Farkin' Links Vol. 108 7/12

I watched Man on Fire this weekend as I'm willing to watch any movie that involves lots of explosions and an angry looking Denzel Washington brooding about. I certainly wasn't disappointed; that basically sums up the film. Denzel is one of my favorite actors; sometimes he has an amazing performance like Training Day, but he usually just plays himself. He has one of those onscreen personas that can draw you in to whatever he's trying to do, even if it's something extremely lame like chasing a computer generated killer in Virtuosity. It can be said that he never just phones in a performance...but it can be said he should get a new agent. He's done some stinkers. But I digress; this movie is one of those "pretty good movies." It's very effective in it's execution but it's not particularly great at anything. The plot is a pretty basic revenge story. A former special forces killer turned suicidal alcoholic loser named Creasy takes a temp job as a bodyguard and is convinced by a cute little girl that there are things in life worth sticking around for...all in about 2 weeks, it seems. Well, the little girl, Dakota Fanning, is pretty damn cute so I guess she works fast. Either way, she gets kidnapped and killed while Creasy gets filled with a couple of holes. After he recovers from a collapsed lung and all types of other horrible internal injuries(also in about 2 weeks, it seems...must be that special forces training that makes him heal like Wolverine)he goes on a crazy killing spree dishing out revenge...which is best served cold as we all learned from Arnold the Governator in that fine film Batman and Robin(Or Batman For No Reason, as Moody affectionately refers to it). You can pretty much figure out the rest; lots of people get blown up, shot, cut into pieces, one guy even has an explosive shoved up where the sun don't shine. He's quite inventive, really. The main problems are the villain and the ending. The villain is never really shown and remains somewhat an enigma; I guess it worked for Dr. Claw on Inspector Gadget, but for a revenge movie, it's kind of hard to get revenge on a ghost. The ending is very disappointing in that after Creasy shows himself to be an unstoppable killing machine for most of the movie, he basically goes out like a b*itch in the end. Denzel deserves better, really. I'll give it a 6.5...it loses a point for the crappy ending and the fact that Marc "Mr. J-Lo" Anthony attempts to act in it. He should stick to his day job...whatever that happens to be.

"If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you."
--Don Marquis


I always heard that the Sims community was strange, but I never expected this. NSFW

Bwhahahaha! With this handy Evil Plan generator...you're all doomed! Doomed, I say!

Are you feeling lost in modern day conversation? Check out the online slang dictionary to catch up with all the annoying inside jokes you've been missing.

Herbert Hoover must have had abs of steel...he certainly could have kicked my butt. Still, this sounds like a cool sport; maybe not as good as Slamball, but it's close.

Hey! That black guy took my spot!

Damn, this chick is one hell of an escape artist. Pho-k the police...pho-k the police!

Wow, this guy is a total pussy. Still, I probably would have fainted dead away, too. Those needles are some scary sh*t!

In the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have 'dem Japanese people imprinting information onto fingernails in order to not have to carry cards around. Apparently, Japanese fingernails never grow, or else this would be a total waste of time.

Well, here's a show that I would never EVER want to watch. In fact, it sounds like something North Korea would use in it's torture chambers.

ADIDAS catch phrase is Impossible is nothing...after watching this commercial, I'd tend to agree. They managed to make soccer seem exciting. (Hat tip: Uriel)

How well do you know your candybars? Take this test to find out...turns out, I know far too much about candybars. It's why I had to lose all that weight.

Heh...first Not safe for work from Slate I've ever seen. Regardless, it's an interesting history of the vibrator. The hand cranked ones? Sounds like some serious manual labor.

I know getting shot with a pellet gun hurts...but this was not this kid's finest moment. Talk about ruining your future politcal hopes.

The anti-smoking people have made some terrible, offensive commercials in their day, but this one has to take the cake.

Interesting. Spain is starting the cloning business to cure diseases. Maybe they should go full board since their population seems to be declining.

Well, I know I wanna go to the Awesomedome this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

I guess I missed out on the poorly pixelated sex scenes in Grand Theft Auto, but these parental groups didn't. I know kids like to try and see that stuff, but isn't it ultimately easier just to go online and get real porn?

Looks like I should be planning a trip to Indonesia pretty soon. You know, for research.

For the silly ebay auction of the day, if this works, Jack should give it a try with his crapbox. I know he's been looking into getting it painted.

Jeez, this neighborhood has less of a police safety presence than Newjen's. Still, who doesn't love fun with dynamite?