Farkin' Links Vol. 1

Well, I've settled on a name for these links...I figure if I can't beat them, I'll join 'em. Unfortunately, that means I have to give praise to Marlon since he was the one with the idea. How do you praise one so evil as Marlon? Well, we'll give it a try. I understand he's stopped torturing small animals...now he just devotes that energy to torturing Jack. That rumor I started about him selling ballistic weapons systems to the Chicoms? Well, I don't have any definitive proof, so I might not be true. Hmmm...well, that's about the best I can do. Either way, here's the links for today.



Harrison Ford gets tired of playing communist heroes and decides to be an american hero in a new movie based on the invasion of Fallujah.

There is just so much wrong with this story, I'm not even sure where to start. Maybe with the question, how does a woman end up named Ramon? Well, maybe the bestiality is a little strange, too.

What is this whole school craze of slapping the cuffs on children? Do handcuffs even stay on a 5 year old? What they need to bring back is a paddlin'.

If you're still looking for unique Christmas gifts...here's the best of two worlds, an ipod AND David Hasselhoff! In the immortal words of Keanu Reeves,"Whoa!"

Hey...who are you going to believe, Paris Hilton's words or your own eyes? Everybody has seen her debut video, right?

Yet another stupid criminal that won't heed my advice about old people...they'll fuck you up. That or give you a lecture.

Castro's granddaughter becomes a U.S. citizen. Oh sure, after taking advantage of the superior education system and free health care, she turns traitor. Viva la revolucion!

In case you're wondering why our health care is so expensive...it turns out we're still paying for the care of zombies. Have we learned nothing from Dawn of the Dead?

When I was a kid, I used to play with army men. This would have really made things more realistic.

So that's what Kurt Warner is doing these days...store clerk by day, crimefighter by...day, I guess. Remember, there's no Fiction in Crucifixion.

Too bad Scott Peterson didn't kill his wife in Canada...apparently, you spend less time in jail for murder than making racist remarks. Blame Canada, indeed.

In order to make the children feel more at home, the new school for troubled students get their new digs next to a strip joint and an adult video store.

A Mexican man took his gay lover far to seriously when he was told,"Eat me!"

Girl's high school basketball team one up Charlie Brown and reel off a 107 game losing streak. Their coach is very confident that with hard work, they can make it 108.

Missouri jails allow inmates to play video games. Think if they get to shoot and blow up people on the screen, it'll keep them from trying it out on the guards.

Oh great...Microsoft is going to charge us for new programs that fix their crappy operating system. If those linux users weren't such arrogant bastards...and I could actually play a game on it, I might switch.

Yet another example of how not to pull a prank. People tend to overreact when they see a dead body.

Michael Jackson to throw a kiddie Christmas party at Neverland Ranch...what could possibly go wrong?

Hmmm...I wanna know what school project that would justify having toppless pictures of women...and why the hell I never got any cool assignments like that!

Hey...if Michelle Wie can compete with men, why not let this guy compete in girl's gymnastics? It's not really a sport, anyways. Kind of like golf.