Farkin Links. Vol. 127 8/9

I finished watching yet another sorry movie last night; this particular time waster was Blade: Trinity. I'm not sure who demanded yet another Blade movie, especially since the last one wasn't exactly worth watching, but you know how much Hollywood loves sequels. It's certainly more than the movie going public likes them, if the drop in box office receipts is to be believed. I heard all types of bad things about this movie, so I went in with some trepidation. It turns out, I was worrying for naught; this movie isn't worth forming a strong opinion on in the first place. The plot, involving the original vampire who's various guises through history include Dracula, is back and Blade with his new scooby gang of young group of vampire hunters has to defeat. It's so by the numbers that you can easily predict what's next. It's almost like they have this action movie template that they fill in the blanks, Madlibs style, in a brainstorming meeting to come up with the various villains, heroes and locales.

One thing I will give this movie is that it's rather funny; the dialogue is light and filled with more f bombs than you'd expect. Nothing quite like hearing Wesley Snipes answer a man saying they'll kill him if he talks with,"Kill you! Mutha pho-ka, I'm gonna kill ya!" The two new principal characters are Ryan Reynolds, that pretty boy from "Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place," and Jessica Biel. While Reynolds acts like he's just done two lines of coke before every scene, he's at least funny. Jessica on the other hand; well, let's just say that if you're depending on your movie to be carried by the emotional power of Biel's amazing acting abilities, you never watched Seventh Heaven...or Summer Catch...or Texas Chainsaw Massacre...actually, combined with the new turkey Stealth, I think you can safely say that if Jessica Biel is in it, it's going to suck. Not that I have a problem with this; I hope she continues down this path so she can start doing some Skinemax flicks sooner than later. Either way, it's an enjoyable bad movie and it's actually hurt by the seemingly large budget they used to make it; if it looked more cheesy, I wouldn't be thinking about all the talent and money that went to waste in such a weightless affair. There are worse ways to spend your time...you know, like watching Bride and Prejudice. I'll give it a 6/10, because of the laughs, some even intentional. Tristan grading system gets this flick a C-.

In a study that could have only come from Australia...o.k., or Ireland, we find that regularly drinking 14-24 alcoholic drinks a week actually makes you smarter. Thus, Cliff Claven's great Buffalo Herd theory on drinking has been scientifically proven.

Well...there's something you don't see everyday.

Have you ever wanted to play Crocodile Dentist for real? This video ought to cure that desire.

Ahhh...this brings back memories of Tony's firework extravaganza...or is that nightmares?

Not only can white guys not dance or jump, they apparently can't fight either. This would be comical if it wasn't so sad. I've linked to better chick fights than this.

Teaching gun safety by showing you how not handle a gun seems rather dangerous. At least he didn't the gun in his waistband. Then again, it would save the world from whatever spawn an idiot like this would have.

Hehe...damn, her ass is hot!

This is a fun little golf game that takes place a kid's house. Would anybody be against a World Champion minature golf tourney with pro golfers? Wouldn't that be far more interesting to watch?

For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have non-alcoholic beer being marketed to kids called "Kidsbeer." I wonder if child sized cigarettes are next.

Being a kid nowadays must totally suck. I swear I would be in juvie right now if I was 13.

Damn...that's just cold. It takes adding insult to injury to a whole new level.

Wow...this guy is the Minnesota Fats of foosball. I'm not even sure that's a legal move...

Check out this project to create a fireball. Why? Who knows...other than the fact that fire is cool. Fire, fire!

Gee, I bet nobody saw this coming. In my opinion, they should just leave the helmet law alone, though. If people want to be stupid and get themselves killed, let 'em.

Whoa...remember the smack the penguin? This modification makes it much more...uh...bloody.