proud of myself, I didn't even consider throwing myself off a bridge after sitting through it. The story is about 4 characters who's lives are destroyed by the use of drugs...that's about it, really. Considering the message of the movie is "Drugs are bad," I'm pretty sure it deserves the ol' "Way to go, Captain Obvious!" The director of this movie, Darren Aronofsky, goes out of his ways to set up shots that seem to say,"Look at me direct! I'm clever, huh?" I guess I'm just not as impressed by split screen shots that look like they were stolen out of a 70's disaster movie or sped up motion straight out of a Gilligan's Island episode. He starts to tone down this nonsense as the movie progresses, so maybe even he was getting depressed by his characters. Of course, it takes about 2 hours to show the horribly depressing and disgusting fall to the bottom. I think the main reason I was able to disconnect myself from the tragedy was the fact that it starred Jared Leto playing Harry Goldfarb(who has the most obnoxious Brooklyn accent I've ever heard in a movie...it's like he was shouting,"Hey, check it out! I can totally do accents! Somebody hire me!)and Marlon Wayans as the appropriately named Tyrone, both of who I hate. Seeing these two destroy their lives was somewhat of a guilty pleasure, really. Jared's character's mother, played by Ellen Burstyn, was a much more empathetic character. It may be why she was nominated for an Oscar; her performance is actually quite haunting and extraordinarily sad. The other major character was Harry's girlfriend, Marion, played by the increasingly creepy and anorexic looking Jennifer Connelly. Let me just say she's come a long way from the Rocketeer; at least she's proven she can act. All in all, it's a well made movie that has some good performances that I would never, under any circumstances, ever want to watch again. It's about as fun as a stomach pump and much longer to boot. I'll give it a 7.5/10, but the rewatchability is a 0/10. For the Tristan score, this movie gets a B-.
"Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible."
--Stanislaw Lem
This is one hell of a headline, and one screaming for photographs of the scene. What shoddy investigation, news media!
People need to start thinking for a moment before they post embarrassing videos online...no, wait, scratch that. Then I'd have nothing to post.
Looks like Tom Sizemore is making movies again...apparently, he was inspired by Paris Hilton. O.K., if you really want to buy the porno tapes because he's just so damn irresistible, here's the link. It's certainly not safe for work.
Wow...Andy Dick just gropes the hell out of Pamela Anderson's breasts...what a waste. I mean, it's Andy Dick. What possible joy could he get out of a woman?
In the "Japanese people are crazy" link for the day, they just can't leave well enough alone. They have to reimagine the bicycle...that's great, for all those losers without a car, but seriously, can you do some real work...like developing a flying car?
Freedom bags, huh? I dunno about you, but I'd definitely not carry any suspicious bags onto the underground in London...7 bullets to the head is not good for your health.
I'm not exactly sure what's being sold here...but I'm buying! Where's my credit card? Not safe for work.
Looking for a cover song and can't remember who sang it? This site seems to have all your bases covered.
Good lord...this women's soccer team is terrible! How do you give up 50 goals in one game? That would have caused that Spanish broadcaster who shouts "Gooooaaaaal!" to suffer a heart attack.
Holy fertilization, Batman! The sex ed classes at this Ohio school must be really hands on.
Uh oh...terrorists might be posing as vagrants? Time to implement my long standing plan of Bum hunting season.
What the fu...alright, this has to be the dumbest man in the history of the world; that or he's just a poor liar.
Hehe...I just have to post my all time favorite animal video again. Meet Pinky, the happiest, sweetest cat in the world!
This game seems to completely revolve around shooting animals with a bow and arrow...which is good enough for me.
...and just because...the coolest singer on the planet. Damn, he's sexy!
I finally got around to watching that movie, Requiem for a Dream last night. I'm proud of myself, I didn't even consider throwing myself off a bridge after sitting through it. The story is about 4 characters who's lives are destroyed by the use of drugs...that's about it, really. Considering the message of the movie is "Drugs are bad," I'm pretty sure it deserves the ol' "Way to go, Captain Obvious!" The director of this movie, Darren Aronofsky, goes out of his ways to set up shots that seem to say,"Look at me direct! I'm clever, huh?" I guess I'm just not as impressed by split screen shots that look like they were stolen out of a 70's disaster movie or sped up motion straight out of a Gilligan's Island episode. He starts to tone down this nonsense as the movie progresses, so maybe even he was getting depressed by his characters. Of course, it takes about 2 hours to show the horribly depressing and disgusting fall to the bottom. I think the main reason I was able to disconnect myself from the tragedy was the fact that it starred Jared Leto playing Harry Goldfarb(who has the most obnoxious Brooklyn accent I've ever heard in a movie...it's like he was shouting,"Hey, check it out! I can totally do accents! Somebody hire me!)and Marlon Wayans as the appropriately named Tyrone, both of who I hate. Seeing these two destroy their lives was somewhat of a guilty pleasure, really. Jared's character's mother, played by Ellen Burstyn, was a much more empathetic character. It may be why she was nominated for an Oscar; her performance is actually quite haunting and extraordinarily sad. The other major character was Harry's girlfriend, Marion, played by the increasingly creepy and anorexic looking Jennifer Connelly. Let me just say she's come a long way from the Rocketeer; at least she's proven she can act. All in all, it's a well made movie that has some good performances that I would never, under any circumstances, ever want to watch again. It's about as fun as a stomach pump and much longer to boot. I'll give it a 7.5/10, but the rewatchability is a 0/10. For the Tristan score, this movie gets a B-.
"Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible."
--Stanislaw Lem
This is one hell of a headline, and one screaming for photographs of the scene. What shoddy investigation, news media!
People need to start thinking for a moment before they post embarrassing videos online...no, wait, scratch that. Then I'd have nothing to post.
Looks like Tom Sizemore is making movies again...apparently, he was inspired by Paris Hilton. O.K., if you really want to buy the porno tapes because he's just so damn irresistible, here's the link. It's certainly not safe for work.
Wow...Andy Dick just gropes the hell out of Pamela Anderson's breasts...what a waste. I mean, it's Andy Dick. What possible joy could he get out of a woman?
In the "Japanese people are crazy" link for the day, they just can't leave well enough alone. They have to reimagine the bicycle...that's great, for all those losers without a car, but seriously, can you do some real work...like developing a flying car?
Freedom bags, huh? I dunno about you, but I'd definitely not carry any suspicious bags onto the underground in London...7 bullets to the head is not good for your health.
I'm not exactly sure what's being sold here...but I'm buying! Where's my credit card? Not safe for work.
Looking for a cover song and can't remember who sang it? This site seems to have all your bases covered.
Good lord...this women's soccer team is terrible! How do you give up 50 goals in one game? That would have caused that Spanish broadcaster who shouts "Gooooaaaaal!" to suffer a heart attack.
Holy fertilization, Batman! The sex ed classes at this Ohio school must be really hands on.
Uh oh...terrorists might be posing as vagrants? Time to implement my long standing plan of Bum hunting season.
What the fu...alright, this has to be the dumbest man in the history of the world; that or he's just a poor liar.
Hehe...I just have to post my all time favorite animal video again. Meet Pinky, the happiest, sweetest cat in the world!
This game seems to completely revolve around shooting animals with a bow and arrow...which is good enough for me.
...and just because...the coolest singer on the planet. Damn, he's sexy!
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 135 8/23
I meant to go to the gym last night; I really did. Unfortunately, B used is incredibly persuasive talents in order trick me into playing a game of Madden football instead. In fact, the conversation went something like this,"Hey Adam, let's play a quick game of Madden." "O.K., sure." Do you see the subtlety of his question? I had no defense. Unfortunately for B, neither did his crappy team, the Texans. Never have I seen a team suffer more bad luck during a game than I witnessed that game. Besides the fact that he lost to the Bengals, he had 5 turnovers, was stopped twice on a 4th and one, he was also shut out. Not a good day...no sir, that's a bad day. Well, that's what he gets for keeping me from the gym.
"A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world."
--Edmond de Concourt
I guess this is good news for guys...except that women couldn't tell you what they really wanted if their lives depended on it.
If Norway ever gets in a war, it's totally screwed. I like penguins probably more than the next guy, but I don't want him in my army.
I'm not sure this qualifies as "Japanese people are crazy" as much as it's Google's translation is crazy...but it's still pretty great.
Hehe...I guess there are some people in the world who haven't seen Star Wars, but I think they're living in a cave with Osama Bin Laden right now. Still, would anybody be sad if they started shooting these foolios dressed up like Stormtroopers? Lots of parents would have their basements back again.
I've been inspired by the 40 Year Old Virgin...o.k., and I'm Gonna Get You Sucka...I need these shoes!
Wow...who knew they had American Idol in China? I wonder who plays their Simon Cowell?
The future is here, again. Your contacts can now act as sunglasses...no mention as to why you'd want contacts since the development of laser surgery...and where the hell are my FLYING CARS!?!
Talk about an unfortunate last name...I wonder if Fuji is thinking of suing.
Damn...everyone's trying to outweird the Japanese...even Thailand is giving it a try. Of course, with names like Bangkok and Phuket, they don't have to try this hard. Link not safe for work.
Uh oh...the killer bees from Mexico are finally here.
The Romans keep impressing. Not only did they build all those roads and aqueducts, they were very creative graffiti insult artists. Does it get any better than calling someone a eunuch?
Hehe...would you like to buy a penguin?
Does anybody remember the ping pong skit with the weird, ninja looking stage people in the background? Well, it looks like they've put together a karate show, now.
Here's an actually funny SNL skit...of course it's from years ago. Watch as Will Ferrell does Neil Diamond's Storytellers.
Yes! I love Choose Your Own Adventure books! What can make it even better? How about a story about pirates?
I meant to go to the gym last night; I really did. Unfortunately, B used is incredibly persuasive talents in order trick me into playing a game of Madden football instead. In fact, the conversation went something like this,"Hey Adam, let's play a quick game of Madden." "O.K., sure." Do you see the subtlety of his question? I had no defense. Unfortunately for B, neither did his crappy team, the Texans. Never have I seen a team suffer more bad luck during a game than I witnessed that game. Besides the fact that he lost to the Bengals, he had 5 turnovers, was stopped twice on a 4th and one, he was also shut out. Not a good day...no sir, that's a bad day. Well, that's what he gets for keeping me from the gym.
"A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world."
--Edmond de Concourt
I guess this is good news for guys...except that women couldn't tell you what they really wanted if their lives depended on it.
If Norway ever gets in a war, it's totally screwed. I like penguins probably more than the next guy, but I don't want him in my army.
I'm not sure this qualifies as "Japanese people are crazy" as much as it's Google's translation is crazy...but it's still pretty great.
Hehe...I guess there are some people in the world who haven't seen Star Wars, but I think they're living in a cave with Osama Bin Laden right now. Still, would anybody be sad if they started shooting these foolios dressed up like Stormtroopers? Lots of parents would have their basements back again.
I've been inspired by the 40 Year Old Virgin...o.k., and I'm Gonna Get You Sucka...I need these shoes!
Wow...who knew they had American Idol in China? I wonder who plays their Simon Cowell?
The future is here, again. Your contacts can now act as sunglasses...no mention as to why you'd want contacts since the development of laser surgery...and where the hell are my FLYING CARS!?!
Talk about an unfortunate last name...I wonder if Fuji is thinking of suing.
Damn...everyone's trying to outweird the Japanese...even Thailand is giving it a try. Of course, with names like Bangkok and Phuket, they don't have to try this hard. Link not safe for work.
Uh oh...the killer bees from Mexico are finally here.
The Romans keep impressing. Not only did they build all those roads and aqueducts, they were very creative graffiti insult artists. Does it get any better than calling someone a eunuch?
Hehe...would you like to buy a penguin?
Does anybody remember the ping pong skit with the weird, ninja looking stage people in the background? Well, it looks like they've put together a karate show, now.
Here's an actually funny SNL skit...of course it's from years ago. Watch as Will Ferrell does Neil Diamond's Storytellers.
Yes! I love Choose Your Own Adventure books! What can make it even better? How about a story about pirates?
Monday, August 22, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 134 8/22
I really was meaning to watch the two indy, artsy-crap movies I received from netflix this weekend. I really did...but I went and watched the 40 Year Old Virgin instead. I may have delayed the emotional rollercoaster and soul searching that only depressing, boring indy movies can bring, but at least I laughed my ass off. The 40 Year Old Virgin is the tale of a middle aged man, Andy, played by Steve Carrell, who has had bad luck with women, so he just decided to not deal with them anymore...at all. Living in a cocoon of nostalgia, he basically spends his days playing video games, painting minatures and collecting toys from long past TV shows. Strangely enough, this is exactly what my friend Alex does with his time now that he's married, so maybe it has nothing to do with our main character's virginity. Either way, he's finally outed at work and his newly discovered friends decide to make it their mission to get him laid. Unfortunately, they're ideas of relationships with women are almost as distorted as his...actually, it's not unfortunate at all...it's frickin' laugh-a-minute hilarious stuff. Every guy should be able to relate to many situations in this movie, especially some of the conversations that these fellas have about women. It's a very R rated movie much like Wedding Crashers, and about as funny. It doesn't have a home run hitter like Vince Vaughn, but the entire cast is solid and it doesn't get bogged down in romance, like Wedding Crashers. Comedies are hard to judge, since the humor can be heavily affected by the mood of crowd and your own feelings. I'm not quite sure if this is a comedy classic; I'll probably have to watch it a couple of times to see if it holds up, so for now it's getting a 8.5/10. Hey, any movie that can make a gay joke involving Coldplay is guaranteed a high mark. For the Tristan score, it definitely gets an A.
"If you would not step into the harlot's house, do not go by the harlot's door."
--Thomas Secker
Jeez, this woman dies of a flesh eating bacteria from the the St. John's river and officials are not warning anyone because it's just one isolated case. Next they'll be telling us it was a boating accident.
God Lord! I hope Ken dolls don't look this scary; I feel bad for little girls if that's the case. They're all going to be lesbians...not that there's anything wrong with that.
Here's one for the ladies. Did you ever want to see a guy do a pole dance? Me neither...but hey, if he wants to embarrass the hell out of himself, I'll help.
I don't care about these disgusting pictures, I'm still going to eat big macs.
Wow, someone needs to see his therapist. This guy has a disturbing fixation on Batman and Robin doing...well, it's not good.
Hehe...at least the flyboys in the military are having a good time. Maybe he should take that act on the road.
5 times a day? This guy's quite impressive...but why take this woman to court? It seems a bit excessive.
Drinking and driving don't mix...unless you have a gun. Then you can do whatever the pho-k you want.
This poor girl got killed while having a photo shoot with a Bengal tiger. I can understand the tiger though; they were probably trying to shoot his bad side.
Damn, my entertainment IQ is fading; I only got 5 out of 10...I need start watching more TV.
Sure, this is a pretty impressive tip, but the last time I left a full 25 percent tip! That's pretty impressive too.
This is an interesting test...spot the fake smile!
Wow...this bomb squad makes the Keystone Cops look like the SWAT team.
We all know women are terrible drivers, but this guy made a list of the world's worst female drivers. I love the champion...I don't know that she's a terrible driver, I think she's just trying to start a new trend.
Not only should you not bring your cell phone to a robbery...but if you lose, it's gone, man. Don't try to call it and hope a good samaritan will return it. Karma says you're screwed.
I really was meaning to watch the two indy, artsy-crap movies I received from netflix this weekend. I really did...but I went and watched the 40 Year Old Virgin instead. I may have delayed the emotional rollercoaster and soul searching that only depressing, boring indy movies can bring, but at least I laughed my ass off. The 40 Year Old Virgin is the tale of a middle aged man, Andy, played by Steve Carrell, who has had bad luck with women, so he just decided to not deal with them anymore...at all. Living in a cocoon of nostalgia, he basically spends his days playing video games, painting minatures and collecting toys from long past TV shows. Strangely enough, this is exactly what my friend Alex does with his time now that he's married, so maybe it has nothing to do with our main character's virginity. Either way, he's finally outed at work and his newly discovered friends decide to make it their mission to get him laid. Unfortunately, they're ideas of relationships with women are almost as distorted as his...actually, it's not unfortunate at all...it's frickin' laugh-a-minute hilarious stuff. Every guy should be able to relate to many situations in this movie, especially some of the conversations that these fellas have about women. It's a very R rated movie much like Wedding Crashers, and about as funny. It doesn't have a home run hitter like Vince Vaughn, but the entire cast is solid and it doesn't get bogged down in romance, like Wedding Crashers. Comedies are hard to judge, since the humor can be heavily affected by the mood of crowd and your own feelings. I'm not quite sure if this is a comedy classic; I'll probably have to watch it a couple of times to see if it holds up, so for now it's getting a 8.5/10. Hey, any movie that can make a gay joke involving Coldplay is guaranteed a high mark. For the Tristan score, it definitely gets an A.
"If you would not step into the harlot's house, do not go by the harlot's door."
--Thomas Secker
Jeez, this woman dies of a flesh eating bacteria from the the St. John's river and officials are not warning anyone because it's just one isolated case. Next they'll be telling us it was a boating accident.
God Lord! I hope Ken dolls don't look this scary; I feel bad for little girls if that's the case. They're all going to be lesbians...not that there's anything wrong with that.
Here's one for the ladies. Did you ever want to see a guy do a pole dance? Me neither...but hey, if he wants to embarrass the hell out of himself, I'll help.
I don't care about these disgusting pictures, I'm still going to eat big macs.
Wow, someone needs to see his therapist. This guy has a disturbing fixation on Batman and Robin doing...well, it's not good.
Hehe...at least the flyboys in the military are having a good time. Maybe he should take that act on the road.
5 times a day? This guy's quite impressive...but why take this woman to court? It seems a bit excessive.
Drinking and driving don't mix...unless you have a gun. Then you can do whatever the pho-k you want.
This poor girl got killed while having a photo shoot with a Bengal tiger. I can understand the tiger though; they were probably trying to shoot his bad side.
Damn, my entertainment IQ is fading; I only got 5 out of 10...I need start watching more TV.
Sure, this is a pretty impressive tip, but the last time I left a full 25 percent tip! That's pretty impressive too.
This is an interesting test...spot the fake smile!
Wow...this bomb squad makes the Keystone Cops look like the SWAT team.
We all know women are terrible drivers, but this guy made a list of the world's worst female drivers. I love the champion...I don't know that she's a terrible driver, I think she's just trying to start a new trend.
Not only should you not bring your cell phone to a robbery...but if you lose, it's gone, man. Don't try to call it and hope a good samaritan will return it. Karma says you're screwed.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 133 8/19
A group of us went to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim game...still getting used to that silly name. It's almost as bad as the Mighty Ducks. The the Angels Angels were playing the evil Bostonian Red Sox, my father's favorite team. He used to rub in the fact that they were much better than the Angels and basically turned me into a Red Sox hater early; I'm sure it would have happened at some point had I met other Red Sox fans. You won't find more obnoxious, moody, self-centered bastards in all of sports.
The game was featuring fatboy Bartolo Colon pitching for the Angels(who, as Moody pointed out to me, freakishly looks like a Cabage Patch doll) and the robotic Wakefield for the Red Sox. At first, we thought we were in for a pitcher's duel as it was 1-0 going into the bottom of the 5th. This was about the time the Angels decided to make it more exciting for us. As Wakefield had managed to dodge a baseball to the head smacked by Darin Erstad, Casey Kotchman finally got a piece of him that inning by wacking a ball right into his ankle. He had the ducking down, just not the hopping...I suppose he needs to play more platform games. They had to take the poor guy out and replace him with the killer from Halloween, Michael Myers. Luckily for us, he's a better slasher than pitcher, and he promptly gave up a home run on his first pitch. At that point, the game started to get out of hand.
The Red Sox tried to make it interesting at the top of the 7th by loading the bases and actually scoring some runs. This caused all the Red Sox pukes to get all excited and start cheering...they started out louder than the Angel fans, but eventually, the Angel faithful decided to step up and began winning the cheering contest. At this point, some smart Bostonian decided to split the difference and started up a "Yankees Suck!" cheer, which everybody could agree on. That ended up being the loudest cheer of the night; even though they probably won't make the playoffs, the Yankees are still the most hated team in baseball. This was a game that featured everything; some good pitching, home runs, bad fielding(of course, when Manny Ramirez is involved, you'll see some funny sh*t. He gave the Angels a couple runs on his own by just being Manny),some serious scoring,and most importantly, the Angels beat the defending World Champs for the first game of the series. All in all, a good night at the ballpark. GO ANGELS!
"Discretion is not the better part of biography."
--Lytton Strachey
There goes China again, trying to be crazy like the Japanese. Sure, forcing employees to get divorced to get their jobs back is weird, but not quite up to Nippon standards.
They say no pain, no gain...well, this guy proves it. How many times are you willing to cause irreparable brain damage to do a bike stunt?
This is a nice little collage of women looking foolish. Way to go, America's Funniest Home Videos. I guess men aren't the only ones who make utter jackasses out of themselves.
I suppose this guy was also inspired by those great McDonald's commercials starring Michael Jordan and Larry Legend back in the day.
...and the future is now. Video playing tombstones, just like in all those science fiction movies. Now all we need is MY DAMN FLYING CAR!
I hope Moody isn't using his cell phone to take pictures like this clown.
Wow...this may be the best video I've seen since R. Kelly's operatic epic.
For our "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a door that adjusts to your height and width...you basically look like Wil E. Coyote being flung through a wall. I wonder if you can get impaled if it malfunctions?
Oh boy; a wacky techno geek, probably a graduate of Cal Tech, shows you how to turn a nintendo controller into your remote control. Why? A Captain-N wanna be, I guess.
OUCH! This is something I'd expect out of that crazy wrestler Sabu; I guess he has his next generation of followers.
I know this works in movies all the time, but I didn't think you really could lay unmolested under a moving bus.
This is a pretty entertaining review of a very bizarre Miyazaki flick, Pon Poko. Yeah, I was wondering what was up with all the magical scrotums, myself.
It's been a while, but the old axiom is still true; old people will pho-k you up. Especially if you interrupt their feeding time...let's face it; it's probably the only pleasure besides using the bathroom they still get in life.
Wow, when it rains, it pours. Not only will old people pho-k you up, they'll pop a cap in yo ass, foo, then drive away very slowly in their Grand Marquis.
Damn, Timmy got thrown out of a movie theatre. That's just harsh, man. Timmay!
A group of us went to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim game...still getting used to that silly name. It's almost as bad as the Mighty Ducks. The the Angels Angels were playing the evil Bostonian Red Sox, my father's favorite team. He used to rub in the fact that they were much better than the Angels and basically turned me into a Red Sox hater early; I'm sure it would have happened at some point had I met other Red Sox fans. You won't find more obnoxious, moody, self-centered bastards in all of sports.
The game was featuring fatboy Bartolo Colon pitching for the Angels(who, as Moody pointed out to me, freakishly looks like a Cabage Patch doll) and the robotic Wakefield for the Red Sox. At first, we thought we were in for a pitcher's duel as it was 1-0 going into the bottom of the 5th. This was about the time the Angels decided to make it more exciting for us. As Wakefield had managed to dodge a baseball to the head smacked by Darin Erstad, Casey Kotchman finally got a piece of him that inning by wacking a ball right into his ankle. He had the ducking down, just not the hopping...I suppose he needs to play more platform games. They had to take the poor guy out and replace him with the killer from Halloween, Michael Myers. Luckily for us, he's a better slasher than pitcher, and he promptly gave up a home run on his first pitch. At that point, the game started to get out of hand.
The Red Sox tried to make it interesting at the top of the 7th by loading the bases and actually scoring some runs. This caused all the Red Sox pukes to get all excited and start cheering...they started out louder than the Angel fans, but eventually, the Angel faithful decided to step up and began winning the cheering contest. At this point, some smart Bostonian decided to split the difference and started up a "Yankees Suck!" cheer, which everybody could agree on. That ended up being the loudest cheer of the night; even though they probably won't make the playoffs, the Yankees are still the most hated team in baseball. This was a game that featured everything; some good pitching, home runs, bad fielding(of course, when Manny Ramirez is involved, you'll see some funny sh*t. He gave the Angels a couple runs on his own by just being Manny),some serious scoring,and most importantly, the Angels beat the defending World Champs for the first game of the series. All in all, a good night at the ballpark. GO ANGELS!
"Discretion is not the better part of biography."
--Lytton Strachey
There goes China again, trying to be crazy like the Japanese. Sure, forcing employees to get divorced to get their jobs back is weird, but not quite up to Nippon standards.
They say no pain, no gain...well, this guy proves it. How many times are you willing to cause irreparable brain damage to do a bike stunt?
This is a nice little collage of women looking foolish. Way to go, America's Funniest Home Videos. I guess men aren't the only ones who make utter jackasses out of themselves.
I suppose this guy was also inspired by those great McDonald's commercials starring Michael Jordan and Larry Legend back in the day.
...and the future is now. Video playing tombstones, just like in all those science fiction movies. Now all we need is MY DAMN FLYING CAR!
I hope Moody isn't using his cell phone to take pictures like this clown.
Wow...this may be the best video I've seen since R. Kelly's operatic epic.
For our "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a door that adjusts to your height and width...you basically look like Wil E. Coyote being flung through a wall. I wonder if you can get impaled if it malfunctions?
Oh boy; a wacky techno geek, probably a graduate of Cal Tech, shows you how to turn a nintendo controller into your remote control. Why? A Captain-N wanna be, I guess.
OUCH! This is something I'd expect out of that crazy wrestler Sabu; I guess he has his next generation of followers.
I know this works in movies all the time, but I didn't think you really could lay unmolested under a moving bus.
This is a pretty entertaining review of a very bizarre Miyazaki flick, Pon Poko. Yeah, I was wondering what was up with all the magical scrotums, myself.
It's been a while, but the old axiom is still true; old people will pho-k you up. Especially if you interrupt their feeding time...let's face it; it's probably the only pleasure besides using the bathroom they still get in life.
Wow, when it rains, it pours. Not only will old people pho-k you up, they'll pop a cap in yo ass, foo, then drive away very slowly in their Grand Marquis.
Damn, Timmy got thrown out of a movie theatre. That's just harsh, man. Timmay!
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 132 8/18
So, this morning I did a signing for an actor. I'd tell you his name, but the last time I mentioned a band in here(one that shall remain nameless since they're obviously over-sensitive bitches who have far too much time on their hands googling their mentions in even tiny blogs that nobody reads), I ended up in a little hot water with one of my signing employers. Anyways, he's an old man and a bit part actor that you may have seen before. My company screwed up the location, so I ended up meeting with them late. They have this longtime family friend, a loud italian lady, who was helping them with understanding the details of the loan. She, of course, was confusing the hell out of the issue since she didn't know anything either, but she spoke with the complete, confident certainty that only the truly ignorant can project. The morning screw up combined with her obstinate and extremely loud nature put me in a mood that I rarely get in. I ended up in a sort of screaming match with her over this particularly minor document because she couldn't understand and kept talking over my explanation. She actually backed down first and left to call the loan officer to ask her silly question while I was able to finish up the signing...and wouldn't you know? I forgot to ask him for an autograph, media stalker that I am. I mean, how often do you meet a guy who was in Dreamscape AND Young Guns II?
"The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from."
--Andrew S. Tanenbaum
This may be the boldest advice column I've ever seen. We have golden showers, beastiality and gay massages in just three letters. In the immortal words of Keanu Reeves,"Whoa!"
A battery powered by urine? I appreciate the attempt to save money on batteries, but, do I really want to be handling a remote control I had to pee into to power it? Hmmm...maybe...
For the silly ebay auction link today, we have one of the creepiest dolls I've ever seen. But hey, at least they made it anatomically correct. Sorry Winston, it's a female.
Hot damn! This guy is just plain amazing with a pool cue! He might even be able to take on the Miz.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have electronic skin so robots can gain the sense of touch. Great, just what I always wanted; my carseat able to feel me up.
I hope this lady isn't hoping to market this artwork for children.
According to this scientific study, porn magazines last longer in garbage dumps than other types of print media. Well, at least this guy calls it a study. That was probably what he told his wife, anyways.
Hehe...this is some serious street justice. Read the story of the dog-poop-girl and fear the internet. Fear it!
Oh. My. God. This is just sick and wrong...and is going to give me nightmares about rattlesnakes for probably the rest of my life. Don't click on this link unless you're brave enough to see some seriously bad surgery from a snakebite.
...and I thought getting married in a drive-thru in Vegas was tacky. At least they don't ask you after you've kissed the bride if you want fries with that.
Damn! And I had just found the one person I would, without a doubt, vote for in the next presidential election! I feel like a little boy who's lost his first tooth, put it under his pillow, waiting for the tooth-fairy to come...
Hehe...I bet Moody wishes he were a Russian cow right about now...
I'd call these people a bunch of dorks, but really, I can understand their point of view. Legos are the best!
Here's yet another reason why I need to visit China. Looks like I need to do it in summer.
...and if you're feeling adventurous today...try a little Russian roulette.
So, this morning I did a signing for an actor. I'd tell you his name, but the last time I mentioned a band in here(one that shall remain nameless since they're obviously over-sensitive bitches who have far too much time on their hands googling their mentions in even tiny blogs that nobody reads), I ended up in a little hot water with one of my signing employers. Anyways, he's an old man and a bit part actor that you may have seen before. My company screwed up the location, so I ended up meeting with them late. They have this longtime family friend, a loud italian lady, who was helping them with understanding the details of the loan. She, of course, was confusing the hell out of the issue since she didn't know anything either, but she spoke with the complete, confident certainty that only the truly ignorant can project. The morning screw up combined with her obstinate and extremely loud nature put me in a mood that I rarely get in. I ended up in a sort of screaming match with her over this particularly minor document because she couldn't understand and kept talking over my explanation. She actually backed down first and left to call the loan officer to ask her silly question while I was able to finish up the signing...and wouldn't you know? I forgot to ask him for an autograph, media stalker that I am. I mean, how often do you meet a guy who was in Dreamscape AND Young Guns II?
"The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from."
--Andrew S. Tanenbaum
This may be the boldest advice column I've ever seen. We have golden showers, beastiality and gay massages in just three letters. In the immortal words of Keanu Reeves,"Whoa!"
A battery powered by urine? I appreciate the attempt to save money on batteries, but, do I really want to be handling a remote control I had to pee into to power it? Hmmm...maybe...
For the silly ebay auction link today, we have one of the creepiest dolls I've ever seen. But hey, at least they made it anatomically correct. Sorry Winston, it's a female.
Hot damn! This guy is just plain amazing with a pool cue! He might even be able to take on the Miz.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have electronic skin so robots can gain the sense of touch. Great, just what I always wanted; my carseat able to feel me up.
I hope this lady isn't hoping to market this artwork for children.
According to this scientific study, porn magazines last longer in garbage dumps than other types of print media. Well, at least this guy calls it a study. That was probably what he told his wife, anyways.
Hehe...this is some serious street justice. Read the story of the dog-poop-girl and fear the internet. Fear it!
Oh. My. God. This is just sick and wrong...and is going to give me nightmares about rattlesnakes for probably the rest of my life. Don't click on this link unless you're brave enough to see some seriously bad surgery from a snakebite.
...and I thought getting married in a drive-thru in Vegas was tacky. At least they don't ask you after you've kissed the bride if you want fries with that.
Damn! And I had just found the one person I would, without a doubt, vote for in the next presidential election! I feel like a little boy who's lost his first tooth, put it under his pillow, waiting for the tooth-fairy to come...
Hehe...I bet Moody wishes he were a Russian cow right about now...
I'd call these people a bunch of dorks, but really, I can understand their point of view. Legos are the best!
Here's yet another reason why I need to visit China. Looks like I need to do it in summer.
...and if you're feeling adventurous today...try a little Russian roulette.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 131 8/17
I managed to do something utterly stupid yesterday; I locked my keys in my trunk. You could say that it's a silly mistake that could happen to anyone, except that this is the third time I've done it. Since the first time I did it, I made sure my front door is always unlocked so I can always just manually pop the trunk to get it. Of course, the second time, my trunk release was locked...and needed the key to release. This third time, however, was the charm. I managed to not only have my driver's side door unlocked, but the trunk release as well. Now, if only I can stop locking my frickin' keys in the trunk, everything will be just fine.
"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree."
--Charles Baudelaire
This has to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I love English translations...prepare for the Backstroke of the West! I mean, Revenge of the Sith! Not surprisngly, this dialogue is actually better than the trash Lucas wrote.
People will do anything to be on America's Funniest Home Videos...too bad that show's not on anymore.
The only difference between Microsoft and a loan shark is several billion dollars.
I'd say this guy needs a new hobby, but, hell, I wanna be a ninja too.
Wow, this guy took "What would MacGyver do?" to the extreme! Take that, panty bandit!
See, this is why I don't cook. Well, there's lots of reasons, but this one will work for today. Ads not safe for work.
Maybe this is why McNabb and T.O. are fighting. Come on, T.O., take one for the team, like Martin...
I guess it's not duck season in S.F. Strange what passes for a big news story up there, though.
Cool...for the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have WWII Japanese propaganda!
It's been a rough couple of years for Sheehan, eh?
Oh my goodness...these people need actual children. These are cats, people! They don't need a damn hotel room!
This is some creative science; I only wish water was composed of gin.
Who says stoners aren't creative? I'll have to ask Moody if he's ever tried this.
I know a little about this whole blogging thing being bad for business. I got a complaint from one of the people I did a signing for...must be more anonymous.
...and one more stupid time waster, a chicken chucker.
I managed to do something utterly stupid yesterday; I locked my keys in my trunk. You could say that it's a silly mistake that could happen to anyone, except that this is the third time I've done it. Since the first time I did it, I made sure my front door is always unlocked so I can always just manually pop the trunk to get it. Of course, the second time, my trunk release was locked...and needed the key to release. This third time, however, was the charm. I managed to not only have my driver's side door unlocked, but the trunk release as well. Now, if only I can stop locking my frickin' keys in the trunk, everything will be just fine.
"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree."
--Charles Baudelaire
This has to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I love English translations...prepare for the Backstroke of the West! I mean, Revenge of the Sith! Not surprisngly, this dialogue is actually better than the trash Lucas wrote.
People will do anything to be on America's Funniest Home Videos...too bad that show's not on anymore.
The only difference between Microsoft and a loan shark is several billion dollars.
I'd say this guy needs a new hobby, but, hell, I wanna be a ninja too.
Wow, this guy took "What would MacGyver do?" to the extreme! Take that, panty bandit!
See, this is why I don't cook. Well, there's lots of reasons, but this one will work for today. Ads not safe for work.
Maybe this is why McNabb and T.O. are fighting. Come on, T.O., take one for the team, like Martin...
I guess it's not duck season in S.F. Strange what passes for a big news story up there, though.
Cool...for the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have WWII Japanese propaganda!
It's been a rough couple of years for Sheehan, eh?
Oh my goodness...these people need actual children. These are cats, people! They don't need a damn hotel room!
This is some creative science; I only wish water was composed of gin.
Who says stoners aren't creative? I'll have to ask Moody if he's ever tried this.
I know a little about this whole blogging thing being bad for business. I got a complaint from one of the people I did a signing for...must be more anonymous.
...and one more stupid time waster, a chicken chucker.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 130 8/16
Gee, I got a complaint or two about having no links yesterday, and, well, I feel your pain. I totally apologize and you'll get a full refund. I watched the remake to Assault on Precinct 13 the other day which must have been made by a guy who really likes to play Counterstrike. There were more gunshots to the head than I've ever seen in a movie, even all of the Governator's flicks. Either way, the plot is pretty simple. A crimelord, the ever cool Laurence Fishburne, is arrested and ends up transfered to an aging police precinct that's being closed due to budget cuts with the last shift, led by a burned out cop, played by a badly aging Ethan Hawke. A huge storm has isolated the precinct, which is soon under assault by a group of commandos who look more like they've been playing too much Splinter Cell. At least it's a more modern game. It's a pretty basic, by the numbers action flick, a small group of rag tag underdogs fight off a heavily armed enemy while dealing with emotional and trust issues as well as being hopelessly outnumbered. It's a sharp looking flick and the actors are obviously having fun in their cardboard cut out characters. Especially hamming it up is Brian Dennehy, who I wasn't even aware was still alive. He plays an old cop who's about to retire; gee, I wonder if he survives this movie, huh? Ethan Hawke is really starting to grow on me. When he came into the movies, he was an angry pretty boy who thought he was the next coming of James Dean. Since he didn't manage to die young, he's starting to lose his looks and becoming more hard edged and cynical. Anyways, if you wanna see a fun, mindless action flick with lots of graphic violence, chock full of smart-ass, cynical dialogue, this is your movie. I'll give it a 7/10. Or in Tristan's grading system, a B-.
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."
--Elbert Hubbard
I be this guy wishes his heart surgery hadn't been successful...of course, being married to three women at the same time is probably a good way to develop heart problems...
Hmmm...I don't think this guy likes Haley Joel Osment too much. I have to agree with his 3 expression theory, though.
See, this is why they don't let Asian folks onto Fear Factor.
This ain't safe for work...but it's pretty damn funny. Has your pops ever walked in on you doing something you weren't supposed to?
It seems they're going to try and remove the negative religious messages from the movie version of the Da Vinci Code...I guess it's going to be a 30 minute short, then.
Another not safe for work link, but this is the ultimate "Japanese people are crazy" link; they're just sick and wrong, really.
At least someone is putting a use to all these bums hanging around begging for change. "Bum-vertising" is pretty catchy; I'd rather see that than yet another homeless veteran sign.
All I have to say is...only one in four?
On the same subject...what the hell is up with Jennifer Connelly? Online shopping? I don't think even Jack would do that...well, o.k., maybe...
Saudi Arabia sounds like such a fun loving country, doesn't it? I guess this is why muslim countries aren't big on technology.
Yep...I would totally be in juvie if I was a kid nowadays. I remember once nailing a moving car from 50 feet away...
I didn't realize there was so much science going on in Kung Fu...it just seems like an experiment Ben Wu would do.
Wow! I think I'm moving to Virginia!
Just a word of advice to other bankrobbers out there; buying a multiple cars with cash is generally a tip off. Use your credit card.
A blank keyboard for 80 dollars? Good lord, I'll sell you clowns one for 25. How much does a can of spray paint cost, anyways?
Gee, I got a complaint or two about having no links yesterday, and, well, I feel your pain. I totally apologize and you'll get a full refund. I watched the remake to Assault on Precinct 13 the other day which must have been made by a guy who really likes to play Counterstrike. There were more gunshots to the head than I've ever seen in a movie, even all of the Governator's flicks. Either way, the plot is pretty simple. A crimelord, the ever cool Laurence Fishburne, is arrested and ends up transfered to an aging police precinct that's being closed due to budget cuts with the last shift, led by a burned out cop, played by a badly aging Ethan Hawke. A huge storm has isolated the precinct, which is soon under assault by a group of commandos who look more like they've been playing too much Splinter Cell. At least it's a more modern game. It's a pretty basic, by the numbers action flick, a small group of rag tag underdogs fight off a heavily armed enemy while dealing with emotional and trust issues as well as being hopelessly outnumbered. It's a sharp looking flick and the actors are obviously having fun in their cardboard cut out characters. Especially hamming it up is Brian Dennehy, who I wasn't even aware was still alive. He plays an old cop who's about to retire; gee, I wonder if he survives this movie, huh? Ethan Hawke is really starting to grow on me. When he came into the movies, he was an angry pretty boy who thought he was the next coming of James Dean. Since he didn't manage to die young, he's starting to lose his looks and becoming more hard edged and cynical. Anyways, if you wanna see a fun, mindless action flick with lots of graphic violence, chock full of smart-ass, cynical dialogue, this is your movie. I'll give it a 7/10. Or in Tristan's grading system, a B-.
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."
--Elbert Hubbard
I be this guy wishes his heart surgery hadn't been successful...of course, being married to three women at the same time is probably a good way to develop heart problems...
Hmmm...I don't think this guy likes Haley Joel Osment too much. I have to agree with his 3 expression theory, though.
See, this is why they don't let Asian folks onto Fear Factor.
This ain't safe for work...but it's pretty damn funny. Has your pops ever walked in on you doing something you weren't supposed to?
It seems they're going to try and remove the negative religious messages from the movie version of the Da Vinci Code...I guess it's going to be a 30 minute short, then.
Another not safe for work link, but this is the ultimate "Japanese people are crazy" link; they're just sick and wrong, really.
At least someone is putting a use to all these bums hanging around begging for change. "Bum-vertising" is pretty catchy; I'd rather see that than yet another homeless veteran sign.
All I have to say is...only one in four?
On the same subject...what the hell is up with Jennifer Connelly? Online shopping? I don't think even Jack would do that...well, o.k., maybe...
Saudi Arabia sounds like such a fun loving country, doesn't it? I guess this is why muslim countries aren't big on technology.
Yep...I would totally be in juvie if I was a kid nowadays. I remember once nailing a moving car from 50 feet away...
I didn't realize there was so much science going on in Kung Fu...it just seems like an experiment Ben Wu would do.
Wow! I think I'm moving to Virginia!
Just a word of advice to other bankrobbers out there; buying a multiple cars with cash is generally a tip off. Use your credit card.
A blank keyboard for 80 dollars? Good lord, I'll sell you clowns one for 25. How much does a can of spray paint cost, anyways?
Friday, August 12, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 129 8/12
TGIFriday and all that junk. Thank goodness this week is almost over...Oh yeah, Vicky wanted to see if anyone wanted a great deal!
"A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment."
--Willis Player
I figured this would happen once gay marriage started...not that there's anything wrong with marrying your business partner to lower your taxes.
Those poor Gitmo detainees...only able to read up to the fourth Harry Potter book while knowing there's 2 more. That IS torture!
Well, there's a novel way to smuggle in drugs, although they should use old men if you're using this tactic. I'd stay away from the superglue, too.
Oh...my...god. This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life. We can all think Azure for bringing this to my attention. (Hat tip: Azure)
Here's a computer that supposedly still works encased in vegetable oil. While that's interesting, it's completely useless and hence, is probably the product of some weirdo Cal Tech grad. Ads not safe for work
I know colleges are really open and accepting of different lifestyles, but I think child molesters might be taking it bit too far.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, other than their really cool toys, I feel bad for the food those Nipponese kids have to eat. This quote says it all,"Strawberries go well with minced fish."
Well, I guess the biodiversity in Chernobyl seems to be thriving. Nuclear power rocks!
This must be a big woman...oh yeah, the pictures seem to indicate that.
Of course, if you don't want to spend money on Vicky's furniture, you can always go this route. Just don't piss off Fed Ex.
Here's an interesting chess set for the ladies...it's not like I need to handle pieces like this. I have one of my own. Of course, if Winston wants to add to his phallic collection, it's a perfect piece...
I would say we should invade Venezuela after reading this, but really, what's the point?
Hehe...crazy Euros...this ad would never play in America. I can already see the lawyers swarming.
I don't care how much I trust someone, I wouldn't do this.
...and I thought I had too much time on my hands at work...and I do, but I've never taken anyone's eye out.
TGIFriday and all that junk. Thank goodness this week is almost over...Oh yeah, Vicky wanted to see if anyone wanted a great deal!
"A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment."
--Willis Player
I figured this would happen once gay marriage started...not that there's anything wrong with marrying your business partner to lower your taxes.
Those poor Gitmo detainees...only able to read up to the fourth Harry Potter book while knowing there's 2 more. That IS torture!
Well, there's a novel way to smuggle in drugs, although they should use old men if you're using this tactic. I'd stay away from the superglue, too.
Oh...my...god. This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life. We can all think Azure for bringing this to my attention. (Hat tip: Azure)
Here's a computer that supposedly still works encased in vegetable oil. While that's interesting, it's completely useless and hence, is probably the product of some weirdo Cal Tech grad. Ads not safe for work
I know colleges are really open and accepting of different lifestyles, but I think child molesters might be taking it bit too far.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, other than their really cool toys, I feel bad for the food those Nipponese kids have to eat. This quote says it all,"Strawberries go well with minced fish."
Well, I guess the biodiversity in Chernobyl seems to be thriving. Nuclear power rocks!
This must be a big woman...oh yeah, the pictures seem to indicate that.
Of course, if you don't want to spend money on Vicky's furniture, you can always go this route. Just don't piss off Fed Ex.
Here's an interesting chess set for the ladies...it's not like I need to handle pieces like this. I have one of my own. Of course, if Winston wants to add to his phallic collection, it's a perfect piece...
I would say we should invade Venezuela after reading this, but really, what's the point?
Hehe...crazy Euros...this ad would never play in America. I can already see the lawyers swarming.
I don't care how much I trust someone, I wouldn't do this.
...and I thought I had too much time on my hands at work...and I do, but I've never taken anyone's eye out.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 128 8/11
Thursday...the new Friday. Nothing to add, except that this quote by Albert Einstein is so bizarre, I just have to include it. If this was his attempt at humor, I'm glad he kept his day job.
"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
--Albert Einstein
What the heck are these authorities in New Zealand thinking? Besides the coolness factor of a bra fence, why would you want to take away a reason to visit the middle of nowhere? It's not like they have Disneyland New Zealand to pick up the tourist slack.
I dunno about you guys, but despite what this article says, I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching women kissing.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link...well, you just need to watch it. I'm not even sure what the hell they're doing...other than the fact that it's completely idiotic and insane.
Oh...holy hell. That's just too bad.
This has to be the dumbest place to commit a crime. I mean, where the hell are you going to run to?
This is the definition of a brainfart. Then again, the moon is about the size of my thumb, so I can see her logic.
Hehe...hey, it's Moody's future daughter.
Coolness...way to go Continental! Fight the man! No free download, no peace!
Wow...here's a collection of totally inappropriate children's book pages. I have to say the first one is the best.
Since we're on the subject, here's a bunch of children's drawings with totally inappropriate subjects. Funny as hell, too.
This website is just a sad waste of condoms. Those things aren't cheap, man!
This is a really stupid website, but it made me laugh. It's a bunch of pictures with various stuff piled on top of cats. No, Paul, there are no car wheels on top of cats on this site...and don't send any, either.
Yes, this guy has way too much time on his hands, but you have to admit, they are very musical.
Wow...who knew playing the Village people as a dj could get you beat up?
You should not mock Bill Gates. I'm betting this guy is already dead, having committed suicide by shooting himself in the back of the head 5 times. Still, interesting history of the famous CTRL-ALT-DELETE fix all for the computer. Ads not safe for work.
Thursday...the new Friday. Nothing to add, except that this quote by Albert Einstein is so bizarre, I just have to include it. If this was his attempt at humor, I'm glad he kept his day job.
"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
--Albert Einstein
What the heck are these authorities in New Zealand thinking? Besides the coolness factor of a bra fence, why would you want to take away a reason to visit the middle of nowhere? It's not like they have Disneyland New Zealand to pick up the tourist slack.
I dunno about you guys, but despite what this article says, I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching women kissing.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link...well, you just need to watch it. I'm not even sure what the hell they're doing...other than the fact that it's completely idiotic and insane.
Oh...holy hell. That's just too bad.
This has to be the dumbest place to commit a crime. I mean, where the hell are you going to run to?
This is the definition of a brainfart. Then again, the moon is about the size of my thumb, so I can see her logic.
Hehe...hey, it's Moody's future daughter.
Coolness...way to go Continental! Fight the man! No free download, no peace!
Wow...here's a collection of totally inappropriate children's book pages. I have to say the first one is the best.
Since we're on the subject, here's a bunch of children's drawings with totally inappropriate subjects. Funny as hell, too.
This website is just a sad waste of condoms. Those things aren't cheap, man!
This is a really stupid website, but it made me laugh. It's a bunch of pictures with various stuff piled on top of cats. No, Paul, there are no car wheels on top of cats on this site...and don't send any, either.
Yes, this guy has way too much time on his hands, but you have to admit, they are very musical.
Wow...who knew playing the Village people as a dj could get you beat up?
You should not mock Bill Gates. I'm betting this guy is already dead, having committed suicide by shooting himself in the back of the head 5 times. Still, interesting history of the famous CTRL-ALT-DELETE fix all for the computer. Ads not safe for work.
I'm going to start posting Tristan's reviews of restaurants and movies whenever he sends them out, just for record's sake.
Actually I just went to the tofu place on Sawtelle since a bunch of my coworkers ended up going. I wouldn't recommend going yet tonight as they're still a mess there in terms of running the restaurant since it's their 2nd day. There grand opening is in two week and there's still a lot of kinks right now. The first thing was it took a long time for us to order as the service right now seems to be all over the place. I had to constantly remind the waitress about my diet coke. The food took a real long time too. Lunch ended up being close to 2 hours. The waitresses were friendly but seemed inexperienced. Like all restaurant openings though, I guess you have to wait a few weeks until they get the system down right. Other things...food wise, bcd is much better. The tofu was decent but not as good as bcd. The panchan they gave you was very average with the kimchi the weakest element so far. I had the combo and got the bibimbap which was okay but they forgot to give me the chile paste/hot sauce at first to mix it with. Didn't get to try the bulgolgi yet though. It just looked okay, nothing special. Would I go back? Yes, multiple times probably since it's the only place on the westside for that kind of food and it's decent tasting, though nothing spectacular. If it was in Ktown or RH though, I probably wouldn't. I'll still go though since you can't really judge a restaurant by its first day. Hopefully, a few weeks from now, they'll be faster with service. Overall grade - C
Actually I just went to the tofu place on Sawtelle since a bunch of my coworkers ended up going. I wouldn't recommend going yet tonight as they're still a mess there in terms of running the restaurant since it's their 2nd day. There grand opening is in two week and there's still a lot of kinks right now. The first thing was it took a long time for us to order as the service right now seems to be all over the place. I had to constantly remind the waitress about my diet coke. The food took a real long time too. Lunch ended up being close to 2 hours. The waitresses were friendly but seemed inexperienced. Like all restaurant openings though, I guess you have to wait a few weeks until they get the system down right. Other things...food wise, bcd is much better. The tofu was decent but not as good as bcd. The panchan they gave you was very average with the kimchi the weakest element so far. I had the combo and got the bibimbap which was okay but they forgot to give me the chile paste/hot sauce at first to mix it with. Didn't get to try the bulgolgi yet though. It just looked okay, nothing special. Would I go back? Yes, multiple times probably since it's the only place on the westside for that kind of food and it's decent tasting, though nothing spectacular. If it was in Ktown or RH though, I probably wouldn't. I'll still go though since you can't really judge a restaurant by its first day. Hopefully, a few weeks from now, they'll be faster with service. Overall grade - C
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Farkin Links. Vol. 127 8/9
I finished watching yet another sorry movie last night; this particular time waster was Blade: Trinity. I'm not sure who demanded yet another Blade movie, especially since the last one wasn't exactly worth watching, but you know how much Hollywood loves sequels. It's certainly more than the movie going public likes them, if the drop in box office receipts is to be believed. I heard all types of bad things about this movie, so I went in with some trepidation. It turns out, I was worrying for naught; this movie isn't worth forming a strong opinion on in the first place. The plot, involving the original vampire who's various guises through history include Dracula, is back and Blade with his new scooby gang of young group of vampire hunters has to defeat. It's so by the numbers that you can easily predict what's next. It's almost like they have this action movie template that they fill in the blanks, Madlibs style, in a brainstorming meeting to come up with the various villains, heroes and locales.
One thing I will give this movie is that it's rather funny; the dialogue is light and filled with more f bombs than you'd expect. Nothing quite like hearing Wesley Snipes answer a man saying they'll kill him if he talks with,"Kill you! Mutha pho-ka, I'm gonna kill ya!" The two new principal characters are Ryan Reynolds, that pretty boy from "Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place," and Jessica Biel. While Reynolds acts like he's just done two lines of coke before every scene, he's at least funny. Jessica on the other hand; well, let's just say that if you're depending on your movie to be carried by the emotional power of Biel's amazing acting abilities, you never watched Seventh Heaven...or Summer Catch...or Texas Chainsaw Massacre...actually, combined with the new turkey Stealth, I think you can safely say that if Jessica Biel is in it, it's going to suck. Not that I have a problem with this; I hope she continues down this path so she can start doing some Skinemax flicks sooner than later. Either way, it's an enjoyable bad movie and it's actually hurt by the seemingly large budget they used to make it; if it looked more cheesy, I wouldn't be thinking about all the talent and money that went to waste in such a weightless affair. There are worse ways to spend your time...you know, like watching Bride and Prejudice. I'll give it a 6/10, because of the laughs, some even intentional. Tristan grading system gets this flick a C-.
In a study that could have only come from Australia...o.k., or Ireland, we find that regularly drinking 14-24 alcoholic drinks a week actually makes you smarter. Thus, Cliff Claven's great Buffalo Herd theory on drinking has been scientifically proven.
Well...there's something you don't see everyday.
Have you ever wanted to play Crocodile Dentist for real? This video ought to cure that desire.
Ahhh...this brings back memories of Tony's firework extravaganza...or is that nightmares?
Not only can white guys not dance or jump, they apparently can't fight either. This would be comical if it wasn't so sad. I've linked to better chick fights than this.
Teaching gun safety by showing you how not handle a gun seems rather dangerous. At least he didn't the gun in his waistband. Then again, it would save the world from whatever spawn an idiot like this would have.
Hehe...damn, her ass is hot!
This is a fun little golf game that takes place a kid's house. Would anybody be against a World Champion minature golf tourney with pro golfers? Wouldn't that be far more interesting to watch?
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have non-alcoholic beer being marketed to kids called "Kidsbeer." I wonder if child sized cigarettes are next.
Being a kid nowadays must totally suck. I swear I would be in juvie right now if I was 13.
Damn...that's just cold. It takes adding insult to injury to a whole new level.
Wow...this guy is the Minnesota Fats of foosball. I'm not even sure that's a legal move...
Check out this project to create a fireball. Why? Who knows...other than the fact that fire is cool. Fire, fire!
Gee, I bet nobody saw this coming. In my opinion, they should just leave the helmet law alone, though. If people want to be stupid and get themselves killed, let 'em.
Whoa...remember the smack the penguin? This modification makes it much more...uh...bloody.
I finished watching yet another sorry movie last night; this particular time waster was Blade: Trinity. I'm not sure who demanded yet another Blade movie, especially since the last one wasn't exactly worth watching, but you know how much Hollywood loves sequels. It's certainly more than the movie going public likes them, if the drop in box office receipts is to be believed. I heard all types of bad things about this movie, so I went in with some trepidation. It turns out, I was worrying for naught; this movie isn't worth forming a strong opinion on in the first place. The plot, involving the original vampire who's various guises through history include Dracula, is back and Blade with his new scooby gang of young group of vampire hunters has to defeat. It's so by the numbers that you can easily predict what's next. It's almost like they have this action movie template that they fill in the blanks, Madlibs style, in a brainstorming meeting to come up with the various villains, heroes and locales.
One thing I will give this movie is that it's rather funny; the dialogue is light and filled with more f bombs than you'd expect. Nothing quite like hearing Wesley Snipes answer a man saying they'll kill him if he talks with,"Kill you! Mutha pho-ka, I'm gonna kill ya!" The two new principal characters are Ryan Reynolds, that pretty boy from "Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place," and Jessica Biel. While Reynolds acts like he's just done two lines of coke before every scene, he's at least funny. Jessica on the other hand; well, let's just say that if you're depending on your movie to be carried by the emotional power of Biel's amazing acting abilities, you never watched Seventh Heaven...or Summer Catch...or Texas Chainsaw Massacre...actually, combined with the new turkey Stealth, I think you can safely say that if Jessica Biel is in it, it's going to suck. Not that I have a problem with this; I hope she continues down this path so she can start doing some Skinemax flicks sooner than later. Either way, it's an enjoyable bad movie and it's actually hurt by the seemingly large budget they used to make it; if it looked more cheesy, I wouldn't be thinking about all the talent and money that went to waste in such a weightless affair. There are worse ways to spend your time...you know, like watching Bride and Prejudice. I'll give it a 6/10, because of the laughs, some even intentional. Tristan grading system gets this flick a C-.
In a study that could have only come from Australia...o.k., or Ireland, we find that regularly drinking 14-24 alcoholic drinks a week actually makes you smarter. Thus, Cliff Claven's great Buffalo Herd theory on drinking has been scientifically proven.
Well...there's something you don't see everyday.
Have you ever wanted to play Crocodile Dentist for real? This video ought to cure that desire.
Ahhh...this brings back memories of Tony's firework extravaganza...or is that nightmares?
Not only can white guys not dance or jump, they apparently can't fight either. This would be comical if it wasn't so sad. I've linked to better chick fights than this.
Teaching gun safety by showing you how not handle a gun seems rather dangerous. At least he didn't the gun in his waistband. Then again, it would save the world from whatever spawn an idiot like this would have.
Hehe...damn, her ass is hot!
This is a fun little golf game that takes place a kid's house. Would anybody be against a World Champion minature golf tourney with pro golfers? Wouldn't that be far more interesting to watch?
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have non-alcoholic beer being marketed to kids called "Kidsbeer." I wonder if child sized cigarettes are next.
Being a kid nowadays must totally suck. I swear I would be in juvie right now if I was 13.
Damn...that's just cold. It takes adding insult to injury to a whole new level.
Wow...this guy is the Minnesota Fats of foosball. I'm not even sure that's a legal move...
Check out this project to create a fireball. Why? Who knows...other than the fact that fire is cool. Fire, fire!
Gee, I bet nobody saw this coming. In my opinion, they should just leave the helmet law alone, though. If people want to be stupid and get themselves killed, let 'em.
Whoa...remember the smack the penguin? This modification makes it much more...uh...bloody.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 126 8/8
So, our basketball season is over, culminating in ignominious defeat. I suppose missing one of our best players wasn't the best way to start a do or die game, but we just didn't bring it. We deserved to lose that one. The worst part is the fact that our team self destructed and two players decided to start taking it out on the refs...the refs were about as terrible as usual, but that's not why we were "brought to crashing reality", as my friend Chris would say. Well, next season starts in September, so back to the drawing board. As Hubie would say, after a successful season like this, there's plenty of upside to look forward to.
I also ended up watching a really lame musical named Bride and Prejudice. From the people who brought us a fairly entertaining, cute chick flick Bend it Like Beckham, we have this mess of a film. They basically took the plot of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice involving four sisters in a middle class family who's scheming mother is trying to get them married off and transfered it to present day India and added lots of cheesy singing and dancing. Normally, I'm all for Bollywood goofiness, but it seriously misfires in this flick. Besides the terrible acting by the principal love interest, supposedly an American yet played by another sneaky New Zealander, this movie can't decide which direction it's going. Suffering from a much longer running time than is necessary, I'm gonna have say I'm prejudiced against ever watching this movie again. Not even on cable. 4/10 Oh...and since Tristan has such a tough time figuring out my grading system, I'll introduce a letter grade as well. D
For those of you that are running out of random conspiracies about George W. Bush, here's a nice generator to make your life easier.
Well, now I know why men have nipples. I suppose I can die happy now. This seems like it's a pretty good book, though.
Here's yet another opinion of the 100 greatest movie characters of all time. Give it a couple of more years and Napoleon Dynamite will have to make this list. At least Dr. Evil is there.
Ummm...I watched it, but I don't understand why anyone would do this. People like this need to be neutered so they can't breed more morons.
I knew I was right to not let my mom kiss me when I was a kid.
Pills to make women orgasm slower? What...are these tailor made for porn stars or something?
Wow...killing your wife so she'll leave you alone to watch sports seems kind of harsh...unless it was the Superbowl or something big like that.
Holy crap! A T-800 Terminator model is working undercover as a stripper! I doubt she'll find Sarah Connor that way.
Well, this is a good case that Maria Menounos' breasts are real...but I'm not convinced. I'm going to have to examine these pictures more closely.
This guy takes that saying "What would MacGyver Do?" far too seriously...besides, we all know MacGyver didn't like guns.
Speaking of MacGyver...well, I don't think he ever built a paper camera. Of course, he was in the U.S., not the crappy, poor ass Soviet Union.
Hehe...Banksy strikes again on the West Bank Wall. He's totally off on his politics, but it's pretty damn funny and creative. I really like this guy.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a fun teacher who makes their students eat like dogs. She says it's part of their lunch training...I say...craaaaazy...
Looks like France is really appealing to their Muslim population with a new Muslim themed 'Beurger King' fast food restauarant. Do you think they serve ham there? By the way, France sucks.
For the silly ebay auction of the day...well, we have a scandalous pool table that Jude Law used the wrong set of balls on...Professor Harold Hill is right, Trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P that stands for Pool!
So, our basketball season is over, culminating in ignominious defeat. I suppose missing one of our best players wasn't the best way to start a do or die game, but we just didn't bring it. We deserved to lose that one. The worst part is the fact that our team self destructed and two players decided to start taking it out on the refs...the refs were about as terrible as usual, but that's not why we were "brought to crashing reality", as my friend Chris would say. Well, next season starts in September, so back to the drawing board. As Hubie would say, after a successful season like this, there's plenty of upside to look forward to.
I also ended up watching a really lame musical named Bride and Prejudice. From the people who brought us a fairly entertaining, cute chick flick Bend it Like Beckham, we have this mess of a film. They basically took the plot of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice involving four sisters in a middle class family who's scheming mother is trying to get them married off and transfered it to present day India and added lots of cheesy singing and dancing. Normally, I'm all for Bollywood goofiness, but it seriously misfires in this flick. Besides the terrible acting by the principal love interest, supposedly an American yet played by another sneaky New Zealander, this movie can't decide which direction it's going. Suffering from a much longer running time than is necessary, I'm gonna have say I'm prejudiced against ever watching this movie again. Not even on cable. 4/10 Oh...and since Tristan has such a tough time figuring out my grading system, I'll introduce a letter grade as well. D
For those of you that are running out of random conspiracies about George W. Bush, here's a nice generator to make your life easier.
Well, now I know why men have nipples. I suppose I can die happy now. This seems like it's a pretty good book, though.
Here's yet another opinion of the 100 greatest movie characters of all time. Give it a couple of more years and Napoleon Dynamite will have to make this list. At least Dr. Evil is there.
Ummm...I watched it, but I don't understand why anyone would do this. People like this need to be neutered so they can't breed more morons.
I knew I was right to not let my mom kiss me when I was a kid.
Pills to make women orgasm slower? What...are these tailor made for porn stars or something?
Wow...killing your wife so she'll leave you alone to watch sports seems kind of harsh...unless it was the Superbowl or something big like that.
Holy crap! A T-800 Terminator model is working undercover as a stripper! I doubt she'll find Sarah Connor that way.
Well, this is a good case that Maria Menounos' breasts are real...but I'm not convinced. I'm going to have to examine these pictures more closely.
This guy takes that saying "What would MacGyver Do?" far too seriously...besides, we all know MacGyver didn't like guns.
Speaking of MacGyver...well, I don't think he ever built a paper camera. Of course, he was in the U.S., not the crappy, poor ass Soviet Union.
Hehe...Banksy strikes again on the West Bank Wall. He's totally off on his politics, but it's pretty damn funny and creative. I really like this guy.
For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a fun teacher who makes their students eat like dogs. She says it's part of their lunch training...I say...craaaaazy...
Looks like France is really appealing to their Muslim population with a new Muslim themed 'Beurger King' fast food restauarant. Do you think they serve ham there? By the way, France sucks.
For the silly ebay auction of the day...well, we have a scandalous pool table that Jude Law used the wrong set of balls on...Professor Harold Hill is right, Trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P that stands for Pool!
Friday, August 05, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 125 8/5
Friday is finally here, thank goodness. I'm hoping to at some point go watch that March of the Penguins movie. Yes, I'm entirely serious. I really don't see a downside; it's got penguins, the funniest animal besides the monkey, and Morgan Freeman doing the voiceover. Freeman narration could make a sanitation worker's job sound intriguing. The only bad part is that it was made by some French filmmakers. Usually, I try and not support anything French, but occasionally they make a good product instead of sitting around in cafes smoking cigarettes and complaining about the bourgeois and their packages. Although I wouldn't travel all the way to Antarctica to see penguins, I will pay 9 bucks to watch a movie about them.
"When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business."
--Lenny Bruce
Here's a story about a naked man threatening his neighbors with a sword. I wonder which sword?
Hehe...Alex's favorite movie ranks # 11 on the list of bad movies from the 80's. I can't believe something beat out the Garbage Pail Kids movie.
Wow...Tiger vs. Croc! Who do you have money on?
Mike Tyson teamed up with Jenna Jameson? That's almost as good as teaming up Vince Vaughn with Owen Wilson.
Don' t look now, but...CHICKFIGHT!!! Ads not safe for work.
Here's a history of how Google began. It'll be a nice elegy after Bill Gates has these people bumped off and their buildings torched to the ground.
See...this is why the A-Team used to knock out B.A. Barracus before they had to take a plane.
In the continuing files of the "Japanese people are crazy" links, we have the Japanese Prime Minister getting to talk to the shuttle commander in space...and he asks her how good the noodles are.
Zee Germans are attempting to help communication between the sexes by explaining that what men say and mean are often different. Thanks for that amazing insight, Captain Obvious! Of course, men usually say what they mean. If a book needed to be written, it's explaining womanese.
Oh great...how long now before New York bans drinking soda in a car?
Way to go, dude, fight the man! I like how the judge thinks the man should take his anger out at the cop...that's usually how you end up in a courtroom.
This was almost evolution in action. If a rocket falls on the ground...just leave it.
Hehe...I hope you ladies are taking notes...
These prisoners are getting way too soft. I remember getting excited as hell when we had turkey and gravy back in elementary school...it was the best meal possible!
Wow...they have some strange jobs in India. Now I really need to go...I totally wanna be a langoor.
Friday is finally here, thank goodness. I'm hoping to at some point go watch that March of the Penguins movie. Yes, I'm entirely serious. I really don't see a downside; it's got penguins, the funniest animal besides the monkey, and Morgan Freeman doing the voiceover. Freeman narration could make a sanitation worker's job sound intriguing. The only bad part is that it was made by some French filmmakers. Usually, I try and not support anything French, but occasionally they make a good product instead of sitting around in cafes smoking cigarettes and complaining about the bourgeois and their packages. Although I wouldn't travel all the way to Antarctica to see penguins, I will pay 9 bucks to watch a movie about them.
"When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business."
--Lenny Bruce
Here's a story about a naked man threatening his neighbors with a sword. I wonder which sword?
Hehe...Alex's favorite movie ranks # 11 on the list of bad movies from the 80's. I can't believe something beat out the Garbage Pail Kids movie.
Wow...Tiger vs. Croc! Who do you have money on?
Mike Tyson teamed up with Jenna Jameson? That's almost as good as teaming up Vince Vaughn with Owen Wilson.
Don' t look now, but...CHICKFIGHT!!! Ads not safe for work.
Here's a history of how Google began. It'll be a nice elegy after Bill Gates has these people bumped off and their buildings torched to the ground.
See...this is why the A-Team used to knock out B.A. Barracus before they had to take a plane.
In the continuing files of the "Japanese people are crazy" links, we have the Japanese Prime Minister getting to talk to the shuttle commander in space...and he asks her how good the noodles are.
Zee Germans are attempting to help communication between the sexes by explaining that what men say and mean are often different. Thanks for that amazing insight, Captain Obvious! Of course, men usually say what they mean. If a book needed to be written, it's explaining womanese.
Oh great...how long now before New York bans drinking soda in a car?
Way to go, dude, fight the man! I like how the judge thinks the man should take his anger out at the cop...that's usually how you end up in a courtroom.
This was almost evolution in action. If a rocket falls on the ground...just leave it.
Hehe...I hope you ladies are taking notes...
These prisoners are getting way too soft. I remember getting excited as hell when we had turkey and gravy back in elementary school...it was the best meal possible!
Wow...they have some strange jobs in India. Now I really need to go...I totally wanna be a langoor.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 124 8/4
No movies, no interesting signings, no nothing I want to talk about this week. My life has suddenly become dull...it's time to end it all...oh wait, nevermind. I have a new Agent Pendergast novel to read, Dance with Death! Life is good...life is great...
"The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little."
--Joe Martin
I guess that's a lot worse than getting a bug stuck on your windshield.
I can appreciate what they were trying to do with these dog condoms, but seriously, what kind of sicko wants to put them on the dog?
Wow...this is the type of sick thing you'd hear about on an episode of Seinfeld. Bribing an 8 year old to peg another kid in a little league game is one thing, but when that kid is autistic? He's so going to hell.
This Hulk game is a lot better than the crappy movie...of course, since it's a blatant rip off of Rampage, one of the best mulitplayer games ever created, it makes sense.
I'm pretty sure this never happened to the real Batman. This kid needs a Snickers.
This is an interesting story simply because they don't explain what these "sexual favors" the girl was selling. At 6 and 4 dollars...what does that buy you, exactly?
I've never used this option in an elevator, but it seems like it's worth a try if you're in a hurry.
Holy smokes! I mean that literally, too. I didn't know you could smoke out of that hole. Ads not safe for work.
I suppose this could be viewed as in bad taste...but at least the game has you defusing bombs in the London subway, not setting them off.
Hehe...I think that would be a pretty cool bank card to have. It would have been much funnier if his name really had been Richard.
This is just like that movie the Wedding Planner with J-Lo...you know, the one that nobody saw. Still, is it wise marrying a male wedding planner? Isn't that like marrying a male interior designer?
Now here's an interesting study that supposedly proves a relationship between the size of a man's shoe size and a man's penis. Shaq must be hung like a horse.
I wondered how they found a positive review for that movie "The Animal."
Wow, this chick is getting screwed by the Florida Lottery. I usually don't advocate lawsuits, but this is one time someone needs to get their ass sued.
...and one more cutesy Japanese game that involves lots of killing. Enjoy.
No movies, no interesting signings, no nothing I want to talk about this week. My life has suddenly become dull...it's time to end it all...oh wait, nevermind. I have a new Agent Pendergast novel to read, Dance with Death! Life is good...life is great...
"The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little."
--Joe Martin
I guess that's a lot worse than getting a bug stuck on your windshield.
I can appreciate what they were trying to do with these dog condoms, but seriously, what kind of sicko wants to put them on the dog?
Wow...this is the type of sick thing you'd hear about on an episode of Seinfeld. Bribing an 8 year old to peg another kid in a little league game is one thing, but when that kid is autistic? He's so going to hell.
This Hulk game is a lot better than the crappy movie...of course, since it's a blatant rip off of Rampage, one of the best mulitplayer games ever created, it makes sense.
I'm pretty sure this never happened to the real Batman. This kid needs a Snickers.
This is an interesting story simply because they don't explain what these "sexual favors" the girl was selling. At 6 and 4 dollars...what does that buy you, exactly?
I've never used this option in an elevator, but it seems like it's worth a try if you're in a hurry.
Holy smokes! I mean that literally, too. I didn't know you could smoke out of that hole. Ads not safe for work.
I suppose this could be viewed as in bad taste...but at least the game has you defusing bombs in the London subway, not setting them off.
Hehe...I think that would be a pretty cool bank card to have. It would have been much funnier if his name really had been Richard.
This is just like that movie the Wedding Planner with J-Lo...you know, the one that nobody saw. Still, is it wise marrying a male wedding planner? Isn't that like marrying a male interior designer?
Now here's an interesting study that supposedly proves a relationship between the size of a man's shoe size and a man's penis. Shaq must be hung like a horse.
I wondered how they found a positive review for that movie "The Animal."
Wow, this chick is getting screwed by the Florida Lottery. I usually don't advocate lawsuits, but this is one time someone needs to get their ass sued.
...and one more cutesy Japanese game that involves lots of killing. Enjoy.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 123 8/3
Happy humpty hump day and all that. It's been a quiet week and I'd like to keep it that. Remember, Friday is just around the corner.
"It is bad luck to be superstitious."
--Andrew W. Mathis
I heard the rumors while I was at Street Scene, but I guess here is the evidence that Fergie needs Depends.
Ouch, ouch, ouch! What the hell did he do to you?
This is an extensive list comparing rappers to college football teams. Basically, it's a link for Moody, since I doubt anybody else has the knowledge or inclination in both categories. Plus, I couldn't find a soccer link.
Here's a fun sumo wrestling game that's reminsicent of every mini game in Mario Party.
In case you were wondering, yes, it is anal sex month. Where does this story come out of? San Francisco, you say? What a surprise!
Here's a completely inappropriate mini game for the Devil's Rejects movie where they encourage you to upload a picture of your boss and mutilate them. Yeah, that's not going to get someone fired or anything...
The UK is forcing beer companies to use uglier men in their advertisements to discourage the notion that success and attractiveness can be obtained by drinking. I think they're missing the point; after a few drinks, everyone looks pretty damn attractive.
I haven't posted a silly ebay auction of the day in a while, so let's start it up again with this puppy. I knew those Oompa Loompas were not to be trusted!
Even Lauren Bacall is talking smack about Tom Cruise...I don't care what she says, Tom Cruise is a great actor. He's no Humphrey Bogart, but then, who is?
Dayamn! Spiderman, eat your heart out! This guy is quite impressive...but what's more impressive is why the bad guys don't just shoot him when they had the chance.
Oh yeah, this is a marriage with a great future. At least she knows he can't cheat on her...with other women, at least.
Uh oh...looks like Planet of the Apes has started in Puerto Rico.
This grandmaster chick is playing 326 chess games at once...heh, you know she was popular in high school.
Awwww...no more drinking heavily in Minnesota anymore. That's all they had going for them!
Wow...old people...they'll pho-k you up AND steal your chips.
Happy humpty hump day and all that. It's been a quiet week and I'd like to keep it that. Remember, Friday is just around the corner.
"It is bad luck to be superstitious."
--Andrew W. Mathis
I heard the rumors while I was at Street Scene, but I guess here is the evidence that Fergie needs Depends.
Ouch, ouch, ouch! What the hell did he do to you?
This is an extensive list comparing rappers to college football teams. Basically, it's a link for Moody, since I doubt anybody else has the knowledge or inclination in both categories. Plus, I couldn't find a soccer link.
Here's a fun sumo wrestling game that's reminsicent of every mini game in Mario Party.
In case you were wondering, yes, it is anal sex month. Where does this story come out of? San Francisco, you say? What a surprise!
Here's a completely inappropriate mini game for the Devil's Rejects movie where they encourage you to upload a picture of your boss and mutilate them. Yeah, that's not going to get someone fired or anything...
The UK is forcing beer companies to use uglier men in their advertisements to discourage the notion that success and attractiveness can be obtained by drinking. I think they're missing the point; after a few drinks, everyone looks pretty damn attractive.
I haven't posted a silly ebay auction of the day in a while, so let's start it up again with this puppy. I knew those Oompa Loompas were not to be trusted!
Even Lauren Bacall is talking smack about Tom Cruise...I don't care what she says, Tom Cruise is a great actor. He's no Humphrey Bogart, but then, who is?
Dayamn! Spiderman, eat your heart out! This guy is quite impressive...but what's more impressive is why the bad guys don't just shoot him when they had the chance.
Oh yeah, this is a marriage with a great future. At least she knows he can't cheat on her...with other women, at least.
Uh oh...looks like Planet of the Apes has started in Puerto Rico.
This grandmaster chick is playing 326 chess games at once...heh, you know she was popular in high school.
Awwww...no more drinking heavily in Minnesota anymore. That's all they had going for them!
Wow...old people...they'll pho-k you up AND steal your chips.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 122 8/2
On Paul's recommendation, I watched Hotel Rwanda last night(good job, Netflix). In case you don't remember, there was a massacre of about a million Africans in Rwanda back during the good old days of the Clinton administration. I know, we were all busy becoming paper millionaires and ignoring a growing global terrorist problem, but that didn't stop business as usual in Africa. It seems the Hutus and the Tutsis, the two tribes that inhabit Rwanda, decided to start killing each other again on a much grander scale then usual. It resulted in about one million deaths, and as Stalin once quipped,"One death is a tragedy; a million is a statistic." The UN with their useless blue helmeted rapist troops were supposed to be keeping the peace, but they were as efficient as ever. Good thing they were there to keep it only to a million deaths, eh?
Either way, the story follows that of a hotel manager by the name of Paul(which might be why Paul recommended the movie) who fights to keep the Belgium hotel open in order to keep the over one thousand refugees that are staying there from being murdered by using bribery and his connections with those in power. It's basically a black Schindler's List with it's cheesy oscar clip in the middle as opposed to at the end. Instead of weeping that he could have saved another Tutsi with his watch on his arm, he elects to rip off his shirt and start weeping in a closet so nobody can see him(I think Wayne's World has ruined any crying scene for me). The fact that he didn't play a cripple or a retard made it unlikely that he was going to win an Academy Award, but at least he won a nomination to put on his resume. As you can tell, it's about as much fun as a root canal, but it's well acted. For a depressing movie that I'll never watch again, I'll give it a decent 6/10.
"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember."
--Oscar Levant
Hey Moody, we're going to Berlin when we see the World Cup this summer, right?
Just to prove that everything's better when David Hasselhoff is involved, I'm sending this Pac-Huff link.
Reason # 4,268 why I never want to ride on a motorcycle.
Wow...this game is just like real boxing, without the payoffs and corrupt judges and boring fighters and...well, o.k., I guess it's actually better than real boxing. Not quite up to the standards of Mike Tyson's Punch Out, though.
Well, since Wedding Crashers has once again dominated the box office, I guess it's a good time to post the rules for crashing weddings. Unlike Fight Club, you can pass these around.
T-shirt hell is at it again. This may be the most dangerous shirt you can wear...expect to be beaten to death by a bunch of angry 13 year olds. (Harry Potter spoiler, so please don't go here if you plan on reading it.)
Hmmm...methinks Tara Reid needs another trip to the plastic surgeon's office.
Hehe...I haven't linked anything from Tucker Max lately, but this is a good collection of bj stories. No pics, but content certainly not safe for work.
Yikes! And you thought our tap water was bad.
Some people would say this is an excessive use of force...me? I think it's funny.
Beer...it doesn't just taste so good when it touches your lips, it can also save your children's lives.
Missouri sure is a different realm...
This guy must have had a REALLY good time. It's not a good ad for American Express though...
Jeez, and I thought bacon tasted good on everything. This is going to be an exception.
...and for those of you fellas that are looking to track where all that money you earn goes, check out this site, What a Girl Costs.
On Paul's recommendation, I watched Hotel Rwanda last night(good job, Netflix). In case you don't remember, there was a massacre of about a million Africans in Rwanda back during the good old days of the Clinton administration. I know, we were all busy becoming paper millionaires and ignoring a growing global terrorist problem, but that didn't stop business as usual in Africa. It seems the Hutus and the Tutsis, the two tribes that inhabit Rwanda, decided to start killing each other again on a much grander scale then usual. It resulted in about one million deaths, and as Stalin once quipped,"One death is a tragedy; a million is a statistic." The UN with their useless blue helmeted rapist troops were supposed to be keeping the peace, but they were as efficient as ever. Good thing they were there to keep it only to a million deaths, eh?
Either way, the story follows that of a hotel manager by the name of Paul(which might be why Paul recommended the movie) who fights to keep the Belgium hotel open in order to keep the over one thousand refugees that are staying there from being murdered by using bribery and his connections with those in power. It's basically a black Schindler's List with it's cheesy oscar clip in the middle as opposed to at the end. Instead of weeping that he could have saved another Tutsi with his watch on his arm, he elects to rip off his shirt and start weeping in a closet so nobody can see him(I think Wayne's World has ruined any crying scene for me). The fact that he didn't play a cripple or a retard made it unlikely that he was going to win an Academy Award, but at least he won a nomination to put on his resume. As you can tell, it's about as much fun as a root canal, but it's well acted. For a depressing movie that I'll never watch again, I'll give it a decent 6/10.
"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember."
--Oscar Levant
Hey Moody, we're going to Berlin when we see the World Cup this summer, right?
Just to prove that everything's better when David Hasselhoff is involved, I'm sending this Pac-Huff link.
Reason # 4,268 why I never want to ride on a motorcycle.
Wow...this game is just like real boxing, without the payoffs and corrupt judges and boring fighters and...well, o.k., I guess it's actually better than real boxing. Not quite up to the standards of Mike Tyson's Punch Out, though.
Well, since Wedding Crashers has once again dominated the box office, I guess it's a good time to post the rules for crashing weddings. Unlike Fight Club, you can pass these around.
T-shirt hell is at it again. This may be the most dangerous shirt you can wear...expect to be beaten to death by a bunch of angry 13 year olds. (Harry Potter spoiler, so please don't go here if you plan on reading it.)
Hmmm...methinks Tara Reid needs another trip to the plastic surgeon's office.
Hehe...I haven't linked anything from Tucker Max lately, but this is a good collection of bj stories. No pics, but content certainly not safe for work.
Yikes! And you thought our tap water was bad.
Some people would say this is an excessive use of force...me? I think it's funny.
Beer...it doesn't just taste so good when it touches your lips, it can also save your children's lives.
Missouri sure is a different realm...
This guy must have had a REALLY good time. It's not a good ad for American Express though...
Jeez, and I thought bacon tasted good on everything. This is going to be an exception.
...and for those of you fellas that are looking to track where all that money you earn goes, check out this site, What a Girl Costs.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Farkin' Links Vol. 121 8/1
Well, it was a long weekend. What with the Street Scene concert down in SD this Friday and this strange Indian reception I went to on Saturday, I think I've come down with something. As I told my co-worker this morning,"I feel like you look." Being she's the one that brought fleas into the office, you can just imagine. Yes, that was rude of me, but she brought FLEAS INTO THE PHO-KING OFFICE! Even now that they're dead and gone, it doesn't remove the phantom flea syndrome, where even the slightest gust of air makes you feel as though your skin is crawling.
Chih Hao, Jack and I drove down to San Diego on Friday in some of the worst traffic I've ever encountered. It was like a disaster movie; I kept wondering if people were escaping a comet or something farther north. Once we got down there, we did get to watch the Black Eyed Peas, sample the White Stripes, Social D and finish things off with the Killers. I'm not really a fan of live rap shows, but I have to say that the Black Eyed Peas were pretty good, mostly because they added that Kids Incorporated veteran Fergie who is actually able to sing. I will say this, they were very polite. The leader William...er...I mean Will.I.Am, profusely apologized for starting the set late. When was the last time a performer apologized for wasting the crowd's time? The Killers, on the other hand, had very little to say. They were really good in a live setting and sound as they do on their album; they're certainly no Third Eye Blind. Strangely enough, though, in between sets, their front man has absolutely nothing to say. Usually, bands try and humanize themselves by talking to the audience, telling jokes, ancedotes, that sort of thing. The most he could manage was, "uhhh...we're, uhhh....gonna start our next song." It's a good thing their music speaks for itself.
"To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it."
--G. K. Chesterton
Whoa...who knew the Romans were into golden showers? Right, I know, it's just because they care about their teeth.
A cow in a bubble? This is the type of story that really needs pictures.
This type of case is what cheapens the term rape. Stupidity is no excuse.
This is just ridiculous. This woman want's half a million dollars for work she did around the house for 5 years. That's $100,000 dollars a year...he could have paid a house cleaning service a fraction of that and not had to put up with her crap.
Hey ladies...here's a good reason to not inject so much drama and stress in your life. According to this study, it causes you wrinkles. Way to go, Captain Obvious! I'm sure that study was worth every penny.
They're really kicking cyber sex up a notch with this one; Bam! Or should I say, buzz?
Is it really a good idea to sign players to your club who are in prison, besides Jamal Lewis, that is?
Yikes, this guy's death sounds like a Rob Zombie project. Don't read this if you're eating...or planning on eating.
This link proves there actually is something useful you can make out of origami. Just don't try and put your soda in it.
This is even worse than those Henna tattoos. You better be an actual tough guy if you wanna get away with wearing these shirts.
These two play some rough games.
This little exchange between a woman and the cop who arrested her is a good example of what not to say to a police officer...even if you're drunk.
Here's a list of strange facts I'm sure you didn't know...I know I didn't know that ferrets were slutty.
I haven't put enough flash games lately, so here's a nice bowling one. You even get to choose your shoes.
This is just...strange. But it brings to mind one of my demands. We can build a flying lawnmower, but not a car?
Well, it was a long weekend. What with the Street Scene concert down in SD this Friday and this strange Indian reception I went to on Saturday, I think I've come down with something. As I told my co-worker this morning,"I feel like you look." Being she's the one that brought fleas into the office, you can just imagine. Yes, that was rude of me, but she brought FLEAS INTO THE PHO-KING OFFICE! Even now that they're dead and gone, it doesn't remove the phantom flea syndrome, where even the slightest gust of air makes you feel as though your skin is crawling.
Chih Hao, Jack and I drove down to San Diego on Friday in some of the worst traffic I've ever encountered. It was like a disaster movie; I kept wondering if people were escaping a comet or something farther north. Once we got down there, we did get to watch the Black Eyed Peas, sample the White Stripes, Social D and finish things off with the Killers. I'm not really a fan of live rap shows, but I have to say that the Black Eyed Peas were pretty good, mostly because they added that Kids Incorporated veteran Fergie who is actually able to sing. I will say this, they were very polite. The leader William...er...I mean Will.I.Am, profusely apologized for starting the set late. When was the last time a performer apologized for wasting the crowd's time? The Killers, on the other hand, had very little to say. They were really good in a live setting and sound as they do on their album; they're certainly no Third Eye Blind. Strangely enough, though, in between sets, their front man has absolutely nothing to say. Usually, bands try and humanize themselves by talking to the audience, telling jokes, ancedotes, that sort of thing. The most he could manage was, "uhhh...we're, uhhh....gonna start our next song." It's a good thing their music speaks for itself.
"To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it."
--G. K. Chesterton
Whoa...who knew the Romans were into golden showers? Right, I know, it's just because they care about their teeth.
A cow in a bubble? This is the type of story that really needs pictures.
This type of case is what cheapens the term rape. Stupidity is no excuse.
This is just ridiculous. This woman want's half a million dollars for work she did around the house for 5 years. That's $100,000 dollars a year...he could have paid a house cleaning service a fraction of that and not had to put up with her crap.
Hey ladies...here's a good reason to not inject so much drama and stress in your life. According to this study, it causes you wrinkles. Way to go, Captain Obvious! I'm sure that study was worth every penny.
They're really kicking cyber sex up a notch with this one; Bam! Or should I say, buzz?
Is it really a good idea to sign players to your club who are in prison, besides Jamal Lewis, that is?
Yikes, this guy's death sounds like a Rob Zombie project. Don't read this if you're eating...or planning on eating.
This link proves there actually is something useful you can make out of origami. Just don't try and put your soda in it.
This is even worse than those Henna tattoos. You better be an actual tough guy if you wanna get away with wearing these shirts.
These two play some rough games.
This little exchange between a woman and the cop who arrested her is a good example of what not to say to a police officer...even if you're drunk.
Here's a list of strange facts I'm sure you didn't know...I know I didn't know that ferrets were slutty.
I haven't put enough flash games lately, so here's a nice bowling one. You even get to choose your shoes.
This is just...strange. But it brings to mind one of my demands. We can build a flying lawnmower, but not a car?
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