Farkin' Links Vol. 84 5/31

I hope ya'll had a good Memorial day weekend. It's been a fun time for sports fans; in basketball the Suns have gotten run off the court by the Spurs all weekend and Dwayne Wade on the Heat is doing his best impersonation of Michael Jordan to go up 2-1 against the champion Pistons. In baseball the Angels are still barely clinging on to first place, the Dodgers are still sucking. Hell, some chick even came in 4th at the Indy 500...I hear it's a car race of some sort. Since it's about as interesting as soccer, I usually don't pay attention. Still, at least this Danica Patrick is competing with the big boys; she's already gained far more respect than the WNBA ever will.

On another subject I know people enjoy, I had yet another signing in the hood this past weekend with this black man and his mother. Since it was at 9 in the morning, I wasn't fearing being mugged, shot or beat up as this is the time most people in this area are going to bed as opposed to waking up. This guy's mother was 77 years young (as my grandmother would say, but then, you'd expect that; she's old) and she was in pretty good shape for her age. I realized this after she sat down at the dining room chair and it collapsed right under her tossing her violently to the ground. My first thought was,"Oh hell, she just broke her hip. How am I gonna talk her into signing some docs now?" Luckily, she turned out to be just fine and even shooed off our assistance as she got back to her feet. I gave her space. I learned long ago never to mess with an old black lady; it's not good for your health.

"Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation."
--Kin Hubbard


That's no help. I can only attribute the fact that I wake up before my alarm goes off to my keen psychic powers.

This may be the geekiest thing I've ever seen...and cool as hell, too.

Speaking of geeky and cool, I could use another lava lamp.

Damn...english is hard to learn, ain't it?

Jeez...I didn't realize Minneapolis was so boring...can't they just hang out at a Starbucks or something?

I'm not sure it's that hard to get yourself fired, but these are some helpful hints that well definitely get you canned and possibly arrested.

This sounds like a terrible idea for improving your typing skills...still, that's a pretty cool looking keyboard.

Whoops...remember when this story was going around about Mrs. (Two weeks!) Sampson's cat? I guess somebody decided to see just what would happen with a microwave and a cat.

This might help explain why Cambodia is a poor, starving hell hole. Who put the cows in charge?

What a strange film...it does sort of remind me of my father and his home improvement projects that I got volunteered to help in. (Hat tip: Uriel)

It's a good thing B reminded me about this clip or I would have forgotten to add it to the links. I don't need this course, but there are some of you who aren't white who might.

This is why you should avoid ninjas. They don't fight fair.

I'm not even sure this qualifies for the silly ebay auction of the day...it's just too stupid.

In the immortal words of Keanu Reeves...Whoa! Uriel, don't forget your video camera when you go to Iraq, just in case the Mummy returns.

Alright, I've never played Worlds of Warcraft, but this clip is funny as hell. This guy Leeroy must be a fun guy to play the game with.

Welcome to the suicide prevention line, our office hours are 9-5 eastern standard time. Please leave a phone number and message and one of our representatives will return your call should you still be alive...

For the "Japanese people are crazy" link, we have a way for women keep their husbands from annoying them...spend a night in the box!

I hate to offend Moody's sensibilities yet again, but if you haven't watched the new Paris Hilton soft porn commercial for Carl's Jr...you really should.

Viagra causes blindness, huh? I thought it was masterba...oh...I guess I could see that...no pun intended.

Alzheimer's can be great for business.