Farkin' Links Vol. 119 7/27

I had an interesting signing yesterday very close to my office downtown. I stepped up to the door, I was greeted by the borrower, which is normal enough, when I was suddenly pounced upon by Cujo. It actually turned out to be a very friendly black doberman who, mercifully, wasn't hungry at the time. After the man pulled his dog off of me and I stepped into the house, I was suddenly attacked by smaller but much more rabid beagle. I was luckily wearing demin pants because the little bastard tried to bite me. Right before I punted him through the window, his owner grabbed him by the collar and tossed him to the ground and yelled for him to calm down. I dunno about you, but I think he needs to call Uncle Matty the dog trainer; you can't have dogs attacking guests and I'm pretty sure PETA wouldn't like to see you doing judo moves on your pets. They'd prefer to murder them in their sleep, of course...damn PETA.

Anyways, the man was a very interesting character. He was wearing these tight brown pants that were pin striped with bright yellow, orange and green. I think I may have had a pair of those when I was 5 years old. With his shaggy, shoulder length hair, boyish face that needed a shave about 2 days ago, he looked like he belonged onstage with the Strokes. Think John Mayer in need of a haircut. All this combined with the cheesy tattoo of a star on his arm, I quickly assumed I was dealing with a musician of some sort. I couldn't wait to get out of there due to the fact that I'm fairly allergic to dog hair and, well, he's a musician. He wasn't particularly interested in vaccuuming and cleaning up after his dogs. By the time I was able to leave, I could barely see between my teared up eyes and my sneezing. I did manage to get out of the door before I was attacked by his two dogs yet again. The lesson seems to be, it would be better to do a signing in the hood than deal with a "rockstar." Unless he's surrounded by groupies, that is.

I have taken out all references to the identity of the band at the request of said band. Actually, they didn't request at all, they just apparently threatened my employer to have me take it down instead of actually requesting me to remove it from my site. Being a total of 30 people might actually read this blog, all of whom are my friends, it seems a little overly sensitive of them. Oh well...

"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."
--T. S. Eliot


I'd blame the tv show Jackass for foolishness like this, but you know people are dumb enough to this kind of thing on their own.

Speaking of jackasses...ads on this site aren't safe for work.

Hmmm...looks like Napoleon Dynamite made himself a jacket out of coke cans.

For our "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have some questionable ads for condoms. I know they're handing these out to kids in elementary school now, but do they really need to come with candy?

Speaking of condoms, it turns out we should have been using them for water balloons as kids. 5 gallons of water? Damn!

Poor Lindsay...her eating issues has gone so far that there's been a flash game made out of them. You know you've gone too far when someone will take the time to do that.

I'm not sure any of these pranks are good for your career, but they sure are pretty funny. Give them a try.

Here's a fun bunch of mini games involving a lego remote control car and a bunch of angry dogs.

Remote control cars not your thing? How about being a bald sniper instead?

Come on...going to a strip club isn't THAT embarrassing...now prison, that's much worse.

Isn't that cute...women are playing pretend by ordaining themselves as Catholic priests. If they wanted to be ex-communicated, they could have just asked.

I think the Russians have the right idea on spam blocking.

I guess that's yet another fun use that breast implants bring to the table.

Hmmm...he wrestled with Mike Hawk, did he? This announcer doesn't sound like Bart Simpson, but does a very good facsimile of his shtick.

Dude, I'm getting a part on Broadway!