Farkin' Links Vol. 71 6/1

Since the basketball games last night were embarrassing blowouts, I watched an interesting National Geographic special called "Quest for the Phoenicians." Since they were the natural enemies of the Romans, I figured it might be interesting to check out. On that point, I was way the hell off. It mostly involved a guy wandering around collecting blood from Lebanon down to Tunisia trying to find out who's related to them. Why you'd want to be related to a bunch of baby burners, I don't know. I mean, the two most famous Phoenicians would technically be Hannibal, a general so feared through history that his name was chosen to represent a serial killer who likes to eat people's "liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti" and Jezebel, the evil seductress of the bible who corrupted King Ahab's kingdom with her Baal worship. Incidentally, she was tossed out a window, trampled to pieces by horses than devoured by dogs in the street. This is the reason I enjoy the Old Testament; it's about as graphic and violent as a Wes Craven movie. I guess the special was trying to rehabilitate their image, but I think they should have emphasised the Temple whores and the child sacrifice; it makes for better t.v.

"History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon."
--Napoleon Bonaparte


Looks like there was a time traveler's convention this past weekend and I forgot to RSVP for it. Oh well, I guess I can always go back in time and take care of that sometime later.

This is so very wrong...but I have to admit, these dogs have some remarkable fashion sense.

I'm surprised these food anamolies haven't made it onto an ebay auction...then again, they don't look like the Pope or the Olsen Twins.

Speaking of ebay, for the silly ebay auction of the day we have Carmen Electra. We all know the line about everyone being a prostitute, it's just a matter of determing the price, but should they really be encouraging 15-20 year olds to date a married woman? I blame Desperate Housewives and Terrell Owens, just because.

I haven't seen any funny Bill Clinton jokes lately despite his best efforts with his new health kick, but this Amazon page cracked me up. Check out the "You may also be interested in these items" below.

God may be trying to tell you something, P. Diddy...perhaps that's why he keeps changing his name in hopes that God can't keep track.

Remember the other guy who found a finger in his food? Well, he gave the proverbial finger to the poor guy who lost it...what a bastard.

I didn't realize McDonald's could be so hazardous to your health...oh wait...but not in that way.

Why does this sound like something Ben Wu did back in Cal Tech as a prank gone horribly wrong?

Wow, I hadn't heard this strange excuse for the runaway bride. I blame Desperate Housewives...

Ohio must be a dangerous place to live if this person is one of the county's most wanted criminals...look at that face...PURE EVIL!!!

Alright! Mega Man is back! I haven't played one of these games in a while...

Wow...this suicide man is certainly a doer. I think I would have given up after the first 3 shots.

Jeez, Vicky! Turn down your music! It's disrupting the airports.

Hehe...here's some advice on hiring female employees from 1943; good advice, for the most part.
It's nice to see that Indian courts are as modern and progressive as the U.S.

This can't be good...this kid is gonna stunt his growth.

Chrystler is forcing all employees who own cars from other companies to park farther away. Well, if their cars weren't so crappy, maybe this wouldn't be a problem.

That's some hot sauce...sounds like a prank that could go horribly wrong with an asthmatic.

Today's teacher sex scandal brought to you by the fine people of San Jose. Seriously, why should women teachers have all the fun?