Farkin' Links Vol. 81 5/25

I did a signing this morning at a classroom with a 4th grade teacher that was just like a nightmare I used to have; trapped with my teacher Mrs. Hazlitt without my homework and a test I didn't study for...at least I was fully clothed this time. Mrs. Hazlitt and I had a hate-hate relationship; it might because of the whoopie cushion on her chair incident, or the unflattering drawings comparing her to a hot air balloon that she caught me drawing during a test, or...well, she had plenty of reasons dislike me. Is there some law that 4th grade teachers have to be fat, old, bitter battle axes with shorter hairdos than mine? This teacher at the signing even had Mrs. Hazlitt's vicious, barking voice as she yelled at the various little punks running around the classroom. I'm so glad I'm not a teacher.

Oh yeah, I watched Life Aquatic last night, the strange Wes Anderson film(that's rather redundant coming from a guy who made Rushmore) starring Bill Murray as Steve Zissou as a Jaques Cousteau wanna-be hunting a killer spotted jaguar shark who ate his best friend. Yeah, it's as strange as it sounds. It wasn't quite bizarre enough to be pure fantasy but it wasn't set in a believeable world either; it was sort of caught in this strange limbo that made you wonder if a plot was ever going to develop...you know, the kind of film that Tristan would qualify as great direction because it's weird for weird's sake. I really couldn't get past the claymation sea creatures in the movie that looked like they were pulled straight from a Gumby commercial; I kept expecting Zissou's three legged dog to look up at him and say, "Oh, Stevey..."actually, that would have been even too strange for me. I did enjoy the David Bowie sung in Portugese soundtrack as it reminded me of the Stan Getz album with that Gilberto couple, only with "Major Tom" instead of the "Girl from Ipanema." Bill Murray was as hilarious as ever; he's one of those actors that doesn't even need dialogue or physical comedy to be funny. For that reason alone(I once watched that elephant movie Larger than Life just because he was in it, so I'm a glutton for punishment) I give the movie a 7/10.

"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger."
--Franklin P. Jones


Damn those communists! They take the fun out of everything. Might not be safe for work.

This is totally not safe for work...but in view of the Star Wars mania, I cannot leave out instructions to build your own lightsaber sex toy.

Hey, I've found a more dangerous driver than Chih Hao...I sure wish I knew how the hell he did this with his car.

This probably isn't what you want teachers doing in their classes, but hey, at least they weren't molesting students, as the new trend seems to be.

That's taking truth in advertising to a whole new level.

...and you thought your day job was bad.

We could learn a lot from Asian cultures...like how to successfully advertise a toilet on tv using people in animal costumes. Hell, I'm even ready to buy a new john now.

I guess this passes for fun family entertainment in China; these people need DSL or something.

This looks like a nice place to live...of course, even if you won the lottery, you still couldn't afford it.

Here's a helpful guide for faking someone else's fingerprints in order to frame them for a crime they didn't commit. Ben Wu, please, do not get any ideas. Your pranks are dangerous enough as it is.

So, when your three teenage daughters get pregnant, you blame the sex education in schools? Sounds like the education was pretty effective, to me.

Do not underestimate the power of the dark side.

I guess once the vibrating razors came out, it was only a matter of time before someone took advantage of this technology. NSFW

Don't miss out on this silly ebay auction of the day; Michael Jackson's trial is coming to a close so it should appreciate in value.

I have a fear of my mom's porcelain dolls ever since I saw that horror movie Dolls, but I think Gilda, Sweetheart of the West could help me get over my phobia.

Whoa...shades of Better Luck Tomorrow. I guess blogs really do come in handy...I'm sure that's why Tristan and Chih Hao are addicted to them.

This is why I always listened to the bus driver man...well, usually it was a middle aged Mexican woman with purple hair, but she was scary enough.

A study on bras, huh? I'm sure the researchers were really hands on with the test subjects.

This guy is a regular Indiana Jones, minus the action, adventure and comedy. Still, DEATH WORM! I'm sold.

I may have found the reason as to why Natalie Portman was smuggling tic-tacs in that Star Wars movie of which we shall never speak of again. NSFW